"Jesus, Colin," she said. I didn't need my Sight to see the emotion that she felt. There was almost a tear in her eye as she really understood the words I had just said.
"We can't afford to lose you, Colin," she said.
"Without her," I said as I stood to leave, "I'm dead already."
I don't know where that came from but it felt like total honesty, and I would have kept it to myself if I had been prepared for the feelings that I was feeling.
"Holy shit," she said softly, "You're in love with her. You have no idea how happy that will make her. She's been in love with you since she was six."
"What?"
Paige began laughing, "She swore when she was ten that one day she would marry you. She's been patiently waiting for years. This is too good."
"This isn't good, Paige," I argued. "You've seen what I do. I'm a monster. Do you know what the happiest moment in my life is? When I was in the middle of a hundred thousand Kresh, and free to kill as many as I could. What does that say about a person, that his happiest moment is a battlefield, drenched with blood?"
"You'll see," she said with glistening eyes, "No matter if there is Kresh DNA inside you, you are not a monster. Perhaps, in time, you'll accept the fact that you're better than the blood in your veins. There is also the blood of Kelvin and Rhayne Rourke. And if that's not enough to offset the Kresh, nothing is."
I was silent for a moment.
"Let's hope it's enough," I muttered as I turned and left her office.
I headed down the hall to the elevator. I had said more than I should have to Paige. I know what it is that I feel, but do I really have the right to bring that monster that lives inside me into another person's life? I mean, what would happen if we were to have children? Would they have the same genetic problem that I have? Do I have the right to do that to an innocent life? There are hard questions to ask there, I think. And I just don’t think I'm ready to ask those questions yet.
Chapter 27
I turned my MP3 player on and stuck the earbuds in my ears. I formed a small shield to hold them in place as well as another to hold the player on my shoulder. This was something I had done many times. As I practice alone, I like the music to set the beat, and it's hard to keep the wire and earbuds in place while doing the Dance. I let the grind of the guitar flow through me as Seether started ripping from the speakers.
I stood out at ground zero, right where the Great Gate had been. I spend a lot of time out here trying in vain to see some sort of pattern in the flows of power that make this spot unique for the gate. I haven’t found anything that sets this spot apart from any other, so it must be something at the other end that makes it open right here.
I began the turning stance I call the Whirlwind, and flowed into the Reaping as the music pounded in my ears. From there I flowed into a defensive stance called Blade Barrier. I don't use defensive stances very often because I believe the best defense is a good offense. If I kill the one facing me there is no need for a defense at all. I use it more in sparring than I ever did in battle. I tend to be quite offensive on the battlefield.
The song ended and another began, this one was from Straight Line Stitch. They were a band that I learned about in Knoxville, their hometown. The beat was different, and my Dance adjusted as well.
I'm not sure how long I spent out there, but it was dark when I finally stopped. Sweat was pouring from my body, so I must have been at it for hours. I had been lost in the music and the dance. It's surprising how much of the tension and rage I can bleed off just by zoning out and Dancing the Blades.
As I made my way back toward the base I saw the sentries who saw me as well. I waved and they returned it. As I walked away from them I heard their comments.
"What do ya suppose he does out there?"
"He probably just stands there waiting for the Demons to return."
"I don’t doubt that. I was there when they came through last time. I never saw someone so happy as the Soullord when we were surrounded out there."
"Some folks say he's a little crazy."
"He may be crazy, but it’s a good crazy. He was carrying a spine when he came back from one of his runs, and I don’t even think he knew it. Bet he can't wait till they come back."
"I can wait, I saw the footage and you guys were in some serious shit. I'd just as soon they give up and don’t come back. I could seriously get behind that."
"No doubt but I doubt that’s gonna happen, they'll be b..."
I walked out of range. I could have enhanced my hearing, but I'd heard more than I needed already. I hear a lot of comments from Guards that they are not aware of. The consensus, I think, is that I'm crazy and disturbing as it is, a lot of them act like I was the only one out there on the field. I was just one of many and without that many, I'm just a Mage.
I shook my head and continued on. There's not much I can do about it. People will think what they think, and it doesn't matter how many times a person tries to explain it. I made my way past the barracks to see a young National Guardsman slipping out of the door with a dazed expression on his face.
I almost laughed aloud as I opened my Inner Eye, and saw the memory rolling through his aura. Sex with a Soulguard could be quite the adventure for any normal person, and I knew that this one was quite an adventure all by herself. Andrea Prada's face was burned into this man's memory, and I'm not sure he would ever recover from this evening.
He saw me and saluted, "Sir."
"Relax, Son," I said, "I don't have to be saluted."
"Yes, Sir."
"I only have one question," I said, "You're off duty?"
"Yes Sir," he said, "I'm off till tomorrow morning."
"Good then," I nodded.
I was pretty sure that Prada would have made sure that she wasn't causing a problem before she had any sort of assignation with any of the Guardsmen. Our view on sexual relations is a bit different than some. Up till now we had tried to keep it within the Guard, for secrecy, if for nothing else.
Most of the Guard were people who had been attacked as normal ,or seen too much of the real world to stay out of the fight. To most, the Guard was all they had left. There were a few who had more ties to regular people than that.
Like Luis Ramirez. He'd had family in Florida. A lot of family, it turned out. I had gone there, and explained what had happened, and set up his sisters with the stipend every beneficiary of a fallen Soulguard receives. It was an emotional trip, and I found his family to be as likable as Luis had been.
I nodded to the Guardsman and proceeded onward toward the building where they had placed my quarters. I was planning on sharing the barracks with the Guards, but they had built the quarters for me anyway, so I just accepted graciously and moved into them.
Tomorrow I had a meeting with Marcus Stratton and Seran Polomo, Marco and Polo, the National Guard Generals.
***
"There seems to be a lot more young soldiers around than before," I said, "Not that I'm complaining or anything, it just seemed like most Guardsmen were a bit older than they are now."
"It's true," Polomo said, "The National Guard has gone through a lot of changes over the last year. An invasion on American soil will do that."
"As soon as the invasion took place, the President activated the Guard nationwide," Marcus said.
"Which means we can pull forces from any state to put in place here," Polo said, "But the SecDef, Secretary of Defense, decided this wasn't enough. We had to pull in our armed forces from overseas, or we had to make a huge change in the National Guard."
"The Joint Chiefs came up with a plan," Marco said. "The National Guard is now a full Military branch of its own. A lot of men transferred from our other branches, and our recruitment has gone off the charts as well."
"Why didn't you pull in the forces from overseas?"
"Because we have a responsibility to help everyone," Polo said. "America has always been on the forefront of world politics, and that won't change now. Your people tell u
s there are seven of these Gates and we need forces out there to help back your people up."
I nodded with a smile, "I had hoped for something along those lines, but I expected every military to get their asses home as quickly as possible. We are working with branches all around the world. Most of that is being done by the Archmage and her staff. It's nice to know that we have you guys backing us as well."
Both men nodded and I continued, "My biggest fear from all this is that they'll use one of the Gates we don't know about and scatter. Casualties would be so high it makes me cringe. I want to be there but I don't know where 'there' is. It's making me crazy."
"Understandable," Marco said, "but you have to understand, you can't be everywhere. You can only do what you can do."
"I know," I said, "but it doesn’t help up here."
I point at my head. I wouldn't talk about most of the uncertainty that I feel. I've led men into battle, but I've never been in command of something this big. One wrong decision could friggin’ cost us millions of lives. But my allies don’t need to see that uncertainty. That is mine to bear and mine alone.
"The price of leadership," Marco said.
"True," Polo agreed.
"I seem to be seeing a lot more youngsters in your ranks as well," Polo said, changing the subject.
"How could you tell?" Marco asked.
"Look in their eyes," Polo said, "The new ones don't have that look like my dad used to have. You can tell they've lived a while by that look."
"You've got a point," Marco returned.
"Our recruitment has jumped, much like yours," I said, "We just brought down all of the Trainees from Montana, after the attack on Lyrica."
"I've met that young lady," Polo said. "She is quite impressive. The first thing she did when she got in was heal several Guardsmen who had been injured in training. It's truly amazing what you people are capable of doing."
"I was talking with a certain pilot yesterday," Marco said, "I have to ask. Did you kick the door off a jet and jump out without a parachute?"
He was the first one who had the nerve to just ask. Rumors had gone the rounds already. One of the pilots had been on his first flight for us and he had quit after that. He had told a lot of people about the incident, and everyone seemed to know. No one had built the nerve to ask till now though.
"Yeah," I said, "It seemed like a good idea at the time."
"That never sounds like a good idea," Marco said with a shake of his head. "I'm ex-Air Force and I have more sense than that. Sounds like something an Army guy would do."
"Hey!" Polo exclaimed, "I resemble that remark. But no, not even an Army grunt would do that. Wouldn't put it past a Marine, though."
I chuckled, "Funny thing is, a couple of ex-Marines followed me out the door."
"See?" Polo said. He shook his head with a sad expression, "Marines. What are ya gonna do?"
I really like the two Generals. They can always lighten my mood, and they both know their jobs and do them well. Both are veterans so they know what war is. Their advice is priceless, and their friendly banter is a nice relief.
We finished up our meeting and I made my way out to head toward the growing facility out by the Gate. The second barracks was almost complete, and I would be building the shield around it today.
I was met at the door to the command post by an ugly, wrinkled mess of a dog. He wagged his stump as he saw me and followed along as I walked toward the north. Ric and Prada were going to meet me out there. I looked back at the dog. How the hell had she sneaked the dog onto the plane?
"At least she gave you a bath," I said. He wagged his nub faster and his tongue hung out of his mouth, "You're still the ugliest damn dog I ever saw, though."
Chapter 28
"Come on," Ric muttered, "You're still mad?"
Prada glared back at him.
"Really? How long can you hold a grudge?"
"That's a dumb question, Ric," I said, "She's a woman, they hold grudges forever."
The glare turned toward me and I hastily added, "But she's got a point. You did throw her out of a plane."
"It was a small push," he returned, "and she needed a nudge."
"A nudge?" she asked. "I flipped three times, head over heels from your nudge."
"Everything worked out alright, though," he answered.
I heard her musical laughter from behind us as Lyrica joined our little group. With her came Mattie and Trent.
"She still givin’ ya hell bout the plane?" he asked.
"Constantly," Ric answered.
"What do you expect?" Mattie asked. "You threw her out of a plane."
He sighed and our little group all laughed. In his defense, he did just push her because she was having a bit of trouble making herself jump. She was at the door with every intention of jumping. She was just having trouble actually doing the deed.
But she couldn't give up the opportunity to give Ric a hard time.
There was a good sized crowd out where the football field had been for the college. It was now a training ground for our newest Guards. Except for today. Today it was where we intended to make twenty new Mages. There were twenty new volunteers who wished to do as Jacobs had already done.
I wouldn't risk it with anyone with less than twenty years of experience in the Soulguard. Anyone with trouble at focusing was excluded automatically, but there weren't many Guards who couldn't focus. It is the prime skill needed to become a Guard at all.
As we reached the center where our volunteers awaited, Kharl walked up. He looked at Ric and Prada.
"She still pissed cause you threw her out of the plane?"
The look of utter dejection on Ric's face was priceless, and the laughter once again made the rounds.
"It was just a nudge," he muttered.
"Sure it was," Kharl said and turned toward me. "You doin’ this one at a time or gonna do the whole group? How many supports you want?"
"I think I'll try five at a time," I said, "Lyrica can help keep an eye on things, while I'm Pulling. You, Ric, and Prada should be enough support."
"Good enough," he said and turned back toward the group of volunteers, "Five at a time. First five line up right here."
He was pointing directly in front of us. As they lined up, I lit my Stream up, and showed them the tendril I wanted them to form to channel the power.
"You all know what I want here. Steer the power out the tendril. All of it," I said, "Anyone wants to back out now's the time to do it."
"We're good, Sir," returned Malcolm Hendrix.
He was one of the Guards who had come in from Denver with the Kid. He was also one of the few black men I had met who had been in the Guard long enough to be a veteran of twenty years. There were quite a few black men and women in the Guard, and there were more now as trainees than there had ever been before. It wasn't as if they had been unwelcome in the old days. It was just that the African Academy was the place they mostly served to blend in with the population.
Malcolm was one of the best Guards I knew with a sword, and he had created his personal shield with a lot greater ease than many others. I didn't expect much trouble with his ascension.
I nodded back to him and watched the tendrils form from the five volunteers, three men and two women. I had met all five of them over the years. Actually, I had met all twenty as they cycled through Knoxville over the years.
"Ready?" I asked and received nods from all.
I Pulled gently and felt hands from my supports land on my back and shoulders. The Source flowed up five Streams and all five turned it aside into the tendril.
I could see the amazement rolling through auras as they felt the Source flowing up toward them for the first time but none of them lost any focus.
"All right," I said, "Here it comes."
I Pulled hard on their Streams and fire shot heavenward in great gouts. The spectators were stepping back and the emotions were running from excitement to fear. There was always the fear.
Af
ter a few moments, I stopped Pulling through Selina DeReus' Stream. Lyrica was nodding as I did so. Some people can take more stress to their stream than others, and I was getting the sense that hers was as far as it was safe to go.
I continued for a few seconds more and stopped on Allen Rhode's as well for the same reason.
It went on like this for a time until the only one still going was Malcolm, who's stream was showing no stress whatsoever.
When I finally stopped, his stream was as big as Gregor's, which was bigger than the previous Archmage's stream had been.
"Careful, Malcolm," I said, "When I stop, you're gonna get a hell of a jolt. Don't even think of Pulling it."
"Yes sir," he answered.
I stopped and the enormous stream began to feed his body. He gasped and his hands shook. I could see the whites of his eyes as they widened when the power of his new stream entered his body.
"Just be still a few minutes and get used to the feel before you try to move, Mal."
"Jesus Christ!" he said, "You feel this all the time?"
"I don't," I answered and pointed toward Gregor, who was standing out in the circle of spectators, "He does."
"How friggin big is it?"
"About two feet in diameter," I answered and held my hands in approximately that big a circle.
"Don't even think of Pulling till you get in some classes. Just a tiny nudge on that thing will burn you to a crisp."
He nodded quickly, "Yes Sir, fried to a crisp. Definitely not the outcome I want."
He followed his fellow volunteers toward the edge of the crowd where several Mages were waiting to start giving them the introductory lesson. The next five stepped forward and we continued. There were no incidents, and we ended up welcoming our twenty new Mages. None of them were as powerful as Malcolm but there were none that were less than ten inch streams.
I think I could probably take support Mages and turn them into powerhouses like Greg and Paige if we tried, but I can only do so much at a time and Lyrica has a pretty full schedule already with her Infirmary. They were setting up schedules to bring people from all over to see her. Plus her classes with Pickney as he taught her everything he could think of about his field.
Soullord (Soulguard Book 2) Page 12