He gently squeezed her hand. “And so I was bound and determined to protect myself, not caring if anyone else got hurt in the process. And they did. You.”
“It’s okay, West. I was hurt, but now that I understand—”
He sighed. Long and loud. “I’m starting to think I’m gonna need to carry around a gag.”
“What?” She stared at him in shock.
“You want to let me get this all out before you tell me you understand what I’m trying to say?”
She snatched her hand out of his. “Sorry for trying to make you feel better.”
“Don’t try to make me feel better,” he growled. “I was an ass. You should be making me get down on my knees and grovel.”
Her eyes grew round. “I don’t want you to do that.”
“Good. Cause I don’t intend to.”
“Okay then.” This was a very confusing conversation.
“I carried Lana with me until the other night when a little fairy whose light shines so bright it’s damn near blinding told me she cares about me. And I realized that every time that light shone around me, a little more of that shield I used to protect myself cracked. That Lana’s memory faded just a bit more.”
She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to apologize for that or not. But since she really wasn’t keen on being gagged, she decided it was probably best just to remain quiet.
“And that made me mad. Because despite it being years since Lana died, I still wasn’t ready to let her go. I wasn’t ready to move on.”
She opened her mouth to tell him that he didn’t have to when he placed his palm gently over her lips. “Quiet, girl.”
Huh. She preferred sunshine to girl. And she definitely preferred the way he spoke when he called her sunshine. In a soft, tender way. Girl was kind of said on a growl.
“You were a threat to the way I like my life to run. I don’t like surprises. I definitely don’t like change. When Mia painted a wall in the living room, I was angry for days. And I won’t go into how I was when she came to live with us.”
Yikes. Poor Mia.
“So I spent most of my time avoiding you. Which became a bit of a nuisance considering how often you were over here.”
She winced. Making a nuisance of herself. As usual. Her brother was right.
“Uh-uh, no you don’t.” He gently cupped her chin in the palm of his hand and raised her face up. “What was that thought?”
“I’m over here too often, aren’t I? Annoying everyone.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Annoying everyone? Baby, I’m a member of this family and I swear to God, they were all ready to have me drawn and quartered when they learned I was the reason you haven’t been around the past few days. Everyone here loves you.”
They do?
“I don’t ever want to hear you call yourself a nuisance again, understand me? Is that what he says to you?”
“Yes,” she whispered. “It’s what he said the other night. ‘Have you been over at the neighbors making a nuisance of yourself again, Felicity?’”
“You have to know that everything he said to you was designed to hurt you. To make you feel small so he could feel big and control you.”
“I know, but sometimes the things he says are true.”
“None of what he said was true. You’re not a nuisance, sunshine. And I’m sorry for the things I did that reinforced what he spat at you.”
“You didn’t know.”
“I do now,” he whispered. “I want to make things right between us. Let me do that. Let me look after you.”
She should refuse. She knew Jake looked out for all the single woman in town who didn’t have anyone to act as a guardian. She could be one of the single women. Maybe. Then she looked at West. Really looked at him. And she saw the pain in his eyes. He hadn’t been able to help Lana. He hadn’t been able to save her. For a man as protective as West, that must have been hell. It had obviously been eating him alive for years.
So maybe this was a way he could heal. He could help save her. There was nothing romantic between them. She knew that. But at least he would feel like he had done something to help her. Maybe it could erase that guilt she saw in his eyes. She could do that for him.
And while you’re doing that for him? What about you? How are you supposed to guard your heart against falling in love with him?
She didn’t think there was any way she could do that. Considering she was already falling for him. Even though she wasn’t Lana, she could be the one to help him heal.
“Okay,” she whispered. “I’ll let you do that.”
He grew tense. “You’ll let me look out for you?”
“Yeah,” she told him. “I will.”
He turned his face to her and pressed his lips against her forehead. It was a sweet gesture, one that brought tears to her eyes. She had to quickly blink them away. Because it was also a paternal gesture. Something a father might do to his child. She didn’t want to be seen as a child. But there was no mistaking that’s what he saw when he looked at her. Not a woman, a girl.
“Thank you, sunshine. I know I don’t deserve your trust, but I’ll prove I can look after you. And I won’t let that bastard get near you. Not ever again.”
She wished she could believe that. But she knew Spencer better than he did.
“Does it make me weird that I’m worried about him?”
He reached out and lightly ran his finger down her swollen cheek. “Why would you worry about him?”
Her eyes darted to the side. “I know he’s not well. I know nothing he did to me was right, I’m not stupid. But he’s still my brother. And he’s all I have.”
“I’m gonna stop you right there, sunshine, because he’s definitely not all that you have. Understand?”
She looked at him. She got what he was saying. She had Mia. She had the Malone boys. But they weren’t exactly her family. She nodded anyway. This was about helping West. Not about her.
“I know,” she whispered. “But he’s in a wheelchair. What if he gets picked on?”
He blinked a few times, his eyebrows coming together. “Picked on?”
“I watch TV, I know what things can be like in prison. How much worse will they be for a man in a wheelchair?”
“Baby, he beat you. Regularly. He chased you into your bedroom and you were so scared you climbed out the window and fell and broke your foot. Going to prison is the least he deserves.”
There was a coldness to the way he spoke. And in that coldness, she could see the man he’d once been. The man who’d worked for a crime boss. Anything that happened to her brother would be his idea of justice.
But it wasn’t hers. She still remembered the man that Spencer had once been.
“I just don’t want that for him.”
He reached out and gently took hold of her hand. “Because you have a heart as big as Texas, you wouldn’t know how to be vindictive if you tried. But that’s okay, because I know how to be vindictive enough for the both of us. Listen to me, I don’t want you worrying about him. Whatever happens to him is not on you. It is not your fault. He brought this on himself. He should have recognized he had a problem and gotten help. Even if he hadn’t, he still had no call to ever hurt you. He caused harm to someone smaller than himself, someone he was supposed to look out for, someone who loved and trusted him. That shit is not all right. So you are not going to waste your time worrying about him. If anything happens, I’ll worry about it. Understand?”
“It shouldn’t be your worry either,” she told him.
“Didn’t you, just minutes ago, give me responsibility for you?” he asked in a low voice.
“Oh, right. And part of that includes dealing with my brother?”
“A big part of that is dealing with your brother,” he told her firmly. “I’ll be telling Jake that anything that comes up about him goes through me first.”
She didn’t know quite how she felt about that. “West, I—”
“Nope. That part is not u
p for negotiation, sunshine. That part is carved in stone. Anything to do with your brother goes through me first, and I decide if you need to know.”
“Isn’t that a bit controlling?” she asked.
“I prefer to think of it as being protective. You’ve got enough on your plate. You’ve carried this burden for long enough. You deserve to have a bit of happiness in your life, and I’m gonna make sure you have that. Okay?”
Even though he put it as a question at the end, she got the feeling it wasn’t. And the truth was it would be nice not to worry for a little while. Knowing someone like West had her back was part the reason she’d chosen him in the first place, before she’d even known he was her one.
“Right, so after you normally have a nightmare how do you get back to sleep?” he asked her.
“I don’t.”
He went still. “You don’t go back to sleep?”
“No. I never really sleep well anyway. I’m always too worried he’s going to come into my room. He’d never let me have a deadbolt on the door. I used to move the dresser, but the other day he secured it to the wall. So now I have to put a chair under the handle. Doesn’t keep him out, but it would wake me up.”
He became so still he was stone. “He came into your bedroom without permission? When you were sleeping?”
“Well, yeah.”
“Often?”
She shook her head. “No, not that often.”
“But often enough for you to feel the need to sleep with a goddamn chair under your door handle. Fuck!” He ran his hand over his short hair. She wondered what he looked like when he grew his hair. Probably even more breath-takingly gorgeous than he did now.
“Please, dear God, please tell me he didn’t touch you.”
She frowned at that weird question. Obviously, he touched her. Oh . . . she got it then. Why he looked so horrified.
“No,” she whispered hoarsely. “No, he never touched me like that.”
“Promise me.” His hand was tight around hers. Almost too tight, but she didn’t say anything. The fear and horror in his face told her he wasn’t even aware of his tight grip and that he needed to hold onto her. So she’d give him that.
She would give him whatever he needed. “I promise.”
“Good. Good.” The relief in his voice was clear, and it made her fall for him just a little more.
There was definitely more to West Malone than what he let most people see.
“Well, you don’t have to worry about that anymore,” he told her in a rough voice. “He’s in jail.”
“He won’t be for long. He’ll make bail. He has plenty of money. Stupid, isn’t it? I worry about him in jail, but I’m scared about when he gets let out. He’s not going to let me leave him, West.”
“Listen to me.” He grasped her chin, raising her face. “He has no choice.”
“West—”
“He doesn’t know who he’s up against, sunshine. He thinks we’re ranchers, but we’re so much more. We kept Mia safe from a mobster, we can do the same for you, yeah?”
She just stared at him.
“You just agreed to let me look after you, don’t go doubting me so quickly. My ego can’t take it.”
She snorted. “I’m certain your ego will be just fine.”
“Let me worry about him.”
“Okay, I’ll try.” She wasn’t sure how, but she’d try.
“You need sleep, you’re exhausted. Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Sometimes chamomile tea helps. You got any tea?”
“Do I have a dick?” he returned gruffly.
She bit down on a smile. “I take it that’s a no to the tea?”
“Nope. It’s a hell no. Tea,” he scoffed. But the twinkle in his eye told her he was teasing her. “Come on, sit forward. I’ll give your neck and your good shoulder a rub.”
“You really don’t have to,” she told him.
“Do I seem the type of guy that ever does anything he doesn’t want to?”
No. Not at all. So, against her better judgement, she slid down the bed and he settled in behind her. Oh, God. West Malone was touching her. This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be real.
The scent of him surrounded her. Masculine. Warm. Woodsy. He smelled like the outdoors mixed with a scent that was all West. And it was enough to make her clit tingle, have her nipples hardening.
Shit. Shit.
“Relax, baby girl. Nothing’s going to happen. I’m just trying to make you feel more relaxed so you can sleep.”
Yeah. That might not work considering having him so close was just making her more wound up.
“Lean back against me. Let me help you. You’ve got to get some sleep so you can heal.”
She closed her eyes. Forced herself to take a couple of deep breaths. Well, as deep as she could manage with the aches and pains in her body. Doc said she had to sleep with the brace on her shoulder. It wasn’t exactly comfortable, but it kept her from moving it suddenly and hurting herself. He hadn’t been happy it hadn’t been iced immediately. But she’d been in too much pain to move for a start and then she hadn’t really wanted to leave her bedroom and risk running into Spence.
He hadn’t sought her out in those three days she’d lain in bed and suffered. Once upon a time, he’d have tried to apologize, have felt remorse.
That didn’t happen anymore. He was falling further into the darkness, and it was terrifying.
“Sh, easy, sunshine. Tell me if I hurt you.” He had one hand on the back of her neck, massaging it, and the other hand on her uninjured shoulder. He dug gently into the sore muscles, and she groaned, her head falling back of its own volition, finding his shoulder.
“That’s it,” he murmured to her. He moved his hands to massage her scalp. “Just let it all go. There’s no need to worry about anything. I’m here now. I’m going to take care of you. No one will ever hurt you again.”
Her eyes drifted shut, exhaustion overtaking her. But one final thought flooded her brain. I wish I could believe him.
9
“I want to see him.” West strode into Jake’s office early the next morning. Last night, after he’d gotten Flick back to sleep after her nightmare, he’d lain next to her on the bed, watching her sleep.
He hadn’t managed any sleep himself. He knew she was scared her brother was going to come after her, after them. She didn’t yet believe he could protect her.
He wasn’t angry about her lack of trust in him. Even though she knew who he’d been, she didn’t know the full extent of the darkness in him. And, if he had his way, she never would.
But it was there. And in these circumstances, it was going to work fully in his favor.
He’d always wondered why Flick had fixated on him. Before she even knew him, she would stare at him with this look on her face, a look he could never figure out until now.
It had been hope.
She’d chosen him, not because she’d been attracted to him, although he knew that was there, he’d felt it last night. She’d been affected by his closeness just as he’d been by hers. As she’d pressed her body back against his, his cock had hardened. He just hoped she hadn’t felt it.
No, the reason she’d been sending him those looks, why she’d decided she wanted him wasn’t to do with any attraction. That had likely been a bonus or an afterthought. It was because she looked at him and saw someone who could help save her from her nightmare.
Maybe that should have upset him. Made him angry. But he got it. She wanted to survive. She saw him, his family, and knew they were strong enough to help her.
With someone else he’d have thrown them out the door. But not Flick. She was all alone. She’d been held by a monster for years and beaten on a regular basis. It could have made her retreat. Could have broken her. Should have.
Instead, she’d gone looking for someone stronger than her monster. Someone to defeat him. A champion.
Christ, who knew he could be a champion? He hadn’t been for Lana. But
he wouldn’t fail Flick. So, yeah, when he’d first seen Flick’s bruised face, when he’d realized she’d been hurt, he’d known he was going to help her. Because of Lana. But hearing her story, everything she’d been through, and knowing that even after all that she could still walk around with a smile on her face shocked him. And it had shown him how strong she was.
He admired her.
He wanted to help her.
And he was never going to let some bastard hurt her again.
Jake looked up at him. There were dark marks under his eyes.
“Shit, didn’t you get any sleep?” West asked, taking the seat across the desk from him.
“Could ask the same of you,” Jake replied. “Coffee?”
“No. All cop station coffee I’ve ever had tastes like shit.”
“Not going to ask how you have firsthand knowledge of that,” Jake muttered, standing and walking over to the coffee machine. He poured himself a cup and turning, leaned against the counter behind him.
“Can’t let you see him, West.”
West crossed his arms over his chest. “You can.”
Jake sighed, ran his hand over his face. “He’s got his bail hearing in a few hours.”
“You and I both know he’ll easily make bail,” West said. “So I can have this conversation with him here or wherever he goes when he leaves here.”
Jake leaned forward at the threat. “You cannot seek him out once he’s out of here.”
“Then let me talk to him now. There are a few things I need to make clear.”
“Fuck,” Jake said under his breath. “I let you in there, you’ve got to promise me you won’t contact him later. You could damage the case against him.”
“You let me talk to him, he doesn’t go after Flick, then I won’t go looking for him,” West replied.
“You’re gonna talk to him through the cell bars. I won’t have him touched.”
“He deserves it. He deserves to feel the pain she has over and over. Every time he hit her.” His hands clenched into fists.
“That, right there, is why I don’t want to let you near him.” Jake pointed a finger at him. “Rein it in, West. You can’t go in there like this.”
How West Was Won (Haven, Texas Book 7) Page 11