Second Chance
Page 34
She remembers with shame her marriage to Marcus. Because however awful he might have been, she played a large part as well. She was guilty too. Holly was never kind to him. Never treated him gently or carefully. Choosing instead to engage in a battle of words and wits until she didn’t have the strength to continue, and withdrew.
These days she has never felt so peaceful. So safe. And watching Saffron with Pearce, Holly can see echoes of her own relationship with Jonathan. She can see that despite what the newspapers may report about Saffron and Pearce, despite what the outside world sees, and the difficult start to this relationship, they have what she has with Jonathan, and it is only because of her own marriage to Marcus that she knows how rare and precious this is.
‘I am so happy for you,’ she reaches over and whispers into Saffron’s ear. ‘You deserve this, my darling.’ And Saffron squeezes her hand and nods. For the first time in her life, she does think she deserves this. She thinks she is good enough. She deserves to be in this wonderful relationship with this wonderful man.
‘So how do you find single motherhood?’ Holly turns to Olivia, who rolls her eyes at the question then laughs it off.
‘It’s amazing,’ she says. ‘Exhausting. But amazing. I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love Tommy. I never thought I could do the mothering thing, never thought I wanted to, but it works. It’s working. He’s the light of my life and I’m managing.’
‘And how is Fred doing?’
‘He’s actually been fantastic. After I told him, he wanted to get involved. I never asked anything of him, but he’s been right next to me the whole time.’
‘Is he still coming over every few weeks?’ Paul asks.
‘He’s over every month, and talking about coming over more.’
‘And things are okay? I mean, are you two…’ Holly doesn’t want to pry too much.
‘No, we’re not. And it’s fine. I know to other people it looks weird, but we’ve made a decision to co-parent and to raise Tommy together even though we’re not together. I have to say, I wouldn’t recommend falling pregnant with someone you barely know, but in this case Fred’s really come through.’
‘I guess Tom didn’t do so badly with his choice after all.’ Saffron smiles.
‘He obviously saw things I couldn’t,’ Olivia says as Anna walks back in, shushing everyone as she parks a buggy containing a sleeping baby by the door.
It is strange for Anna to think that there was a time when she wouldn’t have been able to take a friend’s baby for a walk without feeling inadequate or being eaten up with jealousy. Without thinking of everything in life she was missing, instead of everything in life she is lucky to have.
There is indeed something large missing from her life since we last saw her. Fashionista.uk.net was sold several months ago to a huge public company, Anna retaining a role as consultant and getting paid far more money than she could ever have dreamt of.
She didn’t do it for the money. She did it because she realized that Fashionista had been her baby for too long and that the stress of running it was probably contributing to her problems in getting pregnant. She wanted to stop, to jump off the conveyor belt and see what it was like to be a real person again.
Of course somewhere in the back of her mind was that secret, nudging hope that as soon as she left she would fall pregnant – it happens all the time to other people, so why not her?–but seven months later she is not pregnant nor has she contemplated another course of IVF, even though these days they can certainly afford it.
What she has done, these last seven months, is to find herself again. She has taken up Pilates and yoga. Has learnt to cook wonderful meals for herself and Paul and has taken seriously her role as Tommy’s godmother.
For the first time in years, Anna is accepting her life as it is. She read somewhere recently that the key to happiness is not getting what you want but wanting what you get, and she smiled when she read it. She was able to think of all the things she has – all the good in her life and all the people around her whom she loves – and, all of a sudden, she knew that she was whole and complete, and that it is enough.
The whole room is crying. Tears of joy, the joy that comes when you know, you absolutely know, that two people who are supposed to have found each other have found each other and are not about to let the other go.
Pearce stands and clears his throat, so handsome in his dinner jacket, better-looking than even he has a right to be, and he speaks of the reasons he loves Saffron. He speaks of being the best man he can possibly be when he is with her, of the gifts she has given him, and of the ease and serenity he feels every day when he wakes up and knows she is by his side.
‘Most of you know,’ he says, safe in this room of family and close friends, ‘that my situation before was quite different. I didn’t know it could be like this. I didn’t know it was possible to be this contented and this calm. I feel as though my Higher Power has graced me with a second chance, and given me this incredible opportunity to have a new beginning.
‘I thought it was too late. I thought I didn’t have the right to be happy. I had everything you’re supposed to want in life – movies, money, marriage – and I didn’t think I had the right to think that there could be more. I was so ashamed at wanting more, at feeling that those things were not enough.
‘But what I never knew until I met Saffron was that none of it is ever enough when you are with the wrong person. I feel so blessed to have found Saffron, to have found the woman who graces me every day with her strength and her beauty and her joy. She is the greatest gift I have ever known, and I want each of you to witness our bond and know that I will love her and look after her for ever.’
Paul turns to see Holly wiping a tear from her eye, and he nudges her and rolls his eyes. ‘Oh for God’s sake,’ he says. ‘Couldn’t he have been a bit less Hollywood?’
‘Nah,’ Holly laughs, ‘his whole life probably feels like a movie. Oh shut up. Do we have to start being bitchy now?’
‘It’s just that it’s a bit sickly sweet, no?’
‘No. I think it’s just sweet.’
‘Do you really? Where’s my cynical old Holly gone?’
‘Gone for good. This new improved Holly’s madly in lurrve and thrilled by oversensitive film stars waxing lyrical about how wonderful women are.’
‘I can’t believe we haven’t met Jonathan yet,’ Paul whispers as the applause dies down. ‘Why don’t you bring him down to the barn? We could have a reunion.’
Holly raises an eyebrow. ‘I take it you’ve got a bathroom that needs tiling? Or a roof that needs replacing, then?’
‘Thankfully not. Anna’s windfall took care of everything. We’ve even got radiant heating under the floors now. Go on. Come down. Let’s get everyone down and start fresh. A new beginning, and this time the beginning of the best times. Isn’t it all supposed to start after forty anyway?’
‘Only for women, I’ve heard.’ Olivia leans forward with a grin and raises her glass. ‘But cheers. Here’s to new beginnings and second chances!’
One by one they all raise their glasses to toast, as the band begins to play.
Table of Contents
Cover
About the Author
Title Page
Copyright Page
Acknowledgements
Prologue
Second Chance
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
&
nbsp; Chapter Twenty-one
Chapter Twenty-two
Chapter Twenty-three
Chapter Twenty-four
Chapter Twenty-five
Chapter Twenty-six
Chapter Twenty-seven
Chapter Twenty-eight
Chapter Twenty-nine
Chapter Thirty