by Tina Beckett
Was still taking its toll.
Brad would never knowingly hurt her, though. Not if he could help it.
But what if he couldn’t? What if she, despite all her best efforts, turned out to be her own worst enemy?
CHAPTER TEN
A MOVIE THEATER without the popcorn.
The thought went through Chloe’s mind as Brad guided her to the first row of seats in the observation room. Angel’s was a teaching hospital so it stood to reason that there would be a room like this one, but she was surprised by how big it was, the transparent glass in front of them stretching from side to side like a giant screen.
No one else was in there but them at the moment, and Chloe found herself torn between wishing others would join them and hoping they wouldn’t.
“Can they hear us?”
“Only if I turn on the system. It would be distracting to the surgeon if he could hear everything that went on in this room.”
The words bought things to mind that made a wave of heat wash up Chloe’s neck and collect behind her cheeks. Surely he’d never—
“The glass is two-way, though. We can see out and they can see in.”
Was he setting her mind at ease or giving her a subtle warning not to get any ideas about practicing her flirting?
No fear of that. Her soul still showed the scorch marks from the last episode. Brad was way out of her league. While he could brush off that kiss and never think about it again, she was having some serious problems putting that chapter behind her.
What had she been thinking to suggest it in the first place? All Brad had to do was look at her sideways, and her heart started thumping like a jackrabbit’s back leg when danger was near.
Like it was doing this very moment.
Cade entered the surgical area, where the patient and anesthesiologist were already waiting. He glanced up and nodded towards them. Chloe felt a strange kind of detachment looking down at the scene, almost as if she were having an out-of-body experience and was actually standing on the surgical floor.
But she wasn’t. She was here with Brad.
If only she could detach from him as easily.
“Does the patient know other people could be watching this?”
He nodded. “It’s disclosed in the admissions paperwork.”
“I can’t help feeling like a peeping Tom sitting here, though.”
Brad leaned closer and their shoulders bumped. “It’s the best way for surgical residents to hear and see exactly what goes on during surgery. They can observe how the team works together, learn new techniques or how to manage any complications should they arise.”
It made sense, and it wasn’t like the patient saw a crowd of people staring down at her. It just seemed intrusive somehow.
But so much less so now as Brad’s shoulder was still touching hers. A steady stream of warmth seemed to be flowing from that connection, traveling down the length of her arm, settling in her belly.
Cade’s voice came through the speakers, causing her to jump. “Are we ready?” He glanced at each person in turn and received an affirmation.
Soon caught up in what was happening, Chloe kept her eyes glued to the monitor to her left as it provided a better view than actually looking down at the floor. “Ablation of the shared blood vessels is done laproscopically?”
“It’s safer that way. No reason to make a large incision in the uterus in this case.”
It was almost like watching a movie with a running commentary. She just hoped there were no twists involved in this particular storyline, and that things ran smoothly.
Cade introduced the fetoscope into the opening, feeding it through the hollow tube until he reached the blood vessels in question. She could now see the rich red vessels that were starving one twin and oversupplying the other. “Getting ready to close the vessels.”
A couple of quick bursts later, Cade proclaimed the ablation a success. The only thing left to do was drain some of the excess amniotic fluid from the recipient twin’s sac. Then they’d close the small incisions. Chloe only realized she’d grabbed Brad’s hand and squeezed hard when she felt his other one cover their joined fingers.
“Sorry.” Her words came out on a half-laugh. “I guess I got caught up in what was happening.”
She let go, and Brad gave his hand a shake or two. “It’s okay. I don’t use it much anyway.”
“Surely you’ve had worse things done to you?”
“Surely.” He was still smiling, but his tone wasn’t quite as light as it had been a minute ago.
She glanced back down at the room below to avoid looking at him. “Will both twins survive?”
“That’s the hope. We should know within the next couple of days.”
Minutes later, Cade exited the room, snapping off his gloves as he pushed through the door. “The hospital’s lucky to have him on staff.”
Brad’s mouth tightened. “That’s what they tell me.”
“Don’t you like him?”
“He’s good at his job. I don’t have to like him.” He glanced at her. “And what about you? Do you like him?”
Chloe shrugged. “I don’t really know him. The other nurses seem to think he’s attractive, though.”
There was a pause then Brad stared through the viewing window at the people still working around the patient, cleaning up the site and getting ready to transport her to a recovery room. “I’ll bet they do.”
She couldn’t tell if the words were sarcastic or if he was merely agreeing with her. “I think you two are a lot alike.”
That got his attention. “You think so?”
“I do.”
His eyes searched hers. “And what about your ex? Am I a lot like him as well?”
A few seconds went by before she answered him.
“No. You’re nothing like him.”
His fingers came out and stroked her jaw and he decided her skin felt just as soft and silky as it had the day of the picnic. “Don’t be too sure of that.”
He saw her swallow then her gaze went back to the floor. “Believe me, you’re not. He cheated on me. More than once.”
He cheated on me. Brad’s eyes closed as myriad emotions churned to life in his gut—outrage, anger, along with a sudden realization. “You found him with someone else the night you showed up at my apartment.”
“Yes.” The tip of her tongue moistened her lips, and she opened her mouth like she wanted to say something else but clamped it shut again.
However bad he might be, Brad thought, he’d never cheated on anyone he was with. He kept his relationships clean and simple. Only one woman at a time. One short-lived fling after another. “What else did he do?”
Chloe’s eyes skipped away again. “Besides cheat? Isn’t that enough?”
“More than enough.” He studied her face, trying to see past the pink cheeks and averted eyes. “But there’s something else. Something to do with this whole flirting business. Did he say you were unattractive?”
Her teeth came down on her lower lip. “No.”
He waited, sensing there was something inside her fighting to come out.
“He said I was … frigid.”
Brad wasn’t sure what he’d expected her to say but that hadn’t been it. He kept his voice very even, trying to push past the growing fury in his chest. “Excuse me?”
“W-well, he didn’t say it. The woman he was with did. Said he was right about me … that I even looked frigid.” She took a gulping breath and for a second he was afraid she might burst into tears. “I wanted to talk to someone about it, but it’s just so … so …” her eyes went back to the floor “… humiliating.”
He damned the man, putting his fingers under her chin and forcing her to watch him say the words. “It’s not true, Chloe.”
“It is true. I was standing right there when she said it.” Her blue eyes flashed at him.
“I didn’t mean they didn’t say it. I meant that whatever that man said about you is a lie.” He remembe
red the sexy way her body had arched in an effort to capture his mouth as they’d kissed. What had made it even hotter had been that she’d seemed totally unaware of how crazy she’d driven him, doing that. How close he’d been to giving in to his baser urges.
There had been an eager innocence about her that he’d never encountered before. It had taken him by surprise at the time, but now he understood. If he had been furious at Travis before, that emotion now paled beside what he was currently feeling. Whatever had gone wrong between them in the bedroom had been Travis’s fault, and not Chloe’s. He would bet his life on it.
His fingers tightened their hold. “Listen to me. You are a sexy, beautiful, desirable woman.”
And he didn’t trust himself not to throw her down on the floor and show her exactly how desirable she was.
“Then why didn’t he want me?” Her chin trembled. “And why did I dread being with him?”
Because the man you saved yourself for was a bastard who stole everything from his beautiful wife and gave nothing in return.
“Travis cheated you in more ways than one. If I could, Chloe, I’d …”
Show you just how good it could be.
He wanted to say the words. They were on the tip of his tongue, fighting to get out. And it was true. He wanted to take her home tonight and lay her down on his bed and tease her mouth open. Taste her. Fill her. Take her to heights she’d never dreamed of.
But Jason’s words clanged in his head, stopping his thoughts in their tracks with a warning that Brad had better not hurt her.
As if sensing the war going on inside him, Chloe’s lips parted. “You’d what, Brad?”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
YOU’D WHAT?
She repeated the question silently as she finished up Melanie Roberts’s discharge instructions, glad that the woman—and her unborn baby—had recovered well from the surgery to repair the neural tube defect. Sending up a quick prayer that Cade’s fingers had worked their magic, she stood up and made her way over to the patient’s room.
More problematic had been the way her heart had leapt into her throat yesterday as she’d asked Brad what he meant. She could have sworn he’d been about to say something else entirely. Instead, he’d muttered something about kicking someone’s ass, and then he’d gotten up from his seat, saying he needed to get back to work.
And that had been that. They’d both gone their separate ways and then had ridden back to the apartment on his bike. Only instead of his low, rich voice filling her head and her senses through the helmet speaker, she’d been met by silence.
She’d finally spoken directly with Jason, though, and had let him know that she was filing for divorce. She gave him the name of the attorney, and Jason had said their father would give the office a call and make sure all Chloe’s bases were covered.
Entering the hospital room with her clipboard, she smiled at Melanie. “Are you ready to get out of here?”
“Absolutely.” She laughed. “No offense to the chef.”
“Believe me, we all feel the same way about that particular chef. He does make an excellent strawberry gelatin, though. Have you tried it?”
Melanie smiled. “Only for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”
“It never gets old, does it?” Chloe said, her hands going to her chest as she swayed back and forth as if in love. She smiled again and handed the clipboard to the other woman, showing her where to sign and going over some care instructions with her.
“I really have to stay in bed for that long?”
“Really. Your little one has to heal, and so do you.” She squeezed Melanie’s shoulder. “It’ll all be worth it. You’ll see.”
“I know.” Melanie scribbled her name just as a wheelchair manned by a cheerful hospital volunteer rolled through the door.
Taking the paperwork, Chloe helped her patient get into the wheelchair. “I think your husband is bringing the car round.”
“He is. Thanks again for everything.”
On impulse, Chloe bent down and gave the woman’s shoulders a quick hug. “I want to see pictures when he’s born, okay?” As she said it, she realized she might not even be here in three months’ time. A pang went through her. After only a week she was already getting attached to the hospital and its patients.
And maybe a little too attached to her boss?
As long as he didn’t notice, and she took care not to let things get too cozy, her secret should be safe. Although when they had been in that observation room, she could have sworn he’d been about to say something about men and women, and how he wanted to …
The huge expanse of mirrors over his bed came to mind just as the elevator doors opened, allowing Melanie and the volunteer to get in. As the wheelchair turned to face the front, her patient gave a happy wave. Chloe waved back, mortified to even be thinking about things like mirrors and Brad’s naked muscular back.
Her eyes strayed longingly to the patient’s abdomen just as the doors swished closed, cutting it off from view. Maybe someday she would be that pregnant lady. When she found someone who would love her as she was.
Even if she wasn’t a firecracker in the bedroom.
Brad’s words about her being desirable had given her a jolt of hope that maybe all was not lost. If she could find someone patient enough to show her the way, she’d make sure she held onto that person and never let go.
Or, if for ever was too much to ask, maybe he could at least teach her what love—real love—was.
Something smelled delicious.
Brad closed the front door to the apartment, trying to erase the image of a desperate father on his knees in the hospital chapel, begging God to spare his wife. God had. But the couple had lost their unborn baby—and with it the possibility of ever having another one. When the man’s red eyes had met his in the doorway, he’d known without Brad saying a word.
“My wife?”
“She’s in Recovery. She sent me to find you. I promised I would.”
Brad had taken that promise to heart and had gone searching for the man in person. He’d known instinctively where he’d find him.
He’d lost patients before, wasn’t sure why this was so different. Maybe because of the way that husband had looked at his wife, as if no love had ever been greater. He hadn’t left her side until she’d been wheeled away for the surgery that would change both their lives.
“Chloe?” he called, shaking free of the memories.
The scent of cooking grew stronger as he tossed his keys and wallet onto the table in the foyer of the apartment and headed for the kitchen. Relief and irritation warred for first place. Relief that she was here, and irritation that she hadn’t waited for him before hopping on the subway and heading home. He’d gone looking for her once his patient had been stabilized, and had been told she’d already left for the day.
Without saying a word to him.
He needed to get over this nagging worry that Travis would come looking for her. She was an adult, she didn’t need him to be a babysitter. Besides, he’d already seen what could happen between them if he got too close. Chloe needed someone who would handle her with kid gloves. That someone was not him. Maybe he’d make a visit to Katrina’s to get whatever was going on with him out of his system.
The idea filled him with distaste, which in turn made his frustration grow.
“Chloe.” He allowed his irritation to come to the fore as he called her again.
She popped her head around the arched doorway that led to the kitchen. “In here. I’m making us something to eat.”
“Why?” The last thing he wanted was to have her cooking for him. When it was time for her to go, he wanted it to be a quick, clean break.
Her brow puckered. “I know you’ve had a hard day. I thought it was the least I could do, especially as you’re letting me stay in your apartment. Consider it part of my rent.”
“I already told you, you’re helping me out of a jam at the hospital.”
“I know.” She hesitated,
looking into his eyes. “I heard about your patient, Brad. I’m really sorry. Are you okay?”
His jaws clamped shut as he fought to stem the unwanted tide of emotion that rose inside him. He fought hard to give his unborn patients the best possible start in life. Something he hadn’t had when he’d been a kid. And when things went wrong with any of his cases, it ate away at him.
He could rail at fate as much as he liked. But just like with the padlocks on the doors of his childhood home, he’d learned that begging and screaming didn’t change a thing. Those locks had taught him at least one important survival skill, however. He was an expert at bolting the doors of his heart and keeping any unwanted emotion locked out of sight, and it got the job done. He’d learned to make choices based on what he knew about the world. Just like Chloe would have to do.
She disappeared again. He stood there wondering if he should just go to his room and try to shut out the day. It’s what he wanted to do, but knew he’d end up feeling like a jerk if he did, because Chloe had gone to all the trouble of fixing him something to eat.
So he followed her.
“I’m making shrimp garlic alfredo. Hope that’s okay. I remember you liked Mom’s version of it.”
He did, although he hadn’t had it in years. Mrs. Jenkins had always remembered he liked it, too. Actually, though, he liked just about anything she cooked. And she made sure he knew he had an open invitation to their dinner table.
He’d taken her up on it time and time again when the front door at his parents’ house had been locked tight, or when they’d left him to fend for himself while they had gone on various business trips.
“What can I do to help?” His body relaxed. He was damned glad Chloe wasn’t like Katrina or another of his dates—who’d be going on and on about her newest shoe purchase or eying his apartment with a speculative gleam. Little did any of them know he didn’t intend to marry. Ever.
He may have grown up in a household that seemed like every kid’s dream home—no fighting, no chiding about childhood tantrums or, later, about broken curfews and less than stellar grades. There had been no harsh emotions at all. But beneath the surface things had not been how they’d appeared. The snick of a lock had preceded hours of unbroken silence. A silence that had been more menacing than anything he’d ever known.