“There’s no need for us to hold hands yet. We can put on a show once we’re closer to the party.”
Somethings’ definitely changed with her, and I have no idea how to fix it.
“Alright. The party is in the house, though, and then they have set tents up in the front. Once the house is in view, we should probably hold hands.”
“Whatever you would like.”
Her words are clipped, as she heads towards the front door. She doesn’t even wait for me to open it. She flings it open herself and steps outside.
I’ve really fucked things up, and I’m not even sure how. But the coldness radiating off of her is chilling me right to my core.
I don’t know what I did wrong, but I need to fix it, and fast.
“You should have seen him as a teen,” Sarah is telling Gabriella at our dinner table later in the evening. “I mean, of course, he was gorgeous, but he was so awkward. I bet that if you had met him back then, you wouldn’t have even given him the time of day.”
Gabriella just smiles politely and sips her glass of red wine. It’s the same glass that she’s been sipping on all night, since she had explained to me that drinking too much might hinder her getting pregnant. Apparently, her doctor friend told her that a single glass of red wine would be just fine. So, here we are.
“I mean, I was very fortunate, I never really went through the ugly duckling faze. Conner and Carter however, definitely did. I think that’s why you were so crazy about me back then, right?”
Sarah reaches across the table and squeezes my arm. I glance at Gabriella to see if the way that Sarah is talking and touching me bother her, but she hardly even responds. Yesterday, she looked ready to fight. Today, she couldn’t care less.
Oh, how things have changed.
“Did Conner tell you that we were each other’s firsts?” Sarah continues on, before smiling slyly at me. “Remember that, Conner? We were so awkward back then. Neither of us knew what we were doing, not that it lasted very long. I think about that day all of the time. Oh, my, how much we’ve grown.”
Carter, who just arrived today, looks furious as his hand grips his rocks glass. He glares at me across the table before his eyes dart between Gabriella and Sarah, urging me silently to end this.
“Sarah, I doubt that my girlfriend wants to hear about my past sex life.” I cut my eyes at her before draping my arm around Gabriella and squeezing her shoulder. She doesn’t sink into my arms. In fact, she just tenses.
“Oh, Gabriella, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you if, I did. It’s just kid stuff, anyways. Conner and I haven’t slept together since, well, when was the last time, Conner?” She glances at me for a moment, before turning her eyes towards the sky, and then snapping her fingers. “Right, Washington, wasn’t it?” She laughs and shakes her head. “That was a few years ago, now. We spent three whole day holed up in my hotel room, making love like teenagers. Obviously, I can’t speak for the present, but two years ago, Conner was quite the lover. I assume that still rings true.
“Sarah,” I bark, before glaring at her. “Stop talking about that.”
“It’s fine,” Gabriella finally interjects, before looking at me with a forced smile. “Everyone has a past, Conner. You have a past with Sarah, who feels the need to share it with the table. I’m fine with it. The past is the past, anyhow.”
“Sometimes the past turns into the future, though.” Sarah reaches across the table and squeezes my arm again, which I immediately jerk back.
“Conner here promised me that we would be married when we were thirty years old. We both turn thirty next year.” She flutters her eyelashes at me, before smiling slyly. “So, I guess if it doesn’t work out with the two of you, this time next year we’ll be planning our wedding.”
I snort, as Carter slams his hands down and stands. He stalks towards Gabriella and holds out his hand.
“Want to dance with me, sweetheart? I don’t know about you, but I could certainly use a break from her and her big, stupid mouth.”
Gabriella grins at him, the first real smile that I’ve seen out of her tonight, before nodding her head.
“Absolutely, Carter. I’d love to dance.”
I cut my eyes at my brother as I watch him lead her out onto the dance floor, before wrapping one arm around her and spinning her across the floor.
I crack my knuckles before turning towards Sarah.
“What in the fuck is wrong with you?” I nearly spit my words at her as she blinks at me in confusion.
“Conner, there is no need for swearing…”
“Are you trying to start shit between Gabriella and I? What is wrong with you? Why in the fuck would you bring up the times that you and I used to fuck each other, Sarah? Jesus, you act like we had something together. We only ever fucked, that was it.”
She sucks in air as she stares at me.
“You can’t be serious. You know damn well that we had something, and it was a lot more than just sex. We were each other’s firsts, Conner, and we agreed to be each other’s last, if we weren’t married by thirty. The last time that I checked, you don’t have a wedding ring on.”
“So what? I have a girlfriend, and this kind of bullshit talk isn’t going to help me keep her.”
She’s a pretend girlfriend, but, there’s no reason to go into any of that. Hell, Sarah’s one of the main reasons that I needed Gabriella to be here in the first place.
“You can’t honestly see yourself marrying her,” she snorts as she stares to where she and Carter are laughing as they spin across the floor.
“Your mother told me all about her, and honestly, Conner, I’m surprised that you even dare to bring someone like her home. She isn’t even close to being on your level. On our level. I mean, her father is a janitor for chissakes.”
“He’s a plumber,” I growl, as my eyes flash. I’m so angry right now, that I could very well kill her. So instead I shove my chair back and stand.
Sarah does the same.
“That’s even worse. So, what? You’re going to go ahead and get trapped by some piece of white trash? You’re making a mistake, Conner, and you know it. Why in the hell would you drink Walmart champagne when you could have Dom Perignon?”
“That’s a damn good question,” I glare at her. “Because you are Walmart champagne, all damn day long. You’re only disguised as the good shit, where as she,” I jerk my thumb towards Gabriella, “is the best damn thing out there. Go fuck yourself, Sarah.”
20
Gabriella
“Please don’t let that woman get to you,” Carter tells me, as he twirls me around the dance floor. “She’s a horrible person.”
“It’s fine,” I shrug, even though, it doesn’t really feel fine. “I mean, you know that Conner and I are just pretending here, anyways. I’m just glad that you asked me to dance. I needed a break from the two of them.”
“You know that’s bullshit, though, right? Conner’s not going to marry that bitch. When he told her that, he was still mind fucked by our parents. There’s no fucking way that he would marry some bitch like her just to appease Mommy and Daddy. We only came home for our sister, anyways.”
I glance towards Alexandria and frown.
“Is she ok?” I finally ask, as I stare over Carter’s shoulder, watching as her husband Cal bends over, speaking to her, as her face falls. “She has seemed upset all day.”
He follows my stare, and freezes.
“God, I hate that motherfucker,” he growls. “I can’t stand to even see the two of them together.”
“Conner told me that you punched him. I think that’s awesome.”
“Yeah?” he grins. “It was really awesome. If he’s being a dick right now to my baby sister, he might have a repeat of that day.”
“Please, let me know first,” I grin at him. “I want a front row seat.”
“Deal.”
“What are we dealing about?” Conner approaches us, before nodding at Carter. “Mind if I dance with my
girl now?”
“Yeah, buddy,” Carter winks at me, before releasing me to Conner’s arms. “I’ll let you know, Gabs. Promise.”
Conner’s arms wrap around me, but he doesn’t continue to dance with me the way that Carter was. He grabs my face in his hands, before mashing his lips against mine.
My heart flutters, and then begins to race, and even though I try to fight it, I fall into him. I know that I need to hold back, because putting up a wall between Conner, and it is the only way to protect my heart.
But, I just can’t do it. Not when he has his arms around me, or his lips pressed against mine. I’m in no state of mind to make a smart decision.
“I’m so fucking sorry, baby,” he grunts into my mouth. “I’m so damn sorry that you had to listen to her. She’s one of the main reasons why I wanted you here. She’s been relentless over the last year.”
My mind is a complete jumble, as his kiss lightens a bit, and his arms wrap around me. He begins to sway his body along to the music, before finally, pulling back and resting his forehead against mine.
‘Bleeding Love’ begins to play, and as I sink my body against his and let him spin me around the dance floor, I listen to every word of the song, knowing damn well that loving him is going to make me bleed.
21
Conner
“Alright, let’s have the happy couple up front, please.” My uncle Richard raises his glass in a toast as his voice booms over the microphone.
“These two are the epitome of love. Their love for each other has scanned four decades, brought four beautiful children into the world, who have all been privileged to grow up with two astounding parents who have shown them the true meaning of love and dedication to family.”
Carter snorts, but I manage to keep mine inside. Gabriella glances at me questioningly, and I just shake my head.
“How can he even say that shit with a straight face? They better not…”
My parents stand in the front of the dance floor, facing the crowd, both smiling huge, incredibly fake smiles. My father has his arm around my mother, and she leans into him, but the whole thing looks so forced that I can’t even bear to watch it.
“Let’s have all four of those lovely children join us for this dance, shall we?”
“They fucking did.” Carter frowns before throwing up his hands. “Alright, let’s put on a damn show and act like a happy little family.”
I grab Gabriella’s hand in mine and lead her out onto the dance floor. ‘Because I love you’ begins to play, and I wrap my arms around my girl, pulling her tightly against me.
As I move our bodies to the music, I begin to sing the song to her, without even realizing that the words are leaving my mouth.
But fuck, if I don’t mean every damn one of them. It’s the only way that I can tell her exactly the way that feel about her, without actually saying it.
I’m in love with her. As I sing the song, I realize more and more that it is exactly the way that I feel about her.
My hand moves down to her stomach, and I press my hand against it, before squeezing my eyes shut.
Loving Gabriella means changing everything that I’ve ever stood for. It means having a family and being a husband and a father.
All of those are things that I never wanted, and, even if a small part of me did want them, I know that I’m not cut out for that kind of job.
My childhood was too fucked up. It wrecked a huge part of me, the very part that a person needs to have healthy relationships as an adult. So, as much as I have feelings for Gabriella, I have to hold back from her. I have to keep it all in.
She deserves better than I could ever give her.
22
Gabriella
“What do you mean, it’s negative?” I screech, as Maria sits in front of me, with a pained expression on her face.
“It can’t be negative. It just can’t be! We had sex that entire week. I was ovulating for an entire day of it, Maria. You need to recheck the results. I have to be pregnant.”
“Gabs,” she sighs, and shakes her head. “You knew that it wasn’t a guarantee. I mean, you may have to sleep with him again.”
My stomach drops at the thought.
Not that sex with Conner is amazing, in fact, that’s the problem. It’s too damn good, and it always leaves me wanting more.
We returned home the day after his parents’ party. The day after he sang me a song that said the words I love you over and over again.
My heart had soared, and then, when the song was over, he had simply smiled at me and told me how much he loved that song.
Not how much he loved me, how much he loved a song.
After that, my wall shot right back up. I kept my distance from him for the rest of the night, and the second that my feet stepped back onto familiar ground, I left him in my dust.
I’ve seen him at the office, but every time that he’s tried to talk to me, I find a way to avoid him, so, I’ve managed to keep my distance.
But this…this part I didn’t expect. I suppose that I expected that I would have gotten pregnant that week, and that I could finish out my plan all by myself.
Being away from him would give me the space to get over him, and to get my mind back into check, and focused on being a mother.
Now, the last two weeks seem like wasted time. Because just as I managed to learn how to fall asleep without him next to me, now I have to fall back into his trap, because I’m going to have to sleep with him again.
“Fuck,” I mutter, before hanging my head. “I don’t know if I can do it.”
“Gabs, you have to. Look at how far you’ve come! You are so close to it happening. So damn close. I can give you a shot, to stimulate things. You just have to sleep with Conner one more time. I mean, hopefully just one more time.”
My stomach drops, and Maria stares at me in question.
“Why are you looking like that? You said that sex with him was amazing.”
“It was.” I swallow, and aimlessly twist my hands together in my lap.
Her eyes narrow, as she leans forward in chair.
“Gabs, cut the shit. What is really up with you? You’ve been acting weird ever since you got home from your trip. I was just chalking it up to you being nervous about today, but that’s not it at all. This isn’t your sad face, or your disappointed face. It’s not your anxious face either…it’s something else.”
I swallow hard, past the lump now forming in my throat.
“Oh, oh my God.” Her eyes widen. “You have feelings for him.”
“No…”
“Yes,” she exhales slowly, “Yes, you do. I can’t believe that I didn’t pick up on it sooner. You fell in love with him, didn’t you?”
There is no sense in lying to her. Maria is my best friend, and I already know that she’ll see right through me.
“Well, I mean…”
“Oh, honey. I’m assuming that you told him, and he doesn’t feel the same way. Is that it?”
“Well, no, not exactly. I didn’t tell him, but that’s only because I know that he doesn’t feel the same.”
She runs a hand through her hair, before finally meeting my eyes.
“If he didn’t say it, it doesn’t mean…”
“He doesn’t, Maria. He told me over and over again that he would never be the kind of guy to settle down. We had fun together, and we had great sex. I went ahead and fell in love with him, even though he was very clear about what we weren’t. This is all on me, I knew better, and I didn’t think it would even be an issue. I assumed that he was always an arrogant asshole, so I never expected to feel anything for him. The problem is, though, that he’s actually a really great guy. But he’s not a relationship guy. Not even close.
“Plot twist,” she mutters, before waving her hands. “Well, the way that I see it, we have two options, maybe three.”
“Go on,” I motion for to continue. I can’t wait to hear the shit stack of options she is about to throw my way.
“Ok, option one is to hit up the sperm bank.”
“No.” Hell no.
“Fine. Option two would be to find another one of my preselected…”
“No! Good god, these are your options?” I narrow my eyes at her and she flips me her middle finger.
What kind of doctor flips off her patients? Rude.
“Fine, asshole. Option three is that you put your big girl panties on, keep your feelings out of it, and go and bang Conner. That is, if you really want this baby.”
We have a staring contest for far too long for two grown women, until finally, I gave.
“Fine! Fuck it. I’m a big girl, I can handle it. I’m going with option number three.”
“That’s my girl.” Maria grins, before motioning for me to stand up.
“Now bend over and let me give you a shot in the ass.”
23
Conner
I stare at the documents in my hands and shake my head. I’ve been staring at them now for at least an hour, and I’m still only on paragraph number two.
I can’t seem to force myself to focus on anything lately, because my mind only travels to one thing.
Gabriella.
My mind knows that it’s wrong for me to obsess over her the way that I have been, but my heart didn’t seem to get that memo.
My body craves her, and my arms miss holding her. I miss her infectious laugh, but most of all, I miss the warmth that she brought to my cold life.
Before she and I went away, I had been excited about leasing this apartment. It’s large, and open, and the views of the city below me are phenomenal.
It’s private and secure and allows me the sanctitude of solitude that I had so desperately thought that I wanted.
One week was all that it took to change my mind on that completely.
Even though we were staying in my parents’ guest house, in a place where cold is the only emotion that a person can feel, Gabriella made it feel like a home.
Getting the Goods Page 13