by Tina Beckett
Then she’d free-fallen onto the bed, with Brad still on top of her, still inside her. All around her.
She hadn’t known what had been going on in his head, but whatever it was she’d been right there with him. Had been ready for him the second he’d touched her. She’d scratched and bitten and moaned out her need, her hips rising to meet each thrust. She’d tasted blood, but didn’t know whose it was. His? Hers?
God!
She’d gone up in flames. Had held onto him as she’d come crashing back down to earth.
Until she’d realized he had no longer been holding her. Tension had radiated off him as he’d pulled out of her without a word, rolling onto his back. She’d frowned, glancing into the mirror above her.
And she’d seen it.
Lord, she’d almost told him she loved him, had gritted her teeth at the last second and let the words sing through her head instead. What a disaster that would have been, if she’d said them out loud.
He’d have laughed in her face.
Or worse.
She pulled in a careful breath as she lay there. Then another one, before she got up the courage to say the words. “Do you want me to leave?”
Chloe didn’t know exactly what she meant by the question. Wasn’t sure if she was talking about his bedroom or about his life.
The silence was deafening. Her heart gave a few painful thumps. But when she braced herself to get up, his hand was on her hip, gripping tight. “No. Don’t go.”
“Are you sure?”
Brad rolled on his side and put his arm around her. “Yes.” He pulled her back against him. “I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”
She swallowed, tears burning at the back of her eyes as she realized what was wrong with him. That’s why he’d looked that way. Why he’d been so stiff and unyielding. He thought their lovemaking had been too rough, that he’d hurt her like Travis had done.
“No. Couldn’t you tell?”
His arm tightened. “I wasn’t paying attention to anyone but …” a beat went by “… myself.”
She turned her head and kissed his upper arm, where his tattoo was. “I got a little carried away too. I think I might have bitten your lip.”
There was a pause as if he was testing out that admission. “I didn’t even feel it.”
Her cheek rubbed where her lips had kissed. “Didn’t you feel anything?”
“I felt everything. Except that.” His chest rose and fell in a sigh. “I don’t want to hurt you, Chloe.”
She stiffened. Was he still talking about the sex? “I already told you, you didn’t. I’m fine.”
“Are you?”
What was with the enigmatic questions? Just when she’d thought she had him figured out, he changed direction and confused her all over again.
She shifted in his arms, until she was facing him. She swept the hair off his forehead, like she’d done in the park. That day seemed like ages ago. “What’s wrong, Brad?”
His throat moved. “My father has cancer.” Chloe stared at him. “My God. When did you find out?”
“A couple of days ago. I went to see him today.” And then he’d come home and taken her to bed. The desperation she’d sensed in him hadn’t been because of her at all but because of the devastating news he’d gotten. It also explained the emotional withdrawal she’d sensed in him over the last couple of days. “Is it serious?” He nodded. “Terminal.”
She grabbed his hand. “I’m so sorry. It’s good that he wanted to see you, though.”
“He wants me to take care of my mother.” Chloe searched his eyes, but they were devoid of emotion. “Take care of her how?”
A quick shrug. “He wants me to be there for her.” Now she understood. His father wanted him to be there for a mother who’d never been there for Brad. Not really. Her heart ached. “Will you?”
“I don’t know. I’ll have to give it some thought.” The coolness in his voice sent a chill over her, but she hadn’t walked where Brad had walked. Hadn’t been on the receiving end of abuse that drove you to despair, drove you to take chances you knew you shouldn’t. She thought about Travis. Well, maybe she had walked a mile or two in his shoes.
Maybe more than that. Hadn’t her experience with Travis caused her to look up an old friend and ask him to have sex with her? And then gone and stupidly fallen in love with him?
Oh, yeah. She’d taken some chances that she’d known she shouldn’t. And had taken them anyway.
She pushed the thought away. It wasn’t the same thing at all.
Wasn’t it?
Clearing her throat, she cast around for something to say. “How long does he have?”
“Three months. Maybe four.”
Sadness washed over her. She would probably be out of Brad’s apartment by that time. Would he even tell her what was happening with his father?
Maybe. The lovemaking they’d just shared said he might.
And as much as she wanted to close her eyes and ignore it, a little kernel of hope was lodged firmly in her heart. Like a blood clot that preceded a heart attack?
God, she hoped not.
Maybe there was the equivalent of a clot-busting drug she could take that would get rid of the thing once and for all.
Or maybe she could just ignore whatever it was and pray she had the symptoms all wrong. That what she’d thought was love was actually just a bad case of indigestion that would soon wash through her system, never to be seen again.
Yeah. Right.
Because lying in bed with him right now, she knew there was no place she’d rather be. Now, if she could only convince Brad to give them a chance …
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
“MOM, HOW ARE YOU?”
Chloe opened the door to the apartment and gave her mother a hug. Her mother was earlier than she’d expected. Thank heavens Brad had already left for work and she was up and dressed. First Jason and now her mother. But at least her mother had called last night to make sure it was okay to drive over. No rushing around to cover up her and Brad’s nocturnal activities.
“I know you said you were fine, but I wanted to come by and see for myself.” She cupped her daughter’s face and studied her. “You look good. Happy.”
“I am. I feel like I’ve been given a new lease of life.” She tugged her mother inside. “I have some coffee made if you want some. Can you stay? Oh, I have so much I want to tell you.”
Her mom laughed. “There’s a new-fangled device called the telephone, you know.” Her smile faded. “I kept hoping you’d call. Jason said you were doing okay, but I was worried.”
Chloe led the way into the kitchen and pulled down two tea cups. Brad’s mother’s china pattern. The woman he was supposed to take care of. “I’m doing better than I expected. I really like working at the hospital.”
“And how’s Brad?”
“Fine.” She concentrated on pouring the hot liquid into the cups, hoping her cheeks weren’t steaming as much as the coffee. “He wants me to stay in the city.” She clarified, in case her mom got the wrong idea. “At the hospital.”
“And what do you want to do?”
Chloe desperately wanted to believe in happy endings. Wanted to stay here. With Brad. And be a part of his world. But she didn’t know if it was possible. He hadn’t spoken about feelings per se or hinted that he wanted to deepen their relationship. “I think I need some time to figure things out.”
“That makes sense.” Her mom spooned some sugar into her cup and stirred. “It was good of him to let you stay.”
“Yes.” She poured milk into her own cup. “Let’s go into the living room.”
Chloe put a tray on the center ottoman and set her cup and saucer down. “How’s Daddy?”
“He’s helping put a new roof on the community center.”
“In this heat?”
Her mom took a sip of her coffee. “You know him. Thinks he’s still in his thirties.”
“Yes, he does.” How could one father be in the prime of h
is life at fifty and another father be dying? It didn’t make sense. She couldn’t imagine losing one of her parents … would be devastated when it happened.
But not Brad. Or maybe he’d just buried his feelings so deep no one could get to them. Not even the man himself.
Could she blame him? After the way his childhood had been?
But it wasn’t just his parents he seemed to be apathetic about. He’d had dozens of women over the years, probably more. And yet none of them had made a dent in that armor he wrapped around himself. He’d never mentioned Katrina again. It was as if the woman had never existed.
As much as Brad disliked locks, that hadn’t stopped him from boarding up his heart and padlocking it shut. Who knew if the right key even existed? Or if it did, if she could find it. She had no idea where to start looking.
Her mom was saying something, looking at her quizzically.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“I asked how you like the city so far.”
That was an easy question. “I love it.”
“I was kind of hoping you might want to come home. We miss you.”
Chloe wrapped her hands around the delicate china cup, the expensive porcelain feeling brittle all of a sudden beneath her palms. “I miss you too. I just don’t think I can go back right now.”
“Maybe after the divorce goes through?”
“Maybe.”
“Do you need me to stop by the house and pick up your clothes? Or I could ask Travis to send them.”
The thought made her cringe. “No, I don’t want anything that’s there.” Clothes and shoes were replaceable, and she’d rather not have any reminders of that time.
Her mom was silent for a moment or two. “What happened, Chloe?”
Lord, she didn’t want to go through any of the sordid tale. “He hurt me.”
“Physically?”
“He didn’t hit me, no.” She was going to leave it at that. No need to tell her family that what had started out as verbal ridicule had escalated into a form of abuse. Layla’s words had convinced her it really had been. How far would he have gone if she hadn’t found out about his affairs? Maybe he’d even wanted her to discover the truth just to hurt her more.
“I’m sorry, honey. Why didn’t you come to your father or me?”
“I just couldn’t.” Maybe for the same reasons Brad had never told anyone about his own abuse.
“Chloe, look at me.”
Her eyes came up and found blue eyes so like her own probing, trying to find a way to help, just like she always had. Tears pricked and she blinked to keep them at bay.
Her mom took the cup from her hands and placed it on the tray, then she pulled Chloe close and wrapped her arms around her. Chloe rested her head on her shoulder, just like she had when she’d been a little girl, and let her mom’s love wash over her. “Don’t let anyone do that to you again.” Another pause. “Not even Brad.”
She tensed. Had her mom figured out what they were doing? Had she realized the depth of Chloe’s feelings for him? Maybe. She was a smart woman. “I won’t, Mom. I promise.”
He missed her.
The thought kept pricking at him all day long at work, like a splinter he felt constantly but couldn’t find and pull out. She was off duty, spending time with her mother. He didn’t like the way her absence left a hole in him, but wasn’t sure how to deal with it. Ever since he’d left his father’s house he’d been feeling more and more uneasy about the way things were headed. Sooner or later the whole situation would start closing in on him, just like it always did. And by delaying the inevitable, they were both going to pay the price. Soon.
He might not be the smartest guy in the world, but he knew deep down he couldn’t give her what she wanted—what she deserved—any more than Travis had. Maybe he could in the bedroom but not emotionally. He might love her, but he was smart enough to know he didn’t do those kinds of feelings well. Chloe, on the other hand, embraced those soul-searing emotions, maybe a little too well. It’s why she’d been so damaged at Travis’s hand after their marriage. She’d trusted him and he’d betrayed that trust—in more ways than one.
Wasn’t she leaving herself open to more hurt by getting involved with him? He dragged a hand through his hair as the splinter inside him pushed deeper, poking at places he’d rather not examine.
He and Chloe might be able to come together for a period of time, but there was no way it could last long term. He didn’t do relationships like the one Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins had. One that seemed to flourish for decades. Chloe’s family had had room not only for their own children but for a lost soul who’d appeared on their doorstep beside Jason.
How did someone open their hearts like that? He had never been able to get to that point. He was really good at superficial relationships that didn’t require anything more than a couple of nights a week. But every day? For the rest of his life? He didn’t think he had it in him.
He suddenly understood the shaky panic that had closed in on Chloe as she’d knelt in the shower stall that day. The one that had caused her to wheel away and run. Because that’s exactly what he wanted to do right now: run.
Chloe had claimed their time together would help prepare her for the future. Teach her how things worked in the bedroom. How men and women flirted and interacted in normal relationships.
Normal.
As if he could teach her anything about that. Damn it!
He should have left her to Coleman. No doubt the surgeon would do a hell of a lot better job than he could. Maybe he could even give her the kind of future she was looking for. Had this all been some kind of ego trip for himself? Some weird control thing … not wanting Chloe to be attracted to anyone but him?
The thought made his stomach turn over. Maybe he was as much of a destroyer as Travis had been.
Was it time to start backing off?
Maybe. Before things got too messy. Before Chloe got in over her head.
Like he was.
Chloe deserved the best that life could give her. And if she had to choose between him and Cade Coleman, using the eeny, meeny, miny, mo method, Brad was not it.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
“CLARA SERRANO’S TWINS are still hanging in there.” Happiness bubbled through Chloe as she caught at Brad’s hand in the empty elevator.
She’d stepped into it at the last second after she’d seen him round the corner and press the button. She hadn’t seen him since that morning, and she wanted to talk to him. To see if that kernel of hope had any soil to cling to.
“I heard.” He answered her statement by crossing his arms over his chest in a way that forced her to let go of his hand. He stared straight ahead.
She frowned. “Is something wrong?”
“No.” His voice was calm, but even so …
Was he going back to the whole not mixing personal and professional stuff? She’d thought they’d already worked through that. “There’s no one else in the elevator.”
Brad nodded at the small camera mounted in the corner.
So he was worried. It wasn’t like that image was broadcast to the whole hospital or anything.
They reached the ground floor, and the elevator doors opened. Brad waited for her to get out then followed her. “I’m going to be working late for the next several nights, so don’t wait up.”
The words sent a warning through her head that she chose to ignore. “Anything I can help with?”
“No, I just have to catch up on some things.”
She blinked. Not much of an explanation. Something came to her. “Is it your father?”
“No. Just hospital business.” He glanced to the left as if impatient to get away.
Chloe swallowed, trying not to see things that weren’t there. Brad was not Travis. Working late did not mean the same thing it had in her marriage.
Except she and Brad weren’t married. They’d never made any vows, hadn’t promised to be faithful to each other for ever. Only for as long as their time to
gether lasted. Maybe he was ready for it to be over and was hoping she could take a hint.
“I’ve got a meeting in a few minutes. Can you make it back to the apartment on your own?”
Her lungs burned as she tried to draw a slow, careful breath. “Yes. I’ll be fine.”
As he nodded and walked quickly down the nearest corridor, Chloe wondered if she really would be.
Over the next several days a troubling pattern emerged. Brad came home late at night and left before she got up in the mornings. She suspected he might even be sleeping on the sofa in his office and coming home just to shower and change clothes. She saw him in passing on the fourth floor, but he always seemed to be headed in the opposite direction.
A chill went through her, and it didn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out he was avoiding her. She was back to sleeping in the guest room, and this time there was never a knock on the door. Never a hint that he wanted that to change. Thinking back to the last time they’d made love, despite the urgency she’d sensed in him, she couldn’t help but wonder if he’d planned on that being their last time together. Her treatment had run its course, and he was ready to move on to the next patient.
Shuffling some papers at the nurses’ station, she jumped when Ginny’s voice came from her left. “You okay, honey? You’re looking a little pale today.”
The nurse sat in the seat next to hers. Chloe wasn’t sure what to say. Talking to her about Brad was out of the question. But she was going to have to make a decision because she couldn’t go on like this.
“I’m fine.” Chloe closed her eyes for a second or two. “No, I’m not, actually. I need to get some fresh air. Can you cover for a few minutes?”
Ginny glanced at her watch. “You’re only a half-hour away from finishing your shift. Why don’t you go on home?”
“Thanks. I think I will.” Impulsively, she leaned over and gave the other woman a hug. “You’ve been incredibly nice to me. Thank you.”
“Hey, it’s not like you’re going away for ever. Are you working tomorrow?”