I was given a dream of a love, a house, a person who saw my darkness and helped me out of it.
I should never have gone into a relationship to force my ways to change.
I should change my ways so I can go into a relationship and keep it stable.
With this thought in mind, I stay clean for a month, not sleeping, not visiting bars, though the craving hits me hard at times. The memory of my failure, that stone on my heart, is what keeps me strong.
And, when I finally pluck up enough courage to ring her, she answers after eight rings.
“Ria,” I say.
“What do you want,” she says. Her voice is dead, soulless.
“I want to see you and talk.”
“Not happening. It's over.”
I get some back and forth like this for a few moments, with her stalling and refusing to speak to me, and me pleading. When I register that she's not hanging up, despite having numerous chances to do so, I say, “Please,” deciding it's well worth getting on my knees to beg, “I'm sorry. I know I screwed up, big time. I know I hurt you, but I want you to know that I miss you like hell. I keep thinking about everything that we did and what you said about the house and then I keep thinking how stupid I was to mess that up, and that, well. I want to talk to you. Just give me a chance to talk, and if you're still mad over this, then I understand. But please.”
There's a long, ominous silence, before she inhales, and breathes, “Okay.”
When we meet later that afternoon, it's awkward, and it hurts, because she's just as beautiful as I remember, but with a guarded expression on her face. I'm wrapped up in a purple hoodie and jeans, not intending to come here to lure her back into bed by showing an inappropriate amount of cleavage. I'm here to take the chance I've been offered and explain to her me. She's dressed up in oddly muted clothing as well, discarding her leathers for jeans and a simple navy-blue jacket.
We pace up and down the park, which only has a few dog walkers, and my cracked lips force words I'm not accustomed to saying. I tell her about my mother, my craving for the love she never gave me. I mention my one night stands, the good ones and the humiliating ones, and how I used them to escape from the lack of love I felt. I explain my shallow circle of friends who envied my looks so much that I eventually wore the envy as a badge of pride. Last came the disgust, and the ongoing emptiness inside.
When I finish, I expect her to hate me and accuse me of being a despicable person, just like my mother does.
Instead, she says her frank truth. “I don't condone your attitude, and I don't agree with who you were. But I appreciate the honesty, and I understand.” Hearing those words I understand spoken is the ultimate absolution; it frees me. I actually lose all sensation in my knees, and she grabs me to stop me falling. Wind slaps our hair as she in turn explains her past, though in less detail.
“My mother was also single, like yours. But she was also what you would be if you continue down this path. She liked to party. She invited men around to her place often, sometimes for orgies.” I can see this is difficult for Ria to say, but the fact she's trying is warming up all the cold places in my body. I wrap my arm in hers, which she accepts, as she continues confessing.
“Some of the men liked to use me, cos I was a kid. Learned how to attract people I wanted, not people I hated, and even got cash for it, cos my mother sometimes had no money at all. I used people for meals, for a place to sleep, for a bit of pay in hard times.
“My mother's trying to clean up her act now because she's tired of waking up in dumpsters, of vomiting on the floor, of hurting everyone around her. She got a long way to go. As do I. It wasn't just your fault that I did what I did. I was scared, too.”
I realize, in this tale, that she's not lying. She does understand me. She does.
“We're both pretty fucked up, it seems,” I say with a wry smile.
She smiles back. “But we're both trying to do something about that. So damn glad you called. I didn't go out since that morning. I didn't drink. I couldn't.”
“Me neither,” I admit. We stop walking to wrap ourselves up in a gigantic hug. “Just thought about you.”
Both of us are beaming like children now, but we can't help it. We're in each other's arms. She smells good, she feels good, and she's warm, slicing through the darkness in my soul.
“Can we try again?” I ask. “But this time, for the right reason?”
She kisses me on the forehead, and I begin crying. She strokes my hair as she replies, “Of course, Maya.” We hold hands in the park, ignoring the curious glances of others passing. “FYI, I gotta another confession. Pretty sure what I'm feeling for you is love.”
I start bawling, but it's not because I'm sad. It's because I'm happy. “Me, too.”
Me, too, Ria.
I love you.
The Secret Girlfriend
~ Bonus Story ~
A First Time Lesbian Romance
Since the moment I saw her I knew that she had to be mine. Lillian is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She is sweet, funny, caring, and sexy. And she likes me back.
We start off with some casual conversation and move on to flirtation. It is all good fun and I find myself wanting her more and more. But I am scared to move forward; I am afraid of moving too fast.
Luckily fate has intervened and sent us both on a trip towards our destiny together. But it will not be without its stumbling blocks including one big obstacle I am not sure we will ever get past.
Will our love be strong enough to survive?
Only time will tell…
* * *
CHAPTER 1
“You are so crazy,” Lilian said with that sexy smile of hers. I
I felt a small giggle erupt in my throat and escape my lips. Lilian was giving me that sensual look with her eyes, bearing right into mine almost as if she could see a part of my soul. Come on, Cassie. Get a grip. But I could feel my knees getting a bit weak as I tried to keep it together.
I’d been coming to Office Tech for the past month to get supplies for my freelance writing career I’d launched about six months ago. It had been crazy tough in the beginning to start out but now it was moving along pretty smoothly and I’d never felt happier. I could not imagine going back to the hectic pace of newspaper journalism, which I’d done for three years since I graduated college.
The first time I shopped at Office Tech I’d met Lilian. She was a sales associate and she had been kind enough to help me find the perfect office accounting software for my business. The second I laid eyes on her I felt my heart beating faster. She was about five foot eight, slender, yet curvy with large, round breasts that were displayed perfectly in the tight Office Tech polo shirt she wore. Her hips were sensuous and curved around to what can only be described as a true work of art in the shape of her tight, round bottom. Her legs were long and slender, but toned and athletic. I loved the way they jutted downward from the legs of her khaki shorts that were almost short enough.
I had come back into the store several times a week just to get silly things like pens, legal pads, markers, etc. A lot of it was stuff I didn’t even need, but I went in there just because I wanted to see Lilian again. The woman was just so beautiful and perfect.
And I had a feeling that she was attracted to me as well. The way she looked at me, the smile that spread across her face when I came in. It was more than just a friendly smile; it was almost a sexy smirk and her eyes usually followed as she glanced at my body making a swift move up and down.
I made sure to dress casually, but sexily when I went into the store. I didn’t want to appear overly obvious, but I wanted to make her head turn a bit. I loved the way it felt to have her eyes on me. I could see that I had chosen the perfect thing today because Lilian was looking at me like I was her next meal. I was wearing a tight tank top with a wonder bra to push my already large chest up to maximum cleavage with a short pair of denim shorts and a little pair of flops on my feet.
“Why does that
make me crazy?” I responded flirtatiously.
“How can you like the new Taylor Swift album? She has gone completely pop now. I thought you said you were a true country fan?”
“Well, Taylor Swift is hot. I like to see her do just about anything,” I replied.
Lilian laughed. “Well, I guess that is true. I have to agree. You look a bit like her, you know. Only your curves are way better.”
I felt a huge blush coming over me and I glanced around nervously; but no other customers were behind me. It was a fairly slow time of the day apparently.
“Well, thanks for noticing. But I think yours are way better than mine. Plus you are so tall; you look like a model.”
Lilian blushed a bit as she leaned in closer to me. I could smell her intoxicating perfume and it started giving me a head rush. I wanted so badly to just grab her and kiss her hard right on those sweet, sensuous lips of hers. Somehow I was able to restrain myself.
“Did you find what you needed?”
My best friend Jaden Pierce was suddenly behind me carrying a box of paperclips. He had decided to accompany me on my shopping errands today; I’d been telling him for weeks about Lilian and he decided he had to check her out for himself.
“Yeah, I did,” I replied as I held up the white board and the box of envelopes I was buying. I already had two boxes of envelopes at home, but it was a cheap item to use as an excuse to come into the store. Besides, I could always use more envelopes.
I was feeling so good right then; this was the first time Lilian and I had openly flirted and had such a long conversation.
“Great,” Jaden said. “And for the record, Lilian I do agree with Cassie that you are way hot!”
Lilian blushed. I almost fell over. Jaden was one of those people who lacked the filter that most of us had that told us not to say certain things out of fear of rejection or embarrassment. He was immune to it all.
“Thanks,” Lilian said as she tried to concentrate on ringing up our purchases.
“So did Cassie give you her number yet?” Jaden ask.
I was going to kill him. I was really going to kill the dork.
Lilian looked as surprised as I was.
“Not yet,” she said with a smile as she looked at me.
“Well, let me move this along for you. Lilian would you like Cassie’s number?”
I interjected quickly, turning to Jaden. “I am perfectly capable of asking Lilian if she would like my number.” I turned back to Lilian. “Lilian would you like to call me sometime? I was thinking we could get together for a cup of coffee.”
Lilian was laughing hysterically with our banter. I had to admit that Jaden and I were pretty funny together.
“Yes. I would love to,” Lilian replied.
She handed me her phone with the contacts pulled up. I quickly added my name and phone number to her list.
She took her phone back with a look of excitement and pride beaming on her face. The whole thing was making me feel pretty giddy too. I had to admit. I could not wait to get her to myself without the distractions of work and customers.
“I will definitely call you for a coffee date later in the week. Do you know Marco’s Coffee Shop? On Rosencrantz Ave?,” Lilian said.
“Oh, I love it there. I go there a few times a week, especially on Wednesdays when they have the poetry readings.”
“Great. Then we will shoot for that very soon.”
I smiled. A date.
“Sounds great,” I said.
“Wow, I am the best wingman ever!” Jaden said as we walked towards the door.
Lilian laughed. “Bye now,” she said.
I gave her a little wave and a smile. God, she was hot.
“I am perfectly capable of setting up my own dates,” I said when we got outside.
“Baloney! You and her would have continued that pointless drivel you call flirting until next year if I hadn’t stepped in. You are so welcome.”
“You are an idiot!”
“Yes, but a brilliant idiot!” Jaden said sticking his tongue out and doing his weird little victory dance.
I couldn’t believe it. I was going to have coffee with Lilian very soon.
CHAPTER 2
I took a drink of the Café Mocha and let the sweet, warmth slide down my throat. It was so good. I was in seventh heaven sitting in Marco’s with my favorite drink and sitting across the small table from the sexy and beautiful Lilian Grey. She was wearing a very form fitting summer dress that accentuated her large breasts and amazing curvy hips. I felt myself getting wet and tingly at the very sight of her.
“So, we have talked for a bit since you started coming into the store, but I’ve never had the opportunity to really pick your brain to find out who Cassie Powel really is,” Lilian said as she sipped her black coffee.
I chuckled slightly at the wording. “Ok. I’m an open book; shoot.”
“Are you from Phoenix originally?”
“No, I actually am from Ohio. I moved out here after college when I landed a staff writer job with the Phoenix Gazette.”
“Wow, that sounds interesting.”
“Yeah, it’s not,” I said laughing. “It was low pay and high stress. After three years I got tired of the stress and the tedious boredom of that work. I decided that I just needed to go out on my own. I haven’t looked back since.”
“Wow, I wish I had your guts. The world of retail is a nightmare; I have no idea why I’m still there.”
“Well, what do you want to do?”
“Well, that’s the thing. I’ve got a few interests. I’ve toyed with opening up my own nursery. I love plants, especially the unique plants that grow in this part of the country. I could just see myself tending to cactus and agave all day,” Lilian joked. “I’ve also thought about creating a YouTube channel about that sort of thing. You know to educate people on plant life and how to start your own private nursery or greenhouse.”
“That’s very interesting. Have you always been interested in plant life?” I asked.
“I have. Ever since I was little and my grandmother turned me on to it.”
“That’s interesting.”
“So, what kind of writing do you do?” Lilian asked.
“Well, I do mostly blogging, I’ve written several fiction novels that are self-published on Kindle, and I’ve done a lot of copywriting recently. That seems to be the biggest money generator for me. It’s not the most exciting thing, but it’s kind of fun and it allows me to do other creative things I am really into.”
“Great. What else are you doing?” Lilian asked.
I could tell she was really interested in what I did and the pride was beaming through me.
“Another thing I have recently gotten interested in is starting up my own paranormal investigation team.”
“Paranormal?” Lilliam asked.
“I know; it sounds crazy. Most people don’t believe in such things, but there is a large group of people who have had experiences and are still having experiences. I’d like to educate people and help others who might be having some of these issues. I love to research hauntings and I am working on writing some books about haunting cases and folk lore.”
“I’ve never had any paranormal experiences,” she replied. “So it’s tough for me to say that I really believe in that, but I’m open to the idea that it is very possible things exists beyond our comprehension. I myself am just too much of a chicken to think about such things,” she joked.
“Oh, well you just need someone like me to protect you,” I flirted.
“I think you are right,” Lilian smiled.
We looked into each other’s eyes a few moments; I could feel the lust boiling between the two of us. I wanted her so badly. I had never desired a woman as much as I desired her.
“So, how long have you worked in retail?” I asked.
“Way too long,” she replied.
“I bet you have some crazy stories.”
“Oh, yeah. A few years ago I was worki
ng in a drug store and a guy came in to return some denture adhesive he’d bought. I asked him routinely why he was returning it. He just said it did not work and proceeded to yank his upper teeth out and hold them in his hand as proof. I almost vomited on the spot.”
I almost spit out my coffee as I burst out laughing. “Wow, that is so sick.”
“It was. I did not eat dinner that night; I could not get the image out of my head.”
We talked about anything and everything for the next hour and a half. Finally, I had to go because I had an assignment I needed to get done for the next day and Lilian had to be at work at the office supply store in a few hours; she had agreed to cover for a sick coworker at the last minute.
As we said goodbye I gave her a warm hug. Holding my face that close to hers it took every single ounce of my willpower to keep from just kissing her on those sweet, ruby red lips.
We promised to do this again really soon.
As Lilian walked away I could not stop staring at her sweet ass.
CHAPTER 3
“I am glad to hear that you two ladies had such a great time,” Jaden said.
We were walking through the sporting goods store the day after Lilian and I had our date at the coffee shop. Jaden said he needed to get some new cleats and new batting gloves for softball season that was just around the corner. I agreed to come along. I had played with the idea of possibly joining a team as well this year. It was a fun way to get exercise and a great way to meet people. When you freelanced and worked at home by yourself all day you did not get much in the way of a social life.
“We did; it was amazing.”
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