Balance (The Divine, Book One)

by M. R. Forbes

  “Josette,” I said, my voice as soft and warm as I could make it. “It’s Landon. It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.”

  I sank my gaze into her eyes, searching for her in them. She was seeing right through me, blinded by her pain. I leaned in and kissed her forehead. In response, a whine poured from her lips, a flat, straight, painful, powerful sound that felt as though it had her whole existence wrapped up in it. It continued for uncounted minutes, her sorrow heartbreaking. When it tailed off she collapsed into me, and I lowered her to the floor.

  “What have I done?” she said. “Oh Landon, what have I done?”

  I lowered myself next to her and put my arms around her. “You saved my life,” I told her. “Mine and Rebecca’s.”

  She squeezed my shoulder. “For that I am glad, but the cost was so high.”

  “Moses?” I asked her.

  “No,” she said, pulling back away from me. She looked up at me, and I understood.

  “I’m so sorry,” I said. It wasn’t the pair of light, golden, heavenly eyes I had been so mesmerized by looking back at me. They were different now, changed, a simple brown that could have passed as human.

  Chapter 22

  “I don’t understand,” I said. “How could this happen?”

  We had moved from the center of the room closer to the sanctuary door. We were all sitting on the floor. Josette was propped up against my shoulder. She looked worn, beaten, and tired.

  “She used a demon’s blade against another angel,” Thomas said.

  “He was going to kill her,” Rebecca replied. “She had every right to defend herself. Is it her fault that the demon’s dagger was the closest means to do so?”

  “It does not matter,” Thomas said. “The laws do not make circumstantial exceptions.”

  “Maybe they should,” I said, unable to disguise my disgust.

  Josette shifted on my arm to look at me. “Landon, do not be concerned.” Her brown eyes were taking time to get used to. They looked so ordinary. She turned her attention to Thomas. “Our Lord knows my heart. He has cast me down as He must, for His rules are not arbitrary, yet He has not cast me to evil. My heart is not filled with hate. Perhaps He may allow me to earn my redemption.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “True fallen angels are demons,” Thomas said. “They are the angels that have been seduced by evil, and have committed one or more of the seven sins with selfishness in their heart. Josette is not a demon, yet also not an angel. I do not know what she is, for I have never heard of such a thing.”

  “No angel has ever killed another without a self-serving motivation,” Josette said.

  “In all this time?” I asked. “That seems hard to believe.”

  “Why would it be?” Thomas replied. “Angels cannot kill one another with anything but a demon’s blade. An angel using such a weapon is unheard of, unless it is obtained with the intent to harm. Such premeditation is always self-serving.”

  “What does it mean to fall?” Rebecca asked.

  Josette cast her gaze to the floor. “I can no longer reach Heaven,” she said. “I cannot return there. Maybe one day, but not now. My spirit is broken, cracked. I can feel the loss in my soul, and yet I feel alive. It is a different alive, but it still is.”

  “You must be of Purgatory now,” Thomas said. “The place between.”

  Josette was silent. Then she stood and walked over to Rebecca. “Cut my wrist,” she said, holding out her arm. Rebecca looked at me. “Do it,” Josette insisted.

  Rebecca reached out and ran her fingernail along Josette’s wrist. Her blood began to well up through the cut, a thin stream of it pooling and dripping down onto the floor. No black veins of poison formed around the wound, but it didn’t heal either. Josette looked at it in amazement before Rebecca reached down and tore a piece of cloth off the bottom of Josette’s dress and wrapped it around the cut.

  The fallen angel looked at the demon with tears in her eyes, nodded thanks, and approached Thomas, her other wrist held out. He didn’t wait for her to ask. He took his sword and pressed it into her flesh, just enough to cause her to bleed. Again, the blood dripped to the floor and the wound did not heal.

  “Mortal,” she said. “I’m mortal.” Her lips didn’t move the second time, but I heard her voice in my mind.

  “No,” I said, projecting the words. She snapped her head around to look at me. “Your power has shifted to this world, to Purgatory, to me.” I was trying to be comforting. I failed.

  “No,” Josette said aloud, her voice bitter. “I am not like you. I wish to be a seraph. I wish to fight for good, for God. You are kind Landon, but you will do what you must to be what you are. I must also be what I am, regardless of what has happened. I will help you against the demons, against Reyzl. I will not do evil for any purpose.”

  “I don’t expect you to, and would never ask it of you,” I replied. “If I can help you be restored, I will.” I turned to Thomas, so serene despite losing his brother to the attack. “What about you? We have a few openings we’re looking to fill.”

  “I am sorry diuscrucis, but I cannot. I am the only angel left to guard the sanctuary.”

  I looked over to the gigantic door that the demons had been trying to obliterate. It bore the scar of war, a crack that ran from the top corner down towards the center. It was open just enough, but behind it I could see a bright light, the beacon, reaching up through a hole in ceiling. I could also see an altar and pews, as well as racks of swords lined up against the wall.

  “What is the sanctuary?” I asked.

  “It is a conduit between this world and Heaven,” Josette said. “The light is a beacon which draws us...” She bit her lip. “Draws angels to it, so when they are moving between the planes they do not get lost. An experienced seraph can travel without a conduit, but the novices need the light to find their way. “

  “You said Heaven wasn’t up, but the light stretches out into the sky,” I said.

  “It’s a side effect,” she replied. “The beam passes from this plane to the next, and reflects upward as a result.”

  “Without the sanctuary and others like it, we would not be able to reinforce our numbers,” Thomas said. ”The demon Reyzl was hoping to capture it, to slaughter the angels coming into this world, or to destroy it. Thanks to you, he was unsuccessful.”

  “It is also a place of healing,” Josette explained. “The light can purge demon poison more effectively than holy water. The light can also help us... angels regain themselves when they are tempted by evil.”

  “You mean Confession?”

  Josette nodded. “Yes. After I left you the other morning, I came here. I was conflicted by my dealings with you, and I sought clarity. I had intended to meditate, but when I told Moses about what had happened, he believed that you had tainted my mind. He brought his concerns to the other Elders, and they insisted that I step into the light and Confess. I was compelled to tell them everything.” Her eyes began to tear up again as she recalled the experience. “Things that I had never told anyone, things that I had denied for myself. He used my worst pain against me.” Her tears were flowing again and I was going to comfort her, but Rebecca beat me to it. She took Josette in her arms and held her close.

  “Yet they call me the demon,” she said. Josette pulled away and looked up at her.

  “You may bear the mark of the Devil,” she said, “But you have embraced the freedom of choice granted to you and used it to forge your own path.”

  “Josette,” Thomas said, placing his hand on her shoulder. She turned to face him. “I am sorry for the actions of Brother Moses, he had no right to treat you as he did. He was not the same since the betrayal.”

  “Thank you, Thomas,” she replied. “You and your brother are two of the finest fellows I have had the pleasure of knowing. I understand what happened to Moses when Charis betrayed us, but this quest for vengeance has led many astray. I believe that our Lord has a plan for me, and that this is a
part of it. I do feel the pain of this loss, and I long to see my home again, but I believe in His wisdom.”

  I listened to Josette speak with a new respect for her. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to dedicate so much of my existence to something only to be discarded for holding fast to the same morals and beliefs that had brought me there. It was amazing to me that she held no ill will towards God for his abandonment. She believed that what He had done was right, and that He held some grand design for all of us. I didn’t get it or believe it, but I respected her unwavering faith. Our work here was done though, and we needed to get back to the city.

  “Thomas,” I said. “I don’t suppose you have a car?”

  Chapter 23

  An angel had no need for a car, but a Touched warrior monk did. They needed to eat after all, and somebody had to make runs for groceries. The car was a powder blue 1970 Chevy Suburban, a beast of a vehicle that had been well maintained by the monks, and came equipped with its own snowplow. Despite its age and lack of interior creature comforts, it was a more solid performer than the Rolls Royce had been in the crappy mountain weather we had driven into.

  As Rebecca had predicted, losing their Commander had caused the Rift, wherever it had been, to close, and the demons that were summoned from Hell couldn’t survive long here, especially in the cold. We did come across a few of the scouts as we headed back down the Monastery's long driveway, but none of them looked like they had much more time to exist.

  Rebecca and Josette were in the front of the car, with Rebecca behind the wheel. I was exhausted from the battle, and they had both insisted that I do my best to shut my eyes and recharge my batteries. I was so weak I hadn’t even had the energy to change the simple white robe into something a little less drafty, and my head was spinning soon after I laid it down on the long rear bench seat.

  The vampire and the angel, Josette might have fallen but I still thought of her as an angel, were both silent, lost in their own thoughts as we drove. All three of us had gone through some major personal stuff in the last twenty-four hours, and we all needed a chance to do the mental computations. In an effort to create a calming environment, Rebecca had found a classical music eight track in the glove compartment. I fell asleep to either Bach or Mozart. I always got them confused.

  I wasn’t surprised when I found myself back at my Source. As my mind had succumbed to the soothing sounds of the symphony I could feel my soul calling out to my consciousness, pulling it into this place. I was standing inside the Museum of Natural History, right in the spot where I had died. I don’t know how I knew it was the spot, because the whole area was under reconstruction, nearly ready for re-opening post –‘terrorist’ attack. Ancient Egyptian artifacts, sculpture and jewelry and dioramas with paper mache pyramids and little plastic Egyptians surrounded me. There was a shadowy figure standing in the corner.

  “Ulnyx,” I said, beckoning the Great Were to step into the light. He did so without hesitation, his will broken by my own. “Do you know why I’m here, of all places?”

  The demon’s hair was gone, replaced with a smooth bald scalp. He had traded in the rock star look for something more upscale, a tight black suit and a shiny blue tie.

  “That’s where it started,” he said, motioning at the spot I was standing on.

  “Where I died,” I said.

  “Yes sir,” he replied. “Your power has grown, but you still aren’t ready yet.”

  “Ready for what?”

  He smiled. “You know what. You can’t win that fight, not yet. You haven’t let go.”

  “Enough riddles Ulnyx. Let go of what?” I looked at him, and he dropped to his knees.

  “I would tell you if I could,” he said. “It’s not something you can be told. You just have to do it.”

  I walked over to him and knelt down so we would be at eye level. “Tell me,” I commanded, shouting right in his face. He didn’t react.

  “I’m sorry sir.”

  I got back to my feet and looked around the room. I was supposed to let go of something, but what? I had accepted who I was, and why I was. I was comfortable with my role in this fight. What else did I have to do, or prove, or think? I had died here, in this room. It had something to do with that.

  Just beyond the spot where my body had landed was the main exhibit space, where the Chalice had been before the Demon Queen had claimed it. I half-expected to see the Grail sitting there in its tamper-proof, bulletproof case, mocking my ability to locate it. Instead, there was a large block draped by a blue velvet blanket. Was it part of the new exhibit? It looked out of place with the other Egyptian artifacts.

  I walked over to the block and took hold of the drape, pulling it off so I could see what was underneath. I was surprised to see a block of marble with the Chalice engraved on the top, along with a short message and a list of names. I started reading them until I got to my own. I read it four or five times to be sure it said what I thought it did, then looked at Ulnyx, waiting on his knees.

  “I already know that I died,” I said.

  He shrugged. “Don’t look at me boss,” he said. “This is your Source.”

  My Source, right. I looked at the memorial again. My soul was still trapped by my memories of mortality, of being human. My name on the stone was just a reminder that I had once been part of the world of man. The power I possessed was limited by what I had learned from that existence, but that part of my being had ended. From the beginning Dante had said that I would need to move beyond my past self in order to succeed in holding the tide of human desolation at bay. I had learned so much in the past few days, and now all of my experiences were coming to a head.

  How could I just let go of being human? I reached out and ran my finger along the embossment of my name on the stone. Landon Hamilton didn’t exist anymore. He had been a mortal who had been killed by a demon. I held his memories, but I was something different, something more. I was Divine.

  “Landon.” The voice was soft and warm. Josette.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked, turning to look at her.

  She was standing at the bottom of the steps up to the memorial, wearing the white coat and boots she seemed to favor. Her eyes were their more human brown, but she still bore an ethereal glow.

  “You called for me, and I came,” she said.

  It was the same thing Sarah had said when she had appeared here. Did that mean Josette was asleep too, resting in the front passenger seat of the Suburban?

  “How did I call for you?” I asked. There was so much I still didn’t know.

  “I felt you in my mind, and then there was a door. Your voice was carrying through it, whispering my name. I opened the door and stepped through, and you were here. What is this place?” She looked around the exhibit hall, her eyes wide with wonder. When she saw Ulnyx, she gasped. “This is your Source?” she asked.

  I nodded. “Don’t be afraid of Ulnyx. He’s under my control.” I saw the Great Were bristle at the statement, but he could do no more.

  Josette stepped up to me. “Do you know what this means?” she asked.

  “The world is my Source,” I repeated. “I should be able to draw power from it when I’m awake, but so far I haven’t been able to. Josette, you were once alive. How did you learn to let go?”

  She held up a hand. “Landon, you’ve misunderstood,” she said. “This is not your mortal world, your Earth.”

  I looked around. It sure looked like the world I was familiar with. “What do you mean?”

  “Do you remember what I told you of the realms, and how they are organized?”

  I remembered. Heaven, Hell, and Earth were stacked on the same plane, separated by dimensions of... I don’t know what. Belinda Carlisle hadn’t been totally wrong, but it was actually Purgatory that was a place on Earth.

  “Yes. What about it?”

  As soon as I asked her, I knew. Her response verified it for me.

  “I’ve fallen,” she said. “That’s why I could hear y
ou calling me. That’s why I can reach you in this place. Most of us never reach our Source. For those of us who do, it is often a single room, for the powerful a garden perhaps. I have been to my Source once. It was my childhood bedroom, the place where I always felt the most at peace and the most safe. This world is your Source, as amazing as that is. Purgatory is your Source.”

  In that moment I felt it, and I knew it. I don’t know if I would have had Josette not been there to open my eyes. Did Dante know? I suspected he did, but he would never have told me. I had been thinking of Purgatory as a location in the mortal realm, like a Fantasy Island hidden in the Pacific somewhere, or the lost city of Atlantis. I had never considered that it was another dimension so close to our own that it rested just out of reach, in close enough proximity that I could use its power to alter my familiar universe.

  That was what I had to let go of. Not my prior mortality, but my understanding of where I was, where my Source originated, the power that I had at my command. I could change things as I saw fit here. I could make this world as I decided it to be. When I focused, I was reaching into my Source and changing this world. What happened in the mortal realm was in many ways a side effect, similar to the light of the sanctuaries’ beacon.

  A thought, and I was standing right next to Josette, no bipedal motion required. I put my arm around her tiny waist and with another thought we were outside. One more thought and I launched us into the sky. This was my place, my rules. Here, I was as close to a god as I could ever hope to be.

  The ground was a blur beneath us as we rocketed forward on wings of thought. Josette was an experienced aviator, but she was filled with a new sense of wonder in sharing the rush of flight with me. She giggled and hooted while I looped around the Museum a few times, enjoying the sensation of being airborne, then shot off into the sky like a cannon. I knew where I wanted and needed to go.

  We never made it. We were headed in the right direction, a dark streak cutting through the night air, when Josette gasped and vanished from my arms. A split second later I felt a sharp pull within my chest, and the ground disappeared from beneath me. The hard metal roof of the Suburban greeted me instead. My body slammed up against it, then dropped back down to the seat.