by Lydia Sharp
“No, it’s okay.” He sighs. “It’s okay. I’m past that now. What we’ve done the last few days has made me realize my hope didn’t ever stand a chance. Dad’s gone. I’m sure of it. And the only way to get Kai to understand that, too, is to bring him there, make him see what I’d been dreading to see. Dad was a skilled survivalist, but he wasn’t a superhero. I guess I got swept up in Kai’s hope after we talked about it, but look at everything that’s happened to us in just a few days, and we had each other to depend on. Dad was alone. Something kept him from coming home, and the only logical answer is that he’s dead. There’s no other reason he would have stayed away, for that long, without contact. He loved Mom more than anything. He would have made it his priority to let her know he was alive. I think Kai knows this deep down. He just needs something to make him see it as the truth.”
“I got that impression, too, when we were talking about it last night. With a town nearby, your dad could have called—”
“Help!” Vicki screams from outside. “HELP!”
We both jump up, and the shock of seeing Hunter move like that supersedes my worry for Vicki for a moment. He wobbles, then rushes out the front door, in nothing but thermal underwear and socks, and I go to the window. Vicki is running toward the house, legs pumping hard but too slow. Behind her, something large, dark, and furry, with a rack of antlers that dwarfs her, is hot on her heels. It looks like a moose, but that can’t be a moose. It’s too fast. And angry as a wild dog. Do regular moose get angry like that? Why is it chasing her?
A split second after Hunter went through the door, he reappears, scans the room, and snatches the rifle Kai left beside the table. Then he’s gone again. Oh God, he’s lost his mind. A few minutes ago he couldn’t even stand, let alone shoot. He can’t shoot. He doesn’t shoot. He won’t shoot.
But he’s going to. To save Vicki.
Unless he accidentally shoots her.
She’s still far from the house but close enough to see the panic on her face come into focus, eyes wide, mouth open and panting.
Hunter quickly comes into view through the window and raises the gun, sets his shot. Vicki and the moose aren’t headed straight for us. He’s set at a slight angle, and I wonder what he’s planning to hit. How do you take down a charging moose? “Vicki, move!” he hollers. Roars. Suddenly filled with vitality, like he hasn’t been knocking on Death’s door for almost two days.
Vicki catches sight of him, eyes widening even further, then she drops, landing face-first in the snow like dead weight, eerily still. I can’t breathe. I’m safe in this house and I can’t breathe. The moose is going to stomp her, and we’re too far away to stop it. She’s going to get trampled to death!
A gunshot thunders through my ears and I instinctively cover them and crouch, eyes squeezed shut. When I straighten to look out the window again, the moose is on the ground, lying as motionless as Vicki. Hunter is still holding the gun up, aimed and ready for another shot, but he doesn’t need another one. Killed it on the first try—and I don’t think that was luck.
Vicki’s head pops up, and Hunter lowers the gun. Did I really just see that? It all happened so fast.
And where’s Kai? I thought they were together.
Vicki looks at the moose, lets out a yelp of victory, then grabs her abandoned bucket of fish and comes running up to the house. By the time she reaches it, Hunter is back inside. He collapses onto a chair. “Are you okay?” we say to her in unison. I tackle her with a hug.
“I’m fine, I’m fine!” Vicki shouts, entirely too excited for someone who was just screaming for her life a minute ago. “That moose came out of nowhere! Must have thought I was a threat. I told you moose aren’t slow or stupid, didn’t I? I told you.”
My chest caves in relief, and then I turn to Hunter. “How did you do that?”
“Do what?”
“What do you mean what?” I thrust an arm toward the general direction of the dinosaur-sized carcass outside. “That!”
“I didn’t,” he says, looking fragile again. “Neither of you saw me do this. It didn’t happen.”
“I’m not going to lie about it—”
“I don’t shoot animals.”
“But you just did.” Vicki’s tone sounds as confused as I feel. “You killed that moose in one shot. I ain’t never seen anyone do that before.”
Technically she didn’t see Hunter do it, either, with her face buried in the snow, but that’s not the point.
“It’s not an easy shot,” Hunter says, “for most people. Especially on a moving target. You gotta hit it right behind the ear. Not that I did that—no one can know that I did that, okay?”
It’s not an easy shot for most people. Like his brother, who prides himself on being able to shoot as well as their dad. What would he think if he saw Hunter, who prefers not to shoot at all, take down a moose as quickly and easily as snapping his fingers? “This is about Kai. You don’t want him to know.”
“Yes, Gabi, all right? Yes. What is it with you needing to know the absolute truth of everything?” His voice comes out forced, breathy, and just this side of pissed off.
“I didn’t mean—”
“You want to know it all?” he goes on. “Fine. I’ll tell you all of it. Dad taught us both how to hunt, and he noticed I was better than Kai. I don’t know why or how—I wasn’t trying to be better than him. I just was. And Dad kept comparing us to each other, telling Kai he should be more like me, and Kai acted like it was no big deal, but I could tell it was. A very big deal. So I stopped. I told them I couldn’t shoot animals, that it bothered my conscience, which wasn’t a lie but not for the reasons they assumed. Then Dad didn’t have me around to measure Kai against anymore, and I …” He heaves in a breath, says his next words slower and softer. “I didn’t have an excuse to spend time with Dad anymore.”
Which means he sacrificed a relationship with his father so Kai’s relationship with their dad would be stronger.
“That’s it,” Hunter says. “There’s nothing else to tell. You know the rest. My father hated me because I pushed him away, so much that he didn’t even ask me to go on the trip that would end up being his last.”
The front door yawns open without the click of the doorknob. Vicki must not have shut it all the way when she came in. We all look at it to see who pushed it open. But who else would it be—
“Kai,” I say, hoping he wasn’t standing there the whole time. “Where were you?”
He doesn’t look at me, his eyes laser-locked on Hunter. “In the woods. I heard Vicki scream, and … when I got to the tree line I saw Hunter.”
Hunter looks sixteen shades of guilty, like a kid who got caught stealing cookies. But he didn’t do anything wrong. “You saw me,” he says, his voice breathy and weak. The energy boost he had before disappeared as soon as Vicki was all right, so that now, even just talking is draining him. He props his elbows on the table and leans on them. “You saw me shoot.”
“Yeah,” Kai says. “You’re still good.” His eyes glisten when he smiles, and my heart splits. “Really good.”
Hunter’s eyes are awash with confusion. “Did you hear …”
“Yeah, I heard what you said. Every word of it.”
“Aren’t you mad?”
“No. God, no. I mean, yeah, a little, but not at you. I’m mad that we lost time.” Kai crushes him with a hug. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”
“How could I—”
“All those years,” Kai says. “It could have been different if you’d just told me. I would have found a way to make it work.” His tone is drenched in regret, as if Hunter’s actions—or inactions—were his fault. He keeps squeezing, like his twin will disappear if he doesn’t hold on.
So many problems could have been avoided if they had just talked to each other, told the truth, made their feelings clear. Which is exactly what I did with my mother at the airport … so why am I still so angry about it? Why doesn’t anything feel resolved?
“
I’m sorry,” Hunter says, but he doesn’t even have the strength to hug Kai back. “I’m sorry I screwed us all up. I thought I—I thought I was doing the right thing.”
“So did I. We both messed up. Dad messed up, too. But that’s what happens. We’re only human.”
Hunter pulls back, and his nose twitches as he sniffles. “What did you do?”
Kai stammers for a second, no doubt realizing his mistake. Tell him, I mouth. Hunter’s secret is out now. Kai might as well spill his, too—that he chose Hunter over their dad. Like he said, they both messed up, and they’re only human.
“I … ,” Kai starts, then clamps his mouth shut. Sighs heavy through his nose. Twists his mouth. “I need to get that moose cut up,” he says. “We shouldn’t waste it.”
My shoulders slump, but I get it. He’s not ready. Maybe one revelation between them is enough for one day.
“You don’t look so good,” Vicki says to Hunter.
“I don’t feel so good,” he admits. “I’m gonna lie back down for a minute …” He pushes himself up and out of the chair and wobbles a bit before moving forward.
Vicki helps him to the bedroom—I’m not sure how she’s supporting him, though; she’s half his size—then busies herself keeping the fires in all the rooms burning while I keep an eye on Hunter and Kai takes care of the moose we’ll be having for dinner. For the rest of our lives. Vicki goes out to help him, leaving me alone with Hunter again.
But it’s pretty boring work this time. The fires are steady, thanks to Vicki, and Hunter falls in and out of sleep, never alert enough for conversation. Every once in a while he pushes his blankets off, sweat glistening his forehead, only to tug them back up again a few minutes later, shuddering. “It’s just the flu,” he keeps saying. “I’ll be fine in a few days.”
I’m not so sure he will be.
Vicki comes back and relieves my watch. She keeps him company but doesn’t get chatty. The downward shift in her mood from when Jack left has yet to perk back up. I don’t think it’s that she cares for Hunter any less, or she wouldn’t still be here. It’s more like thoughts of Jack are distracting her. I wonder how long she was waiting for that apology from him, and what happened between them. How easily your whole world can change with just two simple words, spoken from the heart:
I’m sorry.
The next morning brings dull sunlight filtered through a quilt of gray clouds, a brisk wind that stings my cheeks, and a creeping dread in my gut. Hunter definitely needs a doctor. He’s still not eating, his congestion is worse, he developed a cough and a sore throat overnight, and our limited stock of ibuprofen and Tylenol isn’t going to last much longer at the rate he’s popping pills to keep his fever in check.
“I may not be a pre-med student,” Kai says, “but I do know that stuff will burn a hole in your stomach if you don’t take it with food. Come on, Hunter, just a little. Try.” We cooked as much moose meat as we could yesterday so it wouldn’t go bad, which still left quite a bit for the wolves and whatever else is out there to pick clean overnight, and packed up in baggies what we couldn’t eat right away.
Hunter takes exactly one bite of the meat Vicki offers him, then flops back onto his pillow. Five minutes later, Vicki’s wiping up puke off the floor.
The usual wrinkle in Hunter’s brow has left his face and taken up residence on Kai’s. And probably mine, too. I will never again take for granted the convenience of pharmacies and hospitals and ambulance service in the city. Or roads, phones, indoor plumbing, food service, other people. We’re completely alone out here—and we sent Jack out alone. Our plan seemed good when we first thought it up, but without any way to contact him, who knows if he even made it to town? The weather has been cooperative, but wild animals are always wild. He’s been gone for more than a day now and Hunter is rapidly getting worse. Even if Jack is okay, can we wait another day for him to get back? I don’t know what other options we have, though.
Vicki is in the other room with Hunter, alternating between keeping the fire going strong and wiping him with a cool wet rag.
“What do we do?” I ask Kai. “We don’t know when Jack will return—or if he found a doctor—and Hunter can’t travel, and we can’t leave him alone to find someone ourselves.”
Kai drops his armload of wood, removes his gloves, and rubs his hands together near the fire. “I don’t know. This wasn’t part of the plan.”
“Well …” I sidle up next to him and wrap both of my arms around one of his. His chest relaxes on a sigh. “What would you have done if you’d been out here alone and gotten sick?”
“I don’t know,” he repeats. “I guess I just didn’t think it would happen. Stupid.” He shakes his head. “Hunter has his life all planned out, you know? He’s always been the smart twin, the sensible twin. He’s known exactly what he wanted to do, what he wanted to be, since we were, I don’t know, twelve, and I still haven’t figured anything out. Hunter just wants to help people, and now he can’t even help himself.” His fists clench over the fire.
“He’ll be okay. Just don’t give up on him, or on yourself. You’re smart and sensible, too. You can do this. We can do this.”
Kai presses his palms against his eyes. “I need to think. I can’t think in here; it’s suffocating. And I need to keep my hands busy. I’m going back out. Do you want to come?”
“Sure—”
But suddenly the door bursts open and Jack rushes inside.
Kai and I both let out yelps of surprise that melt into relieved smiles. And then, just as quickly, I start to worry. He’s alone. This could be good news, or bad. Either the town is closer than we thought, or he had to turn around before he got there.
He lifts a pair of sunglasses away from his eyes and squints at us. He didn’t have sunglasses before … “Oh good, it is you,” he says, shoulders dropping. He slams the door shut behind him. “I wasn’t sure if I had the right cabin. Seemed like it was taking longer to get back here than it took to get to town.”
“Thank God you found it,” I say.
Jack looks at the closed door to Hunter’s room. “How’s the big guy?”
“Not good,” Kai says. “Did you find anyone who can help?”
“Yes. Nice guy I met at the café gave me a ride up, ’cause I couldn’t carry everything I bought—”
For himself or for us?
“—and the rest of them are coming in a big truck not far behind me.” He wrestles the rucksack off his back and it hits the floor with a hard thunk. Definitely heavier than it was when he left. I take a peek out the front window and see a bright red utility vehicle. A bored-looking man sits in the driver’s seat, smoking a cigarette. “I told them where you are,” Jack continues, “and then left right away so I could get your stuff back to you and let you know what’s going on. They had to find the right people first and gather supplies—it’s no thriving metropolis down there, everyone’s a volunteer—but they should be here soon. I caught sight of them down the mountain from here a few minutes ago.”
“Wait, slow down,” Kai says. “Who’s ‘they’ exactly?”
“Medics, police—”
“Why the police?” My heartbeat kicks up a notch. “Are we in trouble?”
The door to the bedroom opens. “What’s all the commotion … ?” As soon as Vicki catches sight of Jack, she runs toward him and captures him in a tight embrace. “You’re back!” She lets go as quickly as she snatched him. “I mean, I’m glad you’re all right.”
“Missed you, too, Vicks.” Jack winks at her, then turns his attention to me. “Your parents aren’t too happy you all took off without a single peep about where you’re headed. There’s an Amber Alert out on the three of you. I didn’t know until I told them your names and they thanked me for helping them find you. Called me a hero, even.” Amused grin. “They’re not going to let you go any farther when they get here. You’re delinquent minors, they said. They’re coming to take you all home.”
Oh no … “We can’t go home y
et.”
“I know you don’t want to,” Jack says, “but the law’s the law. Sorry.”
Kai spits out a curse. “This is why Hunter was supposed to stay home. He would have figured out where I was before anyone else—”
“He did,” I say.
“—and he could have kept Mom distracted, and whoever else noticed me missing from trying to come after me.”
“Including me.” I cross my arms. “Did you really think I’d just let you go?”
“I know now that was a bad plan,” he says. “I thought I could do this alone, that I should do this alone. But I was wrong.” He puts a hand on each of my shoulders and looks me straight in the eye. “I was wrong, Gabi. I need you. And I need my brother.”
“You can’t have us both now, though.”
“What are you saying?”
“That we have to get out of here before the police show up. We have to go now, Kai, and … I guess that means leaving Hunter behind. He’ll be all right. Jack said medics are coming.”
“I know, but …” Kai’s gaze flicks to Hunter in the other room. “Gabi, we’re in deep—”
I put my hands on my hips. “You’re not really thinking of going home, are you? We’re too close! And you agreed the other day—we might never get another chance like this.”
“Fine. We’ll go.” Kai starts shoving all the bagged moose meat he can fit into his pack. “Stubborn girl.”
“If I am, I caught it from you.” I grin.
He flashes a grin right back, and that’s all I need to see to know we’re okay. We just have to face one more trial on this journey and then we can go home and everything will be okay.
“I’ll stay with Hunter until he’s ready to go home,” Vicki says, earning a sidelong glance from Jack.
“I had a feeling you guys would keep going either way,” Jack says. He pulls out a folded piece of paper and a pencil from a side pocket of Kai’s pack. “So I picked this up while I was in town. It’ll help you get to where you’re going faster. You need a path.” He unfolds the paper and spreads his palms over it, smoothing out the creases. It’s a map, but not the full state of Alaska like the others I’ve seen. It’s zoomed in on the Fairbanks area. Alaska looks so tame like this, just a bunch of rivers, lakes, plains, and mountains. Fairbanks is a large shaded area. Smaller towns are scattered all over—those are whole communities, and they’re just dots. And us, little specks moving about, smaller than dust motes by comparison. We don’t even register on this.