by Dyanne Davis
“But….he─.”
“He was a hypocrite.”
“Excuse me?”
“Don't go getting ticked. Let me explain. Jamie and I slept together for about six years. It started before we left home. When Jamie decided to move to Chicago, why do you think I badgered you so much to move here? And why do you think when Jamie and Sam decided to move into a larger apartment and you refused to take an apartment in the same building in order to get away from your brother’s prying eyes, that I decided it was time we each had our own apartments? Why do you think I took the apartment across the hall from Jamie and Sam?”
“You and my brother? But Jamie told me everything.”
“Apparently not.”
“Why didn't you ever tell me?”
“It wasn't any of your business.”
“Like we haven't talked about things that weren't the other's business.”
“Okay, you're forcing me to say this. Your brother didn't want you to know. We weren't in love with each other and knew it. We were hot for the other, that's all. It was purely physical. And he threatened to end things with me if I so much as hinted at our physical relationship to you. I enjoyed being with him. So, I kept my mouth shut. Simple as that.”
“I seriously can’t believe this. You and Jamie. Ewee.”
“Laughing, Kandi hit out at Rebe. “Jamie was my Chase. I loved him madly. I’d had a crush on him for years and had thrown myself at him more times than I care to remember. One day he was in the right mood. He’d broken up with Amy and was angry and lonely. And just a wee bit drunk I might add.”
“You got my brother drunk.”
“I had to. If I hadn’t he wouldn’t have touched me.” Again Kandi laughed. “After it was over I told him it didn’t have to end, that I didn’t want it to end.”
“And you never fell in love with him?”
“I thought I was in love with him when it started, but realized later it was a teenage crush. I still loved him, but he was my friend. I could talk to him about anything. He always gave me great advice. Our being a foursome made it easy, you never questioned the times Jamie and I did things alone. To you we were just friends hanging out.”
“So, why was he so against me being with Sam?”
“Jamie flipped a lot on that. I think because the two of us weren’t in love, he didn’t want you to become just a sex buddy for Sam.”
“Seriously? Didn’t that tick you off? I mean he had these lofty goals for me as though he wanted to keep me unsoiled and at the same time he was …well, doing things with you. I would have been ticked.”
“Some days it did annoy me. Some days it didn’t. I knew Jamie loved me and worried about our relationship. I also knew he wasn’t in love with me. But he was so gentle, so loving, so everything I wanted in a man. I really wanted him to be in love with me in the beginning. But as time passed, it was the excitement of hiding it from everyone that was the excitement. We were both adults, neither of us took anything from the other that we didn’t want to give. Besides, you know Jamie. He was constantly asking me if I were okay with what we were doing, telling me that at any time I could stop. He even tried to fix me up with a few guys who he thought would be good for me. I couldn’t have asked for a better more loving relationship.”
“How about being in love?”
“What about being in love?”
“What about it?” Rebe shrieked. Kandi, don’t you want to be in love?”
“You’re willing to give up on the idea even though you’ve found the man you’re truly in love with. So far I haven’t. When I do though, Jamie taught me exactly how I should be treated by a man.”
“Sneaking around. Lying to everyone, dating other people.” Rebe’s voice was raised in annoyance.
“Let me think, sneaking around, lying and dating other people, does that not ring a bell for you. That is Chase, Rebe. But for your information Jamie and I were not in a relationship. My God we were not. He sat me down with an entire book of rules for how we were to conduct ourselves. And every single rule had to do with how something would make me feel. When he did have an occasional date he’d tell me about it before hand and asked me after if I were okay with it. He bugged me so much about that, that sometimes I almost wanted to end things. But I never did. I enjoyed being with him. In that way, Jamie was my Chase.”
“So why are you so down on Chase? You and Jamie had the same kind of relationship.”
Kandi was slowly shaking her head, a sad look came into her eyes then the sheen of tears
“Jamie never said he wanted to try and have a committed relationship with me. He was always committed to me. And he had no problem telling me he loved me. He did, and I always knew it. Chase was unable to tell Sam that he loved you, even as a friend.”
“It wasn’t Sam’s business.”
“Rebe, don’t be angry at me or Sam. We both love you. Can you say the same about Chase? He should at least love you as a friend. You’re cutting yourself short if you don’t at least have that.”
“You were never jealous when Jamie went out with other women? I mean for real, not once?”
“There were a few times that I was hurt in the beginning. And I cried over it, in Jamie’s arms. He felt so badly about it that he didn’t touch me for over a year. We both started dating. It was only in my times of extreme need that things ever got physical between us.”
“Yuck.”
Kandi laughed. “Rebe, grow up.”
“So now I know why my big brother was so worried about me. I supposed you were worried about me for the same reasons.”
“It was Sam I worried about. I knew he was in love with you and I knew you were…well, perhaps a bit of a flake, but a loveable flake. I knew you could hurt him and I didn’t want you to.
“And now?”
“You’re still a flake. You’re admitting that you’re in love with Sam, but still you’re with Chase. I told you to go ahead and sample Sam. I know if he can get the job done then you win, and you can drop kick Chase to the curb.”
“I will not sample Sam, and I will not drop kick Chase to the curb. I told you I really like Chase. And yes, I like other things about him too.” They both started laughing and only stopped when a knock sounded on the door.
“Come on in, Sam,” Kandi yelled out and looked at Rebe. “You two can’t keep avoiding each other forever. Bedsides, I’ve been missing Jamie too. I miss how things were. I miss the four of us.” Kandi ran her hands down the side of her body and gave Rebe a wink. “I really miss Jamie. I loved him too. I don't think he'd like it that the three of us can't be friends.”
“It sounds like you may have been in love with Jamie after all.”
“Of course I was. A part of me always was. And always will be. That was the reason I accompanied Jamie’s body home. I knew that would be the last time it would be just the two of us. I knew once we reached Atlanta your family, and you would take over and I’d have to pretend that we’ve never had a special relationship.”
“Kandi, I’m so sorry, what you had with Jamie had to be hidden. I’m sorry the two of you never fell in love.”
“I wouldn’t have minded if we’d had the kind of relationship where we wanted to be married and raise a family together. But that wasn’t what we had. You have that, my friend. All you have to do is reach out and take it.” The last Kandi whispered because Sam was walking into the den.
“Rebe, why in the world are you sitting here with your door open? That’s dangerous. Aren’t you aware of that? What is wrong with you?”
“I didn’t know it was open. Apparently Kandi left it open for you. I didn’t know you were coming over.”
Sam glared at Kandi. “Next time lock the door.” He turned back to Rebe. “Do you mind that I came over?”
Rebe’s gaze landed on Sam. “Did you know Kandi and Jamie were involved?”
“Of course. I don’t know how you missed it.”
“Enough about my personal life,” Kandi laughed before ch
anging the subject. “Sam, we were talking about how close we all were and we were wondering if perhaps we could get back to that. I’d really that,” Kandi said, but Sam remained quiet.
Glancing toward Kandi, Rebe turned slightly and her gaze landed on Sam. “Things are a bit complicated. I don't want to be a downer, but let's face it, neither of you like Chase. So how in the world are we going to be a new foursome?”
“I wasn’t exactly talking about Chase joining us. I meant the three of us should continue our tradition.” Kandi lowered her gaze.
“Oh,” Rebe said in surprise.
“I won't object to your bringing him,” Sam said shrugging his shoulder.
“Sam, you can't stand Chase.”
“I'm trying to be nice.”
“You're always threatening to beat him up.”
“He's the hero. He shouldn't be worried about me, isn't that right? Chase should be able to easily flatten me.”
“And this is what you think I want to do all night if he's there with us?”
“I was kidding, Rebe.”
“Yeah right.”
“Children, children, this is supposed to be us, three friends, three adults making an attempt to preserve our friendship come hell or high water,” Kandi scolded.
“I was being nice. Rebe misunderstood my intents.” Sam grinned knowing he was telling only a half truth. “I have an idea. Look how about we pick a date for…perhaps dinner. I’m thinking we should ease into this new relationship. Perhaps the first time just a couple of hours. I think we'll be able to handle that.”
After deciding on a night, Rebe exhaled, not knowing if she'd fought with her friends to include Chase in their group for no good reason. For the past month things had not been right with her and Chase. Not that they fought, they never fought. But they hadn't been having fun either. She'd been too busy reevaluating her life. It was much harder to be contented with what she had with Chase when she’d finally admitted at least to herself that she loved Sam.
Clearing away the mess they’d made gave Rebe something to do with her hands. Part of her wished her friends had not left. She was being a coward in not just ending things with Chase, but every time she'd tried he'd remind her that he was trying and that if Sam wasn't in the picture things would be better. So yes, she had doubts that things would go well with Chase becoming part of their group.
The one thing that always worked for her and Chase had also failed. Since returning from the visit with her parents she'd found herself unable to make love with him. She'd given excuse after excuse. But a month for them to be together and not make love was unnatural. And knowing Chase’s sexual appetite she wondered if somewhere in the back of her mind she wasn't giving him a chance to cheat so she'd have reason enough to break it off.
Rebe truly hoped she wasn't that much of a coward. No, she wasn't a heroine, but who the heck wanted to be a coward.
Two down and one to go. If Chase was to become a part of their group Rebe had to broach it to him in a way he’d accept. She made his favorite meal and bought a nice bottle of wine to put him in the right mood. When she could no longer delay the inevitable she asked him about joining the group.
“Seriously, Rebe? You want me to have dinner with your friends, who both hate me by the way. And let's not forget Sam is in love with you. And you…well; we’re not exactly sure where you stand.”
Rebe didn't bother denying it. It wouldn't have done any good. “They're in my life and they've both agreed they'd like to behave like adults. I don't want to lose either of them from my life. They're important to me.”
“Why don't you just admit that you're in love with Sam? Things haven't been the same for us since we went to visit your parents. It's hard to believe that you're now comparing me to him and I'm losing.” Shaking his head Chase paced a few steps then turned and paced in the other direction. “I seriously can't believe it.”
“I never intended to compare you, just as I never intended to do it the opposite way. I do apologize for that. I think as a romance writer sometimes things get mixed up in my head and I live this sort of fantasy life. I’ve been looking at both you and Sam as my heroes.”
“Both of us? I would have thought I’d at least have Sam beat on that score.”
“You are on the outside anyway what a hero represents. But Sam is what a hero represents on the inside. Lately you’ve been behaving a lot more like Sam and Sam has changed. I don’t see him as I used to. He’s very attractive.” She laughed. “I’m a writer what can I say. Plots are always spinning around in my head even when I don’t want them to. And now I'll admit even his outside is pretty good.
“I don’t want a part in your fictionalized story. I think you’re more hung up on Sam than you think. I can’t think of a good reason for me to want to hang around him. If it’s for more comparison forget it.”
“It’s not that. I promise. I want us to succeed and I want to keep my friends. We have to learn to co-exist.”
“Why don't you admit it, Rebe? You have this sort of contest going on in your head, Sam and I are your would be champions. You want us to duel for you.”
“That is so not true.”
“You’ve changed.”
“So have you.”
“Yes, but I’ve changed with regard to being a better boyfriend. You’re turning into…well, the old me.” Chase laughed. “I liked the old you. Please come back.”
“I promised to give us a real try. I intend to do just that.”
“You do realize that's not a very good reason right. I don’t want you to be with me because you promised to try.”
“I know, but it’s all I’ve got right now.”
“And the reason we haven’t made love in a month?”
“It's not like I had some elaborate plan.”
“No, it’s more like when I touch you, or kiss you, you're thinking of Sam.”
Rebe’s eyes widened in disbelief. “I'm not sure if that's true.”
“I know my past behavior has something to do with your feelings for Sam. I've given you reason not to trust me. I know that. But I still think we're good together. Lately it seems that I’m the only one who’s invested in this relationship. I'd hate for us to give up without trying.
“Chase.
“You say our not making love has nothing to do with Sam and that you’ve not shunned me deliberately. I beg to differ. Don’t forget I know your body intimately and your body has not been responding to me. Something is holding you back and I think its Sam.” He kissed her then soft and sweet, not the kind of kiss he usually gave her.
“You’ve always turned me on, Chase. That hasn’t changed.”
“If you say so.” He let out a breath. “If it's important to you to remain friends with Sam, then I'll give it a try. Yes, I'll go to dinner with them.”
With that matter taken care of they settled in to watch a movie, Rebe in his arms, him lightly caressing her thigh and every so often a kiss between them until finally, it was time for bed. Chase’s hand moved to her breast and pushed aside her bra. He began caressing her and she remained still. When he suckled her, she barely moaned.
Chase raised his head and said “I think I'll head home.”
“You okay?”
“Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow.” He kissed her lightly. “I enjoy being with you. I think we're great. I want you to be happy though. I'll see you at the office tomorrow. “
He gave her another light kiss and left and Rebe stood at the door wondering, she was missing something here, some clue. She'd better hurry and make up her mind before it was made up for her. She didn't want to dump Chase and she wasn't sure she wanted what a relationship with Sam would mean.
Darn it all. She was a coward. She should write a story about her dilemma and get a clue form her fictional heroine to see what she'd do. Sighing and heading for the shower she didn't have to write the scene to know what her fictional character would do. She'd break things off with Chase and take a chance on being in love. Rebe s
miled. She'd never been in love, never had anyone in love with her. The thought was scary but exciting at the same time.
Chapter Fifteen
Things appeared to be getting back on track. Chase had been out of town for several days for an important meeting with several of the senior partners. When he returned it was with the offer of a big case that he wanted Rebe to partner on with him.
Putting on the finishing touches to her makeup Rebe couldn’t help but remember the last time she’d gone on a business dinner with Chase to woo a client. She was glad Sam wasn’t standing around scrutinizing her dress and more delighted that he wouldn’t be at the restaurant with his sketch pad.
Chase was watching her so intently that she turned toward him to ask, “Is there anything wrong?”
“I was just remembering how things went with our last business dinner. I’m glad Sam won’t be joining us.”
Rebe laughed. “That was pretty crazy wasn’t it? Thank God we still landed the client. We’re a good team, Chase. I like working with you. I realize you could ask any of the other lawyers at the firm to work with you. I want to thank you for choosing me.”
“Just so we’re clear on something, I chose you because you’re a fantastic lawyer and your research is impeccable. I never have to worry about carrying you when we work together. You always hold up your end.”
Chase’s comments made Rebe smile. It was nice to hear she wasn’t being handed cases because they were sleeping together. “Thanks, Chase.
“For what? I like working with you too. There are other things I like doing with you, Rebe. I love kissing your belly. I love moving slowly down your body and having you part your thighs for me. I miss the taste of you. I miss the way you hold me, touch me, and the way you make me come. Rebe, I miss you and I miss our making love. Neither of us has been that busy that we can’t. I feel that you’re pulling away from me and at the same time I think we should be getting closer. I think your parents even approve of me. Take Kandi for instance, she doesn’t hate me as much as she did. So I’m wondering what the problem is. As far as I can tell Sam is the only hold out on our being together and even he seems to have accepted that we’re a couple. He still doesn’t like it, but he has accepted it. I need you to tell me what’s going on. What’s wrong with us, Rebe? Hot and heavy is what our lovemaking has been for three years, at least in another month it will be three years. I’ve kept my promise. I’ve been committed to you, even though you appear to have cut me off. What’s wrong? We haven’t made love since we left Atlanta.”