I see the challenge in his eyes. I kick off my pants before kneeling down to his shoes and slipping off one, then the other, followed by his socks. I slide my way up his body with my hands until I reach the fly of his jeans and I unbutton them. Before undoing the zipper, I can’t help but run my hand over his prominent erection and his eyes roll up into his head and his breathing hitches at my touch. “How about now?” I breathe.
That smirk dances on his lips and he shakes his head again.
I’ve been with dozens of women before, but nothing I’ve done with them compares to what I’m feeling right now as I look at Caden laid out on my bed. There is an excitement to this that I haven’t felt in a very long time, if ever. Much the way I used to feel around women, but he’s different. Seeing him brings a longing that I didn’t know I had, a feeling of desire that is immeasurable to anything else I’ve ever had before.
The excitement I feel when I realize that he is either giving me carte blanche to do as I wish, or he wants me to take him into my hand and mouth, sends my heart racing in my chest. Either way is perfectly fine with me. I grab the zipper of his jeans and lower it gently before sliding my fingers under his shirt, toward his chest. I rub the taut ridges of his abs and the smoothness of his skin as my hands slide further up his body, bringing his t-shirt with me. “I want this off,” I mumble. My voice, though sure of its intentions betrays my nerves. He senses it. Regardless of whatever read he has on me at the moment, he can’t resist sitting up. I help him remove his shirt.
Once he’s free of it, he slides onto the bed further and I smile as he watches me climb back up his body. I slide my fingers inside the waistband of his jeans and smirk when he doesn’t lift his hips. “I’m sure this will be way more fun if we’re both naked.”
He chuckles and lifts his hips, giving me access and the ability to pull his pants down his body and off his feet.
Taking in the full naked view of Caden is indescribable. He is sex on legs. Perfectly toned, sexy as fuck and seeing him like this makes me more eager than ever to do what I wanted to do that night.
I climb between his legs and I take my cock in my hand. I stroke it and the sensation on a very hard, ready to explode cock is almost too much. It causes my eyes to roll up briefly and his breathing spikes as he watches me stroke up and down a couple more times before I right myself enough to stop.
His cock is standing at full attention, twitching slightly as I lower myself closer to it. I inhale his musky scent and commit the smell to memory, not wanting to forget this night. The night I finally give into something that I have no business wanting or needing. Finally experiencing a fantasy that I’ve had for as long as I can remember.
Realizing that it’s about to come true spurs me on and I take his cock in my hand. He flinches when I grip the base, but he settles when I stroke upward.
Stroking another man’s cock isn’t that different than stroking my own, only difference is the pleasure isn’t radiating in my body, but in Caden’s.
I watch Caden closely as he fights to keep his eyes open. I take satisfaction in that; allowing it to spur me on further. I lean in, pressing the head of his erection against my lips and I dart out my tongue, flicking it against the underside of his cock and catching that sweet, sensitive spot. Caden sucks in a sharp breath and groans softly. I flick it again and again before placing the swollen head along my tongue and into my mouth. I slide it along my tongue before wrapping my lips tightly around it. I moan as his scent assaults me further and I’m encouraged to continue when his hand slides into my hair. The gentle touch obliterates any and all self control I may have had and my mouth slides down further along his cock. Sucking him in and pressing him against the back of my throat. I leave him there while I stroke my hand up and down a couple of times while I attempt to swallow.
“Jesus,” Caden breathes and I attempt to smile before pulling his shaft out of my mouth and back in, out and in. His hand remains in my hair, gripping gently. Holding me to him, but giving me free range to do as I wish to him and I can’t stop.
I increase my pace, flicking, licking and sucking his cock like I need it to breathe. The grip in my hair tightens, hard and my eyes meet his. “You’re amazing,” he says, “But I don’t want to come in your mouth.”
I smile, releasing his cock from my mouth and hand.
“My turn,” he smirks and I smile with a nod, then crawl up his body, licking and kissing my way up his chest until I find his lips.
My cock twitches against his and desire spikes to a new height knowing that we’re so close to each other. Caden captures my moment of weakness and forces me onto my back before climbing on top of me. Before I know it, he has both our cocks gripped in one of his strong hands. I shiver in anticipation of what he’s going to do next.
FORTY~ONE
*~* CADEN *~*
My hand slides up our shafts as I stroke both of us to the point of madness.
I made him stop sucking me because I wasn’t ready to come yet. I learned quickly the last time we were together that I had stamina and could possibly go again. However, in the past, a second orgasm has always eluded me. The last thing I wanted to have happen was to have him suck me only to fail at eliciting an orgasm. After I saw the look in his eyes when I touched him that night, and the pain that radiated within them, I knew my lack of orgasm might destroy him for a very long time and I couldn’t have that.
That is something you don’t come back from when you’re unsure of who you are or what you want.
When he presses into my touch, it is clear to me that he needs approval, he needs to know what he’s doing is the right thing. If I can’t nurture him like that, then this will never work.
I want to take him, but I’m rethinking that. He’s never done this and he needs some training before I can push into him.
“Where’d you go?” he asks, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I stroke up again on our cocks and he groans. It makes me smile.
“Nowhere, I’m right here.”
He nods and I stroke us again before releasing both cocks and leaning down to press my lips to his and press my hips against his, trapping us together. I’m not usually one to bend over easily, but I think that’s where this needs to go tonight. He needs training and one night, without any equipment to do so, won’t work. But I am more than willing to see where this is going to go.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he breathes.
I shake my head. “You won’t. Now me on you is another story.” His expression falls slightly and I feel it’s necessary to explain myself. “Believe me, Aryn, I want you so bad, but it’s not something you can just jump right into, you’re going to need some training.”
His face scrunches together.
“Not sub training.” Though there is that aspect too, but we can discuss that later. I give him a little bit of space because what I’m saying is pushing him in the wrong direction and I don’t want to lose this moment. “What I mean is that you can’t just dive right into anal sex, my sweet boy.” He glows a little at my nickname for him. “If I do, it is going to hurt like hell and I refuse to hurt you.” He nods his understanding.
*~* ARYN *~*
Caden leans down, claiming my lips for his once more. His hands roam up my body and I’m lost in the wave of sensation he is giving me as he flicks his hips against mine and I groan into his mouth. Since he hasn’t pinned me down again, I take the chance to hold him a little tighter by sliding my fingers into his hair and holding him to me. He moans into my mouth and I push on him, indicating that I want to flip him back over and he adjusts for me so that I can.
Once he’s beneath me, while our mouths are still locked together, I slide my legs between his, forcing him to open up for me and he does exactly that.
His cock rubs along mine and it sends a thrill through me.
I can’t believe I’m about to do this. I’m going to be sliding inside of him.
The thought sends a wave of pleasure through me and it
pools in the small of my back as I can no longer resist the idea of taking him.
I rear up and look at our cocks lying across his stomach and it’s an insane sight to see.
Everything I’ve ever fantasized about when it came to Dex and I being together is coming true right here and now. I am very happy that it is Caden and not Dex or some other random man.
Caden strokes my cheek with his finger and my eyes go to his. “What’s wrong?” he asks. His voice is soft, sincere and a little concerned.
I give him a small smile. “Nothing’s wrong, it’s just-” I sigh, reluctant to tell him what’s on my mind but I get the impression that even though the top and bottom roles are off tonight, he will ask me to tell him in a way that will make it impossible for me to resist him. Despite the fact that no matter what I tell myself, I’m incapable of surrendering myself to him.
“You just? Please, Aryn, I’d like to know.”
I nod softly. “I’ve always been curious, about being with a man, but,” I pause and take a soothing breath before I continue, “Since I met you, I’ve fantasized about this and-”
“It’s happening?”
I nod.
“Is that a bad thing?” he asks.
I smile and shake my head. “No, it’s a great thing, it’s just so-”
“Surreal?” he finishes and I nod. “We don’t have to do anything tonight, Aryn.”
I shake my head. “No, I do. I need to know.”
He leans up on his elbows, his eyes never leave mine. “Know what?”
“If this is really what I want.”
He gives me a sad smile. “You’re unsure?”
I sigh. “No, I’m sure that I want this, here, tonight, but-” I hesitate and look away from him, hoping to break the trance he has me in right now but unfortunately my eyes fall to where we’re coming together, which of course only spurs my fantasy and desperation to finish what we’ve started. “I’m scared that if we do this that it will be it. That you or I will get what we want and then,” I shrug, “Nothing.”
“I don’t do one night stands, Aryn. I don’t sleep with someone unless I know there is a chance that it will happen again. I wouldn’t have gone to New York-”
I gasp. “You were there?” I breathe and he smiles with a nod. “I didn’t want to believe it. I couldn’t figure out why you would have a reason to be there, but, well, I guess I knew nothing about you, but regardless of that, it just didn’t make sense to me.”
“It’s also the reason I pulled so many strings to show up after Alyssa tonight. I needed to see you, to talk to you.”
“Yeah, I know, you needed to know why I ran away.”
“Aryn.” I look up into his eyes again. “I knew you ran away for a reason, but I couldn’t fix that reason or explain anything if you wouldn’t talk to me. It was more of an excuse to see you and if my theory was correct, I already knew why you ran and I was right. I’d deduced that you were scared more than anything.”
“That’s partially true,” I tell him and I slide off him, sitting next to him and he sits up. “Though part of it had to do with what I’d done with Ashley and with you. It also had to do with the fact that I had no problem taking orders from you that night. And for someone who was struggling to admit that I’m not a Dominant, it was all just too much for me to take at that time.”
“How do you feel about your submissive side now?”
I shrug. “I think I’m still trying to understand that side of me. Still trying to find it inside of me to hand over control to someone else, it’s not easy.”
“If it were easy for you, I’d be concerned. Not everyone is a natural submissive and those that are often face a time when they question their submission and you’re no different. Before you showed up at Derek’s, had you ever considered a Dom/sub relationship?” I shake my head. “I didn’t think so.”
“I didn’t know much about it. Sure, when I’m with a woman I like to be in control, but looking back on that now, I think that my ‘in control’ was more to control the situation. If I was in control, I could essentially get off and walk away. When I let my guard down, like that night in your private room, everything kind of fell apart for me. It’s the reason I never left my number, it’s the reason I blocked my number from you. I was in control of that situation and now-” I pause.
Caden looks at me with encouraging eyes. “And now?”
“Now, I don’t want that control anymore. I’ve realized that whatever is brewing between you and me is an inevitable truth that I can no longer deny and if I don’t do something, I might regret it for the rest of my life.”
Caden’s smile is warm, genuine when he brings his hand up to cup my cheek. I can’t help but lean into it. His touch obliterates any and all fear or concern I may have had about where this was going. “But, Caden?” He strokes his thumb along my cheek and my eyes meet his. “I don’t think I can be your submissive.”
*~* CADEN *~*
Looking into Aryn’s eyes tells me that he’s scared. I knew he was scared all along and the fact that we’ve made it as far as we have, completely naked, is a true test of what this means to him and maybe means to me. “I think you’re wrong about that. But that is a decision you have to make. I cannot make it for you. But I will tell you that a Dom-sub relationship is all that I’m after. I don’t do vanilla relationships.” Even as I say the words, I’m not entirely convinced of their truth. Looking into Aryn’s eyes, knowing that there is so much more under the surface, drives me to want to know more about the man who was straddling me just a few minutes ago.
My words settle over him and while I think that’s what he wanted to hear, he can’t hide the hint of disappointment playing with his features. “Then what are we doing here? Like this, right now?”
I give him a weak smile. “I needed you to know that this is what you want.”
“That I want to be your submissive?”
“No, that you’re willing to let go of your preconceived ideas about being with another man, that you’re capable of and willing to surrender your body to another man. That you’re willing to surrender it to me.”
“But I’m not-”
I place my finger over his lips, silencing him. “You were sitting, on top of me, completely naked a few minutes ago and you were enjoying the view of our cocks lying beside each other and you tell me you’re not willing to surrender? You’re more than willing to surrender your body, but that is not all that I’m interested in, Aryn. I am interested in your mind, in your willingness to hand over the control, to allow me to take care of your body and your mind.”
“That’s all you want from me?” There is a hint of pain forming in his voice and I realize this quite possibly means more to him than it does to me. While I was willing to let myself give into him, give into his desire for tonight, I need more from him. I need his submission. I crave it from him and I can’t begin to imagine it any other way, I’m not wired like that.
I nod in response to his question, unable to actually speak the response. The longer we sit here, the longer I look at him, the more I feel the need to give myself over to him in a way other than being his Master and that is unnerving to me. I’ve never felt like this before and it has me wanting to run from the room. The loss of control sends a chill down my spine.
I lower my hand from his cheek and the moment that contact is broken, he gets off the bed, away from me. “I think you should go,” he mumbles.
“That’s probably a good idea.”
I climb off the bed as he pulls his pajama pants on and then he goes to his suitcase and pulls out a t-shirt. I’m disappointed when his body is covered from my view. I frown and pull my pants back on. The more clothing that I pull on, the worse I feel about what I’m about to do, but I can’t let him see that. I can’t let him see that I’m growing weak for him.
His pain and sadness is evident in his eyes as he escorts me to the door. I stop and look at him. “I’m sorry, Aryn,” I tell him.
“So am I
.”
That’s all he says and I haven’t a clue what to say to him in return so I leave the room and he closes the door. The lock engages and the security bar slides over. I fall against the door. I’ve pushed away the one thing that has seen through my façade - the one thing that has brought me happiness for the first time in a very long time. But am I capable of letting go of my past, breaking the hold on my heart? Walking away from his door gives me my answer. No, I’m not ready to let her go.
I step into the elevator and as the doors close, I realize I’ve just made the biggest mistake of my life.
FORTY~TWO
** ARYN **
I SET the sixth mini bottle of whiskey down on the table, or rather I slam it down after downing it.
That was not how I expected this night to end.
That was not how I wanted this night to end.
He walked out.
He left.
He left because he wants nothing but my submission. A submission I’m not capable of giving him.
He asked me a question, about before showing up at Derek’s and whether or not I knew anything about Dom/sub relationships and I didn’t. In fact, I took my desire to be a Dom from Dex. He pointed me in that direction and he did so for the right reasons. He honestly believed, like me, that I could be and wanted to be a Dominant. Which, until now, I wanted exactly that.
Maybe the lifestyle isn’t for me.
Maybe I’m meant to be with someone who loves me for who I am and who doesn’t want to change me.
My thoughts drift involuntarily to Ashley. She and I click, we get along well, but I can’t give her what she needs or wants in a relationship. I can’t picture her having a vanilla relationship with someone like me while still walking into the club. I know and understand that BDSM isn’t always about the sex, but I certainly couldn’t sit at home while she goes off with some other Top, with someone like Caden.
Aryn's Desire: A BOLD Security Novel (Finding Submission Book 1) Page 21