by Ella Maise
I blinked at him.
Fuck you.
I’d wait till the season was over before I told Chris anything, because it wasn’t just my secret to tell and I wouldn’t want to mess up his game. Mark would never be a father to me or anything even close to that, but he was Chris’s. Beyond that, he was right—it’d do Chris no good if I blurted everything out right in the middle of football season. I was pretty sure that wouldn’t make me his favorite person.
All that being said…Mark Wilson was the last person on earth who’d get to choose who I was friends with.
“Dad?” I whispered into my phone.
“Who is this stranger calling me ‘Dad’?”
I wanted to talk, but I couldn’t force the words out.
“Zoe? So you do remember that you have a dad, huh?”
I could only manage a whisper. “Yes, Dad.”
His tone changed from playful to worried in a second. “Zoe? Are you there?”
Mumbling something unintelligible, I sniffled and pulled my legs up to my chest. Resting my forehead on my knees, I wiped a tear from my cheek before anyone around me could see I was crying.
My dad sighed into the phone and I closed my eyes tighter. Oh, how I wished he was right next to me and I could just disappear into his hug and never leave his side.
“Tell me what he did,” he ordered with a slight edge to his voice.
“How do you know it’s him?”
“Who else could manage to make you cry? Even when you were a toddler you didn’t cry as much as you have these past few years. Tell me what he did now.”
What was it that broke that tight hold when a girl heard her dad’s voice, even over the phone, even when he was four hundred miles away? “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore, Dad.” More hot tears made their way down my cheeks and onto my jeans.
“You’re supposed to tell me what’s going on, my pretty girl. I can’t bear it when you call me crying like this.”
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled. “Did I interrupt your work?”
“Zoe…” Another long-suffering sigh. “You’re never an interruption, and you barely call me as it is. Tell me what’s going on so I can help you. That’s all I want to do, I promise.”
“I know, Dad.” I hated how he always felt like he had to be careful when we were talking about this specific subject. I wished we didn’t have to talk about it at all.
“Good,” he grunted. “So tell me what’s been happening and we’ll figure it out together, just like we always do, all right?”
Bah. It was like there was a button, and more tears came out.
“I was in his office just a few minutes ago. He yelled at me, but that’s not important—God knows it’s not the first time—but the things he says…he doesn’t even realize how much he is hurting me. He’s making me feel like a dirty secret. I feel…wrong.”
“Just wait a second—he’s been yelling at you? Why is this the first time I’m hearing about this, Zoe? You promised you’d tell me everything. That was our agreement before you left.”
I bit down on my lip to hold off on saying anything. I could picture him taking off his glasses and rubbing the bridge of his nose, just like he always did when he felt troubled.
“I don’t like him yelling at you, let’s get that out of the way first. He doesn’t get to do that, do you hear me?”
“Yes.”
“And I don’t want to hear the words ‘dirty secret’ out of your mouth ever again. If I do, we’ll have a problem. What’s wrong with you? You’re my girl, not his, not in the way that counts, anyway. You’re everything I ever wanted to have in a daughter. I couldn’t be more proud to be your dad.”
“Dad,” I groaned. “You’re making it worse here.” His words were a soothing balm to the fresh wounds Mark had left, and they made me emotional too, just in a different way. I finally raised my head and wiped my nose with the back of my hand.
“Nothing he does or says can make it otherwise. You’ve never been anything but a joy to me. I don’t care if he happens to be your biological father, doesn’t mean one thing to me. I raised you better than this, so why are you letting him hurt you?”
I couldn’t talk through the lump in my throat, so my dad—my hero in everything—continued for me.
“You tried. I know you tried your best to get to know him, but if it’s not working…maybe it’s time to call it. You gave him the benefit of the doubt and waited for him to tell Chris about you. You did everything he wanted, and you’re still doing it, so maybe it’s time for you to do what you want, huh?”
“I can’t tell him,” I croaked out. “I promised Mark today that I wouldn’t tell Chris anything before his last season is over, and I hate it because he’s right, but he’s been manipulating me for years now and I’m just heartbroken.”
“Do you realize that’s been his excuse for the last three years? And how hard is he trying to get to know you? Because I happen to know how many times he’s promised to be somewhere and never showed up.”
“He was at the apartment, last night, Dad.”
“Who? Mark?”
“No…uh, actually, before I tell you about that…please don’t be angry. I didn’t tell you this because I wasn’t sure how you’d react to me living with a stranger, but—”
“Living with a stranger? What are you talking about?”
“Well…apparently one of Mark’s players had some trouble with his roommates and needed a place to stay. I hadn’t told Mark I wasn’t moving in with Kayla yet, so…thinking I wouldn’t be at the apartment…well, he offered it to Dylan.”
Not a sound could be heard from the other end of the line. I’d known he would be pissed, which was one of the reasons I hadn’t been calling him as much as I usually did. I hated having to lie to him.
“I’ve been living with him, with Dylan I mean, this last month, or maybe a bit longer,” I rushed out.
Complete silence. Then, “A month, or maybe a bit longer.”
Wincing, I tapped my forehead against my knees a few times. “Yeah, but he is a really good guy, Dad.” I could’ve told him about the times I’d met him before he moved in, but I didn’t think that would go well at all. Oh, and there was also the time where he held my hand and let me fall asleep on his shoulder when the electricity went out, but again, that wouldn’t go over well.
“Zoe…do you want me to have a heart attack?”
“I’m serious, Dad. I was expecting him to be this…” Ah, how to explain Dylan to my dad who didn’t even know I had a roommate, let alone a roommate who was a football player. “…this completely different person, but he’s not.” A small smile tipped my lips up. “I mean he is different, but in a good way. Actually, I think you’d really like him.”
“I want you to move out, Zoe. I’m coming up there tomorrow and we’ll find another apartment for you.”
It sounded like everything I’d just said had fallen on deaf ears. I let out a heavy sigh. “No, you’re not. I can’t move out, at least not this year. I’ve been saving money, but not enough to move out yet.”
“Stop being so stubborn and let me help you out. I’ll pay your rent.”
“No, Dad. I can’t ask you to do that. You’re still paying off Mom’s hospital bills, and I’m not gonna add to that stress.”
“You’re killing me, here. Do you realize how helpless I’m feeling? You’re not letting me do anything about that Mark. You expect me to sit back and be okay while I’m listening to you cry about things you keep from me, and you’re not letting me help with your living situation—what the hell am I good for then?”
My eyes bulged. My dad never cursed. I wouldn’t really label hell as a curse, but coming from his lips, it might as well have been a heated fuck.
“Dad…I…”
There was a long exhale. “How could you not tell me you’ve been living with a boy, Zoe?” Thinking of Dylan as a boy made my lips twitch. He was most definitely more than just a boy, and he probably had been
for a very long time.
“If it was Jared or one of your friends, that would be something else, but a football player? Does he at least have a girlfriend, or maybe a boyfriend? How old did you say he was again?”
“He’s a senior, and sorry for crushing your dreams, but I believe he is straight.” Yeah, I had no doubt about that. “He is Chris’s friend, actually. That’s what I was go—”
“Is he the reason you haven’t been calling me? I thought you’d been swamped with your classes, but are you and this guy—”
“Nope, you don’t even need to finish that sentence. He is too busy to have a girlfriend since he is working hard to go pro, not that I would be interested if he wasn’t busy, or that he’d be interested in me, but—”
“You’re rambling. You like this boy, don’t you?”
“No,” I rushed out, a little too quickly. “No, I don’t.” So why did my voice come out so high-pitched? “We’re actually becoming friends. Maybe you’ll get to meet him if you come to visit. And yes, my classes are picking up. Assignments and the small shoots I’m doing for other students pretty much take up all my time. I’ve also been taking stock photos to sell online, you know, styling little scenes and selling them individually. My photography professor is going to let me know if any of her photographer friends need an assistant for any of their shoots, like weddings or things like that, since I’m interested in portraits more than anything else. So, yes, it’s been really hectic, and that’s the only reason I haven’t had the time to call you. I don’t want you to worry about me. I can handle it—I’ve been handling it. Still, I’m being serious when I say I’m going to move out of his apartment next year. I always thought it was the least he could do—letting me stay there, I mean—but yeah, I don’t want any strings between us, not anymore. I feel like I owe him something, and I don’t like it.”
I was too late to realize my last sentence would set him off again.
“You don’t owe him a single thing—not one thing, Zoe.”
“I know that, I guess, but still, I don’t want any strings. If he won’t tell Chris by January or February… Anyway, I don’t want to talk about Mark anymore. Dylan, on the other hand, I don’t want you to worry about. Yes, he is my roommate, but we barely see each other. Trust me, he is even busier than me”—which was a shame—“so you have nothing to worry about. You know I’d tell you if he was making me uncomfortable or if we were seeing each other. I always tell you stuff like that, you know that.”
“Would you? Because I’ve heard more than a few things you’ve been keeping from me in this phone conversation.”
Touché.
Change the subject, Zoe.
“Uh…what I was trying to tell you earlier…last night two of Dylan’s teammates came to the apartment. One of them was Chris, and I was there…and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t even know where to put my hands. It was so awkward.”
“You could’ve told him.”
“Dad, I can’t just come out and tell him out of nowhere. Do you forget how I reacted? He’d think I was crazy, and what was I supposed to say, anyway? Oh, hello, I’m your long-lost sister you never knew you had. So, how have you been? Oh, also, the woman you know as your mom is actually not. Do you want to know about your real mother? Besides, I might have stared at him a little too much yesterday, so he might already think I’m missing a few screws.”
“If only your mom could’ve gotten in touch with him before she…then you wouldn’t have to go through all this. She wanted to see him so much.”
I could never tell him my mom was actually more excited about seeing Mark than anything else. She was hopeful, even.
I would never forget the day she told me Ronald Clarke wasn’t my real father. She’d broken my heart that day, and if my dad—because whatever she said, he’d always be my dad, because blood doesn’t make you family, not always—had been in the room with us, she’d have broken his heart too. Maybe she thought I’d be happy to hear that Mark had been the love of her life, and as good as Ronald had been to her, no one could take Mark’s place, the rush of their relationship. Maybe she thought that.
After getting to know the guy, I couldn’t have disagreed with her more.
There were a lot of things I was angry at my mom for, but it would hurt my dad if I voiced any of them. He loved her more than she loved either one of us.
I hated lying to him, but I couldn’t talk about her. “Dad, I have to go. I have a class in ten, and I need to go find Jared before that, so…”
“Okay. Now that I know all your secrets, promise me you’ll call more—and Zoe, no more secrets, okay?”
“Sure. I love you so much, Dad.”
His voice was rough when he replied. “I love you, too, baby.”
Chapter Twelve
Dylan
The bar was filled with college students who were out to celebrate the end of midterms. Some of those students were my teammates hell-bent on starting the bye week with a bang. A few of them rounded the pool tables, waiting for their turn, and a few of them were content with watching a heated game of beer pong between a few girls. Others were in front of the TVs watching a rerun of the previous week’s games. It felt like the whole team was there. A loud cheer would go off somewhere in the bar and before you could understand which corner it came from, the sound was swallowed up by the loud crowd and the music Jimmy blasted from every corner of the place.
Pulling the lever, I filled a pint and handed it to Chuck, one of the waiters.
“Thanks, man,” he yelled over the din before heading back out.
I tried to get in as many hours as humanly possible at Jimmy’s place without messing up my training schedule in the process, because bartending helped me pay for everything the football scholarship didn’t. Some nights I made enough that I could afford sending some of it back home, without my dad knowing about it, of course. The last thing he wanted was for me to worry about money problems.
Washing a shaker and the few glasses that were piling up behind the bar, I watched JP make his way over to me.
“When is your break again?” he asked, jumping onto a bar stool and eyeing Lindy, one of the other bartenders who was on with me that night.
“Missed me?”
Before he could answer, I made my way toward the two girls who had been waiting for me to come around.
“What can I get you, ladies?”
The blonde, who was wearing a low-cut red dress, leaned over the bar with a flirty smile, handing me the twenty that was tucked between two of her fingers. “Tequila shots, two rounds—and to chase those, I’ll take your number.”
I grinned and lined up their shots after checking their IDs. “Maybe next time.”
I ignored how the redhead looked at me intently as she licked the salt on the back of her hand and making an even bigger show out of sucking one of the lime wedges I’d provided. As soon as they were done with their first round, I filled their second and left them to it.
“Let me know if you need anything else.”
JP was still waiting for me when I got back. “You’re the stupidest son of a bitch I know, you know that right?”
“So you keep telling me.”
“What the hell is wrong with her?”
He tipped his head to the side, and I glanced at the girls, catching the blonde one sending me a wink.
“Nothing is wrong with her, but you know I haven’t been a fan of random hookups since freshman year. Why does it surprise you now? Also, doing some random girl is the last thing on my mind right now. Weren’t you there when we almost lost the last game to Colorado?”
“The keyword is almost. We won, didn’t we?” He leaned over the bar and grabbed a handful of peanuts. “And it’s more like you don’t do anyone anymore. When was the last time you got laid?”
“If only you were this interested in—”
My eyes caught something just over JP’s shoulder and I trailed off. The soft glow of the yellow and red lights hanging from th
e ceiling gave the bar a relaxed, welcoming look, and it made it possible for me to recognize Zoe walking in with a guy, her arm wound around his. It hit me like a fucking blow to the stomach.
JP followed my gaze and saw what had my attention. “Ah, that’s Zoe isn’t it? So, you won’t do a random girl, but you’d do her, wouldn’t you? I swear to God I’ve seen her before, but I can’t remember where.”
“You haven’t,” I muttered absentmindedly as my brows snapped together. “And we’re friends—no one is going to do anyone.”
She wasn’t holding on to his arm anymore, but I watched her grip the guy’s shoulders to get up on her toes and look around over the crowd. When she found what she was looking for, a big smile broke out on her face and she yelled something at the guy right before she started dragging him behind her toward the back of the bar. She must’ve been looking for her friend, because a girl slid out of a booth closer to the end wall where all the TVs were mounted and met them halfway. There were muted squeals and hugs and kisses. Was this the guy she was dating? I followed her with my eyes all the way to the booth and watched her settle in right next to the dick face.
“From what I can see, looks like she is definitely doing someone. Dude—hey! Did you hear what I said? Earth to Dylan?”
My fingers clutched the rag in my hand to the point where I could feel my fingernails biting into my palm through the material. I forced myself to look away and focus on JP as every muscle in my body tensed.
“What did you want?” It came out harsher than I’d intended, so I rolled my shoulders to try to relax.
His eyebrow slowly rose up and he leaned back in his seat. Surprisingly, he chose not to push me further.
“I’m waiting for the guys.” He paused, his eyes slightly narrowing. “Do we know who the guy is?”