“What took you so long?” The designated driver of today snapped. She was just in a bad mood cause she isn’t allowed to drink. And she had to spend the night watching her drunk friends and making sure we don’t get into too much trouble. I mean, it’s a little too late for me, but my girlfriends are more innocent than I am.
"Uhh, ground rules," I answered, deciding that It’s probably best to just be honest with my girls. “Mom was giving me some ground rules.”
“Your parent’s are so cool!" Klaire commented. "I know my parents would just disown me if I ever got pregnant. They'd disown me and cut me off."
All my girlfriends agreed, no one’s parents are cooler than my parents. If only they knew. How controlling and manipulative they could get sometimes. But, even with as annoyed as I am, I have to admit… they could’ve done a lot worse.
I dropped the issue as we drove to the club to party.
Chapter 3
I broke away from my girlfriends and made a bee-line to the bar. I’m self-conscious too often. I can’t just start dancing while sober. Sometimes, a girl needs a little liquid courage.
I’m only twenty so I still needed to use my stupid fake ID. Unlike most people, I just lied about my birthday when getting a second ID from the DMV. I didn’t understand why all the extra deceit was necessary.
“Strawberry Margarita, and a water please.” I needed to make sure I didn’t get too drunk. I couldn't afford to be too drunk and proving my mother right. Or getting sick. Or going home with someone I don’t even know. Or being a bad example for Sarah. I am a mother, I have a responsibility to be better.
I looked around and was looking for my friends as I waited for my drink to be served.
I heard the clink of high heels walk next to me. “A large Coke, please.” A girl my age ordered, the voice was smooth like molasses and soft. It seemed like it was difficult for her to actually speak loudly enough for her to be heard.
I looked up at her to greet her politely and choked on my tongue. She was… too pretty. Incredibly so. She had pale skin and a light dusting of freckles across her nose. She had the cutest wire glasses and plump lips. Her nose seemed hooked downwards and she looked rather bored.
“Oh, hello,” She greeted, sending me an unsure smile. It made her look… really cute. She adjusted her hijab. Her outfit was cute too, she was covered in a glittery purple dress that was quite a bit less revealing than my cocktail dress, it sparkled and made her look beautiful. Her hijab had some bows that were lavender colored pinned to it,
“Ummmm….” She looked awkward.
Oh no. I made it awkward. I just, I can’t talk to her! She’s so pretty. How is someone actually that pretty? Her lips were glittery. I wonder how they taste. No! Too much too fast, Amber. That’s weird! When my drink got to me I gulped it down. Oh good. My liquid courage. "Hi!" I greeted, my voice shrill and thin. Damn it. I sounded so bad compared to her! “I’m Amber!”
She smiled warmly at me. “It is nice to meet you, Amber. My name is Nadia.”
Even her name is beautiful and exotic. I feel so… uninteresting next to her. It was unnerving, usually, I was the most unique woman in the room. “Uhmmm… So are you new here.”
She laughed nervously as she looked around. “Uh, kinda actually. I’ve been around here for a few months. A couple of my new friends were drinking.” She motioned to a group of friends. “I’m the designated driver. I don’t like the taste of alcohol in general. Also, I’m just not supposed to be drinking in the first place.”
“Because you’re underage?” I immediately supplied.
I was then just spending my time admiring the adorable way her nose scrunched up when she laughed. She has dimples? Oh, that's just not fair. Nobody should actually just be that cute on any normal basis. Her laugh was not what one would call melodic and smooth but it was silvery, I could listen to it all day.
“Well, that too.” She answered after she had gotten a hold of herself.
I smiled at her. “Uuh… so, where are you from?” I asked, staring at her inquisitively.
“Oh, my family is from Pakistan. But, I grew up… er… in the upper east side of town.”
Well, that explains it. Why she had such nice clothes and held herself with perfect posture. It explained why her voice was perfect, with only the hint of an accent. She had been trained since childhood to be a snooty rich kid. The kind I couldn’t stand…. But she had such kind eyes.
“Why are you here then?” I asked, a bit miffed. A girl like her would never be interested in a poor girl. Especially a poor girl with a kid from a previous relationship.
“Oh, well… er…” She seemed very uncomfortable by my line of questioning. She sipped her coke and turned away. She was clearly attempting to avoid the conversation, as told by just how much she was fidgeting in her seat.
Oh no. Oh no. I didn’t mean to make things awkward or to scare her away. I am just the worst sometimes. I only wanted to… yeah, no… I wanted to make her uncomfortable. Why is that? Why am I so obnoxious?
“I’m from here.” I immediately blurted out, trying to fill the silence. Trying to destroy the tense atmosphere that I caused around the two of us. I did this before wincing. I sound so stupid. Word vomit, that’s what that was.
"Oh?" She questioned. Her polite interest made me blush, it was awful. "With your looks, I assumed-"
"Yeah," I explained. "I look nothing like my parent’s. Well, I look like my mom, but…” I trailed off awkwardly.
“That’s fascinating!” Nadia declared, looking excited. I wanted to keep talking. I needed to keep her staring at me with those warm eyes. If she didn’t, I felt like I would die.
Nobody said I was not a drama queen!
We ended up doing that all through the night. Just chatting and talking about everything about ourselves. She was so fascinating. She was apparently really good with her hands, but she wasn’t an inventor because she wasn’t a very innovative person. She did understand electrical circuitry and mechanics.
Like Cinderella, I had to leave without giving her my number. Well, before giving her my number. Well, actually I just completely forgot to give her my number by the time my friends dragged me home. It’s just as well, though. She would never accept me. Even if she did, she wouldn’t accept my past. Nobody would, especially someone as nice as her. It’s a package deal. Nadia will never be able to genuinely accept Sarah.
Not that I didn’t make the most of that night.
At the end of the night, I ran out of patience or tact, and so I kissed her. It wasn’t ideal. Our noses bumped into each other hard and she most likely didn’t appreciate the taste of alcohol on my breath. Her lips were slightly chapped and I forgot to breathe so I had to pull away, gasping for air.
Despite all that, I felt a spark. Or, I think it was a spark. Maybe it was just some excitement. Or maybe I was too drunk.
I kissed her a second time as soon as I gulped in enough air to continue being alive.
I couldn't help myself. This was most likely the last time I am ever to see that exquisite woman. I needed to impress her. If I don't, it will all have been for naught.
She pushed me away softly. “You’re drunk.” She sounded disappointed in me. “Maybe someday. But for now.” And she was pulling away.
And she was leaving me forever. I might never see her again. I know I’ll never forget her.
She’d be the one that got away for the rest of my life.
If only I knew how wrong I was…
So I went home. I ended up telling Sarah who was almost asleep all about Nadia. "You'd love her if you met her Sarah," I told the baby as I rocked her in my arms. "She's kind and funny and smart. She’s beautiful just like you.” I told her.
Sarah grabbed onto my shirt as she slept. I pulled the fingers she was sucking out of her mouth and she scowled momentarily, before getting back to sleep. She was such an angel. I don’t understand how I ever lived happily without her.
Chapter 4
It’s a shame that I haven’t even caught sight of her since that night. It’s okay, though. She was drunk at the time; I doubt she even remembers me.
I have never been very memorable.
She, however, was remarkable. Like a rare Pearl. She reminded me of Snow White. Skin as white as snow, with lips as red as blood. Her eyes were penetrating. Her hair was curled. It was beautiful too. With the texture of silk and painted every color of the rainbow, in an eye-catching way that only made her more and more beautiful.
When we kissed, I felt fireworks. It was like my entire body had electricity shot through it, but instead of pain, there was only excitement.
I felt similarly to this once before. My first girlfriend. It was not the same. Then it was the exhilaration of misbehavior, the scent I was so in love with was, what mother used to call, ‘the stench of rebellion’. My head was too fuzzy with the idea of disobedience that I couldn’t actually imagine what I was doing. The adrenaline running through my system was the thrill of getting caught.
But Amber was so,,, enchanting. Kissing her was so similar and yet so different. It was amazing because she was amazing. The circumstances were mundane. My life is mundane. She is just… so unique that she spiced it up merely by existing.
She twisted my world on its head in a way that shouldn’t be possible, and yet it is.
I had to push her away. She was drunk. She didn’t know what she was doing. It would have been so wrong for me to kiss her. No matter how much I wanted to, there was no way to justify it to myself. And thus it cannot be done.
“Nadia!” One of my coworkers shouted. “You gotta go help this one with her engine.” I walked over and sighed.
It was almost humiliating to be doing this, but humiliating in the most rebellious way. Mom and Dad raised me to believe I am above the service industry. I am above working. I am not, however, above being kicked out for rejecting the person they chose for me to marry and wanting to go to college for electrical engineering.
It's all fine, though. I work for this really nice man as a mechanic. He respects my choice to wear a hijab and my work ethic. He helped me get a relatively cheap apartment in the area and figure out how budget’s work. Food costs a lot more than I ever understood they did, and many of the things I thought were necessities were not necessities at all. I make $19.75 an hour, which is nothing to sneeze at! I work part time while going to school full time.
One day, I’ll get my degree. I’ll be an electrical engineer! For now, though. I have more work to do.
I’ll be able to do anything.
Maybe it’s time for me to focus on my work. I pulled away from my dreams and refocused on the task at hand. Compartmentalizing. It’s the most important part of doing my job. If I fail at that. I fail at everything.
I walk over, only to feel my cheeks redden. It’s her. Oh, no.
There is a rainbow haired girl standing next to her vehicle and wringing her hands. She looked really stressed out and was frowning. It didn’t mar her beauty, but I was much more concerned about how she felt right now.
“What seems to be the problem?” I asked, keeping my voice smooth. If she didn’t remember me I didn’t want to make things awkward. And if she did remember me, I wanted her to be impressed.
Remain aloof, Nadia. That's what attracted all the high-class boys you didn't like to you. An aura of mystery.
If that’s what they all liked. Maybe she would like the same thing. She’ll be interested and then my aloof nature would attract her even more to me. That’s what works.
She saw me and her lips actually curled up in an affectionate smile. Abruptly I wished I was more like my brother. He used to wax poetic in a brilliant way. He would’ve said something like her smile is as radiant as the sun itself and the sparkle in her eyes made the moon weep with jealousy. Her eyes were as green as the emeralds that one finds in a geode, that have just been exposed to the harshness of life and are shimmering in a way that they never will again. But I am not like him. I am not one to let poetry pour through my lips like honey.
Ah, my brother. Assad. He’s the angel of our family. And the only one I keep contact with. He is everything I am not, not that I blame him for that. He is graduating medical school, as a heart surgeon. He has a beautiful wife who was handpicked for him and a mistress that he picked himself.
I didn’t like the idea of a mistress until I met his mistress. She was everything his wife is not. Kind, and warm, and caring. His wife doesn’t care much, she just want’s to keep her fortune, and part of Assad’s fortune.
He keeps offering me money and I decline. Unless money gets too tight, which it does some weeks. His holiday gifts have become so lavish that I would have sent them back if that would not be rude.
Oh no. I’m getting lost in thought again. What’s actually happening?
"I see," I replied to her, realizing she was finished talking. I wasn't listening to what she was saying. I was just listening to the sing-song tone in her voice and watching as she gestured wildly with her arms.
I am so lucky it was obvious what the problem with her car is. From a cursory glance, anyone with working knowledge of mechanics could tell the problem. The tires left uneven tracks and there was oil leaking.
“Has the car been riding a bit too roughly, drifting during turns, and dipping when it is stopped?” She nodded excitedly and went to say something else before I stopped her. “Your shock absorbers are wearing out. They need to be replaced.” I informed her. “Let me see what the extent of the damage is before giving you an estimate.”
I went under the old car and almost gagged. This car was treated awfully. She clearly lacked a basic understanding of how to correctly treat her automobile. "It's rusty so I'm going to need to clean and de-rust it before I can replace the shock absorbers. This'll be just-"
“Why do you work here?” She interrupted me. “I thought your family was rich.”
My nose twitched. My family is rich. In the worst kind of way. My family is a family of waspish people who suck up in order to have a happy life in the 1% despite not actually being Caucasian or Christian. “They are. I am not.” The tone I used made it clear that this was the end of the discussion. “Now the cost will round up to about 650$.”
“T-that much?” She blanched. I honestly hated that look on her face. She looked so small like the rest of the world was much too big for her to deal with. I wanted to just hold her and make all the badness go away. But that was silly. I barely even know her. “I-is there any… er?”
“I could give you a discount.” I offered, the emotionless façade leaving. The concern was painted over my face as if it were makeup. “I could charge at the very least $200.” I knew I would have to put up another hundred dollars so my boss wouldn’t notice that much, but I’d prefer that. He isn’t a bad boss. He’s a bit of a jerk when it comes to his stuff and he teases us all, but he is a good man.
“I wouldn’t want to get you in trouble.” She replied.
"It's fine," I replied. "You could repay me by letting me take you out to dinner?” I replied as smoothly as I possibly could. Thank god I have been working here for a while, I’ve seen this pulled repeatedly by my male coworkers. I just barely pulled it off without blushing or stuttering.
I was able to get her number and when she left I almost squealed. Yess! We had decided we would set a date for the date later because we both had pretty busy schedules. The most important point being, I actually got a date!
I was practically bouncing with excitement. A million scenarios running through my mind of what our flawless date would be like. There is nothing anyone can do that can ruin my day.
Nothing could ruin my good mood right now. Nothing. “Isn’t that the girl who got pregnant at 17?”
Wait, what? WHAT?
Chapter 5
I know I’m not being fair to her. She keeps suggesting a date and I keep saying “Let me check my schedule…nope, can’t do it.”
Nadia, she’s just gonna lose interest ev
entually.
If I need, to be honest, that may be for the best. It is just unfair for anyone to expect them to just accept me. I messed up my life, I have a kid in tow, and I’m barely smart enough to be passing my classes with a B-average.
I can’t even fantasize right! I have only ever been with Finn. I didn’t know how non-penis related sex worked. And I was too embarrassed to look it up when I found the time. It felt somehow like Nadia would find out and be disgusted by what I have done. It is much better not to risk it.
Even though I am so afraid that what if we somehow got together? I wouldn't know what to do… is it… is it like… doing what I do to masturbate… but on another girl?
I’m such a coward I can’t even bring myself to google the topic!
That only adds to a reason I am a coward about going on a date with Nadia.
It's not my fault that I have to keep rescheduling with Nadia. My mom won't babysit just for a date. She keeps saying that she and dad do so much for me and I am not grateful enough.
She may be right. She and dad buy bottles and cribs and pay for so much for the baby. Then they turn around and take care of her while I do commissions and while I go to school.
No! It’s not right. I have a right to go on a date with someone who cares about me. “Nadia is a nice girl and she cares about me. I will go on a dinner date with her tonight and-”
“Fine.” Mom answered, looking quite irritated. “I’ll take care of Sarah. Sarah, go help Mommy choose a pretty dress.”
Dad seemed extremely proud of himself. Oh, so he won an argument with mom. Perfect! Dad always chooses my side. He has been quiet on issues like this a lot more often, frankly because I kinda-sorta did actually prove mom was right in some aspects. But now he let me do what I wanted.
“Thank you, Daddy!” I cried, throwing myself at him to give him a big hug. “Don’t worry, I won’t let you down, I’ll show how great our family is.”
My dad gave me a terse smile. It’s okay, though. Daddy has never been genuinely happy with me dating anyone. He believes there is no person alive worthy of his daughter.
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