by Shay Mara
My emotions raw, the flood gates flew open again. I rested my face on his hand and sobbed.
: : : :
A knock on the glass pulled me from my trance. I looked up to see Sheriff Hiller standing outside. A glance at the clock told me it was already mid-morning. I’d met Hiller at the fair and talked to him a time or two when he’d stopped by the clubhouse to see Buddha. He signaled for me, so I kissed Torch’s hand and walked outside.
“How’s he doing?” he asked.
“The nurses just keep saying he’s stable. I think they’re doing another scan today. Is the cop necessary?”
He sighed. “Unfortunately, that wasn’t my call. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, no, I’m sorry. I get it. It’s been a long twenty-four hours.”
“Have you slept?”
“I can’t. What’s happening with the other guys? Can you tell me anything?”
“ATF’s filing charges as we speak. They’re being transfered to Denver this afternoon—”
“All of them?”
“Yeah. Well, except Jet, Toto, Lump, and Bird, since they weren’t there. Half of them should be able to get out of it with a good lawyer, but the ones with felony records are gonna have a hard time beating this shit. The entire table’s looking at fifteen to thirty.”
I closed my eyes and leaned back on the glass. “Fuck.”
“It’s a sad day for this town. These guys do a lot. Wish I could do something, but the Feds are on a fucking mission.”
He didn’t have to tell me that the club did a lot, I’d seen it with my own eyes. This wasn’t a sad day, it was downright devastating.
It couldn’t happen.
“What about Mitch Henslow?” I asked.
“The Feds are keeping that under wraps. He’s not talking… wired jaw and all.”
“He’s conscious?”
“Yeah. His face is fucked, but he’ll survive.”
I turned around and looked back in at Torch. “Sheriff, I need a favor. For the club.”
: : : :
I peeked around the corner and saw Hiller approaching the cop outside Mitch’s hospital room. The Sheriff said something to him that elicited a laugh, then wrapped his arm around the guy’s shoulder and walked him away from the door.
I moved fast and slipped inside the room before anyone spotted me.
Mitch—both wrists handcuffed to the bed rails—was sleeping. His face really was destroyed. This monster deserved a hell of a lot worse.
I approached his bed, moved the call button out of his reach, then grabbed him by the throat. His eyes flew open as I squeezed it as hard I could, leaving him gurgling and gasping for air. I imagined all the wire holding his fucking jaw together made it even harder.
“Sucks being helpless and tied to a bed, doesn’t it, you piece of shit?” I hissed.
I let him go and took a step back while he coughed and struggled to catch his breath.
I smirked. “I have some good new and some bad news. Which do you want first?”
If his face wasn’t twice its usual size, I guessed he’d be looking at me with defiance.
“Tell you what, I’ll start with the good news,” I said, making myself comfortable in a chair. “The good news is I didn’t actually steal any of your money.”
He turned his face toward me and grunted.
“Oh, I froze and disabled your accounts alright, but what you and the bank were seeing was being put in front of you remotely by one of my people. I wasn’t about to go down over your fucking blood money. Smart, right?”
He grunted again and yanked on the cuffs.
I smiled, just imagining what was going through his head now. “Now for the bad news… Your little stunt’s left me in a bit of a bind, Mitch. You see, that biker trash you look down on? That’s my family. I love them all with every fucking fiber of my being. But right now, they’re sitting in cells, looking at all kinds of time for trying to protect me. The man who makes life worth living is in a hospital bed fighting for his life. All because of you and your fucking vendetta. Do you see why I might have a problem with that?”
He turned his head back away.
“No? Well, let me just say this… I might not be willing to go down for money, because I’m not a greedy little fuck like you, but I am willing to go down for them.”
I stood back up, held the remote up to his face, and pressed the call button.
Seconds later, a nurse and the cop rushed in.
I looked over at them. “Officer, I need you to get in touch with Agent Tricia Rhodes. Tell her Chloe Belman wants to make a deal.”
: 29 :
Maybe I was just seeing what I wanted to, but it seemed like there was a little more color in his cheeks. This afternoon’s scans were promising, showing that the swelling in Torch’s brain was going down quickly. The doctors and nurses had been assuring me that age and health would work in his favor. And although they couldn’t be sure until he woke up, they still weren’t seeing any indication of major damage. After two days of sitting with him, I finally felt like I could breathe just a tiny bit easier.
The same probably couldn’t be said of Buddha, whose booming and intimidating voice I could hear before even seeing him and Zed on the other side of the glass trying to get around some poor nurse.
Doc appeared out of nowhere and stepped in the middle. After saying something to the nurse, she nodded and let them into the room. Before sliding the door shut, Doc poked his head in and scolded them, “Keep it down, this is the fucking ICU. Next time they’re calling security and I won’t be able to do shit. Got it?”
Buddha glared at me. “Yeah. Got it,” he growled.
Zed, ever the gentlemen and protector, strolled around his seething boss and put a hand on my shoulder. “How’s he doing?”
I cupped a hand over his and stroked Torch’s chest. “Better. The swelling’s going down and they’re going to try taking him off the sedatives tomorrow. I was just telling him that he’ll look better than me when he wakes up after all this beauty sleep.”
Zed chuckled, but Buddha had apparently left his sense of humor back at the police station. He’d also obviously been told about the deal. “What the fuck did you do, Liv?”
I scowled at him. “Keep your voice down.”
He rested his palms on the other side of the bed and leaned into my face. “Fuck that. Maybe it’ll wake your old man’s ass up so he can slap some goddamn sense into you himself.”
I had to admit, Buddha was more intimidating when pissed than anyone I’d ever met. Including Mitch.
That shit stain definitely wouldn’t be intimidating anyone else again for a very long time. In exchange for the ATF dropping all charges against club, I was turning over the intel I’d gathered on Mitch and his top dogs over the past few years. It tied them to everything from racketeering to money laundering, involving various kinds of trafficking. The Feds practically slobbered at being handed a RICO case on a silver platter, which apparently made for better PR than some boring gun charges stemming from a showdown between bikers and drug dealers. Mitch’s crimes actually had civilian victims and the proof was in my files.
I’d also given up everything I knew about and witnessed during my time with the Henslow’s, minus the truth about Vince. I was still claiming memory loss on that one, because no good could come from Mitch looking like a victim of false imprisonment. And admitting that I was a killer, regardless of the circumstances, would only undermine my testimony in the RICO case. As far as I was concerned, I was giving them enough to wipe the slate clean. Once this was over, Chloe Belman could finally die.
Livia Ash, on the other hand, very much wanted to live.
As expected, the Feds wanted me in prison. Rhodes pointed out that they had to make sure I stuck around for a trial—assuming Mitch would actually fight the charges this time around—and I’d already proven myself to be a major flight risk. The best they could do was a year on an obstruction plea. I couldn’t say I was excited to spend twelve
months trapped behind bars, but compared to the amount of time Torch and the other guys were looking at, it was nothing.
Unfortunately, given their records and the law’s designation of the club as a national criminal enterprise, I’d also been warned that it was unlikely any of the members would pass the background checks needed for visitation privileges. I hadn’t expected that anyway, considering that I was being shipped to West Virginia, close enough to Philly for the Feds to pay their visits, but far enough to give me a layer of insulation against Mitch’s people.
I had tried to negotiate a few days of freedom so I could be there when Torch woke up, but the Feds wouldn’t give me that inch either. I felt fucking horrible about it, Torch deserved better than to wake up and have to deal with that kind of news. But at the same time, I had to admit that I was a little relieved I wouldn’t have to fight him on it. He needed all the strength he had to heal and get back on his feet. At least he’d have his brothers there to lean on.
Was it a cowardly and asshole-ish move to make the deal while he was unconscious, not knowing what was waiting when he when came out of it? The thought that he’d see it that way had crossed my mind. What if he couldn’t even remember how to talk? If circumstances were different, I wouldn’t have walked away. Torch could lose all his limbs and I’d still stay by his side for the rest of my life. But the situation was what it was— complicated and difficult— and it hadn’t come with a fucking instruction manual. We couldn’t all be winners here, somebody had to lose.
He’d recover fully, I felt it in my gut. So, along with weighing the pros and cons, that’s what I’d gone with.
By now Zed was standing closer to my back with both hands on my shoulders, not daring to say anything to contradict his president, but still offering a gesture of support.
“I did what was best for everybody,” I replied, deliberately with a respectful tone so I didn’t set him off even more.
“No, don’t give me that shit! You’re a fucking old lady, you don’t get to make club decisions.”
“It wasn’t a club decision, this is personal,” I argued. Again with as much restraint as I could.
“If it affects the Serpents, it’s a club decision,” he snarled. “An old lady sacrificing herself and going to prison affects the fucking club. What part of that doesn’t make sense?”
“The part where you’re making it sound like it affects it in a bad way,” I finally snapped back.
“How the hell else do you think Torch is gonna see it?”
There was no doubt in my mind about how he’d see it. I looked back down at him, my heart aching. “He’ll be pissed. But at least he’ll have his freedom, his bike, and his family. It’s only a year—”
“That family includes you! Christ, he’s gonna lose his shit,” Buddha huffed, scrubbing his face angrily. “You took it too far this time, doll. It wasn’t your place.”
“He’s gonna kick our asses for this,” Zed mumbled behind me.
I sighed. “But it won’t happen in a prison yard... I’m sorry. I know you’re upset, but it’s a done deal. You can stand here and keep yelling at me until Rhodes shows up to take me away, but I’d rather spend these last precious moments in solidarity. Please.”
Buddha tensed his jaw and looked down at Torch with furrowed brows. “So what the fuck am I supposed to tell him, Livia? Tell me. What should I tell him when he wakes up from a fucking coma, already freaked out and hurting, and goes nuts when you’re not here?”
A tear fell as I caressed Torch’s beard, trying to memorize how it felt on my fingers. “You tell him the truth… Tell him that I love him so much that the possibility of spending the next fifteen years without him sounded like a fate worse than death. Tell him I knew he needed his brothers now more than ever. He’s it for me, Buddha. He’s my everything. This man knows me better than I know myself. I understand he might be so livid that he won’t be there when I get out, that’s something I’ll have to accept and live with. But at least I’ll know that he’s living his life. And you guys are living yours. I love you all. You can’t possibly be mad at that.”
As sadness got the best of me, Zed swiveled my stool and pulled me into his chest. He stroked my hair and held me as I cried. I felt Buddha wrap an arm around me and kiss the top of my head. Their forgiving and supportive embrace was exactly what I needed.
I wiped my cheeks with a sleeve and got it together.
Hearing the door slide open, I looked up to see Rhodes poking her head in. “Ten minutes, okay?”
“Yeah,” I muttered, then turned back to Buddha and asked, “Do you guys mind if I spend it alone with Torch?”
He nodded and reached out to touch my cheek. “I’m not saying I’m good with this, but you’re a hell of a woman, sweetheart. You’ve got this family for life, you hear me?”
I smiled at him. “I hear you”
“Love you, darlin’,” Zed added.
“Love you too.” I watched with melancholy as they walked out, then turned my attention back to Torch. “I love you the most... You know that, don’t you, baby? I’ll always protect you. Even if you never want to see me again after this, I’ll always be looking out.”
I kissed him on the forehead and held his hand until Rhodes came back for me. With a deep breath and one last look back over my shoulder, I followed her out.
We walked by the waiting room, filled to capacity with Serpents and old ladies. I glanced at Rhodes, who gave me an approving nod.
One by one, everyone gave me a hug and words of gratitude. They were all there: Mace, Gauge, Squid, Biff, Scrap, Beanie, Tank, Mooch, Malice, Elf, Chew, Retro, Monk, Bird, Lump, Stinger, Hench, Tamra, Dana, Roxie, and Moira. I had no idea what they’d been told, but the girls were crying their eyes out.
Buddha and Zed followed us outside to a black SUV, where Rhodes’ partner and two ATF agents were waiting for me. It was going to be a long fucking couple of days in that company.
I turned to Zed and threw my hands around his neck. “You take care of him, okay?”
“You got it, babe. He loves the shit out of you, he’ll be here.”
“I hope you’re right,” I said with a heavy heart.
“Come here,” Buddha groaned, grabbing my waist and pulling me to him. “Love you, sweet girl. We’ll get you a friend in there, alright?”
“Yeah, thank you.”
His expression turned serious. “You take care of yourself in there. Stay out of trouble so they don’t tack on time. A year’s bad enough.”
I winked. “I’ll do my best.”
Rhodes nudged my arm. “We need to go.”
“Yeah. Okay.”
Both men kissed me on the cheek, then watched as I got into the back of the car. I stared back at them until they slowly faded from view.
It was going to be the longest year of my life. After that, who knew. Life would go on without me, that much was a certainty. I would just have to wait and see whether Torch moved on with it.
: 30 :
US Penitentiary - Hazelton, West Virgina
Eleven months later
“Belman! Time to go,” my favorite butch prison guard, Mavis, yelled from the doorway. She didn’t have to tell me twice.
I jumped off the cot and turned my back so she could slap cuffs on me. A prisoner until the very end.
I hadn’t brought anything in with me, and what little I’d bought at the commissary was now worthless. So, without further ado and a nod, I made it known that I just wanted to get the fuck out of there.
She held me by the arm as we walked past the other cells, eliciting cheers and catcalls from inside some of them. I’d made a few friends and definitely some enemies, but none of that shit mattered now. In a few minutes, I’d be free.
I hadn’t told anyone on the outside that I was being released a month early, not that there were many to tell. Lex and Neil had visited almost weekly, and the old ladies of Linwood made a couple of their own clandestine appearances, but other than that, the past fe
w months had been spent living a solitary existence. I’d mostly spent my time in the library or on kitchen duty. Not surprisingly, I wasn’t allowed anywhere near a computer.
As promised, Buddha made some calls and got me protection, procuring an ally in the form of Razz, the biggest, baddest bitch in this medium-security joint. After an awkward introduction in the showers, she’d grown on me. Despite her notorious temper and proclivity for starting shit just for the hell of it, she’d actually talked me off the ledge and kept me from throwing punches more than once. But true to form, Razz’s idea of a pep talk was a slap across the face, followed by telling me to “quit being a dumb fucking cunt bitch”. That was her loving way of telling me I was one of the lucky ones who wouldn’t be in for long and had a life to go back to.
Did I?
I hadn’t heard a word from Torch, but I really couldn’t harbor any anger about it without being a fucking hypocrite. This time, he was the one who knew exactly where to find me and I’d decided to leave the ball in his court. Maybe it was his way of throwing my eight years of silence back in my face. Payback was a bitch.
Or maybe I was simply dead to him. The girls didn’t seem to know what the hell was going on, except that he’d made a speedy recovery—after two attempts at busting out of the hospital with a fucking hole in his head—and was taking on a ridiculous number of runs, spending more time on his bike than at the clubhouse. When he was there for church or the occasional party, he was allegedly abrasive and withdrawn. Everybody was under strict instructions from Buddha not to even utter my name in his presence unless they wanted a broken jaw. It was apparently why the women were the ones reaching out, as their men were sticking to code and staying the fuck out of Torch’s personal business. It had been almost two months since their last visit—May Fair had rolled around again — but I assumed nothing had changed and I was in for either radio silence or in-my-face hostility when I returned home to Colorado.