by Tal Valante
“Sh-Shane,” he says.
“Here.” Shane gives him the glass, and Mark drains it in one go. Shane follows suit.
“You’ve had one too,” Mark says.
Shane holds up his glass and wiggles it.
“No. A flashback.”
Ah. That would explain the sweat and the sore throat, not to mention how he’d slept through Mark’s screams. “I suppose,” he says, and sits on the bed beside Mark.
“I can tell.” Mark curls up into a ball. “I can always tell.”
“Okay.”
Shane lays a hand on Mark’s back, but Mark flinches away. “Don’t.”
“Okay,” Shane says again, but inside it’s killing him, this sign of repudiation. They’ve always been so close. “How can I help?”
Mark sniffs wetly. “Go away.”
Shane stares.
“Go away!” Mark says again, looking up. “You don’t belong here. I don’t want you here.”
Each word carves out a fistful of Shane’s soul, and he doubles over in agony. “You don’t mean that,” he breathes. “You can’t mean that.”
“I do.” Mark’s stare is scathing.
“But we’re Resonance partners. We’re—”
“Yeah, well, so are you and Alex. Go Resonate with him.”
“Mark—”
“I felt him, Shane. He loves you. And you two Resonate. What do you think that means?”
“It means nothing,” Shane tries, but Mark will have none of that.
“It means everything. Go to him.”
“But it’s you I lo—”
“Just go!” Mark screams.
And Shane obeys.
Shane has trouble putting the keys into the ignition, but finally he manages and starts his car. He doesn’t drive anywhere, though. Just lets the engine’s vibrations cradle and soothe him, like a spaceship’s constant hum.
One in ten thousand, the chances of finding your Resonance partner. Once you find him or her, you never let go. The heart can’t suffer the thought of losing such intimacy. And here he is, soul-tied to two different people.
Mark.
Alex.
One of them will end up cold and empty, riven, lost. And it will be Shane’s doing.
Unless . . .
An impossible theory starts evolving in his mind. Something has always bothered him about his newfound Resonance with Alex. Now he thinks he knows why, and he can’t wait to share it.
It takes him only a moment to pull up Alex’s address, but it’s a long drive there. When he arrives, he knocks softly on the door. No answer. Of course there’s no answer—it’s the middle of the night. He rings the bell instead.
Two minutes later, Alex opens the door, disheveled and puffy-eyed. “Shane? Are you all right?”
Shane nods.
Alex rubs his eyes with the back of his hand. “You don’t look that good.”
“There’s something I have to know,” Shane says.
“And it couldn’t wait until the morning?”
“Do you love me?”
Alex’s eyes snap to sharp focus. “What?”
“Mark says you do. So. Do you love me?”
Shane waits long for an answer, heart gnawing at his throat.
Finally it comes: “I’m sorry. I never meant to.”
Shane exhales. “But you do.”
Alex nods.
“Okay,” Shane says. “Okay. I think I understand now.”
“Understand what? What on Earth is going on?”
“Let’s get inside first, it’s freezing.”
“Now you notice,” Alex says on a huff, but he moves aside and waves Shane through.
Shane takes in the cluttered living room with a grimace, locates a beanbag that’s not piled high with books, and sits there. Alex remains standing, arms folded over his massive chest.
“Spill,” he demands.
“Look, we weren’t in Resonance when I first arrived at Rigsby,” Shane says. “I couldn’t sense you at all. Could you sense me?”
Alex shakes his head.
“Right. But then you started . . .” Shane is blushing, he knows he’s blushing, but he pushes on anyway. “You started having feelings for me.”
“I couldn’t help it. The way you were caring for Mark . . .” Alex shrugs. “It was priceless. And I couldn’t help remembering . . . I couldn’t help thinking that I’d give anything to have that again.”
“Right, but see, that’s when our Resonance started. And it was your doing.”
“Me?” Alex recoils. “I didn’t do anything!”
“Oh, but you did.” Shane jumps to his feet in excitement but manages, for a change, not to upset his seat. Blessed beanbag. He kicks it out of the way and paces in the cleared space. “What is Resonance?”
“Huh?”
“The nominal definition, if you will.”
Alex sighs and cites, “Two minds so perfectly attuned to each other that they can share thoughts and emotions.”
“Okay, so our minds are now aligned. But they weren’t before. So at least one of us has changed, right?”
“Could have been you,” Alex says.
“No, it couldn’t. Because I’m in Resonance with Mark, don’t you see? If my brainwaves somehow changed, I’d have fallen out of that Resonance. Instead, you joined us on our wavelength. The change was all on your part.”
Alex uncrosses his arms and rubs his temples. “What are you saying?”
Shane stops pacing and takes a deep breath. “I think you can Resonate with just about anyone you love. You have empathy, so much empathy that your mind aligns itself to Resonate with other people. Forget the one-to-ten-thousand odds. You just have to find your true love, and you’ll have Resonance with him. Her. Whatever.”
Alex bites his lip, but his eyes are hopeful. “You think so?”
“Yes.” Shane offers his hand to the gentle giant. “I really do.”
When Shane returns to their apartment, he finds Mark pacing in the living room. The place looks like a hurricane has blown through. Tossed books are everywhere, opened or closed, faceup or facedown, crumpled, even torn. Shane whistles.
Mark’s head snaps in his direction, and he freezes mid-stride. “What are you doing here?”
“I live here,” Shane answers. He begins to pick up the books.
“Right. Right.” Mark drags a hand through his hair. “I’ll move out. Just let me pack—”
“You’re not going anywhere,” Shane says.
“I said I don’t want to be with you!”
“I heard you.”
“And?”
“And I don’t believe you. You’re trying to protect me from yourself. Well, guess what?” Shane smooths down a folded page in one of the books. “I don’t need protecting. And I’m staying with you.”
“Two men with PTSD?” Mark snorts. “We’ll be triggering each other all the time.”
“Maybe. I don’t care.”
“I caused your flashback tonight.”
Shane shoves a book back into its place on a shelf. “So what? I can deal with flashbacks.”
“You’ve been through enough without me making it worse—”
“And so have you.” Shane turns to look Mark in the eye. “What if a flashback of mine triggers one for you, hmm? Will you dump me over that?”
Mark shakes his head wildly. There are silent tears on his cheeks.
“Then why do you think it’s any different for me?”
“I don’t—I don’t know . . . I just want you to be happy, and if that can’t happen with me—”
“It can’t happen without you.”
Mark rubs his cheeks. “What about Alex?”
“He’ll be fine,” Shane says. “We spoke. He’ll find his true love one day, just like you found me. And when that day comes, I’m sure they’ll Resonate, too.”
“One in ten thousand,” Mark reminds him.
Shane smiles. “It’s different for Alex. Trust me.”
<
br /> He can see the need in Mark’s face. To trust, to accept, to heal. But there’s also fear in his eyes. So Shane puts down the books he’s just picked up, walks over to Mark, and grabs him by the shoulders. Closes his eyes. Summons up the many-faceted love he feels for Mark, like a ball of pure energy, like a sun going nova in his mind, and pushes that force ever so gently into Mark’s mind.
Mark staggers and chokes on a sob. Shane enfolds him in a hug, feeling like a piece of himself has finally settled back in place.
“I’m sorry,” Mark says softly.
“I’m not.”
Mark half laughs, half sobs again. “So now what?”
Shane hums. There’s a long road ahead of them, and the healing won’t be easy. But they can do it together. And in the meantime . . . “Well, there’s the issue of that wedding to settle.”
“Do you still want to . . .?” Mark mumbles from within their embrace, and his entire body stiffens.
Shane huffs. “Don’t be silly. Of course I want to.”
He can feel Mark’s smile against his neck, even as Mark tightens his hug to the point of sweet pain. They stand there for a long moment. Yes, the healing won’t be easy. But in the meantime, for just this moment, everything is rainy.
All My Crimes
Tal’s passion in life is building worlds, whether digital ones using programming languages, or literary ones using plain ol’ English.
When she’s not buried neck-deep in code, you can find her editing manuscripts, designing fantasy worlds, or torturing characters in her own original works.
You can get Tal going forever on her favorite subjects with a few well-placed words, such as “Babylon 5” and “Assassin’s Creed.” A word of caution, though: “forever” means just that . . .
Connect with Tal at goodreads.com/valante.
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