"You guys can make up with each other and then we can all go to the zoo together for my birthday!" Taylor exclaims in delight as her footsteps eagerly tap and dance in place. The excitement trails up her legs and toward her arms where she begins enthusiastically clapping her hands at the thought of her own brilliant idea. "Cassie can come with us too, right, daddy?" the little girl asks with a bright smile.
Panic immediately spreads across Noah's face. "Uh…I mean-"
"Please?"
I can almost visualize the huge pout on Taylor's lips as she restlessly sways back and forth in anticipation of her father's approval. Although I have made a decision to watch the interesting scene unfold as a silent bystander, my curious eyes move to take a peek at Noah's troubled expression. As soon as I set my sights on his somber appearance, I feel the incredible urge to chuckle and grin. There's a weak and sullen pair of eyes on his face along with a heavy frown to top it all off. I've never seen him with a more defeated look across his face, and the mere view of it is rather amusing to witness firsthand.
All this time I've considered Noah to be this cold and intimidating businessman when in reality, he's a bit of a softie. His stern and tough exterior clearly falters and wanes in the face of his only daughter, that crumbling façade a sign that he considers himself a father above everything else in his life. Witnessing his dedication to Taylor fills my heart with an inexplicably tender warmth. Even though I may have been a fool for spontaneously deciding to sleep with my boss, I'm probably an even bigger fool for maintaining these strong feelings for him after everything that's happened.
But the heart wants what it wants. I can't prevent the natural attraction I feel for him even if I know he's no good for me.
"Cassie can come with us if she wants to," Noah states with a bit of reluctance in his voice. I hear Taylor's slight gasp of joy while my fingers finish up making the last section of her braids where I eventually secure the finished product with the hair-tie. The little girl turns around and smiles at me with her new and improved hairstyle. That large and eager grin on her innocent face makes it practically impossible to say no to her.
"I would absolutely love to celebrate your birthday with you, Taylor," I happily respond with a beam.
Taylor's honey-brown eyes light up as she starts bursting all over with excitement. "Yay! This is going to be one of the best birthdays ever!" she joyfully giggles.
My amused gaze watches Taylor bounce around the room as though she were a ball of endless energy. After seeing how animated and lively she's acting in reaction to my acceptance of her invitation, I have no doubts in my mind that she must have had way too much sugar this morning. She's talking way more than she usually does, sometimes in a manner so fast that I can't even understand what she's saying. But I guess this extreme level of hyperactivity is to be expected considering how little experience Noah has in monitoring Taylor's mischievous behavior and habits. I wouldn't put it past him to have not noticed Taylor taking that brief window of opportunity to grab a second helping of desserts and sweets while he wasn't paying attention.
The energetic little girl abruptly loses interest in her own one-sided conversation and ends up going back down the hallway from which she first came through. I suspect that she's going to help herself to some more snacks while she still can because she knows that I'll be the one to stop her from over indulging in unhealthy sweets, but the jarring silence between me and Noah prevents me from going after her. An unsettling tingle trickles down my spine as I feel Noah's green gaze watching me from the corner of my eyes. I didn't realize how stifling and uncomfortable the mood and atmosphere was without Taylor's loud presence cutting right through the heart of the tension.
Yet Noah's continued silence leaves me no choice but to confront him myself. There's only so much blank staring and cold shoulder I can take from him before I actually break.
I clear my throat and lift my wary gaze toward him. "Did you happen to have something else you wanted to tell me, Mr. Bishop? Or was that everything I needed to know?" I calmly ask in spite of my hesitation to speak with him.
The vibrant green hue of his eyes light up in the same manner as Taylor's stare from my unexpected inquiries. He quickly shakes his head, "No, that's all I wanted to say. There's nothing else I have to tell you."
My brow naturally raises in response to Noah's blatant lie. He doesn't look too confident about his answer judging by the way his eyes keep on glancing over at me as though he doesn't want me to leave yet. Clearly, there's something else lingering on his mind. He's just too stubborn and proud to admit it for some reason.
"Are you sure?" I ask with a small smile as I give him a second chance to spill the words that are hanging at the tip of his tongue. "It feels like you had something else you wanted to say. But I could just be wrong," I shrug.
A brief flicker of surprise flashes across Noah's eyes as he looks at me with that beautiful green stare of his. He attempts to turn away and hide his troubled mind and appearance from me but not before I catch the sound of his slight sigh underneath his breath. I can see him silently struggle and debate with himself over what he should say to me. Though after a quiet moment of deliberation, it looks like he decides to take the bait that I've conveniently placed right in front of him.
"It's just that Taylor has never really wanted anyone else to celebrate her birthdays with her aside from me and a select few of our longtime employees. But it seems like she warmed up to you pretty quickly these past few weeks. You're the only nanny that she's ever accepted with big open arms. I think she sees you as some sort of an older sister figure or something," Noah admits with a soft chuckle.
The gentle shift in his tone of voice as he describes the close relationship between me and Taylor strikes a resonating chord with my emotions. I always knew that the young child was fond of me, but I never expected our bond to exceed even Noah's expectations -- especially when he says that I'm the only nanny that Taylor has ever openly welcomed into her life. A tender smile forms across my lips as his words echo and ring in my head. I feel more than humbled to hear that Taylor sees me as someone who is potentially a part of her family circle, a person who isn't just a caretaker to her but a positive role model as well.
I'm glad that I was able to pry that information out of Noah because I would never have found out how much Taylor actually enjoys my company. I couldn't be any prouder of having the role of her nanny after hearing the subtle and implied praise from his statement, and I can't resist grinning from ear to ear just realizing how lucky I am to have this wonderful job in the first place. The work is tiring yet extremely rewarding. I wouldn't trade my position for anything else in the world.
These experiences are mine to keep. Both the good and the bad.
"Sorry if I'm not making any sense since this is kind of out of the blue. I'm just a little surprised by how much Taylor admires you. She doesn't typically open up that easily to strangers and outsiders," Noah explains with his eyes pointed at me. There's an oddly warm expression in his green gaze as he earnestly stares at me.
"I guess there's just something special about you."
My heart suddenly skips a beat as I quickly lower my eyes down toward the floor in embarrassment. Noah's particular choice of words leaves me feeling slightly flustered even though I know better than to assume that there's a hidden meaning behind his casual remark. All he really means by what he said is that I'm special because Taylor likes me and not because he's the one who truly believes that I'm unique or extraordinary. There's nothing else to his straightforward comment, so there's no reason to feel shy over it.
I sheepishly laugh and then brush my hair back behind my ear out of nervous habit. "Well, I can understand and see what you mean when you say I'm like a big sister to Taylor. I am used to taking care of Chase who's always been a pretty big troublemaker since we were kids. He might look like an adult, but he acts like a complete child. I actually wanted to apologize for his rude behavior last night. He really has no delicacy so
metimes, and it honestly drives me crazy."
The sound of my tense laughter fills the air as I begin to realize how much I'm senselessly rambling on and complaining about Chase. However, the lack of response and immediate follow up from Noah after my public grievances worries me. I can't help but feel like I may have said too much when it wasn't necessary in the first place. Nonetheless, I lift my gaze toward him where I discover the calm and collected man to be staring back at me with an extremely dumbfounded and bewildered look on his face.
He looks absolutely lost.
"Chase, he's your brother?" Noah finally says after a long period of silence. The tone of his voice sounds very shaky and lacking in confidence as he furrows his brow at the thought and mention of it as though it were an inconceivable idea.
But I can't exactly blame him for questioning or doubting my relationship to Chase. He and I don't really look like siblings to begin with. One of us inherited all of the good looks and the height while the other inherited the common sense and the smarts. It's obvious which one of us got which pair of qualities.
A low sigh escapes me as I slowly nod my head. "Yup, we don't look alike at all, huh? People never seem to believe me when I tell them I'm the older sibling too. But it is what it is," I shrug and softly laugh.
Noah lets out a weak and forced laugh in return after I answer his question. For some strange reason, he doesn't look any happier or enlightened by my response which I figure would at least clear his doubts and confusion. Yet the man simply covers his mouth with the palm of his hand and closes his eyes as if he was painfully dreading or regretting something. There's a clear look of distress written all over his face, and the situation only seems to gets worse when I start to hear him chuckle every now and then from behind his covered mouth.
"Are you okay, Mr. Bishop? You look kind of troubled," I hesitantly ask in a very concerned tone of voice.
In all of the time I've spent with him, he's never shown me this weak appearance of uncertainty. He's always been the strong and confident man who never falters in the face of anything unless that something has to do with his daughter. Even then, he's still not the type of person to show his deep regrets like this. But in between his seemingly dismal sounds of laughter and his sorrow-filled grimace, I can't really tell what's going on with him.
Despite Noah's distraught appearance, he takes a deep breath and shoves his hands into his pockets. "Yeah, I'm okay. It's probably because you guys are related, but Taylor seems to be really fond of your brother as well. He might even be her first crush," he plainly states with a bitter smirk on his lips.
My eyes go big with surprise from his unexpected reveal. "Oh, no. Is she really crushing on Chase?"
The green-eyed man gives me a look as if there could be no other answer than yes. I blankly stare at the silent and brooding man with an apologetic expression as my jaw drops in pure amusement and dismay. Now I understand why he seems a little off today. It's because Taylor has been showing interest in another man who isn't him, a man who he knows is definitely no good for her.
My heartstrings tighten at the sight of Noah's handsome yet displeased facial expression.
The natural jealousy of a father is a pretty endearing scene to witness, especially since I rarely get to see his soft and gentle side.
"I mean, Chase has always been good with kids because he's like one himself. It's no surprise that Taylor might be falling for his charm," I tease with a wide grin while Noah continues to quietly sulk by himself.
His moping expression is so comical and intriguing that I can't quite resist the temptation to give him a little more grief over what's troubling him. This is my chance to get back at him for the unreasonable scolding he gave me earlier, and I'll be damned if I don't capitalize on Noah's brief moment of weakness. It's not every day that I get the golden opportunity to grate on his nerves considering that the man is my boss now.
"So I'm guessing that's why you've been in such a bad mood like Taylor mentioned before? You feel like you're losing her because of Chase and his charming magic tricks?" I raise my brow at him and giggle. The size of my huge smile grows bigger as I watch Noah scoff and shake his head at my harmless jeering. "Honestly though, you have nothing to worry about. Chase probably won't be showing up around here anymore, and Taylor will forget about him in due time."
"No!" Noah suddenly raises his voice in annoyance and disbelief. "That's definitely not it. I wasn't in a bad mood because of Chase. Why would I ever let a guy like that bother me anyway when I have more important things to worry and think about?" he snorts.
Even though he's extremely adamant about not being upset over Chase's appearance and presence last night, the heated expression on his face practically betrays him. As much as I find it entertaining to provoke him with my slight jabs, I let the matter go without fighting it.
"Okay, if you say so, Mr. Bishop," I cheekily beam.
I fully expect Noah to get fed up and scoff again due to my childish teasing of his sore spot, but he gently sets his gaze on me instead without saying a word. There's a soft expression in his green eyes as he looks at me, a tender expression which I never expected to see after the way he harshly pushed me out of his private life. Yet my breath grows short and my heart starts to feel that fluttery sensation when I gaze into his penetrating eyes. I may just be imagining things, but I can almost swear that there was a strong sense of passion and emotion within his stare for a fleeting moment before it quickly disappeared.
"Why don't you just stay here for the rest of the day, Cassie? Taylor seems pretty excited to see you, and I could use the extra support if I get called in for work," Noah suggests as he casually takes a sip of his hot coffee. He looks like he's back to his normal and usual self, his glances and tone of voice as distant and cold as ever.
"Yeah, I can do that," I softly reply with a nod of my head.
The man sends me off with a small smile before walking off with his warm brew in hand. I can feel my chest tightening up as my eyes follow his heavy footsteps which gradually increase the distance between us. However, that tense feeling steadily turns into a hollow sensation with each passing second that's spent watching his every move. I love seeing that tall and confident strut to his step along with that particular way he rolls his shirt sleeves up so that they sit right around his elbows. It seems like even when he's dressed in his casual wear instead of his classic suit and tie look, I still feel a slight weakness in my knees when I look at him.
Even as Noah disappears from my line of sight to step into another room, my heart continues to swoon with the lingering thought of him. He may be a coldhearted bastard for treating me so callously after casually taking my virginity, but it's his gruff yet straightforward nature which inevitably pulls me toward him. Bold, strong, reliable, and refined. He's a man in every sense of the word, a man who has completely stolen my heart without trying.
There's no doubt about it. I'm completely and utterly smitten by him.
A heavy sigh falls from my lips as the raw emotion of my desires takes and steals the strength right out of my knees. I can feel that same weakness in my legs from earlier growing even stronger when I think back to the moment Noah said that I was special. It's strange that those simple words of praise could fill me with both pain and joy at the same time. Special. That word 'special' naturally repeats in my head again and again until it leaves me with an incomplete and bittersweet feeling. My existence is special enough to stay close to the family but not special enough to be that woman who's closest to him. It's unfair. Especially since I can't get him out of my head even if I tried.
Every inch of my body seems to naturally tremble and tingle with Noah's presence. His soft lips which overran me with firm kisses and his hot fingertips which caressed me from top to bottom -- I can feel his passion and energy still crawling and lingering all over my flesh and skin. It's torture to realize that he's so close yet so far, and with each day that passes by, it gets a little harder to put on a smile. I've done my best
to hide away the pain and pretend like we never shared that moment of intimacy, but now I feel like I'm barely holding on.
The weight of my own suppressed emotions and desires is slowly suffocating me to the point where taking a breath feels exhausting and painful. I know I'm a fool for sticking around the one person and man who causes me so much heartache, yet I can't bring myself to end our relationship. The money and pay is only part of the reason I'm still working this job; my naïve hopes and delusions are the other part of it. Even if it sounds incredibly stupid, I want to believe that the night we spent together was more than just an easy lay for him to take advantage of in the heat of the moment because of my obvious attraction and lust for him.
I want to believe that he sees me as more than just his daughter's nanny -- that he actually sees me as a woman.
And while Noah has already made himself very clear on the issue of keeping our boundaries strictly professional, I'll keep holding onto my foolish hopes and beliefs until it eventually breaks me. I'll continue to bear and mask the pain that's deeply buried within the depths of my heart. It's the only way that I can pathetically stay by his side. His presence and company is like a bad drug that I can't get enough of, but I have faith that this fleeting love and affection won't last forever. These troublesome feelings that dwell in my chest will naturally fade on their own. But until then, I'll keep on putting on that fake smile and façade of happiness.
I'll be okay.
I know it.
Noah - 13
A gentle piano tune floats in the air as my hand reaches for the wineglass that's sitting in front of me. I take one large sip from the glass which I pray will work its magic as soon as possible so that I can ease a bit of the tension that's building in my body. My ears perk up in the middle of my gulp from the loud sound of laughter that rises above the melody created by the piano keys. Unfortunately, my attention is only drawn away temporarily before I end up recalibrating my focus on the disruptive vibrations that are rumbling and going off in my pocket.
Daddy's Contract : A Single Dad and Nanny Romance Page 15