Is it bad that I was trying to convince myself of that, more than I was trying to convince my friends?
Either my friends didn’t care to listen or something trippy was happening because neither of them even paused for a second.
“She was totally focused on flirting with you. And she’s rad.” Joanne piped up, ignoring the second part of my statement.
I sighed. Honestly, I knew that Joanne and Sarah never totally liked Miranda. I didn’t know why, because Miranda was so sweet.
Maybe it was because of how frazzled she made me. Joanne once told me that Miranda made me appreciate myself less because I had to appreciate her more. I don’t know what she meant by that, and I don’t even think I really want to know.
Zoe kept meeting up every day for the next two weeks. She would be sweet and seductive and I would try to be cool, but I would melt. As sad as it was, she was exactly like the pretend girlfriend I had when I just realized I crushed on girls.
“Hiya, Rachel.” I heard from an accent that was sweet and smooth like molasses purred as I went the next morning out to soak in some sun.
I opened my eyes and looked up and there she was, in all her glory. She was wearing a different bikini today. It showed off even more of her supple skin and toned body. Her hair was pulled back into a bun that showed off her adorable pointed ears. Like an elf. It was adorable.
No! Don’t drool! You aren’t allowed to drool.
“So, I was wondering if you wanted to get some lessons. I do teach surfboard lessons.” Zoey offered, gesturing to the second brown and red surfboard in her hands. It had the same colorings as my hair. Was that intentional?
“You do surfboard lessons? As a career?” I was intrigued. There wasn’t anything wrong with this. I mean, there isn’t anything wrong with having a friend.
Yes, she is only a friend.
‘Besides,’ a nasty voice in my mind crooned. I didn’t like it. It was like Sarah’s voice, but without any of the sweetness. ‘It is not like Miranda called you at all. So it’s not like she is a real fiancée.’
It’s true. Bizarrely, Miranda hasn’t even texted me once during the entire vacation so far.
It was okay, though. I was able to spend more time with Zoey.
“Nah. I do a bunch of different things.” She threw her head back and laughed at the thought, leaning against a coconut tree, without a care in the world. “Don’t want to focus too much on one thing. I just want to enjoy life, y’know.”
She was the epitome of a vacation. Her life was so free and beautiful; just like she was. She is everything I want- She is everything anyone would want in a relaxing vacation.
How does she do it? Live like… this. It's not that it's a bad way to live, but… Without a schedule, I can never accomplish anything. Without guaranteed income, I would tear my hair out with anxiety. Without a goal, I would waste away.
“What do you do?” She asked, smiling encouragingly at me. Her eyes were filled with such interest that a lie sprung to the tip of my lips. A lie that would impress her and make her see me as better than I am.
I bit it back and decided to tell her the truth. What’s the worst that could happen?
Oh, right. I could be a total dork with nothing interesting to say, as per usual.
“Oh, erm… I’m an actuary.” As the words left my mouth I cringed. She is so cool and I am so lame. “Oh yes. Cool, interesting, and beautiful person; It is soo nice to meet you! By the way, I crunch numbers for a living.”
Nobody hears that phrase and cares to hear another word about it.
“Really?” She sounded intrigued. “I’ve never been that great with numbers. You must be some kind of math whizz.”
My cheeks flushed at the compliment and my entire face lit up. Nobody has ever actually appreciated my intelligence before. Most people just want me to stop talking.
I excitedly explained to her my job, my hopes for a promotion, and my future. “When I get my promotion, I can vacation anywhere, anytime I want. As an actuary, I can work anywhere.”
“Oh,” She actually looked interested! This has never happened to me before! How can anybody be genuinely interested in work as mundane and boring as mine is? “So, where do you plan to go? When you get your promotion.”
At the question, I just lit up and started telling her everywhere I wished to go in a word vomit.
“Well, Italy for starters. Tokyo definitely. I was thinking of visiting Paris.” I started babbling about my favorite vacation spots.
“You are enchanting.” She told me, getting close enough that I could feel her breath on my lips.
Is it so wrong, that when I am around her, I think of nothing but her? She is so amazing in so many ways. She is kind, sweet, and attentive. She makes me feel like I am more than a mousy little calculator monkey.
That's how a lot of people make me feel after learning about my work. Including, Miranda, unfortunately.
I know I’m not the best girlfriend. Er, Fiancée.
My time with Zoey has proven that.
The longer I spend with her, the less I miss Miranda.
I loved – I mean, love - Miranda, but I was still angry with her. And I rarely think about her anymore. She still hasn’t called me once this entire vacation!
As she spoke to me, my stomach fluttering with butterflies I couldn’t even help my own movements. I was weak.
I needed to feel the soft touch of her lips on mine. What would they taste like? How soft would they be? Would I moan, or could I keep myself controlled?
Pfft. I knew the answer to the last question before I even asked it.
I could feel it itch on my mind. I needed to know the answers to the questions I asked. And so I wrapped my arms around her neck and pulled her down to my level. I pressed my lips to hers in a searing kiss. It burnt me deep in my belly. It awakened something deep within me, that I was unaware was even there.
Dragging her closer to my body with my hands on her muscular shoulders, my mind was blank. Only feelings flew through me, wanting- no, needing more. The rush, the fireworks, everything. It was just too much and too little all at once.
It didn’t embarrass me. I was sure that it would make the coldest person on the planet to melt if they felt even a quarter as good as it does to be doing this.
This whole situation was wrong. Knowing it was a horrible, awful thing to do, made it no better. Especially when the only excuse I could muster, was the flimsy premise that I could not control myself. It was as if her very presence was a drug that I could not lose my addiction to.
I pulled away, gasping for breath. I couldn’t even remember to breathe as I had just lost so much focus. She scrambled my brain and made my nerve endings feel like they were on fire, causing a thirst that I doubt could ever truly be quenched.
“You leave me breathless,” I felt myself quip, lips quirking up in amusement as I heard the audible groan coming from my beloved.
“That was so awful, Rachel.” She panted, joking just as I was. She loved all my jokes. “I mean, honestly, how could you-”
Lacking even the patience to allow her to finish her jokes, my chapped lips pressed to her soft, full lips once again and I nearly melted. They tasted like coconut milk and raspberries. A mixture that I never considered before, but I could now, not think of a single thing more delectable than that.
Of course, I may be biased, due to the sheer perfection of the woman in my arms.
Biased or no, she was mine. And she would remain that way for the foreseeable future. I probably should have frozen at this thought, and really thought through everything that was going on right now.
The thought, however, fled my mind as soon as it entered. The low, guttural moan that left her mouth was delicious. It should be illegal for someone to be so unapologetically flawless.
An electric shock went throughout my body. Fireworks exploded behind my eyelids as my eyes fell shut. My stomach was twisting in the best of ways and butterflies were fluttering throughout me.
How? What? I thought this didn’t actually happen. I thought it was just romantic drivel designed to make people feel good. I had never actually felt fireworks with anyone.
Not even Miranda.
I moaned into the kiss, my arms tightening around her beautifully toned body as I bathed in the attention as it felt like someone so beautiful and perfect was… mine. As I kissed her softly, I felt only sensations and so much adrenaline going throughout my body that I would later wonder why people bothered with silly things like drugs, when something like her existed.
Her fingers got tangled in my brown hair and tugged roughly, holding me as close to her as possible. I made an inhuman noise at the sensation, half-way between a snarl and a growl.
I wouldn’t be this desperate had I ever felt like this with anyone.
Even… MIRANDA!
Miranda, my soulmate.
Miranda, my fiancée.
Miranda, the woman I owe everything to.
Miranda, my fiancée!
I pulled away from her. Giving her an apologetic and weak smile, I looked at the ground. I had told her I had a fiancée before this. And I am a better woman than … than that! I would never cheat.
Of course, I actually did such a thing. So, was I really as good as I like to believe I am?
“I… I told you about Miranda. I couldn’t… it would be wrong but…I still want to…” I was stuttering, just trying to piece the words together.
She shushed me and assured me everything was fine. Just a momentary lapse in judgment on both of our parts.
It was just the alcohol. We both had a few too many drinks.
A few days later and we were hanging out again. Her very presence was addictive. I could practically taste her aura in the air. She was cool and excitable and beautiful.
She even haunted my very dreams with her beauty and kindness and her… beautiful body?
I looked around, and could see only fine silk sheets and rose petals. I looked up and my breath caught in my throat.
Zoey was there, smirking at me as she walked towards me. She was completely nude, whilst I was clothed. And yet it felt like she was the predator, and I, the timid prey.
My eyes couldn’t help but stare over at every inch of her body. My mind was wonderful at recreating her – or I paid much too much attention – as every freckle, stretch mark, and other imperfection was in their exact right place.
I was struck with a sudden need to taste every sensitive inch of her perfect body.
Stepping forward, I was frozen in my tracks by her growl. “Lay back. Be a good girl.” The tone of her voice made my body shiver. Never have I been so turned on as I was right now.
I whined at the way she stalked over to me. “Oh, Rachel.” Her seductive voice purred in my ear. “Don’t be afraid, My love.” She cooed. “I’ll make you feel so good. I promise.”
Shivering at the goosebumps that erupted on my body as I felt the sensation of her hot breath on my ear, I nodded tentatively.
Her eyes explored my body as if I were naked and she smirked at me. “I’ve wanted to do this since the first time I ever laid my eyes on you.”
She pressed her lips to my neck and immediately began sucking and nipping at the tender flesh. When she got to a certain spot where my neck met my shoulder, I let out a high pitched whine.
I felt her smirk against my neck, beginning to focus her attention on that particular patch of skin. She could play me as if my body were a sheet of music, and she a composer.
She slowly began to peel my layers of clothing off. I felt so self-conscious. What if she looked at me, and realized I wasn’t what she really wanted? What if she wanted someone like her, with a perfect body as well as a fun personality?
What if I’m not good? I mean, Miranda says I’m good. But I was her first, so that’s not really a good example. Zoey probably had hundreds of beautiful people.
I would never judge her for such a thing. What she does with her body is no one’s business except her own. (And mine one day in the future, hopefully.) I just, feel so inadequate.
Probably residuals from when I thought I was straight. The words “chubby chaser” were thrown around a lot, which made me feel even worse.
My possessiveness really needs some work. I can’t help myself. And she probably isn’t super happy that my lips, teeth, and tongue began exploring her body and leaving marks in every spot they could possibly reach.
Well, she doesn’t seem to have any problem with it, as she merely moans. She finishes removing my shirt and kisses all around my chest. She plays with the edge of my lace bra as she teases the skin right around where I want her to touch.
“May I take this off, Mi Amore?” She purrs. I thought I couldn’t be any more attracted to her than I am? Ha! I was sorely mistaken in that context. The way her lips curled around the pet name, made my toes curl.
“Yes,” I whimpered. “Oh yes.”
I thought that would be the end of it. But she insisted on continuing to tease me. Even she removed the bra from me, she refused to touch my nipples, which were pebbled and just whining for her attention.
Her lips and tongue explored my tender breasts and just ghosted over my nipples.
"Stop teasing me! I'm serious, Zoey! If you don't I will-OH!" I moaned as she immediately gave me what I wanted, her mouth wrapping around my nipple. She suckled on it like a baby and I threw my head back.
She ran her hands over my sides. She reached under my skirt and abruptly began rubbing my soaking core over my panties.
I gasped, my hips jolting. It was too much. Too much stimulation and too fast.
That's just how Zoey operates, though. Always intensity wrapped in a chill demeanor that spun the heads of anyone she came into contact with.
I could say I hated it and it made me so angry that I wanted to destroy things, but anyone could tell that. The problem was that, whenever she did it, I was too happy to actually care about how smug she was being.
“You’re so wet.” She purred, smirking at me. “I knew you were into me!”
I scowled at her and tugged on her hair. She moaned loudly at the action. Oooh. So she is into a little bit of masochism. I have to put that juicy little tidbit away and save it for later.
I reached to touch her and she gently pulled my hand away for herself with a soft coo. “As much as I would love to feel your hands on me, Love, it isn’t yet the time. You don’t have to do that. Today is all about you.”
I blushed. I've never had sex that was all about me before. Usually, Miranda was a selfish lover, and I usually just ended up using a vibrator.
She ran her hands over me. I was mewling and shuddering as I ground against her hand. She was so sexy, I almost couldn’t bare it.
She pulled her hand away to remove my skirt and underwear. I whined at the lack of friction, one of my hands reaching down to touch myself for some desperately needed friction.
I was never this desperate, usually easily able to wait my turn. But the scent of Zoey goes to my head and makes every thought I have to die on my tongue. The feel of her skin on mine causes me to shudder and shake as her touch leaves a trail of fire in its wake.
My hand is swatted away as she kneeled off the bed so her face was parallel with my pussy. I wanted to push her away and tell her not to look. That It’s embarrassing.
I almost covered my face in mortification before seeing her reaction. She slowly let her pink tongue dart out of her mouth, and run over her soft lips.
My breath caught in my throat. She can’t be serious? I’ve never met anyone who volunteered to do such a thing. Or looks so sinfully delicious and in control while on their knees.
Is she really going to- “Oooooh!” I moaned loudly as she seemed to get enough of teasing me. Her tongue licked a long stripe up my pussy, my juices pouring onto her tongue.
She made a noise as she swallowed them, slurping them up like broth for chicken soup. “Delicious.” She purred, before continuing.
Oh god.
If I thought it was too much too soon before, I couldn’t even describe what this is. She was relentless, eating me as if she was a starving woman.
I mewled, clawing at the bed sheets as my legs shook. I couldn't even breathe. How could she do such a thing to me? Reduce me to a sniveling pile of whimpers and cries as I tried with all my effort just to breathe.
“Z-Zoey!” I called out, trying to warn her that I’m gonna come.
“Shh.” She purred. “Just enjoy it…”
I did come. When I awoke, I groaned. My panties were ruined, and my bedsheets were as well. I noticed my hand was covered in my own juices.
Gross.
The dreams didn’t help anything. If anything, it made me freak out more around her. I even had to take several showers, and I couldn’t look Zoey in the eye for the whole next day. I was under the impression that it could be forever, but I was proven wrong.
It didn’t help that I can’t even think straight around her, but I know that that’s exactly where I want to be. Why do I want to be where my greatest asset – my mind – is the worst it has ever been?
Is this what love does? Makes you stupid, yet smarter than ever?
“Australia.” Her melodic voice crooned, jolting me out of my reverie. She was looking out at the sea with that dreamy look, the one that fueled my most embarrassing fantasies. Instead of sex, in those dreams, she looked at me the way she looks at the ocean and imagines endless possibilities. “That’s where I’d go on vacation. See the Great Barrier reef.”
I wrote it down in my notebook that evening. Travel to the Great Barrier Reef. Scuba dive and see the beautiful fish and scenery.
I was just a touch too slow to see how big it was that I was willing to compromise my own core beliefs like that.
I smiled at her. There was a childlike excitement on her face. A flame in her eyes that I somehow thought – even in my mid-twenties – had already died out. Oh, how I wish it wasn't so. But… maybe around her, I could rekindle it. Be what I've always wanted to be that nobody expected me to be?
Whenever I was with her, my gut would twist in the most delightful of ways. My heart will speed up and I’d forget how to breathe. Sometimes, her beauty made me want to recite poetry, other times her beauty made me want to destroy something.
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