by Kira Adams
Jace looked up at me suddenly, his face falling. “It’s not what you think it is.”
I began fumbling to put my sock back on and shoes, not bothering to muster up a response.
“We’re just friends Peyton,” Jace commented loudly, attempting to command my attention.
Friends…the same word he had used to describe our relationship to one another. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach wondering how many other girls he may have been leading on. After I was fully clothed, I grabbed my purse, ready to get the hell out of there.
“I’ll see you around Jace.” I stood and began making my way to the door.
Jace was barricading it before I even knew what was happening. “What happened to you?” he asked.
“What do you mean?” I asked in a short tone.
“What happened to you growing up that made you this way?” He posed another question.
I shrugged him off. I didn’t talk to anyone about my struggles; those were secrets I kept woven in my lyrics. It was my way of release.
“Seriously, who damaged you? Why are you so insecure?”
I felt like I had been slapped in the face; my cheeks growing hotter. “I want to go home Jace.”
“And I asked you a question.” He took a step closer to me, still blocking the door.
I shook my head, aggravated.
He grabbed at my hips, where my shirt met my yoga pants and I pushed him away. “Don’t!”
“Why can’t I touch your stomach? Why can’t I see you with your shirt off?” he asked in a demanding tone.
“Don’t go there Jace.” I warned him. “You’re really testing the waters tonight.”
“Peyton.” He reached for me again, but I dodged his grasp.
“I’m not playing with you Jace. Don’t fucking touch me…I want to go home.” I was trying to wrestle past him, but making no headway.
Tears began welling up in the corner of my eyes. Not here, not in front of him. I kept my gaze lowered to my feet, not daring to make eye contact.
“Peyton,” he said more lightly now, touching my cheek and I broke. He broke me. Tears began spilling down my cheeks, free flowing like a waterfall. His arms wrapped around me instantly. So much for holding it together…
I didn’t even try to fight him off. I just stood there crying silently, in his arms. When I could finally breathe normally again, wasn’t convulsing, and could string together full sentences, I pulled away from him. “Just remember, you asked for it.” I surprised him by lifting my shirt off, effortlessly, exposing my bra and body. I winced while his eyes moved up and down my body.
“What is it?” he asked, almost clueless.
Irritated I threw my shirt back on. “I’ll see you later.” I pushed past him to the door and this time he didn’t stop me. He let me walk out without another word.
***
It had been a few days since my strange encounter with Jace. I was still very conflicted about it. There were so many things I loved about him…but the thought that he was still seeing Olivia and that I would never be good enough for him consumed my mind. To help refocus myself, I had asked Noah if we could have our usual writing rehearsal. He agreed almost instantaneously.
I loved the way our forces worked together---my words and his chords. It was like a beautiful dance. It always put me in a good mood. He was strumming lightly as I sang along.
“Different people, different places—young and old, familiar faces,” I sang the scribbled words off my sheet of paper.
Noah was nodding his head enthusiastically. “I like that.”
“Thanks,” I replied, immediately putting my pen back to paper again. “It’s time to create a shift in the norm, to fill the roles for which we were born,” I read off to him.
“Yeah.” He nodded, grinning.
“Let’s run through all of it so far,” I instructed. We played through the first verse a couple of times until we felt confident in it.
“Hey, do you want some water?” Noah asked, jumping up.
I nodded. “Yes please.”
He left the room and I couldn’t help but stare after him as he walked away. Noah was definitely not sore on the eyes one bit. He was wearing a tight black band t-shirt; his usual staple, and faded black knee length jean shorts. Without even realizing it I had jotted down some lyrics unconsciously modeled after Noah.
Feeling the intensity, his eyes draw me in. What I’m feeling inside must be a sin.
I panicked when I realized what I had written; not wanting Noah to catch wind of it.
He returned shortly after, bottles of water in tow. He threw one my way and I caught it.
“Write anything while I was gone?”
“Not anything we can use,” I lied; lightly scribbling over my newest string of words.
“What is that?” He pointed to where I was scribbling.
“Oh, nothing…it’s actually pretty bad. I don’t know what I was thinking…”I stammered, my cheeks growing pink.
“Let me see,” Noah reached for my spiral notebook and I flung back with it. This piqued his interest ten-fold. “What did you write Peyton?” He taunted me with a playful grin.
I couldn’t help giggling. “Nothing,” I lied once more, gripping my notebook tighter.
He had me cornered. We were both laughing now, enjoying the light hearted atmosphere. I had missed writing with Noah; we always had a good time. When he first joined the band he was dating a devil of a girl named Marissa. She was terrible. I once watched her punch him in the gut for no apparent reason. He finally grew some balls and broke up with her after a few months of rehearsal with me. We spent our time writing new lyrics and counseling each other on our everyday problems. “Read it to me and I’ll back off, scouts honor,” he said.
If I read it to him now he was bound to know it was about him. What will he think? I wasn’t even sure what I thought of it yet. I had always been insanely attracted to Noah, but he had an insane girlfriend, was dead sexy, and way out of my league. I had never given a second thought to anything other than friendship between us. Plus when he dated previously said devil he treated me like shit in front of her and special again behind her back. I had never been cool with that. I had encountered enough players in my days…I didn’t need to add another to the roster.
He put his arm on the wall behind me. “I’m waiting…” He pretended to eye his watch.
I rolled my eyes. “Fine,” I said huffily. I pushed my notebook at him and scooted away to the other side of the room.
He read it aloud, making me more anxious. “Feeling the intensity, his eyes draw me in.” He paused briefly glancing at me with raised eyebrows. “What I’m feeling inside must be a sin.” He took a few steps toward me. “This is grade A stuff, why are you scribbling all over it? This is sexy Peyton.”
I grabbed my notebook hesitantly from him, my cheeks still burning.
“Who was your inspiration?” he asked in a casual tone. I wasn’t sure if he was playing dumb or hadn’t caught on.
“No one in particular,” I lied again. “I thought of a name for the new one we were working on,” I changed the subject.
“Oh yeah, what?” I was thankful he took the bait.
“Fast Ride to Nowhere.”
“Cool,” he replied, enthusiastically, picking up his guitar. “So I am thinking this for the chorus.” He began strumming methodically and I got lost in the music.
Chapter 15
If it were Me, I Wouldn’t Let You out of My Sight.
Simple Pleasures
Stumbled out of the bar piss ass drunk-not going far
Same damn thing every night, searching for someone to fight
His life’s not bad, his day’s always blue
He’s kidding himself, hiding what’s true
Doing his best, but his best wouldn’t do
He needed a change, he needed a clue
What is he to become when his life is at an end?
Will he be happy, sad, or have a friend?
He is so naïve that he just doesn’t see
The simple pleasures life can bring
Ma buys his smokes, Dad buys his booze
What do you know? He’s got nothing to lose
Never has to worry about a thing
It’s all taken care of, everything
Always been fed with that silver spoon
Now he’s stumbling out of the saloon
Enough of this, time for a change
Time to give his life the rearrange
What is he to become when his life is at an end?
Will he be happy, sad, or have a friend?
He is so naïve that he just doesn’t see
The simple pleasures life can bring
For my entire life, my birthday had always been something I had looked forward to, while also dreading. I always got my hopes up and was let down in the end. While my parents were eternally loving and caring, I had grown tired of spending my birthday with them and going to the movies; our tradition—I wanted to shake up the ordinary…I wanted to do something that would make me feel alive.
I was let down when both Brooklyn and Madison had separate reasons to why they couldn’t celebrate my birthday night with me. When I called Harper she said she was tired and wanted to chill out at home—she invited me over to watch movies and eat ice cream. That was the best offer I could get on my own birthday? It annoyed me to a certain extent. I told her I may stop by, but instead did something that surprised even myself…I texted Jace.
I had felt bad about the way I had run out of his grandmother’s house and how much of a crybaby I had been. To be honest I was a handful and if I were a guy I wouldn’t want to put up with me either. But with his new haircut and tattoo I figured he may have something better to do.
Hey, what’s up? I wrote.
I shuffled around my room, trying to decide what to wear. I settled on grey leggings I could pull up to cover my problem area and a black tank top with silver jewels.
I checked my phone, anxious to see his answer.
Not much, just getting off work…you?
I sat down at my vanity, already typing my response back. Wanna hang out? My heart was beating rapidly inside my chest; hoping that I didn’t blow everything with Jace the other night. To take my mind off of it I began applying a little eyeliner, mascara, and blush—not over the top, but enough to accentuate my features.
Actually, I have plans…maybe later? Wondering who he had mysterious plans with was bound to drive me insane in the worst way.
Yeah, maybe, I wrote back. There was no way I was going to sit at home on my birthday this year. So much had changed; I had changed. “Mom?” I yelled, peeking my head out into the hallway.
“Yes Peyton?” I heard her answer me from inside her room.
“Can we go to the hair salon?” My mother loved pampering of any kind, and with it being my birthday I knew she wouldn’t be able to resist.
“Of course,” I heard her say before what sounded like shuffling around, more than likely preparing to leave.
***
“You look so different,” my mother exclaimed in awe.
“Good different or bad different?” I asked, biting my lip and touching my soft new hair.
“I love the colors!” My mother ran her fingers through my hair. I had chosen to dye my hair black with a hint of purple on top and fire engine red underneath. I had also opted for Chinese style bangs and choppy layers.
I swiveled the chair around and began to eye my reflection in the mirror. I looked like a completely different person. I looked tough; edgy. It was exactly what I had wanted; needed. “I love it,” I whispered, running my fingers through my hair delicately.
“You need to go out,” my mother said excitedly. “Show off your new ‘do.”
She was right, it was the first time I had felt confident in any part of my looks in…ever. I needed to take advantage of this feeling. When I made it home I pulled out my phone to text Harper, but noticed a text from Jace. It read, I’m free now if you want me to stop by.
Pick me up—let’s go do something, I replied before heading down the stairs. It didn’t take him long to arrive but in that short time I received an abundance of texts from Harper. She was freaking out because she was alone in her mansion, her parents were out of town on business, and she was scared of the strange noises. Even though it was the last way I wanted to spend my birthday, I knew it wouldn’t be right of me unless I stopped by her place to check up on her and make sure she was okay.
Jace’s jaw was at his knees as I climbed in the car. “New hair?”
I nodded. “I needed a change.”
Using the phrase he had coined caused a smile small to form at the corners of his lips. “What made you choose black and red?”
I shrugged. “I’ve always wanted to be edgier. It seems oddly fitting…doesn’t it?”
“Yeah.” He nodded in agreement, before reversing the car out of my driveway. “So, where do you want to go?”
“Actually, we need to make a quick pit stop first.” I glanced over at him, taking in the way his light blue Volcom tank enhanced his stunning cobalt eyes.
He caught me staring and I looked away hurriedly. “What is it?” he asked.
“Oh, nothing…it’s just Harper.” I swiftly changed the subject.
“What about Harper?”
“Just being a wuss is all,” I replied, glancing out the passenger window. “You know, we never talked about you being at the hospital…”
Jace didn’t even bother looking my way, nor responding.
“Jace?”
“I’m not ready to talk about it,” Jace responded in a deep, low voice.
I nodded. I hadn’t realized how insensitive I had been. In less than a year’s time, Jace had lost two family members due to car accidents. This last incident with his brother could have brought up unresolved feelings about his mother’s passing. “I’m sorry,” I muttered under my breath.
“What was that?” Jace asked, glancing quickly my way, then back to the road.
“I’m sorry I brought it up,” I replied, feeling guilty.
He shrugged his shoulders in response. We drove in silence for another couple of minutes, before he finally spoke. “I want to talk to you about it…” He paused. “When I’m ready.”
That was how we left it, the entire way to Harper’s. A hummer limo parked at her doorstep caught my attention.
“What’s that all about?” Jace pointed with his head towards the limo.
“I have no clue.” I was dying with anticipation; I had practically flown out of the car as soon as Jace put it in park. I raced up her cement stairs and rang the doorbell to her massive home. I turned around and was surprised to see Jace had kept up with me.
“Someone’s anxious,” Jace whispered from behind my right ear, sending chills down my spine. He had no clue what day it was. He had no clue of my history with this dreadful day…I couldn’t bear to hold my excitement in.
The giant front door swung open and a crescendo of “Surprises” wafted out into the air. The place was packed to the brim, it appeared as though everyone in my small town of Day Heights had packed themselves into Harper’s mansion. I was searching the faces for ones I would recognize, but there were freshmen all the way up to seniors and even some graduates it appeared.
“Whoa! Is that the birthday girl?” Madison came bouncing towards me, extending out a shot.
“It’s your birthday?” Jace mumbled to me through closed lips.
I glanced apologetically back at him. Had I known my amazing friends had planned a surprise party, I would have at least warned Jace about what we were walking into.
“Take it!” Madison ordered me, pushing the shot glass closer to my mouth.
“What is it?” I asked, smelling it slightly.
“Rum.” Brooklyn appeared in front of me suddenly, clinking her shot glass with mine. “To the birthday girl.” She raised her shot glass and I watched numerous othe
rs follow suit.
It was spiced rum and not my absolute favorite; I cringed after swallowing it fully.
“I love the hair!” Brooklyn ran her fingers through my newly styled and colored mane.
“Thanks,” I replied, glancing around.
“Girl, you look badass.” Harper broke herself apart from the crowd. “I wish I could pull something like this off.”
My hair was the main attraction for the first twenty minutes while people adjusted to the new me. I caught sight of Noah off in the corner. He lifted his chin to me and raised his glass in the air as a hello, mouthing “nice hair”.