by A. J. Mayall
“I’ll call you later, okay?”
“No, I’ll call you. I got to get a new burner phone now. It’ll be a while.”
I nodded and huffed back upstairs. I was injured and there was only one person I could turn to, but in my current condition, I didn’t know how to explain it, so I went to my apartment first.
I knew that, at least with humans, you don’t want to actually take a knife out because that opens up the wound and causes it to bleed more. I didn’t know what that would do to me since I couldn’t bleed out and die, but I’d probably pass out. If I’m passed out long enough, it would instinctively shake itself off.
I whined and try to keep my voice low. There was no choice; I’d have to wake up Barry and Betty soon enough.
Out of habit, I went to the bathroom and started the shower. It felt comforting to do something human that was safe again. There was so much blood on me; it rippled off of me in waves. It was lucky that my fur, shoes, and gloves didn’t stain.
After a few minutes, I took off my bow tie, gloves, and shoes, and just soaked in the hot water, nursing the wound on my shoulder. I stepped out once I was certain that I was clean enough.
Once dressed, I stumbled next door and knocked on the badgers’ door.
“Hrm?” I heard Barry say.
“It’s Fairfax. I’m hurt bad.”
They say that badgers are grumpy, and Barry was no exception. He opened the door and grumbled, “What did you get yourself into this time?” Then he saw the knife. “Oh, Mother and Father…what are we going to do with you, Fairfax? Come on in.”
I lay in his tub and whined as he put pressure on my wound and pulled the knife out. “Okay, haven’t got much time here, okay, man?”
I nodded fast.
“This is an actual knife, though. This should have just bounced off of—” He sighed. “Right…you can’t do that. Make a personal note that weapons don’t bounce off of you at all, even human ones.”
He wrapped my shoulder with gauze and then when I mentioned my dislocated left shoulder. He nodded and wrapped that one as well. When he saw the lump on the back of my head, he wrapped any part of me until I was looking like a mummy or a full-body cast with two blinking eyes.
He said, “This’ll probably hurt a little bit.” Barry pulled the bandages and I was sent spinning.
I’d never tornadoed before and it was, oddly, a very freeing experience. I was just chaos with nothing holding me down. I felt like I could just run over and destroy anything I wanted. It was like all of my rage personified. It felt like the best gift I’d been given since this whole ordeal started.
When I came to, I staggered, dizzy. Barry steadied me and smiled. “There you go. So, what were you up to that got you involved in that?”
I didn’t want to tell them but, then again, I didn’t have to.
There was a knock on the door.
Barry groaned. “Oh, come on, we weren’t that noisy.” He peeked through the peephole and stammered for a moment. “Huh? I wonder what—”
He opened the door and there was Snappy, looking furious at me. “I thought I’d find you here,” he said, storming up to me, a piece of paper crunched in his hand. “Did you do what I just heard you did?”
I looked at Barry, then Betty, who had just come out of the bedroom.
“Can we talk about this at my place…please?” I said between clenched teeth.
“Oh no, I think that your friends really need to hear what you’ve been up to. Did you know that our friend Fairfax here has been associating with a human of ill repute?”
Barry arched a brow and looked at me.
“In fact, he just attacked someone who lives on my property.”
Barry glared at me. “I thought I said to keep things on the down low.”
I looked at him and said, “It’s the woman who did this to me. I had a chance to pay her back.”
“Oh yes, and she’s very happy about how you decided to pay her back. Really, disturbing a business transaction of hers, running away potential clients…”
I gulped and I shrugged. From the way Snappy was talking, it just made it sound like I got over there, raised a little hell, but nothing illegal.
“And, might I also say, you treated your newly spawned foil very poorly.”
Betty perked up when she heard that. “Oh, your foil arrived? Boy or girl?”
At that, Snappy piped up happily, “It’s a boy. A skunk. Scratch T. Skunk, with all the appropriate memories,” he said, looking at me disdainfully, “unlike some people. You know,” he said, holding the paper in front of me.
Barry stammered, “You’ve got a—is that pre-Code?”
“On the verge of Code,” Snappy said.
“Those are for toons that are like,” he said, gesturing to Snappy, “of your age and distinction, sir.”
Snappy snapped out of his anger and shook himself into a prideful stance, his thick tail slapping the ground happily. “Why, thank you, sir. See? Someone is being polite. Scratch will be over sometime soon, and I expect you to apologize to him.”
“I’m not going to.”
He held the copyright in front of me and glared. “You will apologize to your foil and make nice.”
It felt like the word of God was being forced through me. All I knew was the next time I saw Scratch T. Skunk, I would ask for his forgiveness, be it through clenched teeth or through open and honest happiness to see him. I wasn’t sure.
I looked at Snappy and gritted my teeth. “And I expect you want me to apologize to Pamela, too?”
He leaned in close. “I don’t like the tone of your voice, sir.” He thrust that copyright in front of me, holding it tight. “No. You’re not going to apologize to her. You are going to leave her alone. You will never raise a hand to her, you got that? You will never harm her or anyone around her.”
Again, I felt that wave through me. “Take that back, Snappy.”
“No, I’m not going to take it back. It was very rude, what you did,” he said, turning around and walking out the door. “And seven murders, too! Shameful!”
I froze and looked at Barry.
He looked at me and shook his head. “Get out. Just…get out of my house.”
“But Barry—”
“You killed people? You killed seven people?! I don’t think I want to know the sort of toon that you were meant to be if you had that in you, but I’ll tell you this much: the human I knew would never have done that.”
I looked at him pleadingly. “Barry, I had no choice. What those people did—”
“Yeah, they hurt you.”
I grabbed him by the shoulders. “They were sex traffickers. They kidnapped kids and sold them in the sex trade.”
Barry froze, his instincts to never harm humans conflicting with his instincts to bring joy to children, and never let harm come to them.
Snappy walked off, whistling a tune, while Barry and Betty looked at me in shame.
“They were going to start the process. At least it was looking like it. Taking kidnapped kids and teens, converting them into X-rated toons, falsifying copyrights and selling them to the highest bidder.”
Betty looked visibly sick.
“What do you want me to do with that information?” Barry said, pulling at his hair, not knowing how to process it.
“You’re the one you told me not to go to the police, so I didn’t, but damn it, I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place no matter what I do. You said you’d look out for me no matter what; I’m holding you to your promise, okay? Do you think I wanted to do all this stuff? I just want to become human again! I don’t want to be a damn toon!”
Barry narrowed his gaze again. “And what’s so bad about being a toon?”
“Nothing is bad about being a toon! Just…I’m not one.”
“Well, you are now, okay?! Come to grips with it, make peace with it, but you can’t go around dispensing vigilante justice. You know, you’re lucky that I believe you on this…real lucky. This is your
last chance. Keep your nose clean, Fairfax; get your life back in order.”
I nodded. Maybe it was time to give up the whole thing once and for all. “I think I’m going to call Kyle, tell him I’m ready to show him who I am now. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
Barry patted me on the back. “It’ll be a while before I can really see you in the light of who I thought you were. But I also know you’ve been pushed farther than any person I’ve ever known. You don’t know the rules yet. I can only imagine how insane our life must be for you. You’re mad at Snappy right now, and I get that, but the things he just told you to do? The commands? Just run with them. It seems cruel, I know, but it’s probably the best thing for you. If you’re going to be walking between both worlds, fine, but walk a good path.”
I nodded, my head hanging in shame.
Back in my own apartment, I picked up my phone and dialed Kyle.
“Tyler, what is it? It’s like 4:30 in the morning.”
“Can you come over? I’m ready to come clean with you.”
CHAPTER 14
I told Kyle to call me when he got here. He seemed relieved when he saw my car out front. I was peeking out the window and kept the lights off so he couldn’t look in.
He texted to inform me he was here, so I called him back. “Listen,” I said, “you’re gonna see something you really aren’t expecting.”
He sighed and went, “Well, I thought you were in an accident, a really bad car accident, but the car’s here and it looks fine. How bad can it be?”
“Just,” I said, tears welling up, “just stay on the phone with me? When you come up, I may talk through the door for a couple of minutes before I let you in, okay? This is hard for me. I want you to listen to my voice.”
I could hear a smile through the earpiece. “To be honest, whatever it is, you sound a little cuter now.”
“Seriously, hon? This isn’t the time—”
“I’m trying to make you feel better, okay? I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Two minutes later, I heard him step up to the door and knock. I hung up and sat on the other side of the door, tapping my head back against it. There was no going back now.
“Tyler,” he said, “please let me in.”
“Kyle, I-I need you to know that this is me, okay? It’s my voice, right?”
“Yes, but hon, it can’t be that bad.”
“Yeah, it really is.”
I turned and took in a deep breath, ready for him to either laugh, thinking this was some elaborate prank, or scowl and leave, thinking it was an elaborate prank.
I reached up, undid the deadbolt, and opened the door.
He looked forward, curious where I was, and then he looked down, his eyes meeting mine. “Oh, hello! Are you one of Barry’s friends?”
I shook my head. “Kyle, it’s me.”
He stepped back, a look of incredulity on his face.
“That’s why I wanted you to listen to my voice. This happened at my job because I got nosy.”
He hurriedly came in and closed the door. “This isn’t funny.”
“I know. Why do you think I’ve been avoiding you for what, three weeks now?”
“Oh my God,” he said, pacing around the room. “You’re a—you’re a toon!”
“Yeah…it wasn’t a fun process, I might add. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I just wanted to go to Burger Circus with you. I had to go grab my phone and then I—”
I cried. I ugly-cried. Kyle stopped and put a hand on my shoulder. “Okay, tell me what happened.”
So, I did. I got him caught up with everything. I may have glossed over a few minor bloody details and remixed a couple of facts, such as saying we knew in advance the people going to be there were sex traffickers, but mostly, I cried.
“I don’t know if I can ever turn back. I can’t shake off damage. I have to be really careful with everything I do now because I won’t heal like humans do. I’ve been relying on Barry for everything. Someone steps on my foot, slams my hand in the refrigerator door, it just keeps throbbing until I would shake it off, and I can’t do that.”
“So, what all has happened?”
“I don’t know. I think I’ve passively done enough minor gags, and I’m a little bit more comfortable in the body. I’m still getting used to it.”
“You still have your filthy fucking mouth,” he said, jokingly.
“You bet your sweet fucking ass I do, shitbag.”
He chuckled, but I could see tears welling up in his eyes, too.
“It’s good to see you, Kyle,” I said.
I leaned forward to hug him. He seized up for a moment and then relaxed, wrapping his arms around me.
“It’s good to see you, too, Tyler.”
“There’s something else. I’ve been copyrighted. Snappy holds it. He hasn’t done anything bad with it, except… the person who did this to me? She still lives on his property. I can’t approach her or raise my hand to harm her.”
“That has to be—”
I finished his sentence: “A living hell. I can’t quit the job. It goes against my instincts now, and if he commands me to forget about ever wanting to leave the job, well, I’ll just be blissfully happy doing a job I absolutely hate while constantly wanting to get the fuck out of there.”
He held my hand and we walked to the bedroom. Kyle sat on the bed and I crawled up beside him. I cried into his shirt; he wrapped his arms around me and held me.
“We’ll be okay, we’ll be okay.”
“Along with the copyright, I have a new name now. It’s kind of weird being called Tyler since I kind of got used to the new one.”
“What’s your new name?” he asked, gripping my shoulders.
“Fairfax Fawkes. F-A-W-K-E-S,”
He nodded solemnly. “Okay.” He gestured over my body. “Do I need to use new pronouns for you as well?”
I shook my head. “No, I’m still he/him/his, even without the—”
“Yeah. Not gonna lie, I’m going to miss that.”
I glared at him. “You think I don’t?”
“Point taken.”
“Thank you.” I lay back on the bed and looked into his eyes. God, I missed those eyes. I took in his face, he had a nice five o’clock shadow, and his arms seemed a bit more toned. Likely working out in the time he wasn’t spending over at my place.
“I’ve wanted to hold you for so long,” he said, wrapping his arms around me.
“I’ve wanted to tell you for so long and I just—put yourself in my shoes.”
He looked down. “I think my feet would drown in those clown stompers.”
I laughed.
“You said it hurt a lot.”
“I prayed for death and it wouldn’t happen. There was just this…energy holding my soul. Pieces melted away, parts fell out of me, and my body…” I looked up at him and lifted my left leg. “When this crunched down to this hose that it is, it squeezed everything into my abdomen and…hon, I had to throw up my own femur.”
He shuddered. “Baby, why didn’t you tell me?”
“You think I didn’t want to? Who would believe me? A toon shows up to Burger Circus, broken and afraid, refusing to shake off damage, and says, ‘By the way, I’m your boyfriend. Sorry I’m late for the date!’ You would’ve thought it was some crazy toon who sipped too much toonshine and was going for a shock factor.”
He opened his mouth to contradict and stopped himself. “You’re right. Who would expect this?” He shook his head. “I’m so, so sorry.”
“Can I kiss you?” I asked.
“Of course!”
I leaned in and brushed my round, inkblot nose against his cute little button nose, my lips meeting his. I melted into him…not literally, mind you. I felt my hands paw over his back. I held him and felt the warmth of his body against me.
“I hope I’m not being too forward or inappropriate, but I’ve missed you, and I’ve been wanting to…”
&nb
sp; “So have I. You have no idea how pent up I am. I don’t even have a hole down there.”
“Really?”
“I haven’t needed to use a toilet in five weeks. It’s kind of ridiculous.”
He smiled and put his hand between my legs. I shivered. He rubbed me tenderly. My eyes half-lidded and I leaned back.
“Does that feel good?”
“You can’t imagine. I tried to pleasure myself a few times since the whole thing started and…it felt really good, but I don’t have the equipment to finish off. It’s a life of perpetual want and no climax.”
“It doesn’t hurt or anything?”
“No, it’s more just frustration.”
He grinned and kissed my ear. “Let’s just say I went to a leather shop and was pondering getting you a cage to keep that bad boy locked away.”
I glared at him. “I really don’t want you to make fun of this.”
“I’m not. I’m sorry. I’m just trying to use humor to lighten the mood.”
His hands reached around behind me and gripped my rump, fingers pressing the slight dimple where a crack should be, feeling around. “So, you got nothing?”
“The only hole in me as a mouth, and,” I held up a hand, “yes, I know there is the whole gimmick of a toon flossing between the ears, but—”
Kyle nodded. “I got it. It’s a lot to process.”
“Don’t think of this as a transition. Think of this more as changing the desktop wallpaper. I’m still me. Everything that would affect me as I was, still does. I just look different now.”
“So, all the same urges?”
“Oh, yeah.”
“Would you want to…”
I grinned. “You accept me like this?”
He nodded and kissed me on the lips, then whispered in my ear, “I love you so much, Fairfax.”
My heart raced and I helped him peel off his shirt.
He smirked and stood up. “Well, if anything, you’re about the right height now.”
It was my turn to look incredulously at him, as well as a little bit put off, but when I saw the way the moonlight hit his body in the dark room, I unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, letting them drop to the floor. I hooked my thumbs in the waistband and lowered them, exposing his manhood. It sprang to life and actually bopped me in the nose.