by Ella Maise
He pushed his face into mine until we were nose to nose then hissed, “Don’t touch me again.”
When he was done playing his game, he shoved me away, and the back of my head bounced off the desk with a loud thud. I slid down to my hands and knees and coughed until I couldn’t anymore.
When I looked up, Kayla was covering her mouth as she cried silent tears, inconsolable. Keith was cooing to her, touching her hair, caressing her face. The closer he stood to Kayla, the harder her tears slid down her cheeks. He gripped her arm and yanked her to his body, whispering something in her ear.
Reaching for her purse where it sat on the desk, he tried to get her to move with him. I somehow picked myself up and grabbed Kayla’s other hand. The last thing I wanted was to play tug-of-war with my friend in between, but there was no way I was letting him take her anywhere.
“Keith, stop,” I croaked out, my throat still aching, burning.
“Let her go,” he demanded through gritted teeth.
“I can’t do that. You’re scaring her. You need to leave.”
Then Kayla broke my heart by repeating those unacceptable words. “Keith…you raped me. You raped me.”
“Shut up!” Keith hissed right next to her. “Shut up so I can think! Look what you made do. I came here to apologize and look what you made me do!”
Keith shoved Kayla and she broke her fall by crashing into a chair and grabbing the desk. He started pacing the length of the wall, blocking our exit. I hugged Kayla and held on to her as she shook in my arms. She wasn’t the only one crying anymore.
“I’m sorry, Zoe. I’m so sorry,” she kept whispering. My ears were ringing with the ugly truth, and I could barely hear what she was saying, could barely comprehend what had happened.
“Shhh, it’s fine. It’ll be fine. It’s okay. We just need to get away. He won’t do anything.”
But wouldn’t he? He looked fried, high off his ass. I didn’t have any experience with drugs, and I didn’t like being around people who were out of their minds, but even I could spot that he was way off. Was this his first time taking drugs? What the hell was he even on that had turned him into a complete stranger and a raging lunatic, a psychopath? If he didn’t calm down soon, I was afraid he was gonna do something worse to hurt Kayla and me.
Suddenly, he stopped pacing. There was complete silence, and we didn’t have time to get away.
“You, get out,” he ordered me. “I need to talk to Kayla alone. She is not going to leave me over a misunderstanding.”
I stared into his eyes and couldn’t see anyone in there, certainly not someone my friend was—had been—in love with. When had things had gone so wrong with them? How could Kayla not tell us?
I tried my best to swallow down my fear, but even that hurt, and my voice was still shaky. “I can’t leave her here, Keith,” I said, panic swelling in my chest. “She is so scared. You’re scaring both of us. Can’t you see? You need to calm down and let us leave.”
In a quick movement, Keith was on Kayla, pulling her away from me, cupping her cheeks to get her to look at him. He was only inches away from her face. Kayla’s right hand held on to my arm and she whimpered when Keith’s fingers yanked at her chin. Helpless to do anything, I flinched, feeling my heartbeat in my throat.
“Tell her she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. You would never be scared of me.”
I wasn’t sure if I was shaking because Kayla’s was trembling or if it was just my body, but it only intensified when Keith shot me a look filled with pure hatred.
“That’s why I don’t like you and that other one talking to her. You fuck with her head too much.”
Pulling at Kayla, he broke the hold my friend had on me and started crowding me, pushing at my shoulders until I was once again backed up against the wall.
He kept cursing at me, spit flying out of his mouth, his voice ugly and wrong and hurtful. “You did this. You’re taking her away from me. Get the hell out before I hurt you, Zoe.”
On the verge of having a panic attack, I lost my breath when he pinned me against the wall with his palm on my chest.
Kayla tried to come to my aid, but he held her back.
“Don’t try me, Zoe. I’m not going to tell you again. Get out.”
When he dropped his hand and moved to Kayla’s side, I stayed plastered to the wall. I couldn’t move. I was stuck. Even if I had the ability to move my limbs, how was I supposed to leave my friend alone with this monster? Would I be able to live with myself if he did something to her?
He already did do something to her, you idiot, I thought. He already did something to her and you weren’t there.
“I can’t move,” I admitted honestly, quietly.
He took a step forward, but before he could start in on me, Kayla stepped in front of him, blocking him from advancing farther. She was still trembling, but her tears had dried up.
“Keith—Keith, look at me. You were right, I was wrong. You would never hurt me. You didn’t mean to hurt me in front of your friends. I understand that now. I’m sorry. Please, you need to get out of here. You hurt her. You’ll get in trouble. Please. Please leave.”
In the blink of an eye, he was on her, hugging her, kissing her lips fervently. “There you are. There’s my baby. You freaked out because you liked it, didn’t you? I would never hurt you, baby. I just wanted us to have fun with my friends. I’m your boyfriend, and you love me—that’s not rape.”
Feeling sick to my stomach, I covered my mouth with my hand to keep everything in.
“We need to get out of here together,” he rushed out. “I’m feeling so good right now. You have no idea babe—if you had listened to me and taken the drugs, you wouldn’t be shaking like a leaf right now. I feel on top of the world, baby! Next time it’ll be just the two of us, don’t worry.” Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he pushed Kayla away and crouched down to pick up her bag from the floor.
She looked my way and shook her head.
I couldn’t—wouldn’t let him leave with Kayla. I wouldn’t let him touch her again. Before they could walk past me, I blocked them.
“You’re not leaving with him, Kayla. Have you lost your mind?”
Just like that, Keith’s hands were on me again, and this time he wasn’t going easy. My back hit the wall yet again, and this time I saw stars when the back of my head thudded against the wall, the sound echoing in the room.
I tried to breathe, but I couldn’t. I clawed at his arms, but it was no use. I couldn’t do anything to stop him from choking me.
Chapter Twenty
Dylan
Even though I knew I shouldn’t, I headed toward the library so I could see Zoe before Chris and I began our daily workout. I should’ve given her space. It wasn’t like she was running away from me, but I still wanted to see her, still wanted to make sure everything was okay after the night before, make sure there was no chance of her pulling back from me again.
I was too far in my head, trying to come up with a solution for Zoe and me. For no reason at all, I quickened my steps, and soon I was full-out running. There was just something nagging at me, and I felt the need to see her.
Feeling strange, I ignored the rain and pulled out my phone, trying Zoe again.
Her phone went straight to voicemail.
Was she still at the library? Was she really meeting a friend, or had she lied to me?
The need to find her squeezed something in my chest and I took off toward the library like a bat out of hell.
When I finally made it there, I slowed down to a walk. I walked straight in only to find that there were hardly any students around.
I could hear people murmuring in the main room so I followed the voices. There were only two students, and both of them were wearing headphones, lost in their work. The voices stopped. Walking in farther, I checked the room on the right then headed for the opposite side. When I pushed in some chairs to pass by, I spotted Zoe’s friend through the doorway in the east wing. Then my mind
registered Zoe being held against the wall by some guy. Her face was flushed, eyes big, and she was silently gasping for air, her hands unsuccessfully trying to push the guy away.
I ran to them, not giving a damn that I was bulldozing through the desks and chairs in my way.
Her name spilled from my lips, but I didn’t think she heard me. Neither of them did.
I stepped through the bookshelves and was on the guy in a few seconds, though it felt like several minutes had passed. I gripped his shirt and yanked him away from Zoe. Startled, he lost his balance and stumbled back. Before I could catch her, Zoe fell to her hands and knees, coughing and crying.
I was down on one knee before her friend could get to her.
“Who the fuck are you?” the guy roared, coming at us, but I ignored him and pushed Zoe’s hair away from her face.
“Are you okay? Baby, talk to me—you okay?”
She grabbed my arm and lifted her head, her free hand covering her throat. “Yeah,” she gasped, her voice rough and barely audible. She cleared her throat and tried again. “Yeah, I’m okay. I’m fine.”
I helped her up and her friend took over.
The guy was still spewing shit, shouting and cursing, but I heard not a single word. My senses dulled and all I could focus on was this fucking bastard who had dared to put his hands on Zoe.
As I walked toward him, I took in his bloodshot eyes, twitching hands, and noticeable restlessness.
In three steps I was on him and none of it mattered. I punched him right in his nose and heard the satisfying crack. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the girls run out of the small room, but my only focus was on the bastard holding his bloody nose.
Shoving at his shoulders until I had him against the wall under the high windows, I reached for his throat. He managed to kick my legs once, his fingers grasping my shirt.
“How does that feel, you son of a bitch,” I whispered, slowly tightening my grip. “Does it feel good?”
He made a pathetic attempt at pushing my face, but he was much smaller than me and I slapped his bloody hand away with no trouble.
So focused on the guy, I didn’t notice Zoe hitting my arm until she was begging and shouting at me to let go.
“Dylan, Dylan, please. You’ll get into trouble, please stop. Dylan, let him go.”
I pushed the guy away in disgust and he groaned, coughing and wheezing, his face a dark red. “My head is pounding. I can’t think, I can’t think,” he said as he moaned, coughing between words. He held his head in his palms and kept mumbling on the ground.
Disgusted, I let Zoe pull me away.
Kayla was back and we had more than a few onlookers, mostly students who had filtered into the library. The desk lady was at the door, a phone clutched in her hand as she spoke to someone hurriedly. Campus police would arrive any second now. Gritting my teeth, I turned to Zoe and cupped her face, trying my best to control my breathing. She looked so scared as her eyes welled with tears, and she already had dried tears on her face. How late had I been? What else had he done?
Fuck.
My hands were trembling. “Are you okay?” I asked, my voice coming out harsher than I’d intended. “Did he do anything else?”
She shook her head and blinked, causing the tears to finally slip out. Looking down at her, I wanted to take it all back and wake up early before she could take a step outside the apartment’s door.
When I looked back, the guy was on the ground, hitting the back of his hand against the wall.
He just kept muttering the same thing over and over again: “Kayla, what did you do? What did you do?”
Kayla sat down in one of the chairs and starting sobbing uncontrollably.
Zoe’s eyes flashed with anger.
“He raped her, Dylan,” she whispered, bringing her attention back to me. “We need to do something. He raped her.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Dylan
It took hours for the cops to let us go. They took Kayla to the hospital, and Zoe begged me to take her to her friend. How could I say no to her ever again?
It was seven PM when we finally walked through the apartment door. Kayla had been taken to the hospital where Jared’s mom was a nurse, and once we’d gotten there, Zoe had called Jared. As shocked as he’d been, he was at our side in no time. When it was time to leave the hospital, I couldn’t convince Zoe to let Kayla leave with Jared and his mom; it took a private conversation with Jared’s mom to make that happen.
Like two strangers, we hadn’t spoken a single word to each other on the ride back to the apartment. Ever since we’d made it out of the library, Zoe had been holding it together with a very thin thread that I was pretty sure was about to snap at any second.
“Zoe…” I started when I closed the door and leaned against it. We were finally alone, and she was already moving away from me.
She stopped, and her eyes drifted my way.
“I’m going to take a shower.”
I sighed as I watched her shuffle toward the bathroom. The door opened and closed then a few seconds later, I heard the rushing sound of the water.
Feeling tired in my bones, I threw my keys toward the living room, not caring where they landed. I gave her an entire minute, not because I thought she would ever call out to me, but because I needed to make sure she was okay and a minute was as long as I could make myself wait.
Skipping a knock, I opened the door and closed it without a sound. The mirror had already fogged up from the steam, but that wasn’t what had my attention. I had already heard Zoe’s sobs the second I’d pushed open the door, before I’d even stepped in. Dragging the shower curtain open, I stared down at her curled up body sitting under the stream of water. She was wracked by sobs so badly that for a second I considered taking her back to the hospital just so they could give her something to calm her down, but that would’ve meant staying away from her and letting other people touch her, and I didn’t think I could do that, not that day.
Reaching over my head, I yanked off my shirt, decided to keep my sweatpants on, and stepped in next to her. Crouching down, I put my hands under her arms and lifted her up. Thinking it was going to be hard to force her to accept my help, I was ready to argue with her, but I should’ve considered the fact that she might actually want me there.
Her clothes were still on, plastered to her trembling body. As I studied her face, I couldn’t tell the tears from the water raining down on her. Despite the sadness and anger written all over her face, she looked so damn beautiful. Hands gripping her elbows, she stood motionless in front of me for a few seconds as I tried to come to terms with what I was feeling whenever I looked at her, and then with chattering teeth, she finally spoke. “It—s c—old.”
It wasn’t—the water was burning hot—but I accepted her thinly veiled invitation and stepped into her, gently rounding my arms around her. Without any hesitation, she rested her temple against my chest and I felt her arms around me, hugging me back. Then the sobs came back with a vengeance and she broke my heart. At first, I was holding her as gently as possible, my arms just under her shoulders, scared I’d hurt her in some way, but then it all changed. The harder she sobbed, the closer I wanted to get to her. My arms drifted lower as I bent and wrapped them tighter around her waist. When she was standing on her toes and holding on to me as hard as I was holding on to her, I eased my hold and let my hand sneak up over her wet t-shirt to hold the back of her neck.
“It’s okay, baby. Cry all you want,” I whispered, water dripping from my face. “I’m right here, Zoe. Just hold on to me. I’ll be right here. I’ll always be here.”
I straightened a little, my left hand holding her neck, my right arm tightly wound around her waist. She shuffled closer, still on her tiptoes, almost stepping on my feet. Barely a minute had passed when she clawed at my naked chest and pressed in harder. Both of her arms went over mine and around my neck. If you could’ve stepped into that bathroom with us, you wouldn’t have been able to tell which on
e of us was holding the other tighter under the water. I bent my knees and gathered her even closer, dropping my head against her shoulder.
I heard her whisper my name and I lost it. Suddenly, I couldn’t get air in fast enough. I couldn’t bring her close enough, couldn’t slow down my heartbeat enough.
“Zoe.” I moaned when I was on the verge of crushing her. “Zoe.”
We stayed under the water, just like that, holding tight, for God knows how long. I could’ve stayed locked to her for the rest of my life, but I knew I had to force myself to let her go. I wanted to believe she was just as reluctant to leave my arms.
“Let’s get you out of these,” I murmured finally.
Piece by piece, I took off her clothing until nothing but her underwear was left, and she let me, holding my shoulders when I bent down to shimmy her jeans off.
We were both a mess, but she was beautiful. Even with all her hair plastered against her cheeks, dripping wet, eyes red, she was still the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen.
When her fingers hesitantly reached for my sweatpants after giving me a quick look, I let her pull them down and stepped out of them myself. Thankfully she didn’t reach for my boxers, but I knew she’d noticed the bulge. Biting her lip, she looked up at me shyly. Her hair was stuck to her cheeks so I reached up and pushed it away until all I could feel was her warm skin against my palms.
“You scared the shit out of me, Zoe,” I rasped out before gently kissing her cheeks as hot water rained down on us. “Don’t you ever do that to me again. Don’t you ever put yourself in danger like that.” Because of the way I was holding on to her, she barely managed to nod. Breathing hard, I rested my forehead against hers, closed my eyes, and listened to her breathe. I just needed one more minute to hold her in my arms, breathe her in, and calm myself down, and then I could be whoever she needed me to be—her roommate? Her friend? Her everything?
By then, I already knew I was not just her roommate, not just her friend, not just a buddy.