Sweat broke out on my skin as the fantasy seized my mind and wouldn't let go. I felt my heart beat within my breast, pounding against my rib cage. My nipples were erect and I twisted them, sending waves of pleasure rippling through my skin, knowing that Mick would have clamped on them with his fingers, pinched and pulled as though he was going to rip them off my skin, then his hands around my hips, threatening to tear me apart. Then the two men merged within my mind, both forms and visions of them coming together. I didn't know how to separate them, didn't even think that I wanted to even though I knew deep in my heart that I would have to choose one over the other, but they were both so erotic and intense and I didn't want to lose them. I could feel Donny's strong yet tender touch, then Mick's way of clawing at my skin. I drowned in thoughts of them pounding at my brain all the while the orgasmic feelings were taking hold of my soul. They rose and rumbled within me, threatening to explode, I was so close to a sweet climax. Donny and Mick were both running through my mind and I couldn't focus on one of them over the other. They were both there, both present within me as my hand worked its magic in the deep recesses of my body.
My mind was alive with heat. I felt this heat surge through my body, making my hair stand on end, making everything about me feel more alive than it ever had before. I literally cried out in exquisite agony as it all became overwhelming and too much to handle, thinking about Mick again, his animal instincts guiding him, making me more primal as well. I was laying on my side, having rolled over from my back, but I turned even more so that I could bury my face in the pillow, thinking about Mick holding my head down, making it harder to breathe. I pushed my ass up in the air and felt the slick juice drip down my thighs. I was soaking and delirious when the orgasm hit me. My eyes were closed and I had the image of Mick and Donny inside my head, both men inside and out of me, watching as the orgasm rocked my body and made me collapse, breathless, my head still against the pillow, my chest rising as I tried to recover my breaths from being left a wreck.
I sank down, my body relaxing in the afterglow of erotic delight. A smile played upon my lips and my eyes were still closed. I dared not open them because I didn't want to dispel the illusion just yet. I wanted to hold onto the thought of having them both near me, because I knew that I would never have the reality. I would never know the sheer delight of having both their smoldering, masculine bodies beside me, both of them offering something unique and different to titillate and pleasure me. But I would have to choose one. I couldn't have them both, couldn't have everything. My body was still aching for what they had to offer and I wanted to experience it. I wanted to give myself to them, give them everything I had including my virginity, let them have it all over and over again until I was left a writhing, frantic mess. I'd never had an orgasm with such intensity before and I knew that the real thing would be better.
But I also knew that I would have to choose one over the other, and I would have to try not feel regret about the man I did not choose. Both of them offered different things, and satisfied different needs, but I still didn't know how I was going to choose one over the other. Donny, with his strength and kindness. Mick, with his animal nature and willingness to push me to my limits. I knew that whichever one I chose would take me to new heights of pleasure, but I would be missing out on something as well. I wiped my hand with some tissue and lay on my back. Eventually I opened my eyes to stare at the ceiling, much preferring to gaze at their naked form. I knew that the reality would be better than whatever my inexperienced mind could conjure, but I could only have one, and I tried to think of which man I would prefer but I couldn't choose between them. I lay there, naked and sweaty, all the orgasmic fluid seeping out of my body as my heart returned to its normal rate and my breathing became more calm. I groaned as I placed my hands over my head and wished that I had not met both of them, but I was in a unique position and I wondered if anyone had to deal with the same things as I had to deal with.
4
While I wrestled with these decisions I sauntered around college wondering how people dealt with relationships on a regular basis. It was hard work being involved with people, but my life was more exciting than it had been in a long time and I didn't want it to stop. But other people had noticed my activities. I was in the wash room when Astrid and her cronies came up to me, blocking my exit from the door. At first I rolled my eyes, feeling like this was a joke because it was so cliched but Astrid leaned in so close to me I could smell the musky perfume lingering on her neck.
“Stay away from our me,” she growled, and the others formed a circle around me. I looked around, unable to escape. I was afraid of a beating but what they did was even worse. They told me I was nothing, that I was ugly and Mick and Donny were only going out with me for a joke. They said that I didn't belong in their world and that I was going to end up as a spinster living in some ratty apartment while they were going to be on the arms of famous football players, living in mansions, able to buy all the things their hearts desired. Their heels clacked on the tiled floor. I wanted to lash out at them but I knew it wouldn't do any good. The worst thing was that I believed them. In my mind they were just telling the truth and it was only a matter of time before Mick and Donny saw it for themselves. I was borrowing a fantasy just so I could forget about my pathetic life for a while and delay the inevitable. The insults cut me more sharply than a knife ever could, and it wasn't long before I was on the ground, sobbing. They left me in tears and slammed the door behind them. It was the afternoon, and I couldn't bear to face any more classes so I cut them and went straight to Donny.
He was at home. I manged to hold in the tears until I saw him again, then they all came out. I leaned into his chest and felt his strong arms wrap around me. He kissed the top of my head and held my trembling body tight. I breathed in his warm, safe scent and let all the feelings out. He kept asking me what was wrong but I wasn't ready to tell him yet, so eventually he stayed quiet and just held me, which is what I needed. It took me a while to calm my breathing but eventually I composed myself and felt silly for crying in front of him.
“Now are you going to tell me what's wrong?” he said, tilting my head up with his finger. I nodded and told him all about Astrid and the others. As I spoke his face glowered with anger and he visibly tensed. He led me to the couch and sat me down, but stayed standing as he pulled out his cell phone. He dialed a number and put it to his ear.
“Astrid,” he said in a grave tone, and I was so afraid that he was going to reveal that the joke had worked, that all this was done to reduce me to tears because I had had the temerity to try to be a part of their world. Thankfully I only had to wait one moment to be proven wrong. “I heard what you did. You need to get over this idea you have that I'm yours. We dated for a while but that was it. You have no claim to me and I have no affection for you. Don't treat Mindy like that again, because if I hear that you do anything bad I will see to it that you're thrown off the cheer squad. And don't think I won't. You know what power I have around the school. Who do you think they're going to want to make happy? Forget about me and live your own life. I don't want to waste any more time thinking about you,” he said, his words blunt, bringing out his rougher side. The way he defended me was a turn on, as was the way he transformed back to the gentle giant when he held me in his arms to comfort me again, but just knowing that he had that beast inside him only made me want him more, and the fact that I went to him first must have meant something in the grand scheme of things.
The hours passed. We put on a movie and cuddle. We kissed and got used to being with each other, and then when night fell there was no question of whether I was going to stay or not. We went up to his room and stripped down for bed, sliding in between the sheets but nothing happened. We lay together, my arms draped over his body, my lips kissing his chest. I felt the heat between us and I wanted to be with him so badly but I was emotionally exhausted, and I didn't want to do anything until after I had sorted things with Mick. I nestled against Donny and enjoy
ed the feelings of his strong hands against my skin. I had never felt so close to anyone before.
“So what happened with you and Astrid?” I said. Donny sighed heavily.
“We went on a few dates once. Figured I may as well since she was the head cheerleader. She wanted either me or Mick so we did rock paper scissors to see who would go out with her. I lost. We did it just so that she would stop pestering us but it didn't help. She's convinced that we're going to end up together but she's not our type at all.”
“Oh no? What is your type?”
He didn't answer me, not with words anyway, instead he just smirked and gave me a kiss. I was feeling much better about things and I felt like I had made a decision. I still found Mick attractive but I went to Donny first, and I thought that was a sign. I would have to tell Mick what happened and let him down but I was sure that I wanted to be with Donny. My mind was relaxed and all I needed was a little more time and everything would be sorted. Soon enough I drifted off to sleep.
The morning sun rose and I welcomed its warmth. Donny looked so handsome as he slept. I kissed him on the cheek. He stirred a little and I told him I would be back soon. I was going to go home and get changed, then arrange to meet up with Mick, then I could finally put this matter to rest and hope that it wouldn't cause a rupture between them.
5
When I arrived home I called Mick but he didn't answer, so I had to leave a message. I told him that I needed to speak to him, so expected him to call me back. I didn't usually like talking on phones but I figured it would be easier than doing it face to face. What I wasn't expecting was for him to turn up for a surprise date, which is exactly what he did. He seemed so excited to take me out that I didn't have the heart to tell the truth, and despite the feelings in my heart for Donny I was pleased to see Mick again and wanted to feel the heat of his embrace and the passion of his kiss.
I felt absolutely horrible, like I must have been the worst person in the world for leading them both on but why on earth did I have to choose when I couldn't separate my feelings for them? It wasn't as though I was more attracted to one than the other, it was just simply a different kind of attraction.
Mick wouldn't tell me where we were going and none of my guesses were right. He ended up taking me to a mini golf park, the theme was pirates so we pretended we were looking for buried treasure as we hit the balls along the winding course. Even though I wasn't sporty at all I still managed to put up a decent challenge for him, even scoring a hole in one, which was duly rewarded with a kiss. It was funny, when I was with one of them I only thought about the one I was with, and it didn't feel like I was cheating on them because I didn't want to hurt them or cause them emotional distress, I just wanted to be happy and they both made me happy in different ways. Mick helped me to see life the way he saw it, all bright and filled with surprises and opportunities, showing me new things and pushing my boundaries. Donny on the other hand allowed me to explore my intellectual side. Both men were strong, built like demigods, and had a rough macho edge to them that came from a lifetime of being involved in a competitive sport. But I knew that eventually the truth would come out and I didn't know how they were going to react. I would have to make a decision, one way or another, because the last thing I wanted was to end up with neither of them. I had written so many stories about characters who had to face these tough choices but it was an entirely different proposition to face it myself.
I decided to test the water for myself and I asked Mick if there had ever been any arguments between him and Donny.
“Sure, now and then, but everyone argues. I don't think you could ever be close with someone and not have an argument with them. It's part of what comes with being human but as long as you still have respect for each other you can get over it.”
“Has there ever been a time when you thought that your friendship was over?”
“Not really. There are some times when we're playing football and one of us makes a bad play or a mistake and we can get frustrated with each other, but we try to leave all that stuff on the field.”
“I meant in your personal life?”
“Oh...I don't think so,” he said, scrunching up his face as he worked through the multitude of memories that resided within his mind. “We've been relaxed about most things, and anything we've ever had we've shared. I don't know if there is anything that would make us feel differently but I guess I don't know until that happens. The good thing about us is that I'm quite laid back, so even if something bothers him I can just give him some space, and if something bothers me I'll get over it pretty quickly. What about you? Do you have a best friend?”
“Not really,” I said, and told him about my years of being a lone wolf.
“I guess you won't know what it's like to have the same thing as me and Donny. Not many people do, to be fair.”
“You think you'll be friends forever? No matter what happens in your life?”
“Nobody can promise forever, but I wouldn't want to lose him as a friend. But who knows? If I get picked by a team halfway across the country and he gets picked by one on the other side we wouldn't begrudge each other for going. The ideal scenario is that we would stay on the same team, but we both know that the world is bigger than the two of us. Have you give any thought to what you're going to do after college?”
“I have no idea,” I said. I hated talking about things I hadn't figured out for myself and would rather have focused on the problem at hand.
“But you're a writer, right? I mean, a journalist at least, is that not what you want to do for a career?”
“I don't know. I'd love to be a writer but I don't know if I'm good enough, and it's not exactly like it's an easy field to break into. I've never really been good at making decisions. There are just so many choices out there that it's hard to whittle it down to one.”
“You've got a long life. There's no need to say that you have to decided on a lifetime career for now. If I'm lucky I'll be playing football until my thirties, if I'm lucky, but I'll have a good chunk of life left after that so I'll do something else. I think people get too caught up in living the stereotypical dream. Donny was talking to me about a similar thing actually, that the life we're told we should live is only a recent model and it's not what we evolved into being. I prefer a sense of freedom myself. I'd love to know that on any particular day I can go anywhere and do anything I want without anyone judging me or trying to stop me. Autonomy is one of the most important things a person can have but we let other things take it away from us. I'd say just try your hand at whatever you want and see if it sticks. You might find something else you enjoy along the way.”
He made it sound so easy but the world in which he wanted to live did sound appealing. I loved being with Mick because he made me feel like anything was possible, and that I could achieve anything I wanted. When I was with him my doubts about myself receded, and I was once again plunged into uncertainty regarding the two of them. Mick drove me home and I was looking forward to a night to myself where I could think about the two guys and figure out which one I wanted to pursue a relationship with. It would be helpful if one of them did something wrong. I almost wanted Mick to turn out to be an asshole just to make it easier on me to make a decision, but they were just so perfect in their own way it was impossible to choose and I needed to do some serious introspection to decide what to do.
Then the worst happened. As Mick pulled up I saw Donny outside my place waiting for me, holding flowers My heart sank and the color drained from my face. The inevitable had happened, I just hadn't planned for it happening so soon. Nausea swept through my stomach and I sank in my chair, wondering if there was any way to get out of this.
There wasn't.
Would they both be mad?
Would they be angry?
Mick hadn't noticed as he pulled me towards him in a kiss. I felt awful about it. I pulled away from him and opened the door, the walked towards the house, towards Donny, trying to keep a brave face but every m
oment I felt as though I was going to collapse. I heard the other door shut behind me and knew that Mick was following. I didn't dare look back at him as I didn't want to see the look on his face. I didn't much want to see Donny's face either so I stared at the ground, shuffling my feet along. When Mick came close I let the words fall from my mouth. I didn't know how many of them were lost between sobs.
“I'm so sorry. You both asked me out on the same day and that's never happened to me before. I thought that the more I saw you I'd be able to figure out if I liked one of you more than the other but I don't. You're so different but you're the same, and I wanted to tell you, I really did, but then the thing with Astrid happened and I was sad, then everything just started happening so quickly and I couldn't deal with it. I was hoping to try and sort through it tonight but now you're both here and you probably hate me but please, please don't blame each other. I've been alone most of my life so I know how to handle it but I don't want to get in between the two of you. What you have is amazing and I don't want to be the one that ruins your lives.” I wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible so I turned and went to slam the door to the outside world and never leave again, but a hand reached out and held me back. I turned around, and through my tear-stained vision I saw Donny, and to my surprise he was smiling.
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