by Crimson Cole
I step back from him toward the door. “He ruined me. And I’ll ruin you. If you even think about fucking with my friends or my life.”
Blue comes outside looking for me, “What the hell did you do to her?”
“Nothing. He didn’t do a damn thing,” I say, wiping the tears from my face hard and fast. “Go on back inside and have fun with Steve. I’ll see you tonight.”
“She’s just upset about personal matters. Don’t worry, I'll walk her home,” Jovan offers, and convinces Blue to go back in the Hall.
“Get away from me,” I hiss. “I can walk myself home.” I don’t wait for his reply and wander off into the darkness blending into the blackness as hollow as my heart.
The wind rustles behind me as if footsteps are following me, but in my state of mind I let the threat of danger roll over my senses and walk at a slow pace. I’m tired of the struggles and the lies, cold-hearted bastards winning out. As I round the corner to head toward my dorm, a great force knocks me to the ground pinning me on the grass. Something’s thrown over my head and I struggle to breathe as my muffled screams go unheard in the darkness. My heart is almost pounding out of my chest.
He’s going to kill me!
“Hurry up!” a barely audible voice urges.
There's more than one!
I kick and scream with all my might, desperate to survive. My arms flail wildly as a few of my blows connect with strange bodies, and I dig my fingernails in the flesh of one of my attackers before my arm’s jerked behind me hard at an unnatural angle.
“Pull it up in the back,” another one instructs.
One of my assailants, uses great force to tug my braid hard out from under the hood. My arduous struggle to free myself does nothing against the powerful strength of the person holding me down.
Restricted, all I can do is plea for my life, but my demands of, “Please let me go,” fall on deaf ears as slivers of my life’s memories slam into my mind.
A heavy weight is on top of my back and yanks at my braid as the bag over my head is jerked up in the back. My head wrenches backward yanking my face of the ground and I fear they will cut my throat. I thrash my head from side to side against the tension of their pulling, before my head snaps downward as the tension of their grip releases. My face lands hard against the ground and a furious throbbing reverberates in my skull. The pressure on my back subsides, and I hear footsteps running away, before everything is silent.
I rip the canvas bag off my head and jump to my feet, darting my gaze everywhere as I whirl around to make sure I’m truly alone. Desperate to get to some sort of safety, I bolt toward my dorm room, before they come back and finish me off.
I run inside my room and frantically pat myself down, checking for injuries that sheer adrenaline may have hidden. Scratches leave ugly welts up and down my legs and gashes form ugly bruises on my knees. To my relief, everything else appears normal, until I run my hands over my head and down the length of my hair. My hair!
I barrel to the bathroom at breakneck speed and collapse on the floor at the sight that greets me in the mirror.
A disheveled Raggedy Ann style haircut adorns my head with my black hair flaring out in jagged layers just below my ears. Uncontrollable sobs wrack my body as all the hurt and pain pours out of me like a great purging.
I haven't cut my hair since my mother died, using it as a macabre measure of how long she’s been absent from my life
And, now that bastard has taken it away from me.
I curl on the hard-sterile floor in a fetal position and sob, pressing my face into the cold tiles to bring some relief against my hot cheeks. All the violations from this family are too much to bear. Searing pain rips through my stomach and I wrap my arms around my core, and cry until no more tears fall. My face aches from the intensity of my sobs, and my jaw throbs under the tension of my stress.
I will myself off the floor, and with robotic movements, wash my face, staring at the unfamiliar girl in the mirror. The pressure of my scrubbing picks up to a frantic pace, until my nose and cheeks are numb under my own abrasive actions. I ease up, splashing chilly water over my head, scraping my hair back tight against my skull. I haven’t come to AVA with high hopes, but never in my wildest dreams have I thought it will be such a nightmare. My legs wobble under me and I sink back down to the floor and lean against the counter.
Maybe Jovan’s right, and I did want to jump off the balcony to end all this bullshit pain. To fly free for a fleeting moment before life's last painful lesson splattered me on the ground. I don’t know any more what is real or what is true. But an ember of desire gnaws at the root of me. An unyielding desire to know the truth.
Those obsidian eyes are the eyes of a warrior.
As much as I hate Jovan his words ring in my ears. I want to scrub him from my memory, but it's too late. I will myself off the floor, rejecting the notion that I'm better off dead.
Haphazardly, I make my way to our beds and pull Blue’s hoodie over my head wrapping myself in it. Hiding from the world, I raise the hood and cover my head, then slide under my covers. I want to sleep, and if I never wake up, so be it, but I know I will awake, and when I do, Jovan’s going to pay.
Chapter Thirteen
The girls spill into the dorm, excited about their futures at AVA. Blue shakes my shoulder, but I pretend I’m asleep and wait until all the girls fall fast asleep too, before I creep onto Blue’s bed and rouse her awake, careful to keep my hoodie anchored in place, hiding how Jovan has butchered my hair.
“Come in the bathroom,” I whisper.
She rubs the sleep from her eyes and nods in agreement, lumbering out of bed. We creep into the shower stall at the far end.
My mind is racing and a dull pain throbs in my head. I don’t know where to start, what to say. Any words that form in my mind, choke in my throat as an overwhelming crushing defeat stops my words as if they will kill me to speak their awful truths aloud. In silence, I lower the hood.
A sharp gasp flows out of Blue’s mouth. As recognition hits her face, it contorts to reflect the horror in my heart. “What the fuck happened to you?”
I collapse into her chest, clutching at her arms, allowing my body to sink downward and she follows. She cradles me to her chest on the shower-stall floor and I gently grasp at the fabric of her T-shirt.
“They cut my hair off,” I wail.
“Who?”
I don’t answer her as saying Jovan’s name aloud will be the death of me. To admit the guy I’ve trusted and let inside my heart and body could do such a vile thing to me.
“He did it. Didn’t he?” Blue tries her best to make her tone comforting, but the anger is clear in her tight delivery. “Jovan did this shit to you… tell me Lana,” she demands. Gently grasping my shoulders, she inches me away from her chest. “Look at me,” she instructs.
But I can’t.
My mind rejects admitting that Jovan could be capable of such terrible things. I heave forward and nestle into her chest. The words come out slowly in a whisper as I replay the events of my attack. Blue listens as she rocks me, and in the moments I fall silent unable to speak the horrific truth, she hums a lullaby to soothe my shattered soul.
“I can’t go to school looking like this and living in fear of what...” My voice trails off, unable to finish saying the words.
“Of what he’ll do next?” Blue whispers.
“I’m not sure—”
“Alright, look Lana, I'm gonna to keep it real with you.” Blue says in a sharp tone. “You have to forget about Jovan. I don’t know what happened between the two of you—that’s your business, but obviously he’s a sick asshole to do this to you.”
“I know,” is all I can manage to say.
“Tommy will protect you. I’ll make sure of it,” she vows, and hugs me tighter. Besides, I know he likes you. I’m sure you’re not ready to jump into anything with him, but he can give you some reassurance that we’ve got your back… okay?”
I don’t re
spond, although my heart feels lighter as the weight of fighting this battle alone lifts from my heart.
“Alright, we’ve got this.” Blue nudges away from me. “Stay put for a minute,” she instructs, and heads back to the dorm. A few minutes later she plops a small canvas bag on the counter. “Come on, let me fix it before those twatwaffles wake up.”
I willingly allow her to tug me off the floor and guide me over to the mirror. Standing behind me, she plants her hands firmly on my shoulders and we peer into the mirror together.
“You got this, it's not so bad,” she lies.
Digging through her small bag, Blue pulls out a scissor and a fine-toothed comb. “Don’t worry, my mom’s a beautician… I know a thing or two.” She smiles to encourage me to have hope.
‘Okay,” I say in a small voice, and sit at the vanity.
Blue takes her time, evening my hair into a very short bob style. The edgy look doesn’t fit the other girls’ styles at AVA. I let out a deep sigh. “I’ll stick out like a sore thumb and everyone will know they did this to me.”
Blue frowns and paces behind me. I study her in the mirror. Her right eye twitches as if she’s deep in thought, trying to solve my problems.
“Thank you.” I whisper to her, and run my fingers through my hair and down through the air to where the length of my hair used to fall. Tears brim my eyes again and Blue frowns, desperate to make me whole again.
“Okay, girl. I’ve got it.” Her broad smile and twinkle in her eyes have a contagious effect, and I smile for the first time since my assault.
“What?” I ask, willing myself into her playful mood.
“Sisters in solidarity,” she says, and raises her eyebrows in anticipation.
“Yes,” I say unsure what she plans to do next.
Blue grips the scissors in her hand, tugging the length of her hair upward into the air above her head and chops at her hair in jagged cuts.
Her dark hair falls to the floor around her. I pop to my feet and grab her arm. “What are you doing? Please stop!”
“It’s only hair, Lana. It doesn’t define us,” she insists.
Her words ring true in my ears, but my mind is reeling that a girl I’ve only met a few days ago will do such a selfless noble thing for me. “So we're going to be Bobbsey twins, sporting the same haircut?” I ask incredulously.
“Nope,” she says, and stops chopping at her hair. “I’m going to do one better.”
“What?” I laugh nervously.
“Grab my brother’s clippers out of my bag. Lucky for us the idiot forgot them and I grabbed them before I left home.”
“You're going to shave your head?” I can't believe the lengths Blue is going to in order to make my life easier. “Are you sure?” I question her one last time and hand her the clippers.
“Oh never more sure of anything. I won’t let what they did to you stand out. Fuck them,” she says boldly as she runs the clippers over the top of her head in neat rows, shearing her hair off close to her scalp.
”Now everyone will talk shit about my buzz cut and hardly notice your edgy bob.”
In the morning, the girls are rushing around getting ready for the first real day of school. I line my eyes in thick charcoal to match my new look and vow to rock it—never letting them see me sweat.
Gina comes in the bathroom and scoffs at my hairstyle.
“What?” I say in a defensive manner.
She points at my hair, “Your hairstyle,” she laughs.
Anger bubbles inside me and bursts out of my mouth, “What about it?” I step forward, closing the gap between us and notice scratches on her wrist. I grab it tightly. “How did you get those?” I ask suspiciously, throwing her wrist out of my hand.
“Relax, I have eczema and scratch a lot.”
That same helpless feeling of my youth sends hot tingles racing through my biceps.
Not knowing the truth, or what the face of my attacker looks like.
Wondering what their name is too much for me to handle.
Fury erupts out of me as I slam my fist in the side of her head. “You’re a fucking liar,” I shout, knocking her backwards. The shocked expression fuels my attack. “Fuck with my again and I’ll bury you.”
“You're a fucking psycho,” she yells clutching her head.
I clamp my hand over her mouth, shoving her into the vanity. “If I find out you had anything to do with it… you’ll regret it, you little bitch.” I release her hand.
“I… I didn't do anything!’ she whines.
Gina’s visibly shaken, and a smug satisfaction of power surges through me. “You better keep your mouth shut little girl or I’ll shut it for you.”
She nods her head incessantly as I allow her to pass and scurry out of the room like a little rat.
Jovan must’ve gotten his skank hoe girlfriend and her minions to help him last night.
The thought tears at my heart, but I shove those feelings down. I'm done with all the fake people in this school. Blue is my only friend, and maybe… Tommy. I pull in a deep breath and head out the door with confident strides, hell bent on surviving this fucked-up place.
I hurry along to meet up with Blue at our designated spot under the bleachers. In the distance I see Steve running his fingers over her head and smiling. I’m grateful he’s not rejecting Blue for the brazen new hairstyle.
As I get closer, Tommy runs up at a quick pace.
“Hey! Cute hairstyle,” he observes.
“Thanks,” I manage, without breaking my stride.
My heart feels as if it’s stopped as I grind my pace to a halt. Jovan is leaning against a tree, and despite our misgivings, I admit he strikes a gorgeous pose. Yearning tugs at my heart and a sad sigh escapes my lips. A deep longing to go back in time, to the little spot where we met, and disappear with him before all of this shit happened tortures my mind.
Wild and free.
Desire grips my senses, but I can’t allow it to bury me, and I inhale the breath of a warrior.
You're a warrior with obsidian eyes. Fierce and strong. Take back your power.
Those words play over and over in my head, until I accept that forgiving him is unacceptable. The heinous things he’s done to me are unconscionable, redemption is out of the question.
You're a warrior with obsidian eyes. Fierce and strong. Take back your power.
I recite my new mantra in my mind, building my courage to confront Jovan and rip his head off before class starts.
Jasmine slinks up to Jovan playing with a button on his shirt. He hasn't noticed me yet, but his stiff nature tells me he doesn’t want Jasmine fawning all over him in public.
“Leave,” I demand of Jasmine.
“Or what?” she says, whirling around to face me. “What the fuck?” She laughs a shrill cackle at the sight of my hair.
Jovan grabs her wrist hard. “Go,” he insists, clenching his jaw.
She stomps off like a willful child.
I wish he would have punched her in the face, but I know it’s only a matter of time before I have the satisfaction of smashing my fists into her face myself. I smooth my uniform, resolving to wait until the perfect moment when I can knock the smug look off her face.
Jovan tugs me around behind the tree.
“What did you do to your hair?” His voice sounds high pitched and sharp in my ears. He furrows his brows and tilts his head, studying my face, searching my eyes for answers.
His reaction gives me pause… maybe… he isn’t responsible and didn’t attack me.
I dismiss my misguided conclusion, knowing he still has a pull on my heart, and I won’t allow him to manipulate me any longer.
I clap my hands in mock applause.
“Oh, you’re such a great actor. The concerned look on your face… priceless.” I say, my voice dripping with venom.
“What are you talking about?” he asks in a rush.
“Like you don’t know.” Tears threaten to dump out of me, but I will them down with a lo
w guttural scream. “You did this to me! Stop fucking around and admit it!” I shove my hand in his chest and he takes the blow without flinching.
The dumbfounded look on Jovan’s face doesn’t convince me of his innocence.
“Last night you threw a bag over my head and wrestled me down, and cut my hair off, you bastard.”
Shock splays across Jovan’s face as his eyebrows fly upward. “Are you out of your fucking mind?” He grips the top of his head dragging his fingers through his hair. “This shit doesn’t stop with you! More and more lies spew out of your mouth to try and destroy me and my family. But why? What the fuck is your angle?“
“You don’t believe I was attacked?” I shriek.
Jovan shoves me against the tree. “What is it you want? Money? How much? Name your amount and get the hell out of my life,” he demands.
His words shouldn’t have the power to stun me, but they do, stinging my heart as if all I am is some twisted gold digger.
“Fuck you and your money,” I spit out of my mouth with as much venom as possible.
He grabs my face, squishing my cheeks together forcing my lips to close.
“Listen closely, you stupid little girl. My family will destroy you. Leave, while you still can.”
Take back your power!
I knock his hand off my face. “No. I’m not going anywhere until I find out why my mother was kissing your father and what he did to her.”
‘What did you say?” Jovan acts as if he hasn’t heard me.
But I know he has as he backs away from me in disbelief. His eyes flash with an intensity of rage I haven’t seen before.
“No! I’m not going anywhere, so you can fuck off.” I glare at him, but waver at repeating the accusations about his father. Something in his hateful gaze warns me he’s capable of much more harm than cutting off my hair to humiliate me. I’m fearful he may go too far in his anger and truly hurt me, but I don't back down.
I can’t back down!
I thrust my chin forward and plant my hands on my hips. “I’m. Not. Going. Anywhere.” I say, driving my point home.
Jovan shakes his head and flicks his gaze up to meet mine. Something changes in his eyes, a cold dead stare bores into my soul.