by Scotty Cade
“Fine,” Mac said. “You’re not gay, but we are what we are, whether we label ourselves or not. Just please promise me that you’ll keep an open mind, and do what feels right.”
“It doesn’t really matter anyway, the expedition is over, and Dax will go his way, and I’ll go mine. We’re heading back to port at first light.”
“What?” Mac said. “Are you serious? Can’t you and Dax get past this and work together?”
“I doubt it,” Jack said.
“Just think about everything we said and don’t make any decisions until morning, okay?”
Jack seemed to be listening, but didn’t respond. He looked down at his watch. “Ten o’clock,” he said. “You guys take a break, and I’ll see you at two o’clock.”
Mac stood and gave Jack a hug. Brad laid his hand on Jack’s arm and said, “If you need anything, or if you just need to talk, give either of us a call.”
“Thanks, guys,” Jack said. “But I’ll be fine, see you at two.”
Brad and Mac left the bridge, and Jack climbed into the captain’s chair and checked his equipment. Everything was going as planned—except for Dax, of course. Just an hour ago, he had been about to knock Dax on his ass, and in the heat of that moment, Dax had kissed him. Jack reached up and touched his lips to try and remember the feeling.
He settled back in his chair and closed his eyes. If he was going to be honest with himself—and it was high time he was—he had liked it. It had been hot and manly, and when their five o’clock shadows brushed against one another, he’d felt a spark. It was sexy as hell, and he was pretty sure he wanted to do it again.
The whole “gay” thing threw him, though. He didn’t think he was gay. In all of his years, he’d never even experimented with a guy, like most adolescent boys did. He tried to think back over his life to see if he could ever remember being attracted to a guy, and damn if Dax didn’t quickly enter his mind. Other than Dax, you idiot. The sight of Dax’s hazel-colored eyes, right before they kissed, came into his mind. The heat was incredible, and there was definitely something there. Did Dax feel it too? He shook his head from side to side in an attempt to get Dax out of his mind’s eye and tried to focus on his thoughts again.
Yeah, he’d noticed a good-looking guy once or twice. Sometimes when he watched porn, he would occasionally catch himself looking at the guy as much as the girl, but that didn’t make him gay, did it? Then he thought about how Mac and Brad had found each other. He’d never quite understood how Mac could be straight one day and gay the next, but again, Mac didn’t believe in labels. Shortly after he’d found out about Mac and Brad, he remembered Mac trying to explain that he thought people were attracted to who they were attracted to. It didn’t matter if it was a woman or a man, but society dictates who you should and shouldn’t love. Mac and Brad, gay or straight, seem to be genuinely happy in their relationship. He racked his brains. Why had he had such a hard time with Mac and Brad?
Did Mac and Brad falling in love hit too close to home for me, and that’s why I was so against it? Had I pushed my desires for men so far to the back of my mind that I didn’t even realize I was gay? The funny thing was that the thought of them having sex didn’t gross him out or anything, so what was it? Maybe the reality that two men could fall in love was just too much for him to handle. If they could do it and be happy and so in love, then maybe he could too, and that would mean he would have to face up to the fact that he might be gay. Boy, did that scare the hell out of him.
His thoughts were all over the place, and he was no longer making sense, so he tried to boil it all down into something he could digest. Okay, I’m attracted to Dax. No labels yet. One day at a time.
Dax’s voice suddenly filled the bridge.
“Base to bridge, Jack, do you copy?”
“Bridge here,” he responded.
“Look, Jack, call me a coward, but I thought it would be easier if I did this over the radio.”
“I’m listening,” Jack said.
Dax hesitated for about ten seconds, and Jack thought the silence felt like one hundred pounds sitting on his chest.
“I’m sorry, man,” Dax finally spit out.
Silence again.
“Sorry for…?” Jack asked.
“Okay, I see you’re not going to make this easy for me,” Dax whined.
“You were saying….” Jack said.
“Fine, I’m sorry for disrespecting your position as captain. I’m sorry for continually taunting you and trying to ruffle your feathers. And mostly, I’m sorry for being a complete ass. This is no excuse, but I’m really attracted to you, man. I know you’re straight and the thought of working so closely with you and not being able to have you was driving me crazy. So I thought that if I pissed you off enough, you’d hate me, and I wouldn’t have to worry about controlling my libido around you.”
Before Jack could respond, Dax said, “But Jack… let me make one thing very clear.”
“I’m listening,” Jack said.
“I’m not the least bit sorry for kissing you. Again, I realize you’re probably straight, but that part of the fight was really hot.”
Jack smiled.
“And besides,” Dax said. “It was either kiss you or take a fist to the jaw. And with a face like mine, I always go for the kiss.”
Jack realized that, for the first time since they had met, they finally agreed on something.
“Apology accepted,” Jack said. “And for the record, I don’t regret the kiss, either.”
Jack could feel Dax smiling through the radio.
“What?” Dax asked. “Are you gay?”
“I have no idea what I am,” Jack said. “I never thought about it before. It was my first kiss from a guy, and I was totally caught off guard, but I kind of liked it.”
“Me too,” Dax whispered. “So what do we do now?”
“You’re asking me?” Jack said. “I have no idea. I’m new to all this.”
“Leave the driving to me, and sit back and enjoy the ride, so to speak,” Dax said.
“Hold on a minute, Dax,” Jack said. “I don’t know what to do about all this. Hell, I don’t even know if I want to see where this goes.”
As soon as Jack said the words, he realized that the thought of experimenting with Dax scared the hell out of him and excited him all at the same time.
“But if I do,” he continued, “I’m sure you’ve realized by now that I’m not the sit back and enjoy the ride type of guy. I usually do the driving.”
“No problem, we can take turns driving,” Dax said with a chuckle.
“Are we talking about what I think we’re talking about?” Jack asked.
“Maybe, maybe not,” Dax replied.
“Now, you’re just teasing me,” Jack said.
“How about I come to your cabin when our shift is over and try to persuade you to not cancel the expedition?”
Dax couldn’t see the changed expression on Jack’s face, but suddenly Jack’s already-fragile ego took a hit, and he fell silent. When he finally spoke, his voice was full of disappointment. “Is that what this is all about?” he asked. “Not canceling the expedition?”
“Oh God, no, Jack. I didn’t mean that. I mean, sure, I don’t want you to cancel the expedition, but it’s more than that. I’m really attracted to you.”
Jack smiled again, not knowing whether to believe him or not, but one thing was certain. If he did this, there would be no turning back. If he did decide to not cancel the expedition, they were going to be together on this boat, in very tight quarters, for up to three months, and if this didn’t work out, it could be the longest three months of his life.
Before he knew what he was doing, he heard the words escape his mouth. “Okay, see you at two.” Then he added, “But Dax… we need to take this very slowly.”
Dax whispered, “See you at two. Base out.”
“Bridge out.”
Chapter 5
BRAD and Mac crawled into their bunk, but were no
t really sleepy. Mac started asking questions about the “incident,” which is what they’d dubbed it, and Brad recounted the entire story to him.
“Mac, I wish you could have been there to see the look on Jack’s face when Dax kissed him,” Brad said. “My God, it was priceless.”
Mac smiled. “I always miss the good stuff.”
“They both said some pretty horrible things to one another, and Jack was just winding up to cold-cock Dax in the jaw, when Dax reached his hand behind Jack’s neck, pulled him in, and planted a big, wet kiss right on Jack’s lips.”
“It appears that our Dax has some real balls,” Mac said.
“I’ll say. But wait, it gets better,” Brad continued. “Dona slammed her fist on the table and told them to get a grip. That broke the kiss and startled all of us. She told them to get over their high-school man crushes and get on with this expedition.”
“She sounds like she has a pair as well,” Mac chuckled. “Maybe it runs in the family.”
“It appears that she can be tough when she needs to be,” Brad said. “Anyway, then Jack denied being gay and waited for Dax to do the same, and when the proclamation never came and Jack realized what that meant, you should have seen the look on his face. Worth every ounce of gold we might find.”
“What did Jack do then?” Mac asked.
“He said the expedition wasn’t working for him, and he was done. Then he bolted, with me on his heels, and that’s when we ended up on the bridge.”
“Wow, old Jackie boy with a guy. Are we going to have fun with this or what?” Mac said through a mischievous smile.
“You’ve got to take it easy on Jack for a while,” Brad said. “Let them sort this out for themselves, and once they do, then we can give him hell.”
“Okay, okay, I hear ya,” Mac said. “But he didn’t give us time to sort through our feelings, and I almost lost you over it.”
“You never even came close to losing me,” Brad said. “Jack was just a bump in the road, and thanks to him we found out that our bond was truly unbreakable.”
Mac gently kissed Brad on the lips. “We have another three hours before we have to be on deck, so what do you think about reinforcing our bond?”
“I thought you’d never ask, flyboy,” Brad said as he pulled the covers up over their heads.
IT WAS 1:55 in the morning when Brad and Mac stepped onto the bridge, unnoticed by Jack.
“Shift’s over,” Mac said.
Deep in thought, Jack was startled back into reality. “Wow, is it two a.m. already?”
“Almost,” Brad said.
“Go get some rest, Jack,” Mac said.
“I’m not sure about that,” Jack replied. “Dax is coming by my cabin to talk.”
“Talk, huh?” Brad said with a sly smile.
“Yes, talk,” Jack repeated. “I told him that whatever this thing is, it needs to go really slowly.”
“Well, what are you doing talking to us? Get down to your cabin, and slip into something more comfortable,” Mac joked.
“Very funny, Mac. Are you guys ever gonna let me live this down?” Jack asked.
“Probably not, but we’ll take it easy on you for awhile, just until you get used to the idea.”
“Thanks a lot,” he replied.
“Now get down to your cabin and cross over to the Dark Side,” Brad said as he winked at Mac. Jack looked at Brad with both fear and amusement, and simply shook his head as he stepped off the bridge.
Jack was still smiling about the Dark Side comment as he made his way from the bridge down to the master cabin. When he rounded the stairs, he stopped dead in his tracks, and all thoughts of the Dark Side melted away. Dax was casually leaning on the wall opposite his cabin door, smiling broadly. His legs were crossed at the ankle, and his muscular arms were folded across his firm swimmer’s chest. Jack felt a flurry of nerves well up inside him, and he was suddenly flushed with embarrassment.
“Anyone ever tell you how hot you are when you’re nervous?” Dax asked.
“Not that I can remember,” Jack said as he fidgeted like a ten-year-old that had just gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
“Are you going to stand there and fidget all night or are you going to ask me in?” Dax asked with a smirk.
“I haven’t decided yet,” Jack said as he stepped past Dax and opened the cabin door.
Dax held his ground. “Okay, you can come in,” Jack said. “Sorry the place is such a mess, but obviously I didn’t know I was going to have a gentlemen caller.”
“No problem,” Dax said.
Jack watched in silence as Dax kicked off his shoes, and as his tall frame gracefully crawled across the bed. Then Dax flipped over and sat with his back resting against the wall. He smiled and patted the spot next to him.
“What part of ‘taking it slow’ did you not get?” Jack asked through a smile.
“Look,” Dax said, pointing down to the bed. “I’m totally dressed and on top of the covers.”
Jack sighed in defeat as he toed off his shoes and hesitantly climbed into the queen-sized berth and sat, shoulder to shoulder, next to Dax.
Jack nervously looked straight ahead and noticed that Dax’s legs were at least six inches longer than his own and hung off the end of the berth. His feet were at least two sizes larger too. This man is big all over, he thought, and he blushed again when he thought about the implications of that statement.
“That’s better,” Dax said as he grabbed Jack’s hand. “I agreed to take things slowly, but that doesn’t mean we can’t court,” he said with a smile and a wink. Dax was an impatient man, and figured if he didn’t push Jack’s limits a little every time they were together, he would get nowhere.
Jack glanced down at his hand entwined in another man’s hand and swallowed the lump in his throat. He looked back up, and they both sat there, staring ahead and holding hands like a couple of high school kids.
“So, when did you know you were gay?” Dax asked.
“I don’t know that I am gay,” Jack responded.
“Okay, let’s work through this,” Dax continued. “You’re sitting in bed with a gay man who’s holding your hand and about to kiss you, and you don’t think you’re gay?”
Jack opened his mouth to protest, but before he could answer, Dax leaned in and gently kissed him on his full, beautiful lips, then leaned back to his side of the bed.
Stunned, Jack didn’t move.
“Were you about to say something?” Dax asked through a smile.
Jack was silent. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t remember what he was going to say. But besides his inability to speak, he hated the fact that Dax knew he’d kissed the words right out of him.
“Let’s try another route,” Dax suggested. “When did you know you were attracted to me?”
Jack turned his head to face Dax. “I don’t know the answer to that, either,” he said shyly. “One minute I was loathing you and the next you were kissing me. That kind of emotional juxtaposition takes a little getting used to, if you know what I mean.”
“So, just to make sure I got this right and I’m not barking up the wrong tree,” Dax said. “Does Captain Cameron like being kissed by men?”
“I haven’t kissed any men,” Jack said nervously. “Just you.”
“Thanks a lot,” Dax responded, his bruised ego very evident in his tone.
“No, that didn’t come out right,” Jack confessed. “I mean I’ve never been kissed by any other man except you.”
“That’s better, I think,” Dax said as he turned to face Jack.
Jack held up his index finger and said, “But just to set the record straight, I don’t want to be kissed by any other man except you.”
“Music to my ears,” Dax said, as he squeezed Jack’s hand.
“Have you always knows you were gay?” Jack asked.
“I’ve always known, and Dona says the same thing.”
“Dona’s gay too?” Jack asked.
&nb
sp; “Yeah, it’s not that uncommon if one twin is gay for the other to be gay too,” Dax said.
“If that’s not proof that being gay is genetics and not a choice, I don’t know what is,” Jack professed.
“I know, right,” Dax said.
Jack had a million questions rolling around in his head. “How was it, growing up being gay?” he asked. “Were you teased a lot in school?”
“When we were younger we didn’t know we were different,” Dax said. “Our parents homeschooled us until we went to college, so luckily we never had to endure any of the teasing and bullying you hear so much about these days. Those poor kids,” he added.
“Obviously it hasn’t affected your adult lives or the way you run your business. Or has it?” Jack asked.
“Don’t get me wrong, Jack, sometimes it’s been tough,” Dax confessed. “I think more so for Dona, being a gay woman in a predominantly male-dominated business, but we try not to take it personally. Some people are just bigots, and that’s never going to change.”
“Is it tough to get people to take you seriously?” Jack asked.
“As a matter of fact, sometimes we’ve been able to use the gay thing to our advantage,” Dax explained. “Because we’re gay, people underestimate us, and that always gives us the upper hand. I have a Masters Degree in Archeology and Dona a Masters in History. We worked our way up by crewing on every expedition we could find and learning everything we could possibly learn from anyone who would teach us. And yeah, I earned a reputation of being a real asshole, but not because I started out that way. We’ve had to work harder than anyone else to achieve the same results—because we’re gay, and because Dona’s a woman. This is a straight man’s business, and they never let us forget it.”
Jack nodded but didn’t say anything, not wanting to interrupt Dax’s story.
“We mostly work with two types of people. The first type is your typical homophobe who writes us off because we’re stupid homosexuals, and how much could we really know about treasure hunting and salvaging? And as I said, we use that to our advantage. That is, until I’ve had enough of playing their game, and then the real asshole in me comes out, and I quickly live up to my reputation.”