by Liz Strange
“Would I be a real bastard if I asked if we could wait a few hours to feed? I feel inspired after that delicious interruption, and I’d like to work some more.”
Secretly I was pleased for the time to myself. There was an issue I had no choice but to face, and it couldn’t wait any longer. “That’s fine. It’s only a little after one, we have hours still. I’ll come back around four, okay?”
He pulled me up to standing, and pressed his lips to my forehead. “Perfect.”
I almost made it out the door, when I felt compelled to turn back. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” he responded, and with that I left.
I found Eli in the library, the place where I knew he would be. His head was down and his shoulders slumped when I entered, and it pained me to see him so defeated. I hesitated, but knew it was not doing either one of us any favours by letting things go on as they had been. There was too much at stake to let emotions derail a near-perfect existence. I sat beside him at the desk, something I had done many nights before, but for the first time I felt reluctance rather than contentment. “I know you were watching.”
“Yes. I was.” His voice held a hint of hostility.
I brought my hand to his face and forced him to look at me. “Why? You knew it was wrong, and that you were violating our trust.”
“I think you know why.” His voice was husky, and its effect was irrefutable.
“Eli, you know how I feel about Giovanni. I love him, we belong to each other and nothing can change that. There is too much history between you and me. We have been as mother and child for too long for it to be anything else. I understand that you are no longer a child, but you will always be my child. You can’t look at me like that, or think of me in that way! Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“Yes, but I can’t help what I feel. Don’t you think it hurts, don’t you understand my guilt and my conflict? The two of you have never been anything but good to me, and I love you both, but with you… ”
“Don’t.” I was unable or unwilling to deal with what I knew he would say next. “This has to stop.” I walked to the huge picture window looking out onto the back garden. The night was uniformly black— barely a star visible to the naked eye. I felt that blackness in my heart, as I was forced to have a conversation I had been dreading since the first night I had laid eyes on Eli. “You know there’s more to this situation than just what you feel about me?” I kept my back to him, but felt the shift in the tension in the room.
“Yes.”
His chair scraped across the wood floor as he stood. A moment later he was at my side, the warmth from his body so inviting, but I did not move. I was terrified of what I was about to say, and its possibly devastating effects. I took his hand, which seemed large and foreign in my own. “Part of this situation is in no way your fault. We have been forced into a situation that keeps us unnaturally close, and that was bound to have an effect on your feelings toward me.” I struggled with what to say next. There was no way to clearly address the situation without revealing the complete truth. I saw no way around divulging the secret that was kept from him for many years. “I have been afraid of this moment for many years now, but I can’t put this off any longer. You are old enough for the truth, and old enough to make your own decisions about what you will do with this truth. Like I just said, you’re not a little boy anymore.” I turned my head to find his serious blue eyes looking down on me. I felt as if I was choking, but I had to go on. “But before I say any more, I want you to know that I love you, that I’ve always loved you and that I would never do anything to purposely hurt you.”
He nodded. “I know that.”
“Good.” I sighed, thinking back to a time so long ago. “Well, can you remember back to that first night, when I found you in the woods?”
He smiled faintly “Yes, I remember. You looked just like an angel, sitting on that rock under the moonlight.”
I forced back tears from the shock of his words, and the tenderness with which they were spoken. “I’m not an angel, Eli, I’m a monster. I’m a— ”
“Vampire,” he finished when I could not. I was stunned speechless. He looked down with love onto my shocked face, which troubled me even more. “When I saw you that night, I knew no one was supposed to be that beautiful. The moon shimmered on your porcelain skin, and your eyes were as brilliant as diamonds. I was a child then, and didn’t have the capacity to understand exactly what you were, especially after all that I had been through. Even so, on some level, I knew. I knew you were sent there to rescue me.”
“Eli, I only wanted to help you, and love you… ”
“I know and you have. You have given me the most amazing life, and opportunities I would never have gotten otherwise. You and Giovanni both have been exceptionally careful not to expose me to anything… violent or hurtful. It’s simply that we live too closely not to notice how fast you can be, and how strong. I am more than aware that I have never seen you in the daylight hours and that I have never seen you eat, but these are things I have simply accepted, and they don’t have any bearing on how I feel about you.”
“I have always worried I was hurting you somehow, robbing you of a normal life.”
His face suddenly tightened with anger. “Don’t you ever say that! I was living a so-called normal life before you met me and look what happened there. My father ran off before I was born. We never had enough to eat no matter how hard my mother worked, and then those men… those men… ” His voice cracked with emotion, and I could not resist taking him into my arms. “You saved me, and I will always be grateful for that. I will always love you. Nothing can change that.” His hot tears dampened the shoulder of my shirt.
I was crying then too. “And I will always love you, even more than if you were my own flesh and blood. I got to choose you, and I think that you also got to choose me. We were meant to be in each other’s lives, I’m certain of that.” I pulled back, and cupped his beautiful, tear-stained face with my hands. “But know what I mean when I say that I love you. You are my child, my friend, a most precious part of my life, but Giovanni will always have my heart. You have to know this.”
“Yes, I do, but I can’t promise not to feel the way I do.”
“As long as you know that it can’t be reciprocated and that you can’t act on these feelings. You need to look elsewhere for that kind of love, and relationship. I will always love you and treasure you… just maybe not the way you want me to.”
“I understand.”
“Good, then let this be the one and only time we talk about this. This is between you and I. Giovanni will, of course, have to be told that you are aware of our little secret, but not of this. Agreed?”
“Agreed.”
“I will always be here for you. Nothing will change that.”
We stood in that embrace for a long time, knowing things would never be the same, but that we would be all right. Our bond was too strong for even the darkest of secrets to break it.
Chapter 17
As the years passed, Charlotte became a very important part of my life. She was a passage to the human world around us, though in truth she lived almost as solitary an existence as we did. In every sense, however, she was a friend. She was someone I could trust, someone I could laugh with and look up to. I hoped she might be someone I could one day share my secret with— as a human ally— much like Giovanni had at various times over the course of his existence, yet I don’t think Giovanni ever looked upon his associations as friendships. They were necessary partnerships and business arrangements, and he always had some type of leverage over those who were privy to what he really was. I also hoped that should the need arise to flee, that I would be able to say a proper good-bye to her, and all things ending well, that we would somehow be able to stay in touch.
There were times when I thought she already knew our secret, or that she suspected something she could not quite believe. Sometimes I caught her watching me with a strange look in her
eye, not fear exactly, but perhaps suspicion or concern. There was no doubt that she was aware we were hiding something, as she herself had many secrets I did not dare pry into. There was more to her than the front she offered to the outside world. She was a deep and intelligent woman, someone I was proud to call my friend. We continued in that silent agreement not to push or expect more than the other was willing to give.
Often when she stopped by our home she would find Eli and I holed up in the library, poring over one book or another, or discussing some piece of information we had picked up in an article or from another media outlet. She tended not to interrupt, but to either watch our interaction, or bring in her own views and knowledge of the subject at hand. The times she remained silent, watching the way that Eli and I interacted, I would sometimes see a strange, clouded expression cross her face. I knew we did not act like a normal mother and son, but our relationship was not like others of its kind. We were closer than any other could be, held together by secrecy and the threat of danger. In many ways we were the only real things the other had. Giovanni, Eli and I were a unique and unbreakable unit. We all knew how quickly things could change, and how easy it was to lose all that you held dear.
On one evening, after Eli went down to the stables to check on the horses, Charlotte finally broached the subject. True to herself, she was completely direct. She was not one to mince words, or keep her feelings and opinions to herself. It was the only time that she had ever stepped over that invisible boundary we had established early in our relationship.
“What exactly is going on with the two of you?” Her voice was neutral but firm.
I was taken slightly aback, and I hesitated. “What do you mean?”
“He’s no more your son than I am the Virgin Mary!” She snorted, sort of half-amused, half-exasperated.
“Well, of course he’s not my biological son. You know that. I have always been honest about his being adopted.”
“Of course he’s not your biological son. I look at the two of you, and there is no resemblance to speak of, and you are hardly old enough to be his mother anyway. You look barely five years his senior now. In fact, the older he gets, the more obvious it is that you have not aged at all in the almost ten years I’ve known you.”
“Well, he’s the son of one of Giovanni’s relatives, so that would explain why we don’t look alike. As for my appearance I guess it’s a combination of luck, good genes and looking after myself.”
She pursed her thin lips, turning my comments over in her mind. I truly felt terrible about lying to someone I considered a friend, but I didn’t know if that was the best time to reveal my secret. My explanation was lame, but what could I say that wouldn’t alarm her? Something like that could shatter what we had, and might force us to flee if she reacted negatively. I didn’t have a strong enough ability to cloud minds, to cover my tracks against a negative reaction. I wasn’t even sure if Giovanni had the strength to control a situation like that. The thought of her hating, or even worse, fearing me, formed a stone of dread in my stomach.
She did not speak again for so long I began to fear the worse. I called out to Jacob to bring us some tea, hoping that any type of distraction might ease the tension and steer the conversation in a safer direction.
It seemed to work, at least for the moment. The tea arrived and Charlotte started speaking again, as though her earlier comments were not hanging like red flags between us. We talked about an upcoming event, and her total dislike for the family hosting it. Though the dialogue was innocent enough, the words felt forced, and I could not remember a time when I had ever felt uncomfortable in her company before.
After about an hour of the mindless chatter, Charlotte abruptly put her cup down. The saucer made a sharp sound, as it was placed none too gently on the table to the side of where she sat. I began to shift about in my chair, prickling under her scrutiny. Something was brewing in her mind, and I didn’t think I was going to like what she would say next. I hoped this wasn’t the end of our friendship.
“There is more going on here than your relationship with Eli, or how the boy came to be in your lives. There are bigger things at work here. I want to know your secret.”
I shook my head, inwardly cringing. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Yes, you do. The way you live, the way you all but hide from the world. Your relationship with the boy, though I can’t rightly call him a boy any longer. There is a secret here, and a terrible one I think.”
“And you hide no secrets from me? Are there not things from your own past that you would rather remain buried?”
“Of course I have secrets, but I think if they came to light they would be petty when compared to whatever it is that you’re hiding. I can respect your privacy, but if there is something here that could in some way cause me harm then I think that I have a right to know.”
“I would never hurt you,” I said. “You are one of the few friends I have, and I would always do my best to keep you from harm’s way.”
“That’s not an answer.” She sighed, then leant forward with hands pressed together as though in prayer. “We’ll let that drop for now. What about you? How can you explain your appearance, truthfully? You look exactly the same as the first night I opened my door to find you on my step, flowers in hand. I remember that night as though it were yesterday, and looking at you now it literally could have been yesterday.” Her eyes were serious, the strain in them paining me.
I forced out a small laugh, which sounded hollow. “Charlotte, you flatter me too much.”
She wasn’t smiling when she spoke next, and her words sent off warning bells. “I’m not joking, my friend. You need to tell me what’s really going in here.”
“Do you want to me to tell you my secret, even if it means that you will hate me? Even if it means the end of our friendship?”
“I want to know the truth.”
What was there to say to that? How could I explain why I never aged, never changed a bit, while in the same amount of time Eli had grown from a boy to a man? Could she ever look at me as the same young woman she saw me as then, when she knew of the monster lurking beneath the innocent facade? Could she lie down to sleep each night untroubled with the knowledge that two blood drinkers were her closest neighbours? The possibility of her rejection stung, but the actuality of it was more than I could bear. Perhaps this is why Giovanni did not ever let his relationships progress further than the superficial, or the necessary. Even the most casual of attachments could hurt when they were gone.
She was staring at me intently, waiting for some kind of answer. A hundred lies raced through my mind, each one more unbelievable than the next. The bottom line was that I really didn’t want to lie to Charlotte. I had too much respect for her and our friendship. I sat there with no answer to give her, the silence becoming more painful with each passing minute. What words could be said to make her understand? There was no bond to hold her to me as there was with Eli. There were no guarantees that truth would or could be accepted. In fact, the most plausible scenario was that it would send her away in terror.
I was just finding my voice when Giovanni and another man burst into the room. His eyes were wild, and his clothing slicked to his body from the rain that had been pouring all night. The hair on my arms rose. I knew instantly that something was terribly wrong. That whole night was wrong, from Charlotte’s probing questions to Giovanni’s obvious distress. I jumped to my feet, peripherally aware of Charlotte taking in the speed with which I rose and moved to Giovanni’s side.
His hand was like iron as it grasped my lower arm. “They’re here. They’ve been spotted in England. You understand what I’m saying?”
I nodded sadly, that phantom hand squeezing at my already troubled heart. “I understand. I’ll go and get Eli. He’s gone down to the stables.” I looked to the man who stood just behind Giovanni, recognising him as Jimmy. He had been introduced to both Eli and I some months before as someone to contact if an emergency arose. I
knew he was a thug, but he was paid handsomely for his services. He could get us out of the country quickly, if needed.
“Wait,” Giovanni said, holding on tightly to my arm. This time he directed his words in Charlotte’s direction. “I’m sorry for this kind of behaviour, Charlotte, but I think you can gather that something serious has happened. I have a car waiting downstairs to take you home.”
She rose to her feet, solid with determination. “I’m not going anywhere until I know exactly what is going on here.”
“We don’t have time for this.”
“Charlotte, please… ” I pleaded, feeling Giovanni’s anger washing over me.
“Don’t ‘please me’, young lady. I’ve seen my share of unsavoury things over the years, and it takes a lot to rattle these old bones. I can’t help you, or cover for you if you continue to keep me in the dark.” Her eyes flicked back and forth between the two of us, tiny beads of sweat appearing along her hairline.
Giovanni took a step forward and she tensed slightly. “I think you know exactly what’s going on. Not much gets by your watchful eye. You’re just afraid to accept what you have already deduced.”
“Giovanni, stop. You’re frightening her.” I came around from behind him to Charlotte’s side. I touched her free arm lightly, but she did not react. Her eyes were firmly glued to Giovanni’s advance.
“She wants the truth, Rachel. Isn’t that what she said?”
“That’s what she said, boss,” said Jimmy, from his position of leaning against the doorway. He couldn’t have looked more bored if he tried.
“Jimmy, go down to the stable and bring Eli back to the house,” he said to the man before turning his attention back to Charlotte.
The man shrugged, and left the room to do as he was requested.
“Now do I have to say it, or is the truth already clear?”
Charlotte shook her head, the first real signs of fear appearing on her face. She turned to me, as though she just became aware of my presence at her side. “It can’t be.” Her voice was shaky. She quickly looked back to Giovanni, whose anger was making him less and less human in appearance. Then her eyes found mine once again, and I will never forget the look on her face as long I as exist. “It can’t be.”