by Eve Vaughn
“If you keep pacing the floor like that, you’re going to wear a hole in the floor.”
Esther halted and giggled. “I can’t help it. I’m just so wired. I can’t believe I’m doing this. Tell me I’m crazy and I’m making a big mistake to take this risk.”
“And why would I do a thing like that, dear?” Fiona asked before taking a sip from her tea cup. “Besides, if something isn’t worth taking a risk for, it’s not worth having. And don’t you think it’s long overdue for you to have something good happen in your life? I think this young man may be the key.”
“Honestly, you’re one of the best things that ever happened to me. I don’t know how I would have survived these last few months without your friendship.” And it was true. The last beating she’d received had been so bad that she couldn’t walk afterward. Mike had reluctantly taken her to the hospital when she couldn’t get up, even though he’d threatened to beat her again. The x-rays revealed that she had a fractured femur which was the result of Mike stomping on her even though she’d told the doctor that she’d fallen down the stairs.
She had to get surgery to repair the broken bone and had to go to rehab afterward. During this time, Mike actually seemed contrite about what he’d done. But then again he was often sorry after beating her to the point of hospitalization. Esther had already come to the conclusion that if he beat her again, she might not survive. So she formulated a plan to get away from him. Her opportunity to escape had come when Mike’s work schedule had changed, which meant that he could drop her off at rehab before he went to his job and pick her up on her break instead of staying with her the entire time. Esther made sure the first appointment where he’d left her alone, she made sure to meet him in the designated spot so he wouldn’t be suspicious of her plans.
The second time he dropped her off, Esther skipped her appointment. She had made sure before leaving the house that she’d collected all of her identification cards. She hobbled to the bank next to the clinic and made a withdrawal from the account Mike knew nothing about. Esther had managed to create a small savings for herself from the jobs she’d worked after moving out of her mother’s house. Esther wasn’t sure why she’d never told Mike about it but maybe she subconsciously knew she’d need it one day. Now she was glad she never did. It was only a couple thousand, but it was more than enough to buy a bus ticket out of town and never look back.
She took the first bus out of town and ended up in a suburb just outside of Philadelphia and found a cheap hotel to stay in. In those first few days, she looked for a job and a cheap place to live. It was difficult to find work without a proper mode of transportation and she’d never learned how to drive. Esther soon realized that if she didn’t find something soon, she’d run out of money. One day after another futile job hunt, she found herself in front of Fiona’s tea shop.
Somehow she’d caught the eye of the other woman so Fiona had sat down with her to talk. There was something about Fiona’s presence that made Esther feel at ease and she found herself telling her things she wouldn’t have felt comfortable confessing to anyone, let alone a person she’d just met. But by the end of their chat, Esther had not only found herself with a job but a place to stay at Fiona’s house. Fiona had claimed that she rented out rooms even though the token amount she requested in rent was practically allowing Esther to stay there for free.
The two women had become fast friends and the months had inched by. Esther didn’t know where she’d be without her friend’s help.
“You’re giving me far more credit than I deserve. I saw that you needed a job and I was hiring. There’s nothing special about that.”
“And you gave me a place to live.”
Fiona shrugged. “I’ve taken in boarders before. You pay rent just like anyone else would.”
Esther rolled her eyes. “Fiona, what you accept in rent for me barely covers the light bill. You’ve been more than generous to me and I really appreciate all you’ve done for me.”
Fiona blushed and squirmed in her seat, visibly uncomfortable with discussing her generosity. “Well, enough about me. It looks like your young man is heading this way.” She nodded toward the window.
Sure enough, Esther spied Matthias looking around as he strolled toward the shop. She waved him inside when he noticed her gazing at him through the glass.
When he walked inside, a smile graced his face, making Esther’s heart do flip-flops. How was it possible for such a perfect specimen to exist? He was casually dressed in a pair of khaki slacks and a black polo shirt. She’d only ever seen him in tailored suits but he looked good in whatever he wore, which Matthias clearly demonstrated. “Good evening, ladies. Fiona, it’s nice to see you again.” He nodded in acknowledgment of the older woman before turning his attention to Esther. “You look lovely.”
Esther looked down at her red gypsy blouse and multicolored peasant skirt that she’d gotten from a vintage thrift store. She loved bright colors because she hadn’t been allowed to wear them in her youth and she thought they looked great against her dark skin. She suddenly felt self-conscious standing in front of her gorgeous date.
“Doesn’t she?” Fiona interjected. “I love her in red.”
Matthias nodded. “I think I do, too.” He gave Esther the once-over in seeming approval.
“Thank you,” Esther was finally able to say though she couldn’t quite meet his eyes. She felt like a schoolgirl with her very first crush and she didn’t quite know how to act.
Fiona slid out of her chair and walked over to them. “Well, you two kids go out and have a good time. And don’t do anything I wouldn’t do and that’s not much.” She cackled at her own joke.
Matthias held his hand out to Esther. “Shall we go?”
Esther’s hand shook as she placed her palm in his. The second Matthias’s fingers clasped around her, what felt like a spark of electricity jolted up her arm. She raised her head to catch his gaze. From the look of bemusement on his face, it was clear he’d felt it too.
They continued to stare at each other for what seemed like an eternity although only a few seconds had actually passed. Matthias was the first to break from the trance as he cleared his throat. “Uh, we should probably get going.”
Esther nodded, allowing him to lead her out of the store with a grinning Fiona giving her two thumbs up.
“Oh, wow, this tastes amazing. I’ve never had anything like it.” Esther took another sip from her stemless wine glass.
“I figured since you didn’t like the dry merlot, you might appreciate a Moscato.” Matthias smiled over his wine glass.
“You seemed to have thought of everything. A picnic dinner, wine, and music under the stars. I’ve never had such a unique date.” The truth was Esther hadn’t been on that many dates at all. She and Mike had just sort of happened. But she was too embarrassed to admit her lack of experience in the dating scene.
“Well, there’s no better way of getting to know someone than by sharing a meal. But had I taken you to a restaurant, we would have been constantly interrupted by the wait staff or get distracted by other diners. This way, it’s just you and me.”
Esther had been surprised when Matthias had driven her to a local park and had produced an actual picnic basket which he’d told her was packed by a catering service, complete with gourmet cheeses and baguettes, tapas, roasted meats and chocolate covered strawberries. He had arranged a table cloth over one of the picnic tables and set up the impressive spread. He had even set up a wireless speaker to play soft music while they enjoyed their meal. Esther had never had dinner under the stars before and she was impressed that he’d made the effort.
During the car ride to their destination, Esther had been so nervous, she couldn’t stop shaking, but Matthias had immediately put her at ease by holding her hand. Too afraid to say something stupid, she said as little as possible at first but he had soon drawn Esther out of her shell by telling her a little about himself. Soon she found herself relaxing around him and enjoying his
company. He was surprisingly down-to-earth and seemed completely unaffected by his own good looks.
“Well, you certainly seem to have thought of everything.” She took another sip of her wine, enjoying the flavor on her tongue. “I’m sure you have a lot of practice with the ladies.”
Matthias had been in the process of taking a sip from his glass but he froze. “Why would you think that?”
Esther groaned inwardly; she’d been doing so well, and here she was putting her foot in her mouth. “I mean…just that…you have to know you’re a very attractive man. I’m sure you’ve been on a lot of dates. I didn’t mean to be rude.”
He placed his glass on the table and grabbed her hands in his. She couldn’t make eye contact because she was so embarrassed. “Esther, look at me.” Though the command was softly spoken, the underlying steel in his tone made it clear that he would not be disobeyed.
She lifted her head to meet his gaze. Once again, Esther found herself captivated by his penetrating stare.
“You seem to have the impression that because I’m attractive, I’m some kind of egomaniac.”
She shook her head vehemently. “That isn’t what I meant. It’s just…I don’t understand why someone like you would want to be with me. I keep thinking you might have asked me out because you felt sorry for me.”
He raised a dark brow. “Is that what you think? Seriously?”
“Well…I mean…why did you ask me out?”
“If we’re to be completely honest with each other the answer to your question is I don’t know.”
That definitely wasn’t the answer she’d been expecting. Esther attempted to pull her hands out of his but Matthias held on. “Listen, the truth is, I’m recently divorced and I wouldn’t exactly categorize my former marriage as a happy one. The last couple years with my ex were in fact excruciating. So being with anyone wasn’t in my purview, at least not this soon. But then I saw you. You’re the reason I walked into Fiona’s shop. Sure, I enjoy a good cup of tea but I don’t like it so much that I need it every day. You were the reason. I saw this beautiful woman with her bright colors and big hair and I wanted to be closer to her.”
Completely at a loss for words, Esther’s mouth fell open.
Matthias continued. “So I like said before I don’t know why I initially asked you out but I’m glad I did and I hope this won’t be our last date.”
She moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue and smiled. “I hope it won’t, either.”
He thought she was beautiful.
Chapter Five
For the first time in Esther’s life, she knew what true happiness was. She had a job, a good friend in Fiona and things were going great with Matthias. These past several months had put a constant smile on her face. Fiona often teased Esther about having her head in the clouds. And who could blame her? Not only was Matthias thoughtful, he was witty, smart and had a great sense of humor. And the best part—he was an amazing kisser. Whenever he placed his lips on hers, he made her toes curl and body throb. With him, she wasn’t a twenty-six-year-old woman still trying to find her way in the world. No, with him she was a teenager again without a single care.
The two of them had never progressed beyond kissing and heavy petting but whenever she was in his arms, it felt like it was meant to be. But despite how great things were going for her, there was still a dark cloud hanging over her head. Esther couldn’t shake the ominous feeling swirling within her being. She feared that something would come along and snatch away her joy. And she knew exactly what that something was: Mike.
She realized things couldn’t progress with Matthias until she told him the truth about Mike. It was killing Esther on the inside to not be able to tell him about her past, that the reason she never bothered to get a divorce was because she feared what her husband would do to her. Even though Mike beat her and cheated repeatedly, his ego wouldn’t allow him to let her go. He’d told her on more than one occasion that she’d regret it if she ever left him. Besides, Esther wasn’t sure that Matthias would understand. He’d had such a difficult time with his own ex, she wasn’t sure how supportive he’d be if he learned that legally she was tied to someone else. The guilt was starting to weigh on her, especially since Matthias was so open with her.
He had shared everything with her, from the struggles he and his mother faced after his father had abandoned them, his life in Seoul and even his marriage. He was an open book and she felt like a huge fraud. Esther didn’t speak much about her past because of the shame she still carried. Growing up unloved and unwanted was embarrassing. Esther wondered if he’d think that she had done something wrong to make her own parents hate her. The rational part of her brain said that it wasn’t her fault. Her parents were simply warped, people. But then there was the scared little girl inside of her that kept herself locked away. She didn’t want Esther to see that side of her. It scared her to be vulnerable to someone else. She’d shared the details of her childhood with Mike when they’d started dating. At first, he was sympathetic and had even told her that she wasn’t to blame. But as their relationship had progressed, Mike would make subtle digs about her past, taunting her about the fact that her parents had never loved her. Sometimes that had hurt far more than the beatings.
Matthias seemed like a reasonable man but she’d been fooled before. How was she going to tell him that even though she’d left her husband, she’d never filed paperwork to make things legal out of fear that Mike would come looking for her?
Currently, she was at Matthias’s apartment watching a movie she hadn’t paid much attention to. It was nice just sitting on the couch with him, and relaxing. His arm was casually draped around her shoulders and her head rested on his chest. The sound of his steady heartbeat was calming.
“Babe, is everything okay?”
She raised her head to look at him. It warmed her heart to hear the endearment fall so easily from his lips. “I was just watching the movie.”
“Oh yeah? What just happened?”
“What?”
“In the movie? If you were paying attention, what just happened?”
“Um…someone got shot?””
He raised a brow. “This is a comedy.”
“Oh.”
Matthias grabbed the remote and paused the film. “What’s going on? You’ve been quiet most of the night and you just seem distracted. What’s on your mind?”
Esther took a deep breath. She had to tell him, but first, she had to test the waters. “I was thinking about us.”
“Oh yeah? What about?”
She moistened her lips that had suddenly gone dry. “We’ve been seeing each other quite a bit in the last several weeks and I think it’s been good.”
He leaned over and pressed his lips against Esther’s, giving her a quick peck. “It’s been very good.” He grinned as he pulled away.
“Well, I was wondering where you see this going. Are we just dating or is this turning into something more? I mean, not that I’m trying to rush things, I just need to know because we never said.”
He paused for a moment as if trying to find the right words to say. Finally, he cupped the side of her face and caressed her cheek with the pad of his thumb. “In the beginning, I wasn’t sure where this was going. I was attracted to you from the second I laid eyes on you. And as we’ve gotten to know each other better, I’ve come to find that you’re compassionate, thoughtful and smart, not to mention when I look into your eyes, I can see me being with you for a very long time. Maybe I’ve been reluctant to label what we are because I’ve been unsure about your feelings for me.”
Matthias exuded confidence by the sheer force of his presence, so it surprised Esther to hear that she made him insecure. “My feelings? I…I think I’m falling for you.” Now that the words were out, there was no turning back. Her heart sped up as she waited for his response.
Matthias smiled in response. “Good to hear because I was starting to get worried because sometimes I feel like you’re holding
back on me. For instance, you know almost everything about me, like where I went to school, growing up with just me and my mother, my life in Seoul and even bits and pieces about my marriage. But whenever I ask a question about your past, like what your childhood was like, you shut down on me. I’m guessing it wasn’t a happy one otherwise, what are you hiding? But the thing is Esther, I’m falling for you as well, and though I’m taking a huge risk with you after having a disaster of a marriage, I believe you’re worth the wait. I’m willing to be patient until you’re ready to share whatever sadness you may have experienced in life.”
Tears welled in her eyes. She had to tell him now, “I…Matthias…I don’t know what to say.”
Coward, she inwardly scolded herself.
“You don’t have to say anything because I believe you’re worth the wait. But I have a bit of confession of my own.”
“Oh?”
“Whenever I kiss you. I can barely hold back. I want to make love to you so badly. Being this close to you has got my whole system out of whack. See what you do to me.” He captured her hand and placed it on the considerable bulge in his pants. Her first instinct was to pull away, not because his action disgusted her, but because it frightened her that she liked it so much. She was also afraid of what she thought of her lack of experience. She’d only been with Mike and just thinking about it was traumatic. But with Matthias, Esther knew it would be different. She wanted to explore every inch of him, had secretly been thinking about it for weeks but didn’t know how to broach the subject. Although she was nervous now that the opportunity had presented itself, Esther wouldn’t let it slip through her fingers.