“I guess you did.” I smile and pat my lip to make sure it’s all still there. Wow. If she’s this much of a wild thing when she thinks she’s dreaming, what would she be like wide awake? My cock is straining against the fabric of my pants, begging me to find out.
“My lip is fine, and I don’t want you to be sorry about what we did…unless you didn’t want to and I—”
“No. It wasn’t your fault. I practically ravaged you in your sleep. God, what else can I do to throw myself at you?”
“Tracey, it wasn’t anyone’s fault. You didn’t throw yourself at me. It was incredible the way you rode my hand and screamed my name when you were coming…all in your sleep.”
“Ugh. Could you please not be quite so graphic?” she whimpers. “Besides, I thought you said friends don’t—”
“I know what I said. But as a friend, I totally didn’t mind if you needed to use me to fulfill your wet dream.”
Nope. I sure as shit didn’t mind. In fact, I’m still so hard it hurts.
Even in the dim light I can see the deep crimson blush of her face. Maybe it’s from embarrassment or it could be from the epic way I made her come all over my fingers. I’m leaning more toward the second one.
“Okay look, this doesn’t need to be weird. It was beautiful. You’re beautiful. I’m not sorry this happened and I won’t pretend I am. But I stand by what I said earlier. It’s obvious by your reaction you’re not the type of chick who has casual hookups and I’m still dealing with…I’m dealing with some shit too. I can’t be what you need.” My brain is being all logical, but my dick is throbbing in disagreement.
I know I sound like a hypocrite, but I care about Trace. Even though I almost gave in to the insistent longing of my hormones to be inside her, I didn’t know about her past experience. I’m not going to join the list of assholes who fuck her and move on because they can’t commit. She deserves someone who has way more to offer than a hit and run.
I couldn’t resist helping her find a little release, though. When she said ‘Dakota please,’ how could I refuse her? A guy doesn’t turn down a woman in that kind of distress. Okay, so it wasn’t all about her distress. I’m ready to ignite every time I glance at her, and when she pressed her ass against me I thought I’d let go right then. But I’m trying to think about her and what she needs and not what my raging hormones are telling me I need.
“What…what are you saying?” She’s blinking her incredibly long lashes rapidly. And oh shit, when you see a girl do that, it can only mean one thing. She’s trying to hold back tears. Her brow creases like I’m speaking another language and she can’t understand what I’m saying.
I’m not sure what I’m saying. What I want to say is, Tracey, let me show you how many other ways I can make you moan and scream my name in wide awake pleasure. Then my mind goes right back to the thoughts of her deserving better…more than I can offer. She deserves time to heal, time to learn to trust another guy, not another prick who is as confused about his past as she is about hers. I can’t tell her about Abbey, though. I’m not ready to lay the whole mess on her. She’s had enough of an emotional rollercoaster for one night and my emotions are pretty twisted right now too.
“I’m saying, let’s think of this night as two friends getting to know each other, having some fun, and continuing to be good friends. Do our project, practice and perform our skate routine and hang out whenever we get the chance…as friends.” While it sounds like bullshit even to me, I can’t risk the possibility of hurting her again. She’s had enough assholes in her life.
Damn. I may’ve stepped into an alternate universe. I’m actually saying no to my throbbing dick and the sexiest girl I know. Declining sex with her even though she offered herself to me, no strings attached. This has to be one of the signs of the apocalypse: war, famine, plague, and Dak Andersen keeps his determined dick in his pants.
“So…no sex,” she says slowly. “Even after what just happened.”
“Um…yeah. Even after that. I think it’s the best thing,” I affirm and try to smile to feign feeling good about the crap I’m dishing out. I know it’s a schmuck thing to say after what took place a few minutes ago, especially since the truth is I’ve never wanted a woman more than I want her. Dammit. I know I’m right about this. She deserves more than a fuck and run, even if she thinks that’s all she wants.
She tilts her head and those big doe eyes narrow to tiny slits. Why do I feel like the mouse about to be pounced on by the mountain lion? Fuck. I know what she wants, what I want. The easy thing to do would be to slip her out of those clothes and make her feel all the things I want her to feel. But she needs someone she can depend on.
“Good friends…without the spine-tingling benefits.” She purses her lips and sighs.
“I don’t know, I think there’s lots of benefits to being friends with you.”
Mental images of her naked body supply all kinds of graphic material for my own wet dreams.
“Oh yeah? Like what?” She smiles.
I’d like to take her in my arms and show her all the benefits. “Like having a super smart study partner. Or having a friend who can do touchy feely skating routines with me. Or having a friend who enjoys good food and can eat as much as I do, even if she doesn’t like to share her fries.”
“You’re such a jerk.” She giggles and lightly punches my arm.
“So you keep telling me.” She’s an extraordinary woman and as hard as this is, I’m determined to do what’s right for her.
“So it’s okay for you to do the deed with all those other girls, but not me.”
Uh oh. The lion may pounce after all.
“No…it’s just. Dammit, Trace. You’re not a puck bunny and you need—”
“Don’t tell me what I need. I know exactly what I need. Yes, Sean messed with my head, and I was screwed in lots of terrible ways. I gave him everything I had—my love, my trust, my friendship—and he threw it all back at me and stomped on it.”
“I know. And I’m not going to be the next asshole who treats you like that.”
“Exactly! Having sex with you would be perfect. No chance of any of that ever happening, because you would never be like him and I could never fall in love with you.”
“Ouch. Kind of a twisted compliment. Should I say thank you or be offended?” I scratch my head in confusion.
“You know what I mean. You could never fall in love with me either. You don’t do love and feelings. Right?”
Right. I don’t do love and feelings…anymore.
“Forget it. Forget I mentioned it.” She rubs her eyes. “I’m too exhausted to think straight right now or argue with you. Let’s go to sleep.”
I don’t even know what to say. I get where she’s coming from. No one knows better than I do. She wants me to fuck her because she doesn’t want to risk being with a guy she might end up caring for. I get it. Been doing the same thing for years. Fucking girls that is, not guys. But should I be insulted or gratified I’m the one she chose to be her unlovable fuck buddy? Isn’t she offering me exactly what I’m in the market for right now? I should be jumping all over her and her offer. So why am I feeling like shit about it?
“I’m pretty exhausted too. I’m not thinking right either. Let’s get some sleep.” A disappointed look sweeps over her face. But I need time to think about everything going down between us. She was hurt bad and she’s still hurting. I’m not the right guy to help her overcome her pain.
She forces a grin, sighs, and lies down, enveloping herself back into her cocoon of blankets.
“Oh and Dak,” she says from inside her sheath, “please stay on your side of the bed. No telling how I might lose my head again if you touch me and I wouldn’t want to put you through that again.”
I don’t get time to answer before she’s making soft sleep-induced breathing noises. I lie down as far away on my side of the feather mattress as I can get and stare into the hypnotic flames. It’s a long time before I fall asleep.
&n
bsp; CHAPTER
SEVENTEEN
Tracey
Only two nights ago I vowed Dak Andersen didn’t need to concern himself with my morning routines, because he was never going to get the chance to witness them. Well…as they say, never say never.
The weather is clear and invigorating in the harbor today. The bright, sunny day makes the adventure last night and what happened between us seem even more weird than it already does. I’m not sure what the hell happened, other than wiggling my ass in what I thought was my sleep into Dak’s cock, and begging him to hand fuck me. At which, I might add, he has magical skills—and then freaking out when he complied. And after, even though I offered myself to him no strings attached, he wants to be friends. The story of my life.
It’s possible the surreal circumstances of being trapped in a storm and stranded alone on an island led to my uncharacteristic request. And apparently the calming effects of a mind-blowing orgasm are a fantastic sleep aid. I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow for a second time. Too bad those effects can’t be bottled. It would be a zillion dollar industry.
Problem is, we haven’t spoken one word to each other all morning. We packed up our samples and headed back to the harbor in silence. Dak is not into my proposition, even though he had no problem letting me ride his hand. He has some weird idea he’s not good enough for me.
Or perhaps he only said that because he’s not into you.
My snarky mind is such a bitch!
I remind myself I’m not angry at Dak. After all, I was the one who initiated the whole thing, and he did what I’m sure any guy would do. I guess I’m more disappointed than angry. At least he was honest with me, saying everything I already know is true. But I don’t know what to say to him now. He assured me it doesn’t need to be weird, but in the morning light it is kind of awkward.
I’m not sure how to think about what happened last night and everything he said. It’s obvious he’s attracted to me. He couldn’t hide it in those sweatpants with everything he’s got going on down there. For the first time in a long time I’m attracted to someone, and not afraid to let him get close to me. He’s right, though, getting involved with him sexually is not a good idea. Hell. It’s the same thing I’ve recited to myself for over a year. Don’t trust anyone, don’t get involved, no more heartbreak. It’s the ironic reason I thought this plan was perfect—sex with a guy I like hanging out with, a guy I trust as a friend and am not afraid to let touch me, no strings.
I suppose Dak is trying to be the good guy and give me some time and space.
Or is he so freaked out by your past, he realizes he can’t handle it?
Is it wrong to tell your own conscience to shut the fuck up?
“I’ll jump out and you can throw me the ropes, okay?” Dak’s question as we pull into the dock jolts me out of the verbal circles my mind keeps making.
“Sure.” Those are the first words we’ve exchanged today.
“What should we do with the samples and slides?” he asks while tying off the Tern.
“My car is right there.” I point to the outrageous green vehicle parked in the lot right next to the dock only employees in the harbor use. “We can load them in there. I’ll bring them with me to class tomorrow and I’ll write up a data report tonight to submit with them.” As we discuss it, I’m handing him everything we need to take off the boat.
“You don’t need to do the data report all by yourself. I can help.”
“It’s cool. Only one person needs to type it up. No sense both of us tying up our evening. I’m sure you’ve got somewhere to be.”
Someone to be with.
“No I don’t. There’s practice this afternoon, but I’ll be done at four thirty. The assignment is for both of us, Trace. I can read off the data to you while you enter it. It’ll save some time.” We’re being so courteous, so civil. Polite acquaintances. Like a few hours ago he wasn’t finger fucking me and I wasn’t screaming his name in ecstasy. Damn. I’m getting wet again merely thinking about it.
“My roommates and I always have dinner together at the house on Sundays. I don’t think you’ve met them all yet. Why don’t you come over for dinner and we can finish the assignment at my place?”
“Oh, I don’t think—”
“Come on, Bambi. It’s only dinner.” He shrugs.
That’s the problem. It’s only dinner. He doesn’t want to take it any further. I offered myself to him without any strings and he said no. Now my thoughts are tied up in knots wondering if he said no with the best intentions for me, or if there’s another reason he doesn’t want to have sex with me.
“We all pitch in and help. All except Wolfe. His cooking abilities are shit. We don’t allow him anywhere near the kitchen when we’re cooking.” He chuckles. And I’m gone. His smile gets me every time. “What do you say? I think it’s Mexican food night. You into it?”
“I hate to admit it, but you’d be hard pressed to find any kind of food I’m not into.” I exhale a big breath. “Food is my only addiction.”
“Fantastic! A fellow food lover. I knew it last night by the way you polished off your pasta and sund—” He stops midsentence. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring up last night.”
“You should be sorry,” I fake admonish him, because he’s right about not making what happened last night weird. I don’t want anything to be weird between us. I kind of like the jackass. “Don’t you know it’s extremely ungentlemanly to notice how much a lady eats, let alone comment on it?” I open the back of the Jeep and place our supplies into it.
“I’m so sorry, milady.” He puts the things he’s carrying in the car and turns toward me. Bending at the waist with one arm behind him and one in front, he bows like he did in the bathroom last night. The memory sends a bolt of longing between my legs.
“I’ll forgive you, sir, if you are able to satiate me tonight.” He snaps upright and gives me a wide-eyed look. “Uh, with food. If you can satisfy me…with…with food.”
So much for not being awkward.
This time when Dak bends over it’s because he’s doubled over in a roar of laughter. “I was totally thinking you meant food. You know, you’ve got a dirty little mind, Bambi.”
I shake my head at the way he’s having such a good time at my expense. “Ha ha. Sure you were, jackass.”
I guess we’re back to our teasing antics and it’s kind of okay with me. Even though he causes the hormone levels in my body to skyrocket, he also knows how to make me have fun and smile again. Being friends isn’t such a bad idea I suppose.
“I guess you’re coming over for dinner then, so I can satisfy you?”
“I guess so.” I shrug and hold my arms out, palms up, on either side of me in capitulation. There’s no denying it, he’s a good guy and not only do I lust him, I like him.
***
I find Nikki in the driveway of my house. She’s in the process of moving in, hauling the last of her bags out of her car, a VW Beetle. When I see the bags lined up on the front porch, I can’t help wondering how she crammed all that stuff into the tiny car.
“Hey, girl,” she calls to me when I pull in. Her eyes open to saucer-sized orbs when Dak pulls in next door at almost the exact same time. I’m in the same sweatpants and top from last night. I didn’t want to take time to shower at the house. I wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. And yup, when I follow Nikki’s gaze up and down my outfit and then over to Dak, who is in the exact same outfit, it definitely looks like I’m getting home from a long winter’s nap with my next-door neighbor. Except it’s not winter and I’m not ready to let anyone know what may or may not be going on between him and me.
“It’s not what it looks like. We’re doing research together,” I say flatly as I pull my backpack from the back seat.
Right on cue, Dak looks over and waves to Nikki as he steps out of his black vintage Defender. “Hey, Nik. Long time, no see. You movin in?”
“Hey, Dak. Yeah I am. Trace needed a roommate a
nd I needed a place, so everything is copacetic.”
“Awesome. You need some help?”
“No thanks, I got it,” Nikki answers and slams her trunk closed.
“Trace is having dinner with us tonight. Why don’t you come with? There’s always plenty of food and the guys would love to see you.”
“Um, thanks, man, but maybe another time. Got to get unpacked and uh, I’ve…um, got a paper due tomorrow. I’ll take a raincheck.” Nikki is digging the toe of her Dr. Marten’s into the gravel of the driveway like she’s drilling for oil, or the more valuable excuse to keep her from having to see Dalton.
“Okay. But you’re right next-door now, Nik. Don’t be a stranger. It’s all cool.” Dak hikes his backpack up one shoulder.
“Right. Will do.” Nikki nods. “I mean, no I won’t.” She shakes her head and forces a smile. “It’s all cool,” she mumbles through her teeth.
Dak turns to me, and then gives me a wink along with his sexy grin. “See you at six.”
Oh for chrissakes. Was that necessary?
He’s cute, but he’s such a pain in the ass.
“Heard it called a lot of things, but never research.” Nikki tilts her head and arches a brow at me after he goes inside his house.
“Honest. It was only research, Nikki,” I insist. I pick up one of her bags to give her a hand. I’m not sure who I’m trying to convince, her or me. “We were out on the Tern and we got caught in the storm, so we had to stay at the lightkeeper’s house on the Rock overnight until the storm blew over.”
Nikki stops so abruptly on our way up the front porch steps I almost plow into her back. She drops the bags she’s carrying and spins around, blinking her eyes a few times like it will help her hear what I said. “Are you trying to tell me you spent the night, alone, on the Rock, in the middle of a storm, with Dak Andersen, resident hockey sex god and manwhore?”
“I spent the night alone on the Rock with Dak. I don’t know anything about the sex god thing,” I answer nonchalantly, moving around her to the door, juggling the bags so I can slip the key in the latch.
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