by Jane Davitt
They’d discussed that too. In fact, they talked about Liam a lot now that Austin thought about it. At first, it’d been the scene they’d focused on, but it’d slowly changed to a fascination with the man himself. Liam was so closed off, but during a scene that reserve cracked from time to time.
Jay stared up at the ceiling. “Yeah. So he put his finger in my ass. Not all the way, but it felt like he’d gotten the message too, so I, uh… “ He reached out and took Austin’s hand, his thumb smoothing the back of it in nervous, jerky sweeps. “I offered to blow him. Same deal as Patrick, I guess, but it felt… It wasn’t the same. Well, you weren’t there. I should’ve waited so we could do it together. I screwed it up. Fuck. Fuck.”
Austin rolled to his side and planted a firm kiss on Jay’s mouth, noting absently it was swollen on one side. “Stop it. You might screw up when it comes to reheating soup and remembering my birthday, but there is no way, none, that you could ever screw up a blowjob. Seriously. Just not possible.”
Jay sighed and returned the kiss. “He did that thing I wanted him to. You know. The slap.” Jay stuck out his tongue, exploring his lip. “Really good job. Hurt at the time, and you can’t see a mark on my face, but I caught the inside of my cheek against my tooth.”
Austin guessed Jay had spent some time in front of the mirror checking out his face, half-disappointed that it wasn’t marked. “Is your mouth okay? Did you wash it out with salt water?”
Jay nodded and gave Austin’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “Yeah. It’s fine. I was just so turned on when he did it. Jesus.”
“I’m not surprised. You’ve been waiting for him to do that for weeks.” Austin groaned. “God, I missed that too. Okay, you were right. No more solo sessions.”
“I’m kind of glad you weren’t there right then. It got weird. He basically just threw a cock ring at me and kicked me out.” Jay let go of Austin’s hand and ran his fingers over his cock, exploring its outline over and over as if he couldn’t keep from touching it. “I’ve got to keep it on until tonight. He’s never done something that carried on after everything was over. It’s all different, and it’s all my fault.”
Austin flopped back against his pillows and joined Jay in staring at the ceiling, turning over what had happened in his head. “First off,” he said slowly, “I don’t think it’s your fault. It was, like, a different dynamic because I wasn’t there. Not bad, just different, you know?”
“Yeah.” Jay didn’t sound convinced.
“Second, whatever happened, we’ll deal with it. Things with Patrick weren’t always smooth sailing either, and we worked that out.”
“And then he left.” Flopping sideways dramatically, Jay put the back of his hand to his forehead, then opened one eye. “Think I could get an Oscar?”
“It’s never too late for a new career,” Austin said and patted Jay’s hip. “So he came, but he didn’t let you come?”
“Uh-huh. I know he liked it. How could he not have liked it?” Jay pouted.
“Maybe he liked it too much.” Austin sighed and—as much as he wanted to touch Jay’s cock—he didn’t. “I’ll call him later, okay?”
“Okay. But for now can we talk about something else? Because my dick hurts, and if we focus on this, it’s going to be harder. To ignore.”
Austin took a long, hot shower, which felt amazing after days of being sick, and let Jay feed him pancakes. He only managed to eat one, but he wasn’t worried about his lack of appetite. He knew from experience that it would return, and probably with a vengeance. He fielded two phone calls, one from his boss and the second from his mother, who had another half dozen complaints about April that he tried to let go in one ear and out the other. It wasn’t until almost lunchtime that Jay went up to work on his diorama and Austin was able to make a phone call he could concentrate on.
The phone at Liam’s end rang for so long Austin was almost ready to hang up. “Hello,” Liam said finally.
“Hi, it’s me. Austin.”
“Oh yes. Hello.” Liam sounded distant and uninterested, but Austin was well equipped to deal with teen-style angst even when it came from a middle-aged man.
“Jay’s upset,” he said bluntly. “So I wanted to touch base and see if you were too.”
“No, of course not. Why would I be upset?”
Austin sighed and sat down on the edge of his bed, where the covers were a lumpy and uncomfortable tangle. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Pretend like everything’s fine and you don’t care. I know you care. So take some deep breaths and talk to me.”
It was quiet. Austin wondered if Liam was actually following his advice and breathing. If not, chances were the next sound he was going to hear would be the dial tone.
“Is Jay all right?” Liam asked eventually, finally sounding like a human being and not a robot.
“He thinks he did something wrong.”
“He didn’t. If there were mistakes made, they were mine, not his.”
“What mistakes?” Austin stood and started to pick up wadded, damp tissues from the floor.
“Would you like a list?” Liam asked bitterly. “I let things get out of hand, I lost control of the situation and myself, and I broke the verbal contract we’d made.”
“You sound like a lawyer,” Austin pointed out.
“The shoe fits. Or near enough.”
“Is this a gay-sex thing?”
Liam grumbled. “I’m nearly forty, Austin. I’m a bit long in the tooth to be worrying about a sudden sexual epiphany.”
The tissues went in the trash, and Austin began to strip the covers off the bed one-handed. Laundry day. Definitely. “Yeah? I think it’d be more of a shock the older you got.”
“Well, it isn’t.” Liam sounded peevish, which only heightened Austin’s feeling that he was dealing with his sister in a really bad mood. It made him feel exhausted sometimes, always being the one in charge. It didn’t take a degree in psychology to work out that part of the attraction of submission for him, though he knew letting someone else drive for a while wasn’t the only reason he loved to kneel for a man like Liam.
“It wasn’t a shock to us, if that helps.” The fitted sheet was stuck, one corner resisting his tugs. He walked around the bed and eased the corner out from under the mattress.
“Excuse me?”
It had been exhilarating and liberating to talk to Liam without watching every word, but the ice around Liam’s last words was a wake-up call that playtime was over. He’d gone too far to back down yet, though.
“We’ve been wondering for a while if you were as straight as you said you were.” The sheet hung heavy from his hands, and he sat down abruptly, sweat breaking out over his back. Okay, maybe he’d overdone it for his first day out of bed. “Before you freak out, we weren’t being, uh, disrespectful. It was just that we were getting some mixed signals.”
“Oh God.”
The mortification and shock in Liam’s voice made Austin grimace involuntarily. Shit.
“Liam—” Had he ever called him that directly? Not that he had much choice. Sir wasn’t going to work, not for this conversation, and they’d gotten way past Mr. Thornton. “It’s okay. Really. We don’t mind. We can all sit down and um, renegotiate things.”
And wouldn’t that be a fun discussion if Liam was still in this prickly, snappy mood.
“You don’t sound angry,” Liam said slowly.
“That’s because I’m not. Frustrated, sure, because I missed out on last night and because Jay’s unhappy about you being unhappy. But not mad.”
Liam hesitated. “You don’t mind that Jay and I were intimate.”
Austin laughed and tucked the phone against his shoulder so he could ball up the dirty sheets. “Liam, you’re always intimate with us. Why am I even explaining this? You know it, all of it. Stop being so focused on what life is supposed to be like and think about what our lives are actually like, you know?”
“You didn’t wan
t sex to be part of what we did.” Hesitancy and Liam didn’t go well together. Hearing the doubt in his voice made Austin want to do or say anything to restore the confident, crisp bite he was used to.
“That was…” Austin had so much to say that he couldn’t decide where to start. He let the sheets fall to the floor again and wandered over to the window. Fresh air seemed like a good idea. “Okay, I’m going to babble like Jay here, so bear with me. First, we’re used to having sex with our dom—with Patrick, anyway. Not full-on fuck-us-through-the-mattress sex, but blowjobs, sure. We’re not naive and what we do is a turn-on for everyone in the room, so yeah, stuff happens. Like last night.”
“He… I would never have—” Liam made a frustrated sound. “I didn’t plan it.”
“I know.” Austin worked the stiff window up and shivered as a cool breeze blew in. “Jay didn’t either, if that helps. He enjoyed it, though. Especially you slapping him. That’s been a fantasy of his forever.”
He could hear the soft, quick breath Liam took. Okay, knowing Liam was probably getting aroused on the other end of the line was making it hard to concentrate. “Uh, okay, that was one. Niall wanting us for nothing but sex was two. We were really freaked out by what happened with him. Three is, well, three is that we thought you were straight, and we didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. We needed you. God, you have no idea how much we need you, and we didn’t want to do anything to—”
“Scare me off?”
Austin grinned. “Yeah.”
“I don’t scare easily. I’ll admit to a few qualms about the logistics of dealing with both of you at once, but it worked out surprisingly well.”
“Stop talking about it in the past tense,” Austin said, alarm making him reckless. “You’re not ditching us over this, Liam. Tell me you’re not going to be that stupid.”
There was another pause. With most people, silence was just emptiness, but Liam’s pauses always seemed to be crammed full. When he spoke, it was a single chilly word. “Liam?”
“Sir,” Austin said quickly, relief flooding through him. He wanted to get back to normal—but better—and it was starting to look as if Liam did too. “I’m sorry, Sir.”
It was ridiculous when he wasn’t even in the same room as Liam, but he yearned to go to his knees. It felt wrong to be standing, looking out at the street below, after using that tone to Liam. He wanted to be on his knees, his eyes closed, Liam’s voice filling his head, making everything simple and easy. Waiting until Friday to see Liam again would be a struggle, but never seeing him again? Austin couldn’t go there. It made his gut clench with dismay. The only thing that would hurt more would be losing Jay, something Austin couldn’t contemplate without feeling a dark, helpless panic.
Slowly, his cock hardening, he sank down to the floor and positioned himself the way Liam liked, back straight, knees just a few inches apart. He’d done this as a teenager on the bathroom floor with the door locked—the only way to get any privacy in his crowded home. He’d closed his eyes and pretended he was in a room with his dom, a belt looped around his neck in lieu of a collar, jerking off like that, hearing a calm, stern voice giving him instructions.
“You should be sorry,” Liam said on the other end of the line. “I don’t tolerate disrespect, Austin.”
“I know, Sir.”
“What do you think a reasonable punishment for disrespect should be?”
Austin tried to think, but he was already getting turned on and that was always distracting. “Um…a whipping?”
“At the very least,” Liam said severely. “And I’m sure I’ll think of something else as well. I’ll dole out your punishment on Friday. I expect you to be prepared to behave yourself.”
“Yes, Sir,” Austin said gratefully. “Thank you, Sir.”
Liam’s voice softened the barest fraction. “Now take care of yourself and feel better. I’ll see you on Friday.”
Chapter Fourteen
Liam stepped out of the shower and reached for the thick white towel on the rack. He always showered before a session, even though it was likely he’d need to repeat the action after it ended. Disciplining one sub had often left him pleasantly exhausted; two was a real challenge from a physical and mental standpoint.
There was something about the routine he’d formulated over the past few months that grounded him. Making sure the floor of any room that might be used was free of anything that could dig into bare flesh, that there were drinks at hand, towels, scissors, a first aid kit fully stocked in a drawer or cupboard, that any equipment was clean, in good repair…minor chores, but necessary.
He’d done all of that, and his heart was still hammering fast, making him feel light-headed. He had to get himself under control or the coming hours would be a disaster.
Dried, he walked out of the bathroom into his bedroom, where he’d laid out clean clothing with the meticulous care a valet would have used. It was, though he’d never told them, his way of showing respect toward his subs. They deserved the best, and until last week, he’d been confident he could provide it.
He’d learned so much about them, what they liked, what they needed—not always the same, of course—and how they would respond in certain circumstances. Hell, he’d even jotted down notes in the messy scrawl he called handwriting, notes, plans for the future, subjects to research, equipment to consider buying…
He played golf with colleagues, online Scrabble with a cousin back in England, and he loved swimming. They were hobbies, pastimes. This was part of his life. He needed it. How in God’s name had he gone so long without it?
He couldn’t lose it. He couldn’t lose them. His Jay, his Austin. Even if they belonged first and foremost to each other, for the time they were with him, they allowed him to pretend they were his with a generosity Liam knew he could never match.
It was why he’d been left shaken at the thought of walking away and leaving them to replace him, though if they’d told him it was what they wanted, he’d have had no choice. He cared for them too much to come between them—and when and how that’d happened, he didn’t know.
He could understand now, on one level, why Patrick had chosen to move to another city altogether. Of course it had been more complicated for Patrick, who’d been running from the memories of his previous, irreplaceable life, but Liam had actually considered that if things with Jay and Austin ended, he’d quite possibly choose to move away as well. It would be too difficult to be in this house and not see their ghosts in every corner. His feelings for them were complex. He wasn’t sure if he was in love with either of them, but he cared about them.
He cared about them more than he’d have guessed would be possible.
Checking the clock showed there were only five more minutes before they’d be arriving, so Liam finished buttoning his shirt, slid his feet into his waiting shoes, and went downstairs. Everything was ready.
They were late.
Liam was surprised by that and more than a little irritated. They’d always been so prompt before. Concern began to swamp irritation, but the car pulled into the driveway at nine minutes past the hour. Jay and Austin nearly flew up the steps to the front door.
He pasted an unamused expression onto his face before he answered their knock.
“We are so sorry,” Austin said. He appeared to be fully recovered from his illness of the week before. “We lost track of time.”
“I was finishing a book,” Jay confessed. “He tried to tell me it was getting late.”
“I see.” Liam made a show of checking his watch. “Nine minutes you kept me waiting.” He stepped back to let them in, and Jay closed the door behind them. “Take off all your clothes and kneel.”
They exchanged a look, then scrambled to do as they’d been told. The only place to pile their shed clothing was on the small table where Liam kept his keys in a brass bowl that was one of the few tangible items left from his marriage.
“Upstairs. No, stay on your knees. Jay, you can show Austin where to g
o. I’ll be joining you in nine minutes.”
Liam found the thought of the two boys climbing the stairs naked on their hands and knees far too amusing. He knew he’d never keep from smiling if he watched them doing it, so he went to the kitchen and put some ice cubes from the freezer into a small bowl.
All the toys were fun, but really, give him a well-equipped kitchen and he had plenty to work with. He found he was humming under his breath as he opened the fridge and took out a bowl of peeled ginger floating in water. Before his shower, he’d carefully carved a shallow groove an inch or so from the base of each five-inch finger, leaving a stub that would poke out in a way he’d always found rather appealing once the finger had been pushed inside a sub’s arsehole, though it’d been years since he’d last done this.
Ice and heat. Extremes were so intriguing. Which sensation would the two upstairs dislike most? The ginger would stay inside them, the burning heat building unbearably, while the ice would touch their skin unexpectedly, its freezing bite not unlike a flash of flame. Luckily for them, he wasn’t cruel enough to make them choose.
They’d take both, for as long as he wanted them to, and thank him afterward for every moment of discomfort.
When he walked into the bedroom, they were kneeling, eyes down, totally silent, the rise and fall of their chests the only sign of movement. His nerves had disappeared the moment they walked through the door, a profound anticipation of pleasure washing away his self-doubt.
He set the bowls on the bedside table. The fitted sheet of the bed was hidden by towels, large, thick ones, and he’d taken the precaution of fitting a waterproof sheet over the mattress. Ice melted.
When he turned, they were still staring down at the carpet, but he could feel their interest and he smiled. An indifferent, passive sub was hell to work with, but these two would never be that.
“Jay, onto the bed. Lie on your side facing the center.”