by Liz Strange
I tried to knock down the barrier in my brain to flood him with reassurance. It was frustrating how clear our connection was sometimes, and how clouded it could be at others. “The only place that I belong is with you.”
When he turned back to me his smile became a savage slash of red in his alabaster skin. His movements were so fast they blurred, producing no sound. He gripped my arms with his powerful hands, his long fingers biting into my flesh. He snatched me in closer to his body, our noses pressed together, forcing me to look into eyes now glowing like cigarette embers. Instantly terrified and completely aroused, I trembled with a need to be ravaged. He pulled back his silky red lips in a snarl, exposing the white fangs I so feared and desired.
“You think you know what I am?” he snarled. The hair on my arms stood at the sound of his voice. “You can never understand what I am or what I am capable of, until you have become like me! Do you comprehend what your life will consist of? I can give you love like no other, I can give you unbelievable strength, but I will also make you a killer. Can you really accept that fate?”
“Yes.” I whimpered, ashamed of my own weakness.
“Yes,” he replied, almost despondently. “You can love a man who not only is a killer, but who enjoys what he is?”
“Yes.” My voice gained strength. I was stunned by my reaction to his outburst. I did not want to fear him. I didn’t want to have doubts. He may be a monster, a killer, but he was also the other half of my heart. Still my body quivered, my skin slick with cold sweat.
His smile returned, the one that soothed me while erasing all doubts. As I looked into those eyes, I could hardly remember the feelings of fear and panic I had just experienced. Then he lowered his lips to mine, their touch much cooler than before. The feeling was the same: euphoric and mind-numbing. Any tendrils of misgiving were eliminated instantly.
I was lost to everything but my love for him and the touch of his body against mine. He showered me with kisses, each one sweeter and more urgent than the one before. The loving half, and the dangerous half needed to mesh for the sake of our relationship’s success, and my sanity.
Slowly, he pulled himself away from our embrace. He broke away from my stare and threw himself back on the bed, his back to me. To my horror, he began to shake with silent sobbing. I laid my body across his, my face pressed into his ebony curls. In an almost child-like way he turned himself toward me, pressing his head tightly against my chest.
When his crying ended, he looked at me with despairing eyes. The whites had turned red and bloody trails stained his cheeks. That pain touched me through his tears, liquid anguish on my skin. My heart ached. His voice was weak, trembling when he finally spoke, but even that was better than silent tears. “Rachel, there is so much I want to tell you, and many things you need to know before anything else can happen. I want you to listen carefully to each word and know it is the truth. I would never lie to you. I could never deliberately mislead you, or deceive you.”
I nodded, not only persuaded by his words, but by the sincerity with which he spoke.
“I have searched through centuries for a companion. A few times I thought I found one. I have made two others like myself. One had to be destroyed almost immediately, as he was savage and irresponsible. The other, he stayed with me for some time, but eventually decided to make his way on his own. When I made these attempts it never once crossed my mind to look for someone to love. It was merely to not always be alone, to find someone to exist with, hunt or possibly have some enjoyment with, but never love.”
“What about the one who made you?” I asked.
Anger turned his eyes black and there was a brief flash of the nameless girl before he resumed control of himself. “That is a story for another time. Like you said before, we have a lot of years to share the stories of our pasts.”
I nodded.
“You see, even as vampires we still have needs. Certainly they are not as great as a human’s, as our bodies and minds are not as fragile, but we still have needs. We must feed, of course, though over the years the amount we need to subsist greatly diminishes. And, though for the most part, our ‘lives’ are spent on the run, and we are always hidden with secrets and deception, we still crave some type of social interaction, no matter how shallow. I have had the occasion to have lovers over the years, but I have never been attracted to someone’s spirit or personality, or whatever you may like to call it, as I have with you. They were all people to whom I had a superficial physical attraction, yet this only drew me to them as much as the ease with which I could control their minds. I wanted someone I could take satisfaction from for a time, but whom I could also manipulate without effort. Then when I tired of them, I could slip away without them remembering too much of our time together. They would be none the wiser as to what they had actually allowed into their lives.”
I stiffened as he talked of his lovers, jealousy sparking its fire in me. It was silly, of course, to be envious of people he had been with before he knew I existed, or before I was even born, but I could not help myself. He was only trying to be honest, but the pain bit deeply. The only comfort was the knowledge that after me, there would be no others.
His eyes were sad as he took in my reaction, and he kissed me deeply before proceeding. “I don’t know how I can ask you to commit yourself to an existence like mine. I am afraid to let you go, and I am just as afraid to keep you with me. When I first saw you that night at the hospital, I knew in an instant you were the one. I was certain, then and there, that you were my soul mate, if it’s possible for a vampire to have a soul mate. Even before I saw your face, I was drawn to your presence.”
I touched a blood-tinged tear as it slipped down his face.
“I know you feel the same attraction, and not just physically, but that you are attuned to my heart and mind. Our connection is powerful. I have never encountered another person who could see my thoughts or feel my emotions. I cannot deny my feelings for you. I can’t fight my need to be with you.”
“There is nothing I could want more than to be with you. I understand what’s at stake here.”
“I know that you feel that way, but please listen to me. I cannot make our lives perfect, no matter my strength, experience or wealth, but I can give you opportunities like no other can. I will give you a love that will never die, and can never be shaken. You have to weigh the odds carefully, because this is not a decision you can go back on. Once you change, you will be a vampire for all your existence. Do you really know what this means?”
I started to speak, but he cut off my words. “I am offering you immortality certainly, in the literal sense of the word. We can, without incident, exist as I am until the end of time, whenever that may be. But understand, we can be killed. Not easily, mind you, but it can be done. Fire can destroy us, dismemberment, and of course starvation, where your body decays as your mind it still aware. Be aware of those out there who know we exist, and want nothing more than to destroy us.”
“What about the sun?”
Giovanni showed no surprise at my question. “Ah, the sun. Yes, it can hurt us, even kill us with a prolonged exposure. I have found through my own experiences, and from speaking with others like me, that the effects of the sun lesson with time. We are able to build up some resistance to it, so we may go out during the day for short periods of time. We simply use this time when we are more vulnerable to rest, since we need time to restore our energy, much like humans do. I guess I should dispel some other myths you might have heard of. We cannot fly, though we can move faster than the average human eye is able to process. We can’t control animals, or shape-shift. We do have incredible strength, photographic memories and the ability to read or control minds to varying degrees. We will never get sick or age, and we remain physically as we were when we were changed.”
The heavy stares of the people in the portraits penetrated me, and I bristled at the overload of information. I could feel the desperation in his words, realising he had as much to lose
as I did. It was a strange comprehension that a vampire could hurt or could be lonely.
“My attraction to you has also to do with something I am sure you are not even aware of. There are dark desires in you— a hunger to dominate, manipulate and hurt coiled deep in your psyche, waiting for its chance to escape. That is a quality unique to few, and the ability to appreciate and control it is something that almost none possess.”
Instead of being offended, or angered by his words, I was pleased. Those words threw open a door that, until then, was tightly shut against the outside world. I had long been hiding behind my own insecurities, and what society deemed acceptable. The truth was we all hurt others with lies, infidelities, theft, abandonment, or through physical violence. There was not one life that had walked the face of the earth that had not been touched by hurt of one kind or another. It was all in the way it was viewed, processed and accepted.
“You’re very quiet, and I’m having trouble seeing your thoughts.”
“I’m just working through everything that you’ve said, but just because I’m quiet, don’t think I’m having any doubts. The more I know, the more certain I am this is the right thing for me, that this is the only choice for me.”
His love called to me like the blood rushing through my veins. I held my gaze steady with his, letting their calmness wash over me. Nothing could or would shake me from what we had started. There was only one way it could go. “I want to be with you, and only you. I don’t care what I have to give up, or can never have. If we have to run, I will run with you to the ends of the earth. I would hide, fight and kill— whatever I need to do. No sacrifice is too great for us to be together.” I meant those words unconditionally as I spoke them.
“I hear you, but you must come to this willingly. There are many things I can endure in this life, but your hatred is not one of them.”
I was tired of hesitation. It was time. “If you want me, then take me. Now, and don’t ever look back.”
That’s the moment everything changed. His reaction was instantaneous, moving toward me in a blur of black and white. I was taken into his iron grasp without even the chance to struggle. I was burning with need as his lips pressed against my own. I felt the pressure of his fangs and cried out.
He tore at his clothes, until the perfect white skin was exposed. His naked body was hard and lean, his eyes red and wild with desire, matching my feverish need. My own clothing was pulled from my body, and I was dimly aware of a stinging sensation as seams burst and shreds of material were yanked away with savage force.
In the blink of an eye we were naked, writhing against each other’s bodies. Giovanni’s excitement was obvious, his hardness pressing into my naked thigh, and his fangs scraping my lower lip. My mouth filled with the taste of blood, as my body sang with pleasure. I was flying high on adrenaline, and my heart thundered— Bang! Bang!— in accompaniment to the frenzy in my brain.
His skin was like ice as it pressed against me, yet I exploded into heat when he entered my body. Our bodies rocked to the tempo of my escalating pulse, taking me to levels of pleasure I would never have imagined existing. His mouth was all over my face, my neck and shoulder, and there were hot shrieks of pain as his teeth pierced my flesh. I clung to him with weakening hands, lost to the assault of sensations.
A kaleidoscope of images— faces of my past and his— intermingled with a view of our encounter as though I were seeing it from somewhere above where we tangled on the bed. The images and sounds moved in a psychotic frenzy. His voice suddenly thundered into my ear, but I did not have the strength to pull away.
“I have always loved to kill, and now I will kill to love. The blood I take will keep me going to be with you.”
My breathing quickened to the point of hyperventilation, with the room and Giovanni swimming in and out of focus. As I neared my climax, the space around me filled with strange, jumbled voices, laughter, cries and the music from my dreams. Her face flashed repeatedly, sometimes superimposing itself over my own until I could not separate her image from mine. Tears streamed down my face, and a sickness in my stomach fought to keep up with the pleasure gripping the rest of my body. I was silent, trapped in a pantomime of pleasure and pain.
As an orgasm seized me to spill me over into an ecstasy beyond reason, his fangs plunged into my neck. The waves of pleasure rolled, and I was aware of unnaturally loud sucking in my ear, and the noise was both repulsive and comforting. My hands slipped from their grip as more and more of my blood drained from my body into Giovanni’s greedy mouth. The pleasure faded, replaced with pain that burnt with savage intensity. As my eyes began to close, his face appeared above my own, the last vestiges of my human life dripping from his mouth. He pressed his now scorching lips to my own, but I felt nothing.
As I slipped into the greyness, Giovanni’s arm was pressed to my open mouth. A hot, salty liquid poured down my throat. I gagged then something in my brain was triggered, and the sickness and pain was replaced with acceptance. With that last glimpse of my love, bloody and wild with lust, I slipped over the edge of darkness.
“It’s done,” my savage, beautiful angel whispered.
Then I died.
Chapter 8
When I woke the next night I was reborn. If I’d thought my senses were heightened before then, it was nothing compared to what I experienced when I regained consciousness. I emerged from that slumber, for lack of a better word, with a burgeoning attunement to the world around me.
Sound was the first thing I was aware of. It crept into my brain and began to burrow its way through. I tuned into many voices, some quite clear and painfully loud, others like a radio station almost out of range. There were many layers to the sound around me— music, laughter, dogs barking, car engines and others I could not immediately identify. The bombardment was terrifyingly chaotic, and each time my mind singled out a voice or sound, I was knocked off course again by something else. The more I tried to concentrate, the more maddening and overwhelming the noise became.
The next thing I became aware of was the touch of Giovanni’s hand over my own. Without realising it, I had raised my hands to my ears in a failed attempt to block the barrage of voices. Giovanni’s cool touch gave me some comfort from the building distress. His touch was a distraction from the sounds, something outside of that chaos to concentrate on.
He gently pulled my hands away, and whispered in my ear. His caressing voice drowned out all the others sounds. “I know it’s overwhelming. We all go through this at first, until we gain control over our new senses. I will help you.”
As his lips pressed against my cheek, I dared to slowly open my eyes. He pulled back, and I was then looking into those eyes, sparkling like jewels. I was completely dazzled by their colour and brightness, their beauty even more stunning because of the change. His dark hair softly brushed my face, and its touch was wonderfully perfect against my skin. I wound my hands into his hair, revelling in its texture, and I pressed it to my face to drink in the delicious aroma.
Gently, his silken lips touched mine, and I was completely consumed by the contact. Where our lips met it was a sensation like no other. It was electric and sweet, and I was all but lost to that feeling. There was nothing else in the world then, just our kiss. As cornball and unbelievable as it may sound, it was true. Nothing else mattered.
If I kept my eyes closed and concentrated on the sensation of touch, I found my other senses dimmed slightly. The sounds became hazier and more distant, and my closed eyes protected me in the blanket of darkness. My skin was on fire where our bodies pressed together, and his hair the whisper of heavenly softness where it touched my face. His hands were supple, yet strong as they traced their way along my face and body. His lips were feathers dancing across my face and neck. The sheet underneath me felt strange, as if I was aware of each individual strand in its makeup rubbing against my back and legs. It wasn’t uncomfortable exactly. It was just that my body was intensely aware of its presence.
Giovanni’s
kiss deepened, pulling me into the intense waves of pleasure our contact gave. I tasted blood in our kiss. Whether it was from the night before, or from the force with which our mouths were pressed together, I was not sure. My being surged to the point of explosion at the recognition. I was then instantly aware of the thirst, which blocked out sound, touch and smell. There was then only one need.
Giovanni must have sensed the change, because the hands that caressed me lovingly, suddenly gripped my upper arms with an iron force. The thirst burnt inside me, forcing its madness into my brain. I could not reason. There were no coherent thoughts at all, only an urgent, demanding need. My throat was parched, as dry as sand. It squeezed painfully, rubbing like sandpaper when I tried to swallow. The need crawled along my skin, burning like the bites of a thousand red ants. I began to thrash underneath my love, but his grip was unbreakable. He mentally called out to me, like pinpricks in my brain, but I could not be reached then.
A hot pain in my mouth revealed my fangs enlarging in response to my need. My lips drew back, an involuntary physical reaction. I was no longer in control at all. There was only a blinding, all-consuming call for blood screaming though every fibre of my being. In one swift movement, Giovanni released his grip and pulled us into a sitting position on the bed.
He straddled my body, effectively pinning my lower half underneath him. He pressed my face against his chest, forcing my teeth to pierce his tough flesh. Hot, thick blood poured into my mouth, a taste sweeter than honey. My brain sang with joy as the blood was absorbed. The physical need subsided quickly, but without dissipating completely. Giovanni pushed me harshly away from his body, stopping my feeding with painful abruptness. I looked up into his eyes and understood immediately that this was only a temporary solution.