by Holly Blake
“Cade, my name is Ivy; do you remember writing to me?” she asked as she reached down and held his shoulder. She looked intently at him with her big green eyes and her chestnut curls falling around her face like a halo.
Cade’s heart swelled as he realized this angel was his Ivy, the woman he was to marry. He felt a smile begin to form but then his heart sank just as quickly. “You have to leave, you have to go back home. I am not the man you agreed to marry, I am nothing.” He sank back on the pillow and let the darkness take him again.
Chapter Four
When she had first arrived in Wyldewood, Ivy wasn’t sure if she really loved Cade. Intellectually, she thought she did. She had fallen in love with his words and the images he conjured with them. She could tell that he was kind, intelligent and hard working. That was all she had really needed to make her decision to come and meet him.
He had described himself as tall and thin with curly blonde hair. He never mentioned his dimples and the way they swallowed up so much of his cheeks when he smiled, a treat she had witnessed the first night when he woke suddenly. He looked up at her and mouthed the words “an angel”, smiled and drifted back into sleep. He had smiled, and in that instant, she had truly fallen in love with the blue eyed stranger she had agreed to marry weeks ago.
Now, with him realizing his arm was gone he was bitter and angry. She could see that his rejection of her was really a rejection of the new reality he had to now face. But her love would not allow her to take the rejection personally. Nor would she abandon him. She would stay with him and help him to recover.
She had already sent a letter, through Anna, to Harold Dean requesting a prosthetic arm for Cade. Although she was reluctant to reconnect with anyone from her past, she was willing to do so for the love of the golden haired man with the deepest dimples she had ever seen.
She was anxious for Cade to awaken so they could speak. Ivy felt that she had waited long enough for her new life to begin. They were supposed to get married tomorrow, but sadly that would have to wait for a little while yet, but she was determined that it would still happen.
Chapter Five
Cade didn’t know how long he had been lying in this bed. Since he realized his arm was missing he was in the habit of pretending to be asleep. He didn’t want to face any of it. How would he run the farm and provide for Ivy? He knew he loved her the moment he mistook her for an angel, but how could they be together now. He wasn’t a whole man. He had nothing to give her. He decided that she should go back home and find a real man; he was no longer good enough for her.
Cade heard Ivy and Anna leave the room. They were heading to the Inn for lunch together so he knew that he would have about an hour until they returned. He pulled himself up and sat on the edge of the bed. He felt weak and a little dizzy as he gingerly put one foot on the cold floor and tested his weight on it. He could see the bruises across the foot but it seemed fine. His body felt heavy and awkward. Cade pushed himself off of the bed and onto his feet. He stumbled, grabbed the end of the bed and held himself firm. He wouldn’t get far on these legs yet.
He looked around the small ward. He remembered helping John build it. He never saw it finished but it was familiar. He remembered the white walls and the tile on the floor that John had sent for because it was easier to clean. Cade was impressed with his brother-in-law’s foresight and dedication to the details of the clinic.
As Cade found his legs he moved slowly to the mirror across from his bed. As he approached he saw the bandage wrapped around his head. His eyes had dark circles around them as if he had been in a fight. Bruises were everywhere. He unbuttoned his night shirt and saw the bruises on his chest and down his legs.
He was thinner than he had been, his bones jutting out from beneath his skin. He remembered when he was seventeen and had come down with a bad fever. He had been sick for five days and looked almost as bad as he did now so he figured it had been more than a week since the accident. He looked at his bandaged stump and bitterness gripped his soul.
His life had been about to be perfect and now this! God must hate him. He couldn’t think what sin he could have committed to warrant such a vile punishment, but he must have done something.
He looked into his own haunted eyes, and tried to find the answer. The eyes are the mirror of the soul, his father used to say, so where was the guilt, the evil that must be dwelling inside him that caused this horrible thing to happen? He had never been more desolate.
He wished the darkness could had have just taken him away. This torture was too much for any man to bear. The pain in his stump was nothing compared to the pain in his heart. Why would God do this to him? Why? He had always tried to be a good man. He tithed regularly, worked hard and gave to those in need. What more could he do? As much as he hated himself for it, the self pity would not subside.
He returned to his bed and let the depression take over. His agony was spiritual. He felt broken and condemned. He begged for forgiveness for whatever he had done to deserve this fate. He prayed for Ivy that she should see sense and leave him. He prayed for Peggy and her children, that they should not pity him. He prayed for John and forgave him whatever responsibility he may have had in the matter. He prayed for the other men who had witnessed the accident. He prayed for Anna that her heart would be mended and she should find herself a good man to love her. He prayed for forgiveness from sins that he knew he had never committed. He prayed until he could find no one else to forgive and nothing else to be forgiven for.
Finally, exhaustion overtook him and he fell back upon the bed and pulled the covers over himself. He looked at the stump once again before closing his eyes and then drifted back into a mercifully peaceful sleep.
****
Ivy and Anna had a lovely lunch together. The women had become good friends since Ivy’s arrival just one week ago. It was supposed to be her wedding day and instead she was spending it with a new friend and with a fiancé who she knew spent most of his time pretending to be asleep. She had seen the change in his breathing when he was awake but she didn’t want to press things with him. It would be awhile until he felt confident enough to face other people. She and Anna had conspired to give him some time to be on his own today when he awoke.
First lunch at the Inn, then a tour around town, a stop out at the farm to drop off Ivy’s things and then dinner with John and Peggy rounded out by a stop in the clinic to check on Cade. Then she and Rex would head back out to her new home. She had decided that she would get some extra sleep tonight. She was so tired now. Cade needed to face his wound and no one could force him to do that.
Chapter Six
When Ivy returned to Cade’s bedside the next morning, she could tell that he had attempted to get out of bed. That was a good sign. But still he pretended to sleep whenever she was in the room. She could tell by his breathing that he was awake, but she had a plan. She pulled a chair beside the bed and took his right hand in both of hers. He flinched at her touch but quickly relaxed.
“I went to the farm yesterday. It is as beautiful as you said. Anna and I took Rex and she showed us all around the place. I think he misses home. He does love those children of Peggy and John’s but I think he misses you most of all. I’ll bring him to see you this afternoon. He is a wonderful dog. I would never have imagined that he’s part wild. He’s so smart too, you would never guess he is only two years old, he’s figured the world out in such a short time. I wonder if all wild animals are as smart as he is.” Ivy waited for some kind of acknowledgement. Finding none she went on.
“I think I might plant a spruce tree right at the front of the house, in front of the big window. We could decorate it next Christmas and then just look at it from the window whenever we want. Wouldn’t that be something? A huge spruce tree right in front of the big window, yes, I think we must plant one.” She said these words in a loud and exaggerated tone, hoping to elicit some kind of response.
She looked at his face and saw his jaw tighten. The view from the bi
g window was too spectacular to obscure with a giant tree. The mountains would no longer be in view and it would make the living room very dark. This taunt wasn’t enough though so she tried another.
“Perhaps I should buy a herd of goats. I can milk them and they can eat all the grass. I’ll just let them free to roam around with the cattle and horses. Oh, and I hope you don’t mind I let the animals out last night to roam around and eat what they want.” Now, she raised an eyebrow, feeling confident that those words should bring a reaction.
“What are you? Mad? You can’t let domestic animals out to roam without checking on them daily. I have cows that are ready to calve!” He swung his legs around to the side of the bed and tried to stand.
Ivy smiled as a red blush crept up his neck and across his cheeks. “You knew I was awake. You said all of those things just to irritate me.”
“No,” she said meekly. “I said those things so you would talk to me. I am nether foolish or mad. I just needed you to stop pretending.”
His blush only deepened but he remained silent, so she continued talking.
“John is out tending the cattle today, and you had two females and a male welcomed into the herd last night. Tommy Frakes has been tending your farm while you’re laid up, and, just for the record, I would never plant a giant tree in front of the house. That view to the mountains is far too majestic to obscure.” Ivy sat smiling at Cade. He looked back at her with a sheepish smile.
“I see you have been using those legs in private. They wouldn’t be strong enough if this was your first time on them since the accident.” She looked at him sternly. A grin spread across Cade’s face and Ivy’s heart melted. Her stomach filled with butterflies. She could see through the bruises and cuts to the most handsome man she had ever met. Those dimples and the sparkle in his blue eyes were all the evidence she needed that he would recover and be the man she had written to all these months.
“I am exposed,” Cade stated as he sank back down onto the bed. He pulled the covers back over his legs and sat back on the pillows. They were too low and he went to pull them up so he could sit comfortably. He struggled and the darkness fell over his face like a shroud. The levity of the moment was gone.
Ivy sprang up to help him but he shouted at her.”I can do it myself!” He looked surprised at his own anger. Ivy sat slowly back on her chair. Anna rushed over and helped Cade with his pillows, bringing an extra with her. “Thank you kindly, Anna, you’re a wonderful nurse.” Anna looked at Ivy blushing. Ivy nodded to Anna.
“Thank you Anna. We’re fine here now.” Anna retreated back to the other room and Ivy continued her speech.
“I will be your wife Cade Montgomery,” she said matter-of-factly. “I came all the way from Boston for better or worse. If this is the worse, then it can only get better from here.” She smiled at his dark face. Cade’s jaw clenched. His pout was almost as glorious as Rex’s was when she had left him at the farm this morning. Ivy couldn’t’ help herself, she laughed out loud. “You look just like Rex!” She laughed even harder. Cade glared at her as she doubled over in fits of laughter.
“It’s not funny!” Cade grumbled. “I’m not going to be able to run my own farm. I’m going to have to sell up and move to town. I can’t even straighten a pillow!” He yelled, shaking his head, his eyes shooting sparks.
Ivy stopped laughing and went to his side. “You will be able to do anything you want. I have seen it. The loss of an arm is not enough to stop a determined man. Anna has sent for a prosthetic. You’ll learn to use it and you will be as good as ever.” She blurted the words before realizing what she had said. She hoped he wouldn’t question her further on the matter.
“I will never be as I was. Save yourself and have nothing more to do with me. You deserve a happy life with a whole man, one that isn’t cursed to misery.” Cade looked at his hand on his lap, mourning the one that was no longer there to join its mate. “I am nothing,” he whispered.
“You are everything to me,” Ivy said her hand on his shoulder. She longed to kiss him, to hold him and show him that their love could survive anything.
Just then Peggy ran into the room with a package in her hands. “It’s arrived already, the doctor Anna wrote to about the special arm for Cade. He sent it special so Cade could have it right away.” Peggy was brimming with tears. She handed the package to Anna as if it were a religious relic. She strode to Cade’s bedside and looking across to Ivy and then to Cade she said with confidence, “It’s all going to be all right now. I’ll go get John to come in and fit the arm. I guess he’ll have to do it as we don’t have a doctor here, not a real one anyway.” Peggy was gone in a flash. She never saw the look that passed between Anna and Ivy.
The two women left the ward on Peggy’s heels and headed to the office making sure Peggy was gone before stepping inside and closing the office door. “What are you going to do now?” Anna whispered loudly to Ivy. “You are going to have to fit that arm; you know that Mr. Barnaby won’t be able to do it properly.”
“Maybe he can.” Ivy said, biting her thumb nail. It was an old habit, and like a nervous tick and she did it every time she was overwhelmed. “He might have fitted some during the war.” She knew it wasn’t true but what was she going to do? She couldn’t reveal the truth. “Maybe I can tell them I’m a nurse like you and then I can fit the arm and they don’t have to know.” Ivy pleaded with Anna.
“They think that I sent for the arm; they’ll expect John to fit it. You have to come forward and reveal the truth. What would be so horrible about becoming the town doctor? Do you understand how relieved Mr. Barnaby will be? He has nightmares every time he has to treat someone. You would be doing so much good if you just admit the truth.”
“I can’t Anna. I killed that girl; I don’t want that responsibility again. I don’t even know how it happened. I did what my training told me to do and I still missed something. No, I can’t practice medicine again, I just can’t!” Ivy pulled open the office door and ran out of the clinic. She didn’t know where to go she just had to get out and away from Anna, and from Cade.
She ran down the road and out of town. She ran until her legs would no longer carry her. Then she walked, alone with her thoughts, her guilt and her shame.
Chapter Seven
Cade sat in bed staring at the package Peggy had brought. He got up from the bed and went to the table that Anna had set it on. He carefully unwrapped it, putting it between his knees and using his good hand to undo the ties. He placed the arm on the table and stared at it. It was ugly, he decided. It looked frightening with all the straps and fittings. It was inhuman, cold, and evil. He made up his mind that he would never allow such a device to be attached to him. He covered the arm with the wrapping and went back to his bed. He tried not to look at it, but he kept finding himself glancing over at the wretched thing.
Anna came into the room awhile later. “Ivy had to run a few errands, she’ll be back later.” She smiled at Cade.
“Anna?” Cade looked at the girl who had so quickly became both his and Ivy’s friend.
“Yes?”
“You care about Ivy don’t you?” Cade asked hesitantly.
“Of course I do, I care for both of you. Why?” Anna asked curiously.
“I need you to do the both of us a great favor.” He looked at Anna sternly. “I need you to convince Ivy to go back home to Boston.” Cade looked into Anna’s eyes beseechingly. He needed Anna to understand. “Ivy deserves so much better than I can give her. I don’t want her to stay because of pity or some sense of duty. I’ve released her from her promise to marry me, but she won’t listen. Promise me you’ll make her see.” Anna looked at Cade and he could see the pity in her eyes. He looked away from her. “Go! I want to be alone for awhile.” He demanded.
Was this what it would be like for the rest of his life? Would people be looking at Cade and not really seeing him, only his disability for the rest of his life. He felt like crying again, but he wouldn’t allow the tears. He
would not feel sorry for himself any longer, he was better than that.
He went back to the vile arm and lifted the paper from on top of it, such an ugly thing. He looked at the hand and saw that it did look like a hand. He wouldn’t be able to fool anyone with that thing but it did look like a hand. He put the paper back over it and went back to his bed. He would let the thing be fitted to him, but he wouldn’t wear it.
Cade had fallen asleep before John and Peggy returned. He awoke to find John looking at the arm and trying to explain to Peggy that he didn’t know how to fit it. “I can write back to that Dr. Dean for instructions. I don’t know what made him think I was qualified to fit one of these things. I only removed limbs during the war; we didn’t have prosthetics out in the field.” He shook his head and the pair left.
Cade struggled out of bed once again and stumbled over to the table to look at the arm again. As he approached the table the paper on top of the arm blew off and under a cabinet. Cade crouched down and felt underneath for the wrapping paper. He felt something else there and pulled out an envelope. The envelope was addressed to Dr. Ivy Sullivan. Confused, Cade called to Anna.
“What is it Cade?” Anna asked. She saw the confused look on his face and the envelope he had in his hand.
“What do you know about this?” He asked standing up and showing the envelope to Anna. Anna went white as she realized that Cade now was aware of the secret Ivy was trying so hard to keep.
“You do know about this!” He tore open the envelope and read the letter. Anna stood gaping at him, not knowing what to say.
Chapter Eight
As darkness descended upon the town of Wyldewood, Wyoming, Ivy returned to the clinic, exhausted but ready to face her fate. She had walked for miles thinking about what happened with young Cassandra and how she might have prevented the child’s death. She knew that losing patients was part of the job, but it still hurt something fierce when it happened. The Cummings girl wasn’t the first patient she had lost; it was just that the girl was so young and sweet and Ivy had adored her. Ivy knew that she had done everything she was trained to do. She couldn’t have done anything more than what she had.