“Was that the first time that you met them?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said, “and my feelings were very hurt.” She paused, sighed. “Grandpa would not let me speak of our being related. He introduced me as his ward. And he refused to tell me why. Damn it!”
“I’m sure he had some very good reasons.”
“Oh, I am too. But it does not make you feel any better, when you have been waiting all your life to meet your relatives. Do you know why he treated me like that?”
“These are trying times in Amber,” I said, “and things will get worse before they get better. The fewer people who know of your existence, the less chance there is of your getting involved and coming to harm. He did it only to protect you.” She made a spitting noise.
“I do not need protecting,” she said. “I can take care of myself.”
“You are a fine fencer,” I said. “Unfortunately, life is more complicated than a fair dueling situation.”
“I know that. I’m not a child. But —”
“‘But’ nothing! He did the same thing I’d do if you were mine. He’s protecting himself as well as you. I’m surprised he let Brand know about you. He’s going to be damned mad that I found out.” Her head jerked and she stared at me, eyes wide.
“But you wouldn’t do anything to hurt us,” she said. “We — we’re related.”
“How the hell do you know why I’m here or what I’m thinking?” I said. “You might have just stuck both your necks in nooses!”
“You are joking, aren’t you?” she said, slowly raising her left hand between us.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I need not be — and I wouldn’t be talking about it if I did have something rotten in mind, would I?”
“No… I guess not,” she said.
“I am going to tell you something Benedict should have told you long ago,” I said. “Never trust a relative. It is far worse than trusting strangers. With a stranger there is a possibility that you might be safe.”
“You really mean that, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Yourself included?” I smiled.
“Of course it does not apply to me. I am the soul of honor, kindness, mercy, and goodness. Trust me in all things.”
“I will,” she said, and I laughed.
“I will,” she insisted. “You would not hurt us. I know that.”
“Tell me about Gerard and Julian,” I said, feeling uncomfortable, as always, in the presence of unsolicited trust. “What was the reason for their visit?”
She was silent for a moment, still studying me, then, “I have been telling you quite a few things,” she said, “haven’t I? You are right. One can never be too careful. I believe that it is your turn to talk again.”
“Good. You are learning how to deal with us. What do you want to know?”
“Where is the village, really? And Amber? They are somehow alike, aren’t they? What did you mean when you said that Amber lies in all directions, or any? What are shadows?”
I got to my feet and looked down at her. I held out my hand. She looked very young and more than a little frightened then, but she took it. “Where…?” she asked, rising.
“This way,” I said, and I took her to stand at the place where I had slept and regarded the falls and the water wheel. She began to say something, but I stopped her. “Look. Just look,” I said.
So we stood there looking at the rushing, the splashing, the turning while I ordered my mind.
Then, “Come,” I said, turning her by the elbow and walking her toward the wood.
As we moved among the trees, a cloud obscured the sun and the shadows deepened. The voices of the birds grew more shrill and a dampness came up out of the ground. As we passed from tree to tree, their leaves became longer and broader. When the sun appeared again, its light came more yellow, and beyond a turning of the way we encountered hanging vines. The bird cries grew hoarser, more numerous. Our trail took an upward turn, and I led her past an outcropping of flint and onto higher ground. A distant, barely perceptible rumble seemed to come from behind us. The sky was a different blue as we moved through an open place, and we frightened a large, brown lizard that had been sunning itself on a rock. As we took a turn about another mass of stone, she said, “I did not know this was here. I have never been this way before.” But I did not answer her, for I was busy shifting the stuff of Shadow.
Then we faced the wood once more, but now the way led uphill through it. Now the trees were tropical giants, interspersed with ferns, and new noises — barks, hisses, and buzzes — were to be heard. Moving up this trail, the rumble grew louder about us, the very ground beginning to vibrate with it. Dara held tightly to my arm, saying nothing now, but searching everything with her eyes. There were big, flat, pale flowers and puddles where the moisture dripped from overhead. The temperature had risen considerably and we were perspiring quite a bit. Now the rumble grew to a mighty roar, and when at length we emerged from the wood again, it was a sound like steady thunder that fell against us. I guided her to the edge of the precipice and gestured outward and down.
It plunged for over a thousand feet: a mighty cataract that smote the gray river like an anvil. The currents were rapid and strong, bearing bubbles and flecks of foam a great distance before they finally dissolved. Across from us, perhaps half a mile distant, partly screened by rainbow and mist, like an island slapped by a Titan, a gigantic wheel slowly rotated, ponderous and gleaming. High overhead, enormous birds rode like drifting crucifixes the currents of the air.
We stood there for a fairly long while. Conversation was impossible, which was just as well. After a time, when she turned from it to look at me, narrow-eyed, speculative, I nodded and gestured with my eyes toward the wood. Turning then, we made our way back in the direction from which we had come.
Our return was the same process in reverse, and I managed it with greater ease. When conversation became possible once more, Dara still kept her silence, apparently realizing by then that I was a part of the process of change going on around us.
It was not until we stood beside our own stream once more, watching the small mill wheel in its turning, that she spoke.
“Was that place like the village?”
“Yes. A shadow.”
“And like Amber?”
“No. Amber casts Shadow. It can be sliced to any shape, if you know how. That place was a shadow, your village was a shadow — and this place is a shadow. Any place that you can imagine exists somewhere in Shadow.”
“…And you and Grandpa and the others can go about in these shadows, picking and choosing what you desire?”
“Yes.”
“That is what I did, then, coming back from the village?”
“Yes.”
Her face became a study in realization. Her almost black eyebrows dropped half an inch and her nostrils flared with a quick inhalation.
“I can do it, too…” she said. “Go anywhere, do anything I want!”
“The ability lies within you,” I said.
She kissed me then, a sudden, impulsive thing, then rotated away, her hair bobbing on her slim neck as she tried to look at everything at once.
“Then I can do anything,” she said, coming to a standstill.
“There are limitations, dangers…”
“That is life,” she said. “How do I learn to control it?”
“The Great Pattern of Amber is the key. You must walk it in order to gain the ability. It is inscribed on the floor in a chamber beneath the palace in Amber. It is quite large. You must begin on the outside and walk it to its center without stopping. There is considerable resistance and the feat is quite an ordeal. If you stop, if you attempt to depart the Pattern before completing it, it will destroy you. Complete it, though, and your power over Shadow will be subject to your conscious control.”
She raced to our picnic site and studied the pattern we had drawn on the ground there.
I followed more slowly. As I drew near,
she said, “I must go to Amber and walk it!”
“I am certain that Benedict plans for you to do so, eventually,” I said.
“Eventually?” she said. “Now! I must walk it now! Why did he never tell me of these things?”
“Because you cannot do it yet. Conditions in Amber are such that it would be dangerous to both of you to allow your existence to become known there. Amber is barred to you, temporarily.”
“It is not fair!” she said, turning to glare at me.
“Of course not,” I said. “But that is the way things stand just now. Don’t blame me.”
The words came somewhat stickily to my lips. Part of the blame, of course, was mine.
“It would almost be better if you had not told me of these things,” she said, “if I cannot have them.”
“It is not as bad as all that,” I said. “The situation in Amber will become stable again — before too very long.”
“How will I learn of it?”
“Benedict will know. He will tell you then.”
“He has not seen fit to tell me much of anything!”
“To what end? Just to make you feel bad? You know that he has been good to you, that he cares for you. When the time is ready, he will move on your behalf.”
“And if he does not? Will you help me then?”
“I will do what I can.”
“How will I be able to find you? To let you know?”
I smiled. It had gotten to this point without my half trying. No need to tell her the really important part. Just enough to be possibly useful to me later…
“The cards,” I said, “the family Trumps. They are more than a mere sentimental affectation. They are a means of communication. Get hold of mine, stare at it, concentrate on it, try to keep all other thoughts out of your mind, pretend that it is really me and begin talking to me then. You will find that it really is, and that I am answering you.”
“Those are all the things Grandpa told me not to do when I handle the cards!”
“Of course.”
“How does it work?”
“Another time,” I said. “A thing for a thing. Remember? I have told you now of Amber and of Shadow. Tell me of the visit here by Gerard and Julian.”
“Yes,” she said. “There is not really much to tell, though. One morning, five or six months ago, Grandpa simply stopped what he was doing. He was pruning some trees back in the orchard — he likes to do that himself — and I was helping him. He was up on a ladder, snipping away, and suddenly he just stopped, lowered the clippers, and did not move for several minutes. I thought that he was just resting, and I kept on with my raking. Then I heard him talking — not just muttering — but talking as though he were carrying on a conversation. At first, I thought he was talking to me, and I asked him what he had said. He ignored me, though. Now that I know about the Trumps, I realize that he must have been talking to one of them just then. Probably Julian. Anyway, he climbed down from the ladder quite quickly after that, told me he had to go away for a day or so, and started back toward the manor. He stopped before he had gone very far, though, and returned. That was when he told me that if Julian and Gerard were to visit here that I was to be introduced as his ward, the orphaned daughter of a faithful servant. He rode away a short while later, leading two spare horses. He was wearing his blade.
“He returned in the middle of the night, bringing both of them with him. Gerard was barely conscious. His left leg was broken, and the entire left side of his body was badly bruised. Julian was quite battered also, but — he had no broken bones. They remained with us for the better part of a month, and they healed quickly. Then they borrowed two horses and departed. I have not seen them since.”
“What did they say as to how they had been injured?”
“Only that they had been in an accident. They would not discuss it with me.”
“Where? Where did it happen?”
“On the black road. I overheard them talking about it several times.”
“Where is this black road?”
“I do not know.”
“What did they say about it?”
“They cursed it a lot. That was all.”
Looking down, I saw that there was some wine left in the bottle. I stooped and poured two final drinks, passed her one.
“To the reunion,” I said, and smiled.
“…The reunion,” she agreed, and we drank.
She began cleaning the area and I assisted her, my earlier sense of urgency upon me once again.
“How long should I wait before I try to reach you?” she asked.
“Three months. Give me three months.”
“Where will you be then?”
“In Amber, I hope.”
“How long will you be staying here?”
“Not very. In fact, I have to take a little trip right now. I should be back tomorrow, though. I will probably only be staying for a few days after that.”
“I wish you would stay longer.”
“I wish that I could. I would like to, now that I have met you.”
She reddened and turned what seemed all of her attention to repacking the basket. I gathered up the fencing gear.
“Are you going back to the manor now?” she said.
“To the stables. I’ll be leaving immediately.”
She picked up the basket.
“We will go together then. My horse is this way.” I nodded and followed her toward a footpath to our right.
“I suppose,” she said, “that it would be best for me not to mention any of this to anybody. Grandpa in particular?”
“That would be prudent.”
The splash and gurgle of the stream, as it flowed to the river, on its way to the sea, faded, faded, was gone, and only the creak of the land-locked wheel that cut it as it went, remained for a time in the air.
Chapter 6
Steady movement is more important than speed, much of the time. So long as there is a regular progression of stimuli to get your mental hooks into, there is room for lateral movement. Once this begins, its rate is a matter of discretion.
So I moved slowly, but steadily, using my discretion. No sense in tiring Star unnecessarily. Rapid shifts are hard enough on people. Animals, who are not so good at lying to themselves, have a rougher time of it, sometimes going completely berserk.
I crossed the stream at a small wooden bridge and moved parallel to it for a time. My intention was to skirt the town itself, but to follow the general direction of the watercourse until I reached the vicinity of the coast. It was midafternoon. My way was shaded, cool. Grayswandir hung at my side.
I bore west, coming at length to the hills that rose there. I refrained from beginning the shift until after I had reached a point that looked down upon the city that represented the largest concentration of population in this realm that was like my Avalon.
The city bore the same name, and several thousand people lived there, worked there. Several of the silver towers were missing, and the stream cut the city at a somewhat different angle farther south, having widened or been widened eightfold by then. There was some smoke from the smithies and the public houses, stirred lightly by breezes from the south; people, mounted, afoot, driving wagons, driving coaches, moved through the narrow streets, entered and departed shops, hostels, residences; flocks of birds wheeled, descended, rose about the places where horses were tethered; a few bright pennons and banners stirred listlessly; the water sparkled and there was a haze in the air. I was too far away to hear the sounds of voices, and of clanking, hammering, sawing, rattling, and creaking as anything other than a generalized hum. While I could distinguish no individual odors, had I still been blind I would have known by sniffing the air that a city was near.
Seeing it from up there, a certain nostalgia came over me, a wistful rag-tail of a dream accompanied by a faint longing for the place that was this place’s namesake to me in a vanished shadowland of long ago, where life had been just as simple and I happier than I was at
that moment.
But one does not live as long as I have lived without achieving that quality of consciousness which strips naive feelings as they occur and is generally loathe to participate in the creation of sentimentality.
Those days were passed, that thing done with, and it was Amber now that held me completely. I turned and continued southward, confirmed in my desire to succeed. Amber, I do not forget…
The sun became a dazzling, bright blister above my head and the winds began to scream about me. The sky grew more and more yellow and glaring as I rode, until it was as if a desert stretched from horizon to horizon overhead. The hills grew rockier as I descended toward the lowlands, exhibiting wind-sculpted forms of grotesque shape and somber coloration. A dust storm struck me as I emerged from the foothills, so that I had to muffle my face with my cloak and narrow my eyes to slits. Star whinnied, snuffled repeatedly, plodded on. Sand, stone, winds, and the sky more orange then, a slate-like crop of clouds toward which the sun was heading…
Then long shadows, the dying of the wind, stillness… Only the click of hoof on rock and the sounds of breathing… Dimness, as they rushed together and the sun is foiled by clouds… The walls of the day shaken by thunder… An unnatural clarity of distant objects… A cool, blue, and electric feeling in the air… Thunder again…
Now, a rippling, glassy curtain to my right as the rain advances… Blue fracture lines within the clouds… The temperature plummeting, our pace steady, the world a monochromatic backdrop now…
Gouging thunder, flashing white, the curtain flaring toward us now… Two hundred meters… One-fifty… Enough!
Its bottommost edge plowing, furrowing, frothing… The moist smell of the earth… Star’s whinny… A burst of speed…
Small rivulets of water creeping outward, sinking, staining the ground… Now bubbling muddily, now trickling… Now a steady flow… Streamlets all about us, splashing…
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