“Ugh—c’mere!” He attacks my lips. After a few minutes, he pulls away. “Did you eat anything?”
“No.”
“I didn’t think so. I brought you home an omelet. C’mon.”
He pats my bottom and we head out.
It’s been four days since Ray and I had our last talk. We’ve been doing great since. Back to our old selves; joking and laughing. He’s been working hard up in the office. I’m getting a little impatient with him because he won’t show me until it’s done.
With the help of Stacey, Derek, and Danni, I’ve gotten a lot done as well. Most of Grayson’s clothes and shoes have been donated, with the exception of the infamous sweater and some T-shirts Morgan wanted. We’ve done a re-shifting of most framed pictures, giving them central location in the study.
I’ve had several breakdowns during the purge. Ray’s jumped by my side each time, holding me and letting me cry. Sometimes he cries with me. At night we take turns reading chapters aloud from Grayson’s last book, the one I coauthored. Every night he says the same thing: “Becs, please publish this.”
“I will,” I reply. “Soon.”
“Becs? You all right?” Ray’s voice pulls me back from my thoughts.
“Yeah,” I say, smiling. “Just thinking about how well we’ve been doing the past few days.”
I stand up, away from the books I’m packing, and give him a quick kiss.
“It’s been a record-breaking four days!” He smirks playfully, then gets serious. “I wanted to ask you something. I’m not sure it’s my place, and I probably shouldn’t bring it up, but it’s been gnawing at me all week.” He sits on the sofa. I sit beside him, eyeing the box in his hands.
“What is it?”
“I ... came across this the first day I was here. I opened it and found all these little notes you and Grayson wrote back and forth to each other.”
My eyes light up as he opens it.
“I can’t believe he kept these!”
I grab a few and start reading, then I laugh. Grayson was always a romantic. Even the first day we met.
“Well, I came across this one and it’s bothered me.” He hands it to me cautiously. I open and read it. My heart sinks; I haven’t thought about this in years.
“I’m sorry, Ray. This is between Grayson and me. All you need to know is that he made a very big mistake that we both worked hard to get through. I’m pretty sure he kept this specific note as a reminder to himself. I forgave him, and that’s all you need to know.” I remain as calm as I can.
“Did he cheat on you?”
“No. Grayson never so much as looked at another woman. It wasn’t anything like that. Well, not entirely. Please, can we drop it?” I beg.
“Okay, baby. I’m sorry.” I can see he truly feels bad about bringing it up. “Hey, before I let you get back to work here, I wanted to tell you something!” He pats my knee.
“What?” I try to perk up again and erase the images in my head.
“I did what you told me to do, like a good boy.” His boyish grin makes me laugh. “Lexter agreed and gave me the bid at one and a half mil!”
“Ray!” I scream and hug him. “That’s terrific, baby!” I kiss him all over his face. “I’m so proud of you!”
“Yeah, well, I took a page out of Grayson’s book and listened to your advice. Don’t go getting a big head now!” He smirks. “It’s a small project, but that’s actually good, considering the renovations are going to be such a big undertaking.”
“Well, every job that puts your name in a good light is important, so don’t downplay it. Especially in this economy!” I sigh. He nods in agreement. “Thank you for listening.” I kiss his lips again. “Shall we go out to celebrate?” I ask.
“Arrangements have already been made, baby!” He kisses my forehead. “We’ll have an early dinner here. You need to pack for the weekend. We’re going on a little road trip.”
“Where to?”
“Northern California, for the weekend.”
“You’re taking your girlfriend, who loves wine, to wine country?” I ask him, wide-eyed.
“Yes.”
“Oh,” I say as I wince. “Did you not get the memo?” I ask. “I’m a little pregnant.”
“You are? I thought you were just getting comfortable with me.” He laughs. “There are other things to do, you lush! Come on, get packed.” He pats my knee.
“Ray, we’re supposed to go home in two days.” I sit back.
“Plans have changed. Stacey will be flying back with Morgan so she doesn’t miss any more school. Everything is all set.” He leans in.
“Who’s going to take care of Morgan?” I ask. “Hazel’s away.”
“The same two people who’ve been taking care of Annie,” he states, sounding frustrated.
“Right.” I grab his hand and give myself a mental head-slap. “Sorry. How far away is it?”
“GPS says almost seven hours, so probably six.”
“Why don’t we just fly?” I ask.
Ray stares at me.
“Make something easy for dinner tonight,” he says flatly as he gets up to leave.
“Ray?” I call after him.
“I’ll be upstairs,” he calls back. All righty then. Ugh! What the hell did I say?
“Holy shit, Becs!” Derek gasps, looking over to the right side of the foyer lined with boxes of books for donation.
“Yeah, I know. And yet, it looks as if I haven’t gotten rid of any.”
“Grayson would roll over in his grave if he saw this!”
“Well, good thing he doesn’t have a grave,” I snap.
“Shit, Becca, I’m sorry. Just a figure of speech.”
“Oh, Derek. I’m sorry too. I’ve been jumpy all day.” I pat his shoulder, and he hugs me to him.
“What’s going on?” he lowers his voice. I look around.
“Ray. He told me he’s taking me up north for the weekend. I suggested we fly, and it turned his mood sour.”
“Becca, would you have suggested that to him six months ago?” Derek raises an eyebrow, encouraging me to think about it. I open my mouth to say yes, but stop myself. No, no. I wouldn’t have. Ray and I love to take drives. It’s our thing. Grayson would’ve wanted us to fly. He didn’t know that, though. It’s the money. Six months ago, I was still acting like I didn’t have all of this money. “Why don’t we fly?” wouldn’t have even been a thought.
“No,” I finally say. “Give me a minute.” I head down the hall to the stairs leading to the office.
Slowly I walk up. I’ve still managed not to set foot in there. Too many memories in such a confined space. Grayson and I could easily spend an entire day in there. Working ... and, ahem, other stuff. I take in a deep breath and knock.
“Yeah, Morgy?” Ray calls.
“It’s me, Ray. Can I come in?”
“Uh, hold on.”
After a few minutes, he opens the door and the smell of books, wood, and leather smacks me in the face.
“Are you burning incense?” I almost want to cry.
“Yeah. I thought it smelled nice.”
“It does. We used to burn that all the time.” It’s woodsy vanilla.
“Sorry,” he says lightly.
“No, baby, it’s okay. I’m sorry I mentioned flying. It’s not really us. I wasn’t thinking. I’m looking forward to road-trippin’ it with you, McNeil.” I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss his smile.
“And you came to that conclusion all by your lonesome?” He arches a brow at me.
“Yes, I did!”
I try not to smile.
“Still a terrible liar, babe.” He nudges my nose.
“Derek only shifted my thoughts in the right direction.”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” He sways side to side with me.
“So, what’s going on in here?” I peek over his shoulder.
“I’ll show you this weekend. Stop it, Becca.” He forces me to walk backward, away from the
door.
“I’m very excited to see your vision, Mr. Cleaver.” I play with the button at the top of his shirt.
“You’ll see it soon, Mrs. Cleaver. I just hope you like it,” he says, sounding hesitant.
“I won’t! I’ll love it, I just know!” I give him my sternest look.
“Ah, I don’t know. It might be too much. I can fix whatever you don’t want.”
“Stop it!” I smack his chest.
“Hmm ... promises, promises.” A mischievous grin forms at his lips.
“Ugh, get away!” I laugh and pull away from him.
“C’mon, I’ll walk you back down the stairs.” He grabs my hand.
“Seriously? I’m not that clumsy, McNeil!”
“Uh-huh.” He continues down the stairs with me.
“That everything?” Ray looks over to me before closing the trunk door.
“That was nice of Danni to lend us her MDX.” I sigh with some guilt at blowing her off so much this week.
“Yes, it was. I don’t think there’s even a thousand miles on it yet. Probably why Derek had to pry the keys out of her hands.”
He smiles. Guilt lifted, thanks to one Ray McNeil.
I give Morgan and Stacey each one more kiss and hug. “Now, Susanna and Sam will be here in the morning. Be good for them, both of you!”
“We’ll try.” Stacey makes a face at me.
“I’ll see you when we get home.” I kiss Morgan again.
“Okay, Mom, have a great time!” She hugs me once more to humor me, then heads in.
“Have a nice, stress-free weekend,” Stacey emphasizes toward Ray. I turn toward him in time to catch him flipping her off. I know he’s just playing with her.
“We taking I-5?” I ask as he drives around the fountain in the middle of the circular driveway.
“Yep. You have the iPod, babe?” He glances over before hitting the button for the gate.
“Yes, I do. I made you a futuristic mixtape.” I smile.
“Mixtape? Perpetually stuck in the nineties, babe.” He slaps my knee, teasing me as he takes a left out of the driveway.
“It’s not on a cassette!” I defend myself.
“Baby, it’s called a playlist now.” He grins wide at me, looking at me through his aviators.
“Well, when you’re making it for someone else, it should honor the original name somehow, like ... DMT!” I say excitedly.
“DMT ...” He trails off, trying to figure it out.
“Digital mixtape,” I say.
“You know what? I like that, Becs. DMTs,” he says after a brief pause.
I plug in the iPod after I rename Ray’s songs to “Ray’s DMT.”
“Do you want it in order or shuffled?”
“Shuffle it. Is there a lot on there?”
He turns right.
“Yeah. I started it the first day I got home from the hospital. I wanted to remember all of our songs—the ones we mentioned in my subconscious. Then I put a lot on here that I remember from the video you will make me. Lastly, I added songs that just make me think of you.” I hit shuffle. The first song that comes on is Biz Markie’s “Just a Friend.” I laugh at Ray’s expression.
“Wow ... this is romantic, babe!”
I hit pause to tell him all about the day downtown when I texted him about this being my theme song. Ray catches on quickly to the irony and legitimate reason behind the song. I skip it and “Warning Sign” by Coldplay comes on. Ray looks over, grabbing my hand. His thumb caresses the top of it slowly as we listen to the words.
“From the video?” he asks.
“Yes,” I say. He nods as he heads onto I-5N. Next song is “The Show” by Lenka. A cute song I just heard that reminded me of us. Ray’s left thumb drums on the wheel to the beat.
“What do you think of this car, babe?” he asks as he switches lanes.
“It’s nice.”
I look around.
“I figured we’d go car shopping for you when we get home. We’re going to need a family car now. I’ll take your truck. What do you think?”
“I think you’ve already taken over my truck.” I shoot him a look.
“Well, you weren’t using it, and mine got totaled.”
“I see all of your CDs survived, along with your tools, your boots, et cetera, et cetera,” I tease. My truck no longer looked like my truck when I got into it. There was a nice surprise, though, when I lowered my visor. He has a picture of us plastered to it, looking happy and in love. I lift his hand to kiss it. “Mi trucka es su trucka.”
“Fluent in Spanglish, too!” he chuckles.
“Yes. Okay. We’ll buy me a new car.” I sigh.
Ray’s smile gets huge. He’s like a kid in a toy store whenever we’re car shopping or at Home Depot. We make a good team, though. He makes sure it’s loaded with everything he thinks I’ll need—or he’ll need, because really, who are we kidding here?—and I manage to get a few thousand knocked off the price. The nagging, “we don’t need another toy” wife always plays the salesman to our advantage.
“So, are you done with the renovation plans?” I lower the music more.
“Yes, they’re all done. I’ll show you tomorrow morning.”
“Ugh! I can’t wait!” I say as I yawn.
“That excited, huh?” He smirks.
“Sorry. I just get hit with a wave of exhaustion at this time of day.”
“Well, lie back and take a nap, baby. I’ll listen to my DMT.”
He turns the volume up.
“Sure?”
“Yeah, go ahead. Grab your pillow back there.” I lean over and kiss his cheek.
“Mmm ... you smell good, McNeil,” I whisper against his ear before I nip it.
“Better stop it,” he warns.
“Yes, dear,” I say, reaching for my pillow. Lying back, my eyelids get heavy as I listen to “Near to You” by A Fine Frenzy. This song is probably the most meaningful, being the closest to our situation. I notice Ray glance over at me several times as he listens to the lyrics.
I stir when I hear Ray yell at some asshole who cuts us off. “Sorry, Becs.” He looks over as I sit up. It’s dark now, with snow whispering through the air.
“It’s okay, I’m good. Did you listen to every song?” I notice the Sirius radio is on.
“No, babe. You had some French music on there, which was nice, but it was making me drowsy.”
“Sorry. Explains why I was dreaming in French, though.” I laugh through a yawn. “When do you start the build for Lexter?”
“We break ground in two months. I’ve got a lot of hiring to do. I just hope the weather cooperates. It’s not easy starting a build in the winter. We may have to push it back if March gives us a bitch of a time. Your renovations will have to wait until April. I’ve already told Claudia not to book any more events for the barn.”
“I can still board horses though, right?” I ask before taking a sip of water.
“Oh yeah. I still need to talk to Charlie and do some more research to renovate the stables. My plans may involve moving the stables’ location. Don’t worry, baby. I’ll have everything figured out!” He grabs my hand.
For the next four hours, we talk about our other plans. Things we want to do with our house. With the ranch. Our businesses. Our kids. Our conversation hits a level it’s never really been able to because of my PTSD.
“I know it’s only been like two weeks, but do you miss ‘Lucy’? I mean, the whole ‘first time’ part?” I’m nervous because a part of me still fears that, deep down inside, he does.
“No, not really. I think if you reacted to me differently, I might. But you don’t, so I don’t.”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
He pulls my hand up to his mouth and nips lightly at my wrist, then down my arm. I find it difficult to steady my breath.
“I mean that,” he says softly, bringing my hand back down to rest with his.
“Oh,” is all I can manage as he takes the Yountville exi
t and turns right. He turns left onto Washington Street and keeps right at the fork in the road. Taking a left, we arrive at Maison Fleurie. I read it aloud. “Ray, it’s so pretty. Did you let them know we’d be checking in late?” I ask as he turns the car off.
“Of course I did.” He hits me with the “give me some credit” look.
“Okay! Okay.” I hold up my hands. Ray gets out and comes around to open my door. Always the gentleman! “Merci!” I smile up at him as he helps me down, a much shorter trip than the truck. Ray holds my hips while studying my face. “What?” I ask, feeling self-conscious.
“I just love you. I want to make this weekend special for you.”
“I’m with you. I’d say it’s special already.” I lean up and press my lips to his over and over ‘til we deepen the kiss.
“Oh, Mrs. Cleaver, we’d better get you inside.”
“Need something ironed out?” I ask softly near his ear.
“Jesus Christ, baby ... that was so fucking hot!”
He closes his eyes. I’m sure he’s doing a mental replay of me wearing only my shirt and panties in the laundry room yesterday. I was ironing my pants. Before I knew it, my panties were flying off and I was grasping the sides of the sit tub as one Mr. Ray McNeil had his way with me.
“I think we redefined the meaning of ‘dirty laundry.’” I giggle.
“C’mon, before we end up airing our ‘dirty laundry’ out here.” He smirks, pulling me away from the car to shut the door.
Inside, we’re greeted by Rose and handed a key to our room in the bakery building, adjacent to the main house. Ray gives me the key so I can head over while he parks the car and grabs our stuff.
I open the door and feel welcomed by the buttercup-yellow walls. I head directly to the gas fireplace and turn it on to take the chill out of the air. I remove my coat and place it on one of the flowery, plush chairs sitting in front of the window.
Ray walks in and closes the door behind him. “This is nice, isn’t it?”
“Yes. It’s very charming.” I smile at him.
He reads from the pamphlet. “Go look in the bathroom, there should be a jetted spa tub.”
“Jetted spa tub? Not a Jacuzzi?” I laugh.
“Ugh ... that’s so nineties.” He rolls his eyes. I open the bathroom door and suddenly wish I could have wine with bath time. “Do you want to take one now?” He rubs my back.
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