But she began to withdraw from me. Her phone calls became less frequent, and she stopped coming by to see me.
It frightened me.
One night I could stand it no longer, and I called her three times in a row. She didn’t answer either time.
A voice in my head nagged me, told me that something was wrong, terribly wrong. Fear bubbled up in my chest, and without hesitation I jumped in my car and tore down the road.
I tried to convince myself that maybe Gabi was just tired, or purposely ignoring me. As rain hit my windshield in little patters, I tried calling her again. No answer.
My fear escalated into full-blown panic. What would I do if anything happened to Gabi?
I whipped into her driveway. Her parents’ car was gone, but Gabi’s truck was there. She was home, then.
I pounded on the front door. “Gabi?” I called, trying to keep my voice from shaking. There was no reply, and I pounded harder. “Gabi! It’s me, open up!”
Nothing but silence.
I tried the doorknob, and to my surprise found it unlocked. I slipped inside, my heart pounding sickly in my chest.
“Gabi?”
The house was dark and silent, but a sliver of light was cast into the hallway. It was coming from the bathroom; the door was slightly ajar. I crept towards it, and it was like being in a nightmare; time seemed to slow down.
As I approached the door, the sharp smell of alcohol hit my nose like a punch, and I could hear someone sniffling.
“Gabi?” I whispered.
“Go away,” a weak, slurred voice answered.
I swallowed back my trepidation and swung the door open.
“Oh my God. Gabi!” In my panic, I shouted, and I rushed to her side.
She was sitting on the edge of the tub, wearing shorts that exposed her bare thighs. In one hand, she held a straight razor, dripping blood from the fresh cut on her leg. In the other hand she gripped a mostly-empty bottle of tequila.
Without thinking, I struck the razor from her hand. It clattered against the floor tiles, spraying tiny droplets of blood across them.
Her face crumpled, and she burst into loud, braying sobs. It broke my heart to see her in pain and to see her cry. I’d thought Gabi was so strong, but only now was I beginning to see the true depth of her pain.
I took her in my arms, shaking with my own tears, as she clutched me. She dropped the tequila bottle on the floor beside her. I took the opportunity to check the cut, which oozed dark drops of blood. I let out a shuddery sigh of relief; it didn’t seem too deep.
“I’m sorry,” she sobbed against my shoulder.
“Why did you do it?” I said, tears coursing down my cheeks. “Why would you hurt yourself?”
“I just couldn’t take it anymore,” she gulped. She gestured at her bloody thighs. “This helps. I can’t explain why, but it does.”
It hurt me to see her in so much pain. In fact, it almost crippled me. I rocked her back and forth, and she clung to me like a drowning person clutching a life preserver. “You don’t understand,” she said. “You don’t know what it’s like, looking into a mirror and seeing your dead sister looking back at you.”
My eyes widened. I’d never really considered that. Fresh guilt hit me then. All this time, I’d only been thinking of myself. What sort of hell had it been like for Gabi?
“As long as I had the alcohol, I was okay,” she said in a rush. “I could keep it buried down inside of me. But it got harder and harder every day…” She gestured at the bottle on the ground. “I stole it from my parent’s cabinet. I broke the lock. They’re going to be so mad at me. But I started thinking about Tina again, and I couldn’t stop. I just couldn’t deal with it tonight.”
“I had no idea,” I whispered. “You should have called me!” I pulled away from her and gazed into her wet eyes. “Do you have any idea how terrified I am at the thought of losing you? You’re the only reason why I can bear to wake up in the morning anymore!”
Her eyes met mine. Surprise glinted in them. “Really?”
I took her face in my hands and kissed her gently. My heart pounded at what I was about to say, but I couldn’t keep it inside anymore. I had to tell her; she had to know what she meant to me. “I love you, Gabi,” I said, and I meant every word. “You’re my reason for living now.” Fresh tears spilled from her eyes, and I gently wiped them away. “Please don’t hurt yourself. You’re so beautiful, and strong. Tina would be so proud of you.” I kissed her again, slower and deeper this time. “You’re not alone. You’ll never be alone as long as I’m on this earth.”
She closed her eyes and lay her head on my shoulder. “I love you too,” she murmured back.
We clung to each other throughout the night, two survivors in their sea of pain finding comfort and solace in one another.
***
I sat her down at the kitchen table and carefully cleaned and bandaged her wound. “Are you sure you don’t want to go to the hospital?” I asked, concerned.
She shook her head. She was on her third cup of coffee, and she seemed to be sobering up. “No, I’m okay. Really. It doesn’t hurt much.” She grasped my hand. “Thank you,” she said sincerely. “Thank you for helping me. I feel okay, now that you’re here. I can hold on.”
I understood completely. It was the same way I felt.
She took a deep, shuddery sigh. “Connie, I’m done drinking. My parents were right; all it did was cover up the pain.” The firm resolution in her eyes reassured me. “It’ll be hard to face it head-on, but I can do it as long as you’re with me.”
I held her hand tighter. “I’m so proud of you. And I’ll always be here for you. That’s a promise.”
I led her to her bedroom and slipped her in between the sheets. She leaned against the pillow and closed her eyes, but as I turned to leave, she whispered, “Stay with me.”
How could I not?
I crawled into bed beside her, and when she kissed me, I took charge.
It was my turn to make her forget.
I brushed her hair away from her beautiful face and kissed her, slowly and thoroughly, my tongue sweeping gentle circles across her lush, full lower lip. She sighed with pleasure as our tongues danced slowly together.
My heart raced with newly-awakened greed as I slipped her shirt up slightly, exposing her flat stomach. I dipped my head down and swirled my tongue around her navel before moving down to her hips and tracing a line across her warm skin just above the fabric of her shorts.
Her breath caught. God, I loved having this effect on her. It drove me wild.
I gripped her shorts and pulled them down her hips, moving my mouth down to the top of her black panties, brushing my lips against her hot skin. I gripped her panties with my teeth and pulled them down ever so slightly, exposing just a hint of her hidden treasure. I slipped my tongue across her skin, but moved back up before I went any further down.
It was her turn to beg now.
“Oh, no,” I whispered, pleased to hear her whimper and moan. “Not yet.”
My lips trailed up, across her navel and slowly up to her abdomen before pushing her shirt all the way up, letting her firm, perfect breasts spring free from their cloth prison. Blazing, swirling heat gathered in my lower belly, and I swallowed. God, she was so perfect. I wanted to take her now, make her mine, make her cry out with the force of her sweet release.
But I forced myself to go slow, to tease her a little first. I wanted to give her the night of her life. Maybe I could show her that the world was so much more than pain and sorrow.
I sucked lightly on her hard, swollen nipples, one after the other, and she squealed with delight. My tongue swirled and flicked, and Gabi arched her back, thrusting them deeper into my mouth.
I couldn’t wait any longer. I tugged the hard peak gently with my teeth one last time before moving down. Her thighs parted for me eagerly as, with trembling hands, I slipped her panties down her shaking thighs, being very careful to avoid her bandage.
&nb
sp; I wanted nothing more than to taste her, but I restrained myself—barely. First I kissed the flesh around the white bandage softly and gently. “You have to promise me to never hurt yourself again,” I murmured against her skin. “Promise me, or I won’t go up.”
“I promise,” she whimpered.
My lips curved in a smile against her skin. It was good enough for me.
I kissed my way up her soft thigh, and she tossed her hips, both of us trembling with anticipation.
My tongue parted her slick, smooth lips, and she cried out with pure pleasure. I darted my tongue in between them, tasting her hot, sweet juices. Good God, she tasted heavenly!
I slipped my tongue across the hard bump near the top. It was swollen, evidence of her desire, and I slid my tongue in slow, deliberate circles. She trembled and wrapped her hands in my hair, pulling me closer.
I darted my tongue across it faster, enticing it, drawing out her pleasure. My fingers drifted down and swirled in her slick wetness, and when I slipped two fingers inside her tight, wet passage, she bit her lip and squealed with delight.
She gasped as I slid my fingers back and forth inside her, savoring how wet and tight she felt around me.
I withdrew my fingers, and as if on cue, her trembling hands flew to the waistband of my jeans. “Connie, please,” she moaned. “Please, I want to touch you.”
How could I say no to that?
Her shaking fingers fumbled with the snap of my jeans, and she finally got them off, sliding them urgently down my legs. I kicked them off, and Gabi yanked frantically at my hot, soaked panties. Something about her urgency enflamed my desire.
She finally got them off, and without any hesitation her hand plunged in between my thighs. My breath caught in my throat and my thighs quivered with the strength of my surge of pleasure as her fingers circled and swirled.
I’d thought that I was in control. Oh, I was wrong. Gabi held me captive with her nimble touch, and our fingers moved in synch with each other, matching each other’s pleasure.
Gabi’s hips bucked, and I felt her tighten, then tremble uncontrollably as her orgasm burst through her. She whimpered and moaned and squealed with the force of it, and at that moment I couldn’t hold back any more. Her release was mine, and my pleasure peaked and then broke as her frantically pumping fingers brought me to orgasm. We cried out together, sharing in our pleasure as we came together.
Finally, after what seemed like ages, Gabi’s trembling stopped, and I felt my own climax ebb and fade away. Panting, we collapsed into each other’s arms, both of us still trembling with the aftershocks. Gabi’s hot, sweaty, naked body pressed fully and completely against my own, and we held each other, savoring in the afterglow.
I ran my hands through her thick golden hair and kissed her, slowly and deeply. Exhausted, she kissed me back, and we lay there for nearly half an hour, slowly kissing and stroking each other’s faces. Gabi’s extraordinary eyes gazed into mine, and in them shone love, trust, and gratitude.
“Thank you for being here for me,” she murmured. “I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you.”
At that, I kissed her again, pressing against her soft, warm lips. “You’ve done everything,” I said simply.
We lay together, naked and entwined in each other, for the rest of that long, magical night.
Epilogue
Six Months Later
“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” Gabi asked me. She squeezed my hand.
I swallowed. “I’m sure.” I glanced up at her, and a wave of pure love hit me. “Are you?”
She looked a little unsure of herself, but she nodded. “Just keep holding my hand.”
“I’ll never let go,” I promised.
She kissed me, and I sighed against her soft lips. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
We took a deep breath then, and together we opened Tina’s bedroom door.
Neither of us had been inside since she died. But together, we would face our loss head-on.
It was a little dusty, but otherwise was exactly as she left it. My own pain was mirrored in Gabi’s eyes, but we didn’t turn back.
Wordlessly we began packing up Tina’s stuff. It was, after all, time to finally move on.
To my surprise, my grief lessened as I placed her clothes and shoes in a box destined for Goodwill. It was like finally shutting a door on a wailing ghost. Tina would be happy that her stuff was going to people who would benefit from it.
I stopped as I spied a book on her dresser. I picked it up, blew the dust off of the cover, and stared. It was our senior yearbook, a copy of the same one that I’d thrown across my room in what seemed like a lifetime ago.
Suddenly I wanted to see her face again. I wanted to see her smile. I took a deep breath and braced myself for the pain that I knew seeing her again would bring.
I opened the book, and a piece of paper fell out.
Gabi’s eyes followed the paper, and she dropped the jacket she was holding. “What’s that?” she asked.
“No clue.” My heart pounded as I bent to pick it up. Tina’s handwriting was unmistakable.
Gabi sidled up beside me to read the note over my shoulder.
Connie,
If you’re reading this, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I just can’t do it anymore.
All I can think of is that stupid fight we had. It was all my fault, and I’m sorry for that, too. More than anything I want to pick up the phone and call you to apologize, but I can’t bring myself to do that. If I hear your voice, I might tell you everything, and I don’t want to worry you.
I wasn’t meant for this world, Connie. I just can’t carry on. All my life I’ve been fighting against it, but I can’t fight anymore. I’m too tired.
You probably think I’m weak. I am, but I can’t help that.
I want to thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being my friend for all these years. You helped make my life bearable in so many ways.
But the fact that I can’t go on anymore isn’t your fault. I don’t want you to think that there’s anything you could have done to take this awful burden away from me. Some people are just born broken, and it’s nobody’s fault.
I know I’m not doing you any favors by writing this letter instead of calling you to tell you this myself, but like I said, I can’t gather enough courage for that.
I’m so sorry.
Connie, I expect you to mourn me and then get on with your life. You’re a beautiful, amazing person, and you have so much to offer the world. Go out and experience it for yourself.
Tell my parents and my sister that I’m so sorry to have done this to them. I love them with every fiber of my being, and hurting them breaks my heart. You were right, I AM selfish. I can’t bring myself to go on for their sakes. For that, I’m sorry too.
I’ve always loved you like a sister, and more than anything I want you to be happy again.
Please don’t think too badly of me.
Forever and always your best friend,
Tina
I didn’t bother to hold back the tears, and neither did Gabi. We sat on the edge of the bed with our arms around each other as we read and reread Tina’s note, drinking in her words.
These tears felt cleaner, washing away my grief until it hollowed, turning into a purer sort of sadness.
I wiped away my tears and smiled a little. “I’m so glad we found this,” I whispered.
“Me too,” Gabi replied. She read the note for the fourth time. “It’s almost as if she’s speaking to us again, isn’t it?”
“It is,” I agreed. I could hear Tina’s soft voice in my head, telling me that it was okay to move on, and that it wasn’t my fault.
I would always mourn her, but from now on I would heed her final wish. I now fully believed that it was possible for me to be happy for her sake.
Gabi and I embraced, and in that moment I knew that, as long as we had each other, we could find the strength to carry on.
~*~
NEW ADULT & COLLEGE COLLECTION
~*~
Officer
~Bonus Story~
A Contemporary Police Romance & Suspense
She was the one. What else can you say about a girl like Lydia Thomas? She was the one and somehow she got away. Life somehow got in the way of us and tore our love away. But I’ve never forgotten that love. It has stayed with me for so long. True love happens once in a lifetime. But what if it gave you another chance? What if the woman you loved and lost needed your help?
That was the thought that flashed through my head when I heard that Lydia Thomas, the one-time love of my life had vanished. She had snuck out of her super strict parent’s house and they had no idea where she was. This was not like her to go somewhere without telling them where they were going.
I knew this from personal experience. Lydia is legally blind since birth and because of this, her parents have always kept her on a tight leash because they fear something terrible happening to their only child.
Lydia and I had dated in high school, but her parents forced the breakup because I was a senior and she as a sophomore. Eventually, Lydia gave in and broke it off with me, but I've never stopped loving her. The moment I heard she might be in trouble I leaped at the chance to help.
My name is Troy Mathews and I’ve been a city police officer in the small town of Hunters Mills for the past six years, since I graduated high school. When Mr. and Mrs. Thomas burst into the police station screaming that their daughter was missing I took it upon myself to ignore protocol and get right on it.
After a frantic search, I found Lydia freezing to death in the woods, bleeding and beaten. She had been the victim of attempted date rape and managed to get away. It had been a date with a man named Dallas whom she met online. His profile was all fake; his pictures were fake, and even his name was fake. And of course, the only witness was Lydia who is legally blind and could not give a positive ID.
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