In this fierce intensification of his own being, and in the events experienced, Tom recognised the rising of his childhood Wave towards the breaking point. The early premonition that had seemed causeless to his learned father, that stirred in his mother the deep instinct to protect, and that ever, more or less, hung poised above the horizon of his passing years, had its origin in the bed-rock of his nature. It was associated with memory and instinct; the native tendencies and forces of his being had dramatised their inevitable fulfilment in a dream. He recognised intuitively what was coming—and he welcomed it. The body shrank from pain; the soul held out her hands to it.…
Thus, looking back, he saw it mapped below him from a higher curve in life’s ascending spiral. In the glare of a drenching sunshine that seemed hauntingly familiar, in the stupendous blaze of Egypt that knew and favoured it, the action lay spread out: but in darkness, too, an oppressive, suffocating darkness as of the grave, as of the bottom of the sea. The map was streaked with this alternate light and gloom of elemental kind. It passed swiftly, he went swiftly with it. A few short crowded weeks of the intensest pain and happiness he had ever known,—and the Wave, its crest reflected in its origin, fell with a drowning crash. He merged into his background, yet he did not drown: in due course he again—emerged.
The sense of rushing that accompanied it all was in himself apparently: heightened by the contrast of the divine stillness which is Egypt—the golden, hanging days, the nights of cool, soft moonlight, the sighing winds with perfume in their breath, the mournful palms that fringed the peaceful river, the calm of multitudinous stars. The grim Theban hills looked on; the ruined Temples watched and knew; there were listening ears within a thousand tombs.… And there was the Desert—the endless emptiness where everything had already happened, the place where, therefore, everything could happen again without affronting time and space—the Desert seemed the infinite background whence the Wave tossed up three little specks of passionate human action and reaction. It was the ‘sea,’ a sea of dust. Yet out of the dust wild roses blossomed eventually with a sweetness of beauty unknown to any cultivated gardens.…
And while he and his two companions made their moves upon this ancient chessboard of half-forgotten, half-remembered life, all natural things as well seemed raised to their most significant expression, sharing the joy and sadness, the beauty and the terror of his own experience. For the very scenery borrowed of his intensity, the familiar details urged a fraction beyond the normal, as though any moment they must break down into their elemental and essential nakedness. The pungent odour of the universal sand, the dust, the minute golden particles suspended in the flaming air, the marvellous dawns and sunsets, the mighty, awful pylons, and the heat—all these contributed their quota of wonder and mystery to what happened. Egypt inspired it, and was satisfied.
The sediment of his nature was drawn up, the rubbish floated before his eyes, he saw himself through the curtains of suspended dust—until the flood, retiring, left him high upon the shore, no longer shuffling with his earthly, physical feet.
In the train to Assouan, Tom still felt the clinging arms about his neck, still heard the loving voice, eager with tenderness for his welfare and his quick return. She needed him: he was everything to her. He knew it, oh he was sure of it. He thought of his work, and knew some slight anxiety that he had neglected it. He would devote all his energies to the interests of his firm: there should be no shirking anywhere; his ten days’ holiday was over. His mind fixed itself deliberately, though not too easily, on this alone.
He knew his own capacity, however, and that by concentration he could accomplish in a short time what other men might ask weeks to complete. Provided all was going well, he saw no reason why he could not be free again in a week at most. He knew quite well his value to the firm, but he knew also that he must continue to justify it. He was complacent, but, he hoped, not carelessly complacent. Tom felt very sure of himself again.
To his great relief he found things running smoothly. He examined every detail, interviewed all and sundry, supervised, decided, gave instructions. There was a letter from the London office conveying the formal satisfaction of the Board with results so far, praising especially certain reductions in cost he had judiciously effected; another private letter from the older partner referred confidently to greater profits than they had dared to anticipate; also there was a brief note from Sir William, the Chairman, now at Salonica, saying he might run over a little later and see for himself how the work was getting along.
Tom was supremely happy with it all. There was really very little for him to do; his engineers were highly competent; they could summon him at a day’s notice from Luxor if anything went wrong. ‘But there’s no sign of difficulty, sir,’ was their verdict; ‘everything’s going like clockwork; the men working splendidly; it’s only a matter of time.’
It was the evening of the second day that Tom decided to go back to Luxor. He was eager for the promised bivouac they had arranged together. He had written once to say that all was well, but no word had yet come from her; she was resting, he was glad to think: Tony was away at Cairo with his friends; there might be a letter for him in the morning, but that could be sent after him. Joy and impatience urged him. He chuckled happily over his boyish plan; he would not announce himself; he would surprise her. He caught a train that would get him in for dinner.
And during his journey of six hours he rehearsed this pleasure of surprising her. She was lonely without him. He visualised her delight and happiness. He would creep up to the window, to the edge of the verandah where she sat reading, Mrs. Haughstone knitting in a chair opposite. He would call her name ‘Lettice.…’ Her eyes would lighten, her manner change. That new spontaneous joy would show itself.…
The sun was setting when the train got in, but by the time he had changed into flannels at his hotel the short dusk was falling. The entire western sky was gold and crimson, the air was sharp, the light dry desert wind blew shrewdly down the street. Behind the eastern hills rose a huge full moon, still pale with daylight, peering wisely over the enormous spread of luminous desert.… He drove to her house, leaving the arabyieh at the gates. He walked quickly up the drive. The heavy foliage covered him with shadows, and he easily reached the verandah unobserved; no one seemed about; there was no sound of voices; the thick creepers up the wooden pillars screened him admirably. There was a movement of a chair, his heart began to thump, he climbed up softly, and at the other end of the verandah saw—Mrs. Haughstone knitting. But there was no sign of Lettice—and the blood rushed from his heart.
He had not been noticed, but his game was spoilt. He came round to the front steps and wished her politely a good-evening. Her surprise once over and explanations made, she asked him, cordially enough, to stay to dinner. ‘Lettice, I know, would like it. You must be tired out. She did not expect you back so soon; but she would never forgive me if I let you go after them.’
Tom heard the words as in a dream, and answered also in a dream—a dream of astonishment, vexation, disappointment, none of them concealed. His uneasiness returned in an acute, intensified form. For he learned that they were bivouacking on the Nile to see the sunrise. Tony had, after all, not gone to Cairo; de Lorne and Lady Sybil accompanied them. It was the picnic they had planned together against his return. ‘Lettice wrote,’ Mrs. Haughstone mentioned, ‘but the letter must have missed you. I warned her you’d be disappointed—if you knew.’
‘So Tony didn’t go to Cairo after all?’ Tom asked again. His voice sounded thin, less volume in it than usual. That ‘if you knew’ dropped something of sudden anguish in his heart.
‘His friends put him off at the last moment—illness, he said, or something.’ Mrs. Haughstone repeated the invitation to dine and make himself at home. ‘I’m positive my cousin would like you to,’ she added with a certain emphasis.
Tom thanked her. He had the impression there was something on her mind. ‘I think I’ll go after them,’ he repeated, ‘if you’l
l tell me exactly where they’ve gone.’ He stammered a little. ‘It would be rather a lark, I thought, to surprise them.’ What foolish, what inadequate words!
‘Just as you like, of course. But I’m sure she’s quite safe,’ was the bland reply. ‘Mr. Winslowe will look after her.’
‘Oh, rather,’ replied Tom; ‘but it would be good fun—rather a joke, you know—to creep upon them unawares,’—and then was surprised and sorry that he said it. ‘Have they gone very far?’ he asked, fumbling for his cigarettes.
He learned that they had left after luncheon, taking with them all necessary paraphernalia for the night. There were feelings in him that he could not understand quite as he heard it. But only one thing was clear to him—he wished to be quickly, instantly, where Lettice was. It was comprehensible. Mrs. Haughstone understood and helped him. ‘I’ll send Mohammed to get you a boatman, as you seem quite determined,’ she said, ringing the bell: ‘you can get there in an hour’s ride. I couldn’t go,’ she added, ‘I really felt too tired. Mr. Winslowe was here for lunch, and he exhausted us all with laughing so that I felt I’d had enough. Besides, the sun——’
‘They all lunched here too?’ asked Tom.
‘Mr. Winslowe only,’ she mentioned, ‘but he was a host in himself. It quite exhausted me——’
‘Tony can be frightfully amusing, can’t he, when he likes?’ said Tom. Her repetition of ‘exhausted’ annoyed him furiously for some reason.
He saw her hesitate then: she began to speak, but stopped herself; there was a curious expression in her face, almost of anxiety, he fancied. He felt the kindness in her. She was distressed. And an impulse, whence he knew not, rose in him to make her talk, but before he could find a suitable way of beginning, she said with a kind of relief in her tone and manner: ‘I’m glad you’re back again, Mr. Kelverdon.’ She looked significantly at him. ‘Your influence is so steadying, if you don’t mind my saying so.’ She gave an awkward little laugh, half of apology, half of shyness, or of what passed with her for shyness. ‘This climate—upsets some of us. It does something to the blood, I’m sure——’
‘You feel anxious about—anything in particular?’ Tom asked, with a sinking heart. At any other time he would have laughed.
Mrs. Haughstone shrugged her shoulders and sighed. She spoke with an effort apparently, as though doubtful how much she ought to say. ‘My cousin, after all, is—in a sense, at least—a married woman,’ was the reply, while Tom remembered that she had said the same thing once before. ‘And all men are not as careful for her reputation, perhaps, as you are.’ She mentioned the names of various people in Luxor, and left the impression that there was considerable gossip in the air. Tom disliked exceedingly the things she said and the way she said them, but felt unable to prevent her. He was angry with himself for listening, yet felt it beyond him to change the conversation. He both longed to hear every word, and at the same time dreaded it unspeakably. If only the boat would give him quickly an excuse.… He therefore heard her to the end concerning the unwisdom of Madame Jaretzka in her careless refusal to be more circumspect, even—Mrs. Haughstone feared—to the point of compromising herself. With whom? Why, with Mr. Winslowe, of course. Hadn’t he noticed it? No! Well, of course there was no harm in it, but it was a mistake, she felt, to be seen about always with the same man. He called, too, at such unusual hours.…
And each word she uttered seemed to Tom exactly what he had expected her to utter, entering his mind as a keenly poisoned shaft. Something already prepared in him leaped swiftly to understanding; only too well he grasped her meaning. The excitement in him passed into a feverishness that was painful.
For a long time he merely stood and listened, gazing across the river but seeing nothing. He said no word. His impatience was difficult to conceal, yet he concealed it.
‘Couldn’t you give her a hint perhaps?’ continued the other, as they waited on the steps together, watching the preparations for the boat below. She spoke with an assumed carelessness that was really a disguised emphasis. ‘She would take it from you, I’m sure. She means no harm; there is no harm. We all know that. She told me herself it was only a boy and girl affair. Still——’
‘She said that?’ asked Tom. His tone was calm, even to indifference, but his eyes, had she looked round, must certainly have betrayed him. Luckily she kept her gaze upon the moon-lit river. She drew her knitted shawl more closely round her. The cold air from the desert touched them both. Tom shivered.
‘Oh, before you came out, that was,’ she mentioned; and each word was a separate stab in the centre of his heart. After a pause she went on: ‘So you might say a little word to be more careful, if you saw your way. Mr. Winslowe, you see, is a poor guide just now: he has so completely lost his head. He’s very impressionable—and very selfish—I think.’
Tom was aware that he braced himself. Various emotions clashed within him. He knew a dozen different pains, all equally piercing. It angered him, besides, to hear Lettice spoken of in this slighting manner, for the inference was unavoidable. But there hid below his anger a deep, dull bitterness that tried angrily to raise its head. Something very ugly, very fierce moved with it. He crushed it back.… A feeling of hot shame flamed to his cheeks.
‘I should feel it an impertinence, Mrs. Haughstone,’ he stammered at length, yet confident that he concealed his inner turmoil. ‘Your cousin— I mean, all that she does is quite beyond reproach.’
Her answer staggered him like a blow between the eyes.
‘Mr. Kelverdon—on the contrary. My cousin doesn’t realise quite, I’m sure—that she may cause him suffering. She won’t listen to me, but you could do it. You touch the mother in her.’
It was a merciless, keen shaft—these last six words. The sudden truth of them turned him into ice. He touched only the mother in her: the woman— but the thought plunged out of sight, smothered instantly as by a granite slab he set upon it. The actual thought was smothered, yes, but the feeling struggled horribly for breath; and another inference, more deadly than the first, stole with a freezing touch upon his soul.
He turned round quietly and looked at his companion. ‘By Jove,’ he said, with a laugh he believed was admirably natural, ‘I believe you’re right. I’ll give her a little hint—for Tony’s sake.’ He moved down the steps. ‘Tony is so—I mean he so easily loses his head. It’s quite absurd.’
But Mrs. Haughstone did not laugh. ‘Think it over,’ she rejoined. ‘You have excellent judgment. You may prevent a little disaster.’ She smiled and shook a warning finger. And Tom, feigning amusement as best he might, murmured something in agreement and raised his helmet with a playful flourish.
Mohammed, soft of voice and moving like a shadow, called that the boat was ready, and Tom prepared to go. Mrs. Haughstone accompanied him half-way down the steps.
‘You won’t startle them, will you, Mr. Kelverdon?’ she said. ‘Lettice, you know, is rather easily frightened.’ And she laughed a little. ‘It’s Egypt—the dry air—one’s nerves——’
Tom was already in the boat, where the Arab stood waiting in the moonlight like a ghost.
‘Of course not,’ he called up to her through the still air. But, none the less, he meant to surprise her if he could. Only in his thought the pronoun insisted, somehow, on the plural form.
CHAPTER XIX.
..................
THE BOAT SWUNG OUT INTO mid-stream. Behind him the figure of Mrs. Haughstone faded away against the bougainvillæa on the wall; in front, Mohammed’s head and shoulders merged with the opposite bank; beyond, the spectral palms and the shadowy fields of clover slipped into the great body of the moon-fed desert. The desert itself sank down into a hollow that seemed to fling those dark Theban hills upwards—towards the stars.
Everything, as it were, went into its background. Everything, animate and inanimate, rose out of a common ultimate—the Sea. Yet for a moment only. There was this sense of preliminary withdrawal backwards, as for a leap that was to come.…
>
He, too, felt merged with his own background. In his soul he knew the trouble and tumult of the Wave—gathering for a surging rise to follow.…
For some minutes the sense of his own identity passed from him, and he wondered who he was. ‘Who am I?’ would have been a quite natural question. ‘Let me see; I’m Kelverdon, Tom Kelverdon.’ Of course! Yet he felt that he was another person too. He lost his grip upon his normal modern self a moment, lost hold of the steady, confident personality that was familiar.… The voice of Mohammed broke the singular spell. ‘Shicago, vair’ good donkey. Yis, bes’ donkey in Luxor—’ and Tom remembered that he had a ride of an hour or so before he could reach the Temple of Deir El-Bahri where his friends were bivouacking. He tipped Mohammed as he landed, mounted ‘Chicago,’ and started off impatiently, then ran against little Mohammed coming back for a forgotten—kettle! He laughed. Every third Arab seemed called Mohammed. But he learned exactly where the party was. He sent his own donkey-boy home, and rode on alone across the moon-lit plain.
The wonder of the exquisite night took hold of him, searching his heart beyond all power of language—the strange Egyptian beauty. The ancient wilderness, so calm beneath the stars; the mournful hills that leaped to touch the smoking moon; the perfumed air, the deep old river—each, and all together, exhaled their innermost, essential magic. Over every separate boulder spilt the flood of silver. There were troops of shadows. Among these shadows, beyond the boulders, Isis herself, it seemed, went by with audible footfall on the sand, secretly guiding his advance; Horus, dignified and solemn, with hawk-wings hovering, and fierce, deathless eyes—Horus, too, watched him lest he stumble.…
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