by Noelle Adams
She didn’t wait for a response from Matt. Just walked barefoot into the bathroom to take a shower. The cool water felt heavenly after the heat of the room and her physical exertions. She took a longer shower than normal, using the time to pull herself together.
Matt couldn’t allow himself to be emotionally intimate with a woman after what had happened to him and his girlfriend, any more than she could after Henry. Isolation was so much safer than risking another gaping wound in the heart.
Sex was sex. It was physical. It was enjoyable. And it was so much easier than loving someone.
She felt much better when she finally stepped out of the shower—her body clean and at a much more comfortable temperature, and her emotions settled into their normal pattern.
She pulled on her bra and panties before wrapping her wet hair up in a towel. When she left the bathroom, she looked over to see that Matt was still in bed. He was stretched out on top of the sheet, watching her with leisurely interest. He wasn’t posed or self-conscious—he looked lazy and natural—but his body was completely naked, and she couldn’t help but admire his lean flanks and long limbs.
“It’s early,” he said. “I thought your shift didn’t start until nine.”
“They asked me to open this morning.”
Matt frowned. “You already work there about fifty hours a week.”
“I don’t mind. The money doesn’t hurt.” She unwound the towel from her head and shook out her wet, dark hair. Her hair wasn’t going to look good today, so she didn’t make too much of an effort. Running her fingers through it, she figured she’d let it do its own thing.
“Do you want to get together again tonight?” Matt asked. He’d been watching the proceedings with her hair-styling.
She made a face. She did want to spend the night with him again tonight. “I’m supposed to hang out with Jenn tonight.”
Matt frowned. “What are your plans for the weekend?”
“On Saturday, I’m doing some Christmas shopping with Jenn.” She shuddered at the thought, still ridiculously nervous about the Christmas season, which was now somehow upon them. So far, seeing all the decorations and festivities hadn’t been as painful as she’d feared, but the worst of it was yet to come. “I was going to just buy stuff online, but she really wanted me to go. She thinks it will be good for me. I’m hoping it won’t be too bad. I haven’t bought a single present yet.”
“I haven’t bought anything yet either. So that’s all you have going on this weekend?”
“Well, on Friday…” Ridiculously, she felt herself blushing, although she had nothing to be embarrassed about.
“What are you doing on Friday?”
She shrugged. “I’ve got this double-date thing.”
Matt sat up. “What?”
“It’s nothing,” she said in a rush, annoyed with herself for feeling guilty. “Jenn and her boyfriend kept bugging me about this guy until I finally just said yes. They want to set me up with him.”
“And you didn’t tell them that you were dating someone else?”
She met his eyes evenly. “I’m not dating anyone else. In order to do that, we would have to—oh, I don’t know—date. You know, be seen together in public, go out for romantic evenings, spend holidays together. The things people who date do.”
“I’d assumed, once we stopped using condoms, that we were exclusive.”
“Of course we’re exclusive. I’m not sleeping with anyone else. But let’s not pretend this is anything other than it is. We made it clear from the very beginning. We screw. We don’t date.”
To her surprise, Matt’s face relaxed and a hint of a smile played at the corners of his mouth. “Right.”
She narrowed his eyes at the skepticism in his tone. “I’m just telling you what you already know. Those were the ground rules from the beginning. I have no desire to date you.”
“Right.”
Her shoulders stiffened, and she felt a blaze of heat flood her cheeks. “I don’t even really like you most of the time.”
“Right.” This time, he didn’t quite manage to hide the smile. “We’re together purely for mindless sex. It’s just like a really good cup of coffee. I’ve got it.”
She sat down on the side of the bed beside him and said, “I’m a free agent, and I can choose to go out with whomever I want.”
“As can I.”
She didn’t like the idea of his going out with some other woman. In fact, it made her want to break something.
She supposed that maybe he felt an inkling of that same irrational jealousy over her. Despite the fact that the sex had always been explicitly casual and without ties, sex was an intimate act and those kinds of feelings were inevitable.
She checked his expression and was reassured. He looked easy and natural—partly amused, partly observant, and partly hot.
“There’s nothing wrong with some good sex,” he drawled, a husky note once more entering his voice.
“Right,” she said, her tone wavering a bit. She wasn’t quite sure what to make of his acquiescence to her, when he’d sounded so skeptical and superior before.
Then, like a predator, he pounced. One moment, they were both sitting innocently on the side of the bed. The next, he’d pushed her back against the mattress and had rolled fully on top of her.
“Hey!” she objected, “You’re all sweaty! And I’m nice and clean.”
With a low laugh, Matt murmured, “Not anymore.”
He was right. His body covered hers wholly and his skin was rubbing all over her.
“Matt!” she wailed, before he stifled her grievances with a kiss.
The kiss was deep and unexpectedly urgent, and Carrie couldn’t help but respond. Her mouth opened to the advance of his tongue, and she groaned in pleasure as a wave of desire and feeling overwhelmed her.
Soon, she was squirming beneath him, but not in protest.
He was hard now—again—and she felt his erection trapped between their bodies. Instinctively, she rocked up into it and loved the way his body tightened in response.
Finally, he tore his mouth away and kissed his way down to the racing pulse in her neck.
“Damn it, Matt,” she gasped, trying hard to sound more annoyed than aroused. “Now I’m going to have to shower again.”
“No, you won’t.” He gently bit down on the skin of her throat, prompting a tug of deep pleasure that made her jerk. “You’ll get dressed after this, or you’ll be late for work. Then you’ll go through the entire day, completely covered with me.”
His voice was erotic. The sound of it and the images his words evoked made her shiver in pleasure. But she said, “You’re crazy.”
“No, I’m not. Don’t pretend you wouldn’t enjoy it. Every time someone brushes against you, you’ll wonder if they can smell me on you. Every time you walk or cross your legs, you’ll feel me inside you. Every time you breathe, you’ll think about how good we are together.”
Carrie’s hands had started to move of their own volition, caressing his back and then gripping the firm flesh of his butt. When he adjusted, moving aside the fabric of her panties so he could line himself up at her entrance, she spread her thighs and lifted her pelvis to meet his.
She was a little sore after so much sex in the last twelve hours, but she wasn’t sore enough to dampen her enthusiasm. She moaned as he entered her and then started to pump her hips to the rhythm they made together.
But she did manage to say, “That sounds like something you’d enjoy. But not me. I’ll definitely be taking a shower.”
“Right,” he breathed into her ear.
He didn’t say anymore, but she knew—at least in some ways—he was speaking the truth. Part of her did want everyone to know how hot and wild and sexy she was with Matt, how much they pleased each other, how exciting and slightly dangerous her life had become, ever since she’d started sharing his bed.
But he was her secret. And, if everyone knew, some of the thrill would probably die.
If everyone knew, it would start to feel like a real relationship, and then it would have to end.
The familiar, natural scent of him surrounded her, invading her senses, heightening her pleasure. Her body blazed with heat again, more from the ardor Matt was generating than from the temperature of the room.
A climax rose inside her—strong, powerful, intoxicating. Despite everything.
“Oh, God, Matt!” she gasped, arching her neck and digging her fingernails into his ass.
“Yes, baby,” he hissed, jerking his head in an uncontrolled reaction to his growing intensity. “Come for me. Let me see.”
His words and her physical sensations mingled with the rest of her tangled feelings. She lost control completely, crying out as a hard climax surged through her.
Matt lost it too. He came with a loud exclamation that sounded like her name. And then he eased himself down on top of her as lingering spasms from their climaxes rippled through both of them.
It felt so good with him. Every time. And she didn’t know why she couldn’t ever get enough.
He gasped against her neck, occasionally pressing a kiss on her skin there. She loved the feel of it, so she didn’t complain that his weight and heat were nearly smothering her.
Finally, she said, “This was some kind of macho show of force because I’m going on that double date, wasn’t it?”
Matt lifted his head to look down on her. Now he looked more quiet than anything else. “It might have been, had you not wanted it too.”
She thought about that and then nodded in acknowledgment. “Now get up,” she said, softening the words with a teasing smile.
“Why?”
“Because I’m hot.”
***
She didn’t end up taking a shower, and it wasn’t until she had dinner with Jenn at a café near her apartment that anyone noticed any evidence of Carrie’s carnal activities that morning.
She’d been a little sore all day from several rounds of Matt’s vigorous thrusting, but it was a kind of soreness she’d always enjoyed. As she came back from the restroom, however, she stifled a wince at a particularly sharp ache.
She composed her expression quickly when she saw Jenn watching her closely. It wasn’t always easy to keep a secret like this from her sister, but so far she’d done pretty well
Jenn grinned at her, “So are you coming skiing with us or not?”
For a few days before Christmas, Jenn was going skiing with friends, before heading to their parents’ for the holiday.
Carrie made a face. “I don’t know. I’m not much of a skier.”
“You don’t have to ski! You can hang out in the lodge in front of a fire with some hunky ski instructor.”
With a chuckle, Carrie shook her head. “I’m sure all the hunky ski instructors would rather cuddle up to you.”
“Don’t be that way. You know perfectly well how hot you are. Aren’t you interested in meeting someone?”
Because she recognized that Jenn’s sharp eyes were studying her intently, Carrie kept her expression casual. “Sure. I’m going on that double date tomorr—”
“That doesn’t count. You’re just doing that because I guilted you into it. Ever since Henry, you just won’t let yourself—”
Carrie groaned. “Please, Jenn. I’ll date when I’m ready to date.”
“Really? I know it took a long time to get over, but now it really seems like you might be just hiding because you don’t want to let yourself be hurt again.’
“Well, who wants to be hurt?”
“No one. And I can’t even imagine how you felt after…I mean, I know why you quit school and withdrew and everything, and I can’t blame you, because I never went through something like that myself. But it’s been almost a year now, and you still haven’t… I just don’t want you to give up on life completely.”
Carrie’s throat hurt from emotion, but the grief wasn’t raw enough to push her into tears. “I’m not. I haven’t given up. I just need to take it slow.”
“Okay.”
Carrie hurriedly moved back to their previous topic. “Anyway, I’m still thinking about the skiing. If it was just you, it would be different. But going to some ski lodge with a bunch of people I don’t know just doesn’t sound that appealing to me.”
“Well, what else will you do? Would you go to Mom and Dad’s early?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.” Carrie sighed and pushed her salad around on her plate.
Randomly, she wondered what Matt would do for Christmas. His parents lived on the West Coast, so maybe he’d go to visit them. He didn’t really have any friends anymore, since he’d cut ties with everyone he’d partied with before the accident.
“You have something else in mind,” Jenn said, breaking into Carrie’s thoughts.
Carrie recovered from her distraction quickly. “No. I really don’t. I’ll probably end up going skiing with you.”
Jenn had narrowed her eyes. “I don’t believe you. You’re hiding something from me.”
“I am not.”
“Yes, you are. What’s going on?”
“Nothing is going on. I’m just tired today and keep zoning out.”
“No. That’s not it. Why do you look like you just rolled out of bed?”
Carrie made an outraged noise. “Thanks, a lot. It’s been a long day. I’ve been at work since seven, and I didn’t have a chance to fix my hair and makeup.”
Her words sounded convincing to her own ears, but her sister wasn’t buying them.
“Uh-uh. That’s not it. And you’re sore. Don’t think I didn’t notice. You haven’t worked out for a couple of days so that leaves—”
“Don’t, Jenn,” Carrie warned.
“You’re having sex!” she said, her whole face brightening as the revelation hit her. “I can’t believe you’ve been holding out on me.”
“I’m not—”
“Don’t you dare lie to me again. It’s all coming back to me now. All those nights you don’t answer the phone and claim to be reading. That bruise on your neck a couple of weeks ago. You fobbed me off with some story about tripping at work. Who is he?”
“Jenn,” Carrie began, desperately searching for an answer she could give her sister. She felt trapped. And at the same time just a little relieved.
She decided to go with the truth, since she really didn’t want to tell Jenn a barefaced lie. “Fine, I am having a little…fling.”
Jenn clapped her hands in delight. “Who is he? Tell me, tell me, tell me!”
“He’s no one important.” When Jenn started to object, Carrie spoke over her. “Don’t push, Jenn. I’m not going to give you a name. He’s just a guy I’ve kind of gotten together with for a few months.”
“I knew it! Did you meet him at work? All of your co-workers are too immature for you. You need someone older. Oh, was he a customer? Did he stop in to get coffee on his way to work?”
“Yes, he was a customer. And he’s older, yes,” Carrie said weakly.
“What is he like? Is he the button-up type, or is he a bad boy?”
“I guess he’s kind of a bad boy.”
“Ooh, this is so fun! How’s the sex?”
“Really good.”
“Are you in love?”
“No!” Carrie exclaimed, startled by the question. “Don’t get the wrong idea. It’s just a physical thing. We’re having a good time, but it’s just sex. I’m sure it will peter out eventually.”
“Maybe it won’t. Has it started to get boring, now that you’ve been seeing him a few months?”
Carrie thought about how hard she’d come with Matt the night before and again this morning. How he’d looked when he was laughing. How much of a challenge it was for her to match wits with him. “No, it’s not getting boring yet.”
“Are you sure it’s just sex? You look…”
Carrie’s eyes shot up at the way Jenn’s voice trailed off. “I look what?” When her sister didn’t answer, she said, feeling a little def
ensive, “Yes, it’s just sex. We’re not dating or anything. It hardly counts as a relationship.”
“No fuzzy feelings at all?”
Carrie thought about the pangs of tenderness she’d felt as she’d gazed at all the scars on Matt’s body.
“You’re blushing!” Jenn burst out.
Her cheeks flushed even deeper, but Carrie managed to shape a cool look. “I am not blushing.”
“Yes, you are. You’re blushing! There are fuzzy feelings, aren’t there? Admit it.”
Carrie wasn’t about to admit any such thing. Instead, she said with all the dignity she could muster, “There are no fuzzy feelings. I’m not blushing. It’s just hot in here.”
Jenn cackled, obviously not believing a word she said.
Carrie wanted to scream. She wanted desperately to make herself clear. Matt was obviously a man with whom you indulged in only a steamy affair. He was not a man with whom you fell in love. He’d said so as clear as day—he wasn’t going to trust himself in an intimate relationship again. Carrie wasn’t a fool.
She was hardly going to fall in love with Matthew Lynch.
He wasn’t anything like Henry.
There was only sex between them. Hot, wild, and exhilarating sex. But just sex. And a certain level of camaraderie as they got to know each other better.
Jenn was just being annoying. And Carrie really wasn’t blushing.
It was just hot.
Three
Carrie stared at a table full of neatly folded sweaters and wondered which one her father would like best. There were several in different shades of red and blue, and she fingered each of them as she reflected.
The department store was crowded, and the retail staff had been kept hopping, trying to straighten up the merchandise after each new wave of customers. Carrie used to enjoy Christmas shopping—even with the chaotic hoards of people and the pressure of the approaching deadline. Today, she wasn’t enjoying it at all.
She wasn’t sure how to describe the heavy feeling in her gut. It wasn’t grief as she understood it, although it was akin. She missed Henry—she still missed Henry at random times and places—but the pain wasn’t as sharp as she’d feared it would be with all the trappings of Christmas surrounding her.