Connor had planted the seed of doubt in his mind and he had to quash it before it grew into festering fear and paranoia.
Josie returned from the kitchen, looking from D.J. to Connor, a concerned expression on her face. “Is everything okay?”
“We need to talk,” D.J. said. “Let’s go for a drive.”
“But I don’t want to leave Connor all alone on his first night here,” she said, gesturing helplessly to her friend.
“He’ll be fine,” D.J. said, grabbing her hand. “He can call you if he needs you. Let’s go.”
Chapter Twelve
Josie could tell Connor had said something to set D.J. off again. It was obvious by the tense set of his jaw and the way his hand gripped the steering wheel. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong or do I have to guess?”
“Your friend said some things that made me question where your head’s at.”
At first she thought he was driving aimlessly, but then she realized he was driving to his lot, the one with the lake, where they’d made love the first time. “What did he say?” She wasn’t sure she wanted to know. She knew Connor was just looking out for her, but she didn’t need protection from D.J. She hoped.
“That you’re not in this thing for the long haul.”
“The long haul?” She laughed before quickly realizing that was the worst possible reaction. If he hadn’t been angry before, he definitely was now. “I’m sorry, I’m just a little surprised we’re even having this conversation right now. We’re still getting to know each other. Can’t we take our time and let things evolve slowly, see where it takes us?”
She couldn’t deny she was flattered by D.J.’s attention, but he was so intense. It was a little unnerving.
“Where do you think it will take us?” He was clenching his jaw when he said, “’Cause here’s the thing, I’m not real big on wastin’ my time. I like to know where I stand and I don’t like women who play games.”
She knew his patience was wearing thin, but so was hers. She couldn’t understand why he was pushing so hard. “I’m not playing games. I told you where I stood from the very beginning.” She sighed when she realized her contentious approach was only making the situation worse. “When I met you, I was definitely not looking for a relationship.” She reached for his free hand, hoping he would relax enough to listen to her with an open mind. At least he didn’t pull away. She assumed that was a good sign. “I told you that.”
“Yeah, but neither one of us expected this, Jos.” When they pulled up to a red light, his eyes fell to their joined hands. “I sure as hell never thought I could feel this way about a woman after such a short time, but I do. And I don’t know what to do about it, especially now that he’s livin’ with you.”
“I know it’s not an ideal situation,” she said, tentatively. “Especially in the early stages of a new relationship, but it is what it is and I really do appreciate your understanding. I know it isn’t easy.” She didn’t want to jeopardize what she’d found with him. He wasn’t the only one feeling things he’d never felt before. She was right there with him.
“I hate that you two have this history,” he admitted. “If he was just a friend, I mean, if you’d never had a romantic relationship, I’d probably be okay with this. But knowin’ you’re sleeping under the same roof with a guy you’ve had sex with? I’m sorry, but that’s a hard pill to swallow.”
She couldn’t find the words to make him feel better no matter how hard she tried because she knew she’d put him in the impossible position of having to understand something she probably wouldn’t have been able to had their situations been reversed.
“It’s not just that though. It’s that he’s so smug about it. He knows you so well. He’s so sure he knows exactly what you’re thinkin’ and feelin’ and how this whole thing is gonna play out.”
“But he doesn’t,” she said, squeezing his hand. “I never felt about him the way I do about you. That’s the truth.” At least that earned her a smile. “You’re different. And not just because of who you are or what you do. It’s the way you make me feel.”
“Tell me. I need to hear this.”
She was glad she was finally getting through to him, even if it meant laying her heart on the line to express exactly what was going on inside her head. “I was floored the first time I saw you and not just because you’re sexy and charismatic. It’s more than that.”
He smirked. “This is gettin’ good. Don’t stop now.”
Josie knew the last thing her lover needed was another woman to stroke his ego, but she indulged him because she sensed something about her made him feel insecure and she didn’t want him to have any doubts. “It’s this powerful connection we seem to have. It defies logic. I’m a pretty pragmatic person. I look before I leap. I get to know a man before I give him my heart. We become friends before we sleep together. I figure out whether or not I can trust him. But with you I feel like we’ve gone from zero to sixty in ten seconds flat. I’ve barely had time to catch my breath.”
“And that’s a bad thing,” he said, looking grim again.
“No, it’s not,” she said quickly, trying to reassure him. “It’s not a bad thing at all. I haven’t had a lot of time to over-analyze with you. You’re not like most guys.” She laughed. “You see what you want and you go after it.”
“And I do want you,” he said, sparing her a glance. “More than you know.”
She got that now-familiar tingle she always felt when he told her how important she was to him. He made her feel different. Special. And that was a heady aphrodisiac.
“I want you too,” she whispered. “That’s what you need to understand. I’m right there with you. You feel insecure about Connor staying with me, but you’re not the only one who’s scared. I am too. You’ll be going back out on the road soon. You’ll be in a different city every night with gorgeous women wanting you to take them back to your hotel room or tour bus and I want to believe that would never happen, but—”
“It won’t,” he said, looking fierce. “I don’t cheat, Josie. I may be a lot of things, but I’m not a liar and I’m not a cheat.”
She wanted to believe him more than she’d ever wanted anything, but there was still a niggling of doubt. She didn’t believe he’d set out to cheat on her, but he was only human. Would the temptation prove impossible to resist? A few drinks with his band, a stunning model with a penchant for musicians… She could imagine how that might lead to heartbreak for her.
“You don’t believe me,” he said, swinging his truck into the empty lot. He followed the crude tracks and pulled up in front of the small lake before cutting the engine. “I can tell.”
Josie could see him shutting down and she hated it. She wanted to walk away tonight feeling like they were closer together, not further apart.
She crawled over the gearshift and into his lap, easing the seat back to make herself more comfortable as she straddled him. “Here’s the thing,” she said, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I’m kind of falling for you. Hard.”
“Define fallin’,” he said, a mischievous sparkle in his eye.
“Falling… in love.” She bit her lip, unable to believe she was actually saying these words again. She’d only said them one other time before. To Bryan. She just assumed that would be the first and last time.
“I like where this is goin’,” he said, circling the back of her neck with his hand. “Don’t stop now.”
Josie knew this guy would never be satisfied until she’d bared her soul to him. “And I’m terrified,” she said breathlessly, thinking that didn’t even begin to describe what she was feeling. “I couldn’t have picked a worse guy to fall in love with, given my history with men.”
“Now I know you’re not gonna compare me to that sonofabitch who cheated on you again,” he said, the warning evident in his voice. “’Cause that would really piss me off.”
“I’m not comparing you to him,” she said, resting her hands on his wide shoulders. “I
’m just trying to make you understand why this is so hard for me, why I need to take some time to catch my breath before I jump off the next cliff with you.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
She knew she wasn’t making any sense, but it wasn’t easy to sound rational when she was feeling anything but. “We’ve made love. I told you I don’t want to date anyone else. I invited you to meet my parents. I’ve even told you I’m falling in love with you. Those things are huge for me.”
He closed his eyes and drew a deep breath as he pulled her into his arms. “You’re right,” he said, his breath a whisper in her ear. “Those things are huge and they should be enough to put my mind at ease, but I don’t know what the hell it is about you that makes me feel so uneasy. I can’t shake this feelin’ that you’ve got one foot out the door, and one damn misstep from me and I’ll be history.”
“It’s not like that,” she said, thinking the only thing that could change what she was feeling now is if he did cheat on her. “I’m in this one hundred percent. Just because I’m not ready to talk about the future yet doesn’t mean I don’t think about it.”
“I don’t know what the hell’s wrong with me,” he muttered, threading his hands through her hair to expose her neck. “I just can’t suppress the urge to pin this down, to make you mine.”
Her heart began racing at his insinuation. As much as she wanted this to work, she didn’t know when or if she’d ever be brave enough to take another walk down the aisle. She knew she should tell him that, but this didn’t seem like the right time.
“I think I know how to put your mind at ease,” she said, slowly unbuttoning his shirt as her eyes captured his. “I need this. We both need this tonight.”
Josie wasn’t big on using sex to heal hurts or ease pain, mainly because that had been her ex-husband’s strategy, but it didn’t feel like that’s what she was doing with D.J. Making love to him made her happy. It satisfied her in a way nothing else had before he came into her life.
“I think I like where this is headed,” he said, lifting her tank top over her head before her lips found his chest. “Though we have to find a better place to do this than my truck.” His breath caught when her tongue began tracing his flat nipple. “Jos, come home with me tonight, baby. I want you in my bed. I want to wake up with you in my arms.”
As enticing as that offer was, she knew she couldn’t, and didn’t want to get into another argument with him about the reason why. So instead of responding, she opted to distract him by reaching for his belt buckle. The confined space made it difficult to get naked, but they managed. Sinking down on him slowly, she caught his handsome face in her hands and kissed him deeply.
“I love the way this feels, D.J.,” she whispered, her breathing shallow as he seized her hips and guided her back and forth over his shaft. The rhythm was grueling enough to drive out all rational thought. But that’s what she needed now. A reprieve from the fears and thoughts tormenting her. She didn’t want to know how they were going to make this work; she just had to trust they would. Somehow.
He tipped forward, kissing her neck as she whimpered in his ear, riding him harder as she gripped his shoulders. “Ah…” Her release was swift, catching her off guard. He was the first man who’d ever been able to draw an orgasm from her during sex and she took that as another sign that she was more in tune with him than she’d been with her other lovers.
“I love that,” he said, slowing his movements to give her time to catch her breath as his hands swept her hair away from her face. “The way you look when you give yourself to me. So beautiful. So perfect.”
So perfect. Those words ran through her mind over and over as he continued to love her, whispering in her ear that she was so sexy and turned him on like no one else ever had. The sense of contentment that washed over her when he finally erupted inside of her made her believe he was right. This was perfect. He was perfect. For her.
***
D.J. grumbled and complained when she told him she couldn’t spend the night with him, so to make him happy, she agreed to meet him for breakfast at a little spot between his studio and her gym the next morning.
Truth be told, she couldn’t wait to see him again. As soon as his taillights faded into the darkness, she’d started missing him. And a few minutes later when he called her on her cell just to tell her he loved her, she felt like her chest would explode with unadulterated joy.
“Aren’t you going to have breakfast with me?” Connor asked, sitting at the kitchen table as she placed a plate of scrambled eggs, toast, and sliced cantaloupe in front of him.
“I can’t,” she said, sitting down with him to drink her coffee. “I’m meeting D.J. for breakfast in a bit, but I can sit with you for a while.” She felt she should offer again to take him to his treatment, just in case he needed moral support on his first day.
“Thanks,” he said, digging into his eggs. “I haven’t had much of an appetite lately, but they told me to try and eat something before I came in today.”
She carefully sipped her coffee and she watched him devour the eggs like a man who’d missed too many meals as of late. “It’s my pleasure. I wasn’t sure when you’d be home, but I left a tossed salad and some sliced chicken breast in the fridge for your lunch.”
“Thanks.” He cleaned his plate before he said, “So, how does it feel to be dating a big celebrity?”
Josie knew the topic of her relationship with D.J. would come up, but she hadn’t been looking forward to it. It was awkward, talking to her ex-boyfriend about her new boyfriend. “D.J. is just a regular guy,” she said, trying to make light of his fame. “He puts his pants on one leg at a time just like the rest of us.”
“You don’t really believe he’s ‘just like the rest of us,’” he said, making air quotes around the words. “How can you? You’ve been out with the guy. You see what it’s like. Women slipping him their phone number, girls screaming his name, grabbing at him while he’s on stage. You can’t tell me that doesn’t bother you.”
“I don’t let it bother me,” she said, shrugging. “I trust D.J.” She was surprised to realize she really was starting to trust him. Completely.
“Come on, after your history with Bryan, you’re telling me you can trust a guy like that? He didn’t have the means and opportunities D.J. had, but he still managed to cheat on you every chance he got. You really believe D.J. wouldn’t do it too?” He covered her hand with his. “Wake up, Josie. Guys like that are all the same.”
She’d believed that too in the beginning, but D.J. had worked hard to prove to her that he was nothing like Bryan. He cared about her. He treated her with respect and seemed determined to earn her trust.
“I’m not going to punish D.J. for Bryan’s sins,” she said, withdrawing her hand as she curled her fingers around her coffee mug. “That wouldn’t be fair to either of us. I deserve to be happy and D.J. makes me happy. End of story.”
Connor was her friend and she was willing to do whatever she could to help him through this difficult time, but she refused to let him come between her and D.J.
“But for how long?” he asked, looking genuinely concerned. “How long before he breaks your heart, honey? He may not even mean to, but his life is different from ours, whether you want to believe that or not. His career takes him all over the world. He’s away for months at a time. Speaking from a guy’s perspective, it’s pretty hard to tend to your own needs for long. Even harder for him because he has gorgeous women willing to satisfy his needs. All he has to do is say the word.”
Josie felt a twinge of uncertainty take root, coupled with resentment. She was trying so hard to convince herself they could make this work, but she couldn’t deny everything Connor said renewed her sense of despair.
“Why do you think celebrity marriages always fail?” he asked. “It’s because most people are only human. They can’t resist temptation, especially when it’s thrust in their faces. You’ll see, D.J. is no different.”
; ***
D.J. could tell by the expression on Josie’s face when she walked into the restaurant that something was wrong. The spark he’d ignited in her eyes last night was gone. Now she looked vacant and despondent and that worried him.
“Hey, gorgeous,” he said, standing to kiss her cheek. “How are you?” Like he had to ask.
“Fine,” she said, thinning her lips into something he presumed she thought resembled a smile. “How are you? Did you sleep well?”
He could tell she was trying to act as though everything was fine, but he could already read her so well. Ignoring her mundane question, he said, “I knew you’d be in a hurry to get to work, so I ordered for you. Fruit and yogurt. I hope that’s okay?”
“That’s fine. Thank you,” she said, placing the napkin across her lap.
There’s that word again, he thought, clenching his teeth. “You gonna tell me what’s wrong?”
She sighed, refusing to look at him. “Nothing.”
D.J. waited for the waitress to fill their coffee mugs before he said, “Bullshit. I want the truth. Now.”
“Excuse me,” a stunning brunette said, stopping in her tracks on the way to the restroom. “Are you… Oh my God, you are! You’re D.J. Stevens, aren’t you?” She flattened her hand across her ample cleavage, losing her breath. “Oh my God! I saw you in concert at the Ryman last summer. You were incredible, D.J.”
“Thanks,” he said, glancing briefly at the girl. He normally made an effort to be cordial to his fans, but he could tell this interaction was making Josie uncomfortable, so he just wanted to be rid of the gushing girl as quickly as possible so he could find out what was bothering his girl.
Jaded (Music City Moguls Book 5) Page 14