“It’s so nice to see you two together again.” Elise smiles wide. In the mother-in-law department, I’m happy to say I’ve been twice blessed. Gosh, I need to call Hazel. I only talked to her briefly the other night. She seemed a bit off.
“Elise—” I start.
“Mama,” she corrects me with The Look for emphasis.
“Mama,” I say with a smile, “have you talked to Hazel? Is she okay? She seemed off the other day.” I place the filets on the grill portion of the stove.
“Yeah, honey, she’s just sad. You know, sweetheart.” She frowns.
“Yes, I do.” Duh, why am I such an idiot? It’s Christmas and her only son and husband are gone. No! No, it’s more than that! I know it is. There’s no sense in pressing the issue with Elise, though, because I’m the one who knows Hazel better.
“Mommy, can I help?” Morgan comes up behind me and rubs my back.
“Sure, baby. You wanna mash the potatoes?” I kiss her hair before I bring the pot to the sink to drain it.
“Okay. Regular or garlic?”
“Garlic. Morgy, I have it all ready to go in that pan there.” I point and dump the potatoes in the bowl. “Where’s Annie-Banannie?” I look over my shoulder at her.
“I think she went upstairs to finish reading the last few chapters of the book she has to do a report on,” she says as she grabs a big fork out of the drawer and mashes them a bit before using the mixer, like I showed her.
“Oh, okay.” I shrug as I return to the stove and flip the steaks. I lift the lid off the zucchini pan and stir that around. “I’ll be right back.” I smile and head down the hall. I can’t help but overhear Ray arguing with his dad.
“Son, you know we love Becca. This has nothing to do with her. I just can’t understand why you would let things go at work! There was no need for you to spend twenty hours a day at the hospital, and now you have no new contracts and you are ready to go under. Not a smart move in this economy, son! You have all these people who depend on you for a paycheck.” Artie sounds passionately irritated. I’ve never heard him like this before—it’s quite the opposite of his usual reticent behavior.
“If it was Mama, Daddy, you would’ve been there every minute you could and couldn’t, just like me!” Ray yells back.
“I understand, son, but Becca hasn’t ever been your only responsibility! You have a little girl to provide for!” Artie snaps.
“I have a family of four to provide for,” Ray corrects him.
“Not yet, son. Annie is your priority.”
“As far as I’m concerned, Dad, I have two little girls. They are both my priority.”
My heart explodes at his declaration.
“How much are you in the hole, son?” Artie changes direction.
“I’m not ... not yet.” Ray sighs, defeated.
“Why do you need twenty thousand dollars, then?”
“Because I took it from Becca to cover my overhead. I need to put it back before she realizes.” His voice is laced with shame.
“She doesn’t know?” Artie gasps.
“No, Dad, how do I tell her? Hey, babe, I’m going to take care of you for the rest of your life. By the way, I’m broke and took twenty grand from you,” he says with a bit of sarcasm. “Dad, please, I’m embarrassed enough as it is.”
“Ray, what are you going to do next month?”
“Hopefully I’ll have stuff lined up. I don’t know, Dad.” I hear him pacing. I can’t take anymore. I know this is killing him. Ray is a very proud man.
“Hey, you two—dinner’s just about ready!” I walk in cheerful.
“Baby, did you overhear anything?” Ray asks nervously.
“No. Why?” I give him a “what are you up to?” look.
“Nothing.” He smiles and kisses me.
“Hey, can I talk to your dad a minute?”
“Why?”
“It’s a secret, McNeil.” I roll my eyes.
“All right ...” He leans in for another kiss before he heads out. I close the glass French doors behind him and turn to Artie.
“What’s up, sweetheart?” Artie smiles.
“Please listen to everything I have to say before you interject.” I wait. He nods, seemingly unsure of where I’m coming from. “Please give Ray a check for fifty grand. I will give you the check to cover it.”
“Becca,” he tries.
“Artie ... Dad ... your son has been taking care of everything at the inn for the past five years without ever taking a dime from me, no matter how much I argued with him about it. I know for a fact that he only charged me half of what it cost him to build onto my store. He won’t take the money from me. You have to be the one to give it to him,” I plead with him.
“Becca, isn’t this going to put you in a bind?” he asks, full of concern.
“No, Dad. Grayson left me in a very comfortable position.” I look down, feeling ashamed.
“I thought you were struggling?”
“No, I’ve been overpaying on my mortgage and not touching the money Grayson left me because it offered closure that I wasn’t ready for. Please do this. It will bide me some time to talk Ray into taking on the renovations I want to do—and the money to cover it.” I grab his arm.
“Are you going to tell him you know about the twenty thousand dollars?” he asks.
“What twenty thousand dollars?” I wink.
“You know, lady, you are one of a kind! It’ll be a proud day for me when you become my son’s wife.” He pulls me into a fierce hug, his words taking my breath away. “I was going to lend him the twenty, but I wanted to give him a wake-up call. How do I explain the fifty?” he asks.
“Well, take your time. At the end of the night, tell him that you and Elise talked and you both decided to give him an early wedding gift.” I smile at my bright idea.
“Ha! Becca, that’s quite the wedding gift, doncha think?” He looks at me warily.
“Well, I’m quite the girl that he’s marrying, doncha think?” I raise an eyebrow.
“That you are, my dear.” He chuckles and kisses my forehead.
“Come on, dear, sweet, future father-in-law, I’ve got some good grub out there for you!” I take his arm and we head out and down the hall.
Ray looks over at me from the table and flashes me a huge smile. I return the gesture. We all sit down and hold hands as Elise says the blessing.
“So, Mommy, when are we moving all of our stuff over?” Morgan asks before she cuts into her steak.
“We’ll do it slowly so we don’t overwhelm ourselves,” I say thoughtfully. A box here and there is much more doable for me.
“You girls still have to decide whether you want to share a room or have your own.” Ray waves his fork at them before taking a bite of his steak. “Mmm ... this is good, babe.” He closes his eyes, a look of pure enjoyment coming over his face.
“Yeah?” I smile. He nods.
“Well, I think we’d like to share,” Annie says before taking a swig of her drink.
“Just remember, this is it. You two are going to be sisters now, not just best friends. You’ll be with each other all the time. You may want your own space,” I try to remind them. I can feel the weight of Ray’s stare. I glance over at him, causing his mouth to curve into a half smile. Elise pats my thigh. I look over at her when Ray digs into his food again. Her eyes are full. What has gotten into everyone?
“Mom, we want to share.” Morgan backs Annie’s declaration up.
“Yes, Mom, we’re sharing,” Annie says again, and my heart leaps at the sound of her calling me “Mom.”
“Can we redecorate our room, Dad?” Morgan asks Ray and he drops his fork. Morgan has never called Ray “Dad,” not even on a slip up.
“Anything for my girls.” He winks at her. The girls get excited and start chatting about color schemes and patterns. “Becs,” he whispers. I turn to my left, where he’s sitting at the head of the table. He grabs my hand. “I feel like I’ve won the lottery.” He smiles.
“We all did, baby.” I lean in to kiss him.
“So, Becca, when’s your appointment for the babies?” Elise asks.
“Oh! I almost forgot!” I look back to Ray. “We have an appointment and ultrasound in two weeks. We may be able to find out what we’re having!” I clap my hands like a child.
“I don’t think we should find out,” Ray states flatly. My head whips back to him in shock, as if he stole the cherry right off of my imaginary sundae. “Look ... if it’s a boy and a girl, the nursery will be neutral anyway, so what’s the big deal? We’ll just go with neutral now.” He shrugs. I continue to gape at him. “I want to be surprised,” he adds.
“Don’t you think the fact that I’m pregnant is surprise enough?” I try to stay calm. He stares at me, keeping his face straight for another minute before he cracks up.
“Really—you think I could wait?” He nudges my shoulder. I smack him playfully. Ugh! He knows how to push my buttons!
The table conversation carries on with bets over what they are and which names we might pick. We also agree that we will celebrate Christmas on New Year’s Eve. Good thing the girls are out of the Santa Claus stage, or we could’ve found ourselves in a pickle. I’m glad to get a couple of extra days, as I haven’t gone shopping! Today was the first day I felt strong enough to drive.
“You go ‘head to the family room, baby. I’ma wash these dishes up for ya!” Elise nods me out of the kitchen.
“No, Mama, let me help.” I grab a dish towel and dry off the pot she’s already washed.
“No! Now go on! You cooked, I’ll clean. Go rest. Have yo’self a nice snuggle with my son.” She bats her eyes at me playfully.
“Hmm ... well, when you put it that way ... ” I smile and kiss her cheek before I join Ray in the family room.
“C’mere, baby.” Ray pats between his legs. I head over and scoot in. He wraps his arms around me.
“What are we watching?” I ask around a yawn.
“It’s a Wonderful Life.”
“It is, isn’t it?” I look up at him.
“It will be now.” He kisses me.
“Are you guys going to be kissing the entire movie?” Annie asks.
“No, sweetie, I’m sure Daddy and I will fall asleep halfway through it, like we always do,” I answer.
I didn’t lie. That’s exactly what we do. When Elise wakes us, Artie pulls Ray aside, leaving me to go up to bed alone. I put on my PJs and head into the bathroom for my nightly routine. Ray walks in just as I finish brushing my teeth.
“Wow ... SRPs!” Ray laughs. I think for a moment.
“Sex-repellent pajamas,” we say in unison.
“Oh, you don’t find my earmuff-wearing snowmen pajamas sexy?” I laugh.
“Yeah ... not really.” He winces.
“Well, shop is closed anyway. We’re both exhausted.” I pat his chest and head into the bedroom.
“But—” he starts.
“Ray, I’m pregnant and tired, which is a surefire mix to making me cranky. Please.” I pull the covers back. “There’s always tomorrow morning.” I smile sleepily after I climb in. He spits out his toothpaste and wipes his mouth.
“What if you don’t love me tomorrow morning?” He looks down at the floor instead of me. I take in a deep breath and get out of bed. I grab a flyer out of my purse and write on the back.
I, Becca Kirsten James, on the date of December 29, 2012, promise to still be in love with Raymond Patrick McNeil on December 30, 2012, and every day after for the rest of my life.
Becca Kirsten James
I hand him the paper and climb back under the covers. Ray places the paper on the nightstand before proceeding to undress as well. After a few minutes, he crawls in and wraps himself around me, like he always does, in an effort to share our side of the bed.
“Do I at least get a kiss good night?”
“Mmm hmm.” I turn my face and give in to the soft beckoning of his tongue.
My new alarm, called “The Bladder,” wakes me up at its new usual time of 5:30 a.m. I slowly try to unravel myself from Ray’s death grip. He rolls over and I head in, keeping the light very dim. I sit for a minute, simply because I’m too lazy and too tired to get up. Looking down at my PJs, I realize they are quite hideous. I get up, wash my hands, and head out to the bedroom. I open my top drawer and pull out a tank top and panties, then change quickly in the bathroom before going back to bed.
Ray holds the covers up for me and I climb back into his arms.
“You changed?” His hand runs up my leg.
“Yeah. I didn’t want to repel you in the morning.” I yawn.
“Baby.” He kisses my shoulder.
“Mmm ...”
“It is morning.” He presses against my backside. A perfect theme song comes to mind—that is, if Ray were actually Grayson. I feel a quick pang in my heart and get lost along that train of thought. “Becca, goddamn it!” Ray sighs with frustration. “Where is your head at, baby?”
“Sorry, I’m still half asleep.” Half-truth.
“Fine.” He inhales the smell of my hair. “You’re a terrible liar, babe, just so you know.” He pulls me closer to him.
“Mmm.” I drift back off.
“Is that a new outfit, babe?” Ray stops eating his breakfast to study my appearance.
“Why, yes it is!” I spin for him in my new maternity sweaterdress. It’s gray with specks of cream in it. “I got new boots too.” I show off my black knee-length boots.
“Yeah, Derek told me you subjected him to the mall the other day. You look pretty, baby.” He smiles and continues to eat.
“Well, I had to buy new clothes to accommodate my new look.” I pat my belly.
“I have to go to the office today, Becs,” he says quickly and takes a sip of coffee.
“Ray! We’re supposed to go Christmas shopping today! Can’t you go back on Monday?” My attempt at hiding my disappointment is nonexistent.
“No. I really can’t, babe.”
“McNeil, you pull this shit every year! You just hate shopping with me!” I snap.
“I’m not denying the fact that I hate shopping with you. It’s a fucking nightmare,” he states in a matter-of-fact tone. “But that’s not the reason. I really have to go in. I’ll try to meet up with you by this afternoon. Okay, baby?” He pulls me to him and looks up at me.
“Fine,” I grumble. “You suck, McNeil,” I add.
“That’s not what you were saying an hour ago.” He smirks, patting my bottom. “I really, really like this dress.” He slides his hand down and creeps underneath the hem.
“Stop!” I smack his hand as it travels up.
“Saved by the girls.” He smiles and nods over to our two sleepyheads. They sit at the table, eyelids drooping, and I swear their faces will fall into their pancakes.
“Thank you for still loving me this morning.” Ray smiles against my lips.
“I had to. I signed a contract ... sorta.” I laugh and wave him off, and he walks out the door.
Ugh! I wish Stacey was here to go shopping with me! She won’t be back ‘til next week. I was so happy when she told me that Max was moving his consulting firm back east. We’ll be having our babies together!
“Mama!” I shout.
“Yeah, baby?” She comes out from the kitchen.
“Oh.” I laugh. “I didn’t realize you were down here already. I’m going to head out now. Wish me luck!” I grab my purse and coat.
“Okay. See you later, baby girl.” She smiles.
As I drive down Orchard Terrace, I realize I have no idea what to get Ray this year! Crap! I mean, the usual stuff is a given, but I have had no time to come up with a special personal gift. It’ll come to me. I know it will—it has to. I pull up in front of my favorite coffee shop, The Java Joint.
“Hey, Talia!” I say when she turns around. Talia’s the owner. She’s a petite little thing, about thirty, with jet-black hair, jet-black glasses, and a silver hoop nose ring.
>
“Becca!” she practically screams and runs around the counter to hug me. “How are you?” She holds me at arm’s length.
“Great, great!” I laugh.
“Look at you—you’re glowing! It’s about time you and Ray finally settle down.” She rubs my belly. Small town ... of course everyone knows. They probably knew upon the egg’s implantation! “Your usual?” she asks. I nod.
“Oh, half decaf, though.”
“Okay. Freakish warm weather today, huh?” she asks.
“Yeah. You don’t need a coat out there at all.” She hands me my pumpkin coffee.
“On the house.” She pushes my money away.
“Thanks, Talia! I’ll see you soon.” I head out. One great thing about being in a coma? People want to give you shit for free when you come out of it! I head next door to the Hot Topix spa. Love that name. Very clever; who doesn’t catch up on the latest gossip at their salon? I grab gift certificates for Claudia, Hazel, Elise, and Stacey. Next, I hit Claudia’s favorite tattoo parlor and get her a gift certificate there. I pop in to see Eric the jeweler and pick up my bracelet from Grayson. I put it right on, then buy the pearl necklace and bracelet Grayson and I had given Hazel. Morgan’s necklace is ready as well. While I’m here, I put together my PANDORA bracelet from Grayson. Checkout is painful. I hand over my black AmEx. I sign my name, laughing to myself about when I was in here with Grayson.
“Thank you, Becca! Have a great day, and give my best to Ray.” Eric smiles.
“You too—I will!” I say and head out. I walk past the local gift shop/florist, then stop and turn back. I look in the window and see something special for Ray. Special and funny. I go in and buy it.
Coming out of the gift shop, I realize my feet are killing me, I’m tired, and getting hungry. I look at my watch.
“Geez!” I’ve been at it for three hours. I pull out my phone to text Ray.
December 30, 2012 11:58 a.m.
Me: Hungry? I’m going to get your Mom’s gift then lunch for us. I’ll be over by u in 30!
Ray: It’s a no go, baby. I’m too busy. I’ll see you tonight! :(
Goodbye Uncertainty Page 6