“You are young, Dara. There is plenty of time.”
“Damn it! I have been waiting all my life — without even knowing about it! Is there no way I can go now?”
“No.”
“Why not? You could take me on a quick journey through shadows, take me to Amber, let me walk the Pattern…”
“If we are not slain immediately, we might be fortunate enough to be given adjoining cells for a time — or racks — before we are executed.”
“Whatever for? You are a Prince of the City. You have a right to do as you please.”
I laughed.
“I am an outlaw, dear. If I return to Amber I will be executed, if I am lucky. Or something much worse if I am not. But seeing as how things turned out last time, I should think they would kill me quickly. This courtesy would doubtless also be extended to my companions.”
“Oberon would not do such a thing.”
“Given sufficient provocation, I believe that he would. But the question does not really arise. Oberon is no more, and my brother Eric sits on the throne and calls himself liege.”
“When did this occur?”
“Several years ago, as time is measured in Amber.”
“Why would he want to kill you?”
“To keep me from killing him, of course.”
“Would you?”
“Yes, and I will. Soon, too, I think.”
She turned to face me then.
“Why?”
“So that I can occupy the throne myself. It is rightly mine, you see. Eric has usurped it. I am just recently escaped from torture and several years’ imprisonment at his hands. He made the mistake, however, of allowing himself the luxury of keeping me alive so that he could contemplate my wretchedness. He never thought that I would get free and return to challenge him again. Neither did I, for that matter. But since I have been fortunate enough to obtain a second chance, I shall be careful not to make the same mistake he did.”
“But he is your brother.”
“Few are more aware of that fact than he and I, I assure you.”
“How soon do you expect to accomplish — your objectives?”
“As I said the other day, if you can get hold of the Trumps, contact me in about three months. If you cannot, and things come about according to my plans, I will get in touch with you fairly early in my reign. You should have your chance to take the Pattern before another year passes.”
“And if you fail?”
“Then you will have a longer wait ahead of you. Until Eric has assured the permanency of his own reign, and until Benedict has acknowledged him king. You see, Benedict is not willing to do this. He has remained away from Amber for a long while, and for all Eric knows, he is no longer among the living. Should he put in an appearance now, he is going to have to take a position either for or against Eric. Should he come out for him, then the continuance of Eric’s reign will be assured — and Benedict does not want to be responsible for that. Should he come out against him, there will be strife — and he does not want to be responsible for that either. He has no desire for the crown himself. Only by remaining out of the picture entirely can he assure the measure of tranquility that does prevail. Were he to appear and refuse to take either position, he could possibly get away with it, but it would be tantamount to denying Eric’s kingship and would still lead to trouble. Were he to appear with you, he would be surrendering his will, for Eric would put pressure on him through you.”
“Then if you lose I might never get to Amber!”
“I am only describing the situation as I see it. There are doubtless many factors of which I am unaware. I have been out of circulation for a long while.”
“You must win!” she said. Then, suddenly, “Would Grandpa support you?”
“I doubt it. But the situation would be quite different. I am aware of his existence, and of yours. I will not ask his support. So long as he does not oppose me, I will be satisfied. And if I am quick, efficient, and successful, he will not oppose me. He will not like my having found out about you, but when he sees that I mean you no harm all will be well on that count.”
“Why would you not use me? It seems the logical thing to do.”
“It is. But I’ve discovered I like you,” I said, “so that’s out of the question.” She laughed.
“I’ve charmed you!” she said. I chuckled.
“In your own delicate way, at sword’s point, yes.”
Abruptly, she sobered.
“Grandpa is coming back tomorrow,” she said. “Did your man Ganelon tell you?”
“Yes.”
“How does that affect whatever you are about?”
“I intend to be hell and gone out of here before he returns.”
“What will he do?”
“The first thing that he will do will be to get very angry with you for being here. Then he will want to know how you managed your return and how much you have told me about yourself.”
“What should I tell him?”
“Tell him the truth about how you got back. That will give him something to think about. As to your status, your woman’s intuition cautioned you concerning my trustworthiness, and you took the same line with me as you did with Julian and Gerard. As to my whereabouts, Ganelon and I borrowed a wagon and headed into town, saying that we would not be back until quite late.”
“Where will you really be going?”
“Into town, briefly. But we will not be coming back. I want as much of a head start as possible because he can track me through Shadow, up to a point.”
“I will delay him as best I can for you. Were you not going to see me before you left?”
“I was going to have this talk with you in the morning. You got it ahead of time by being restless.”
“Then I am glad that I was restless. How are you going to conquer Amber?”
I shook my head. “No, dear Dara. All scheming princes must keep a few small secrets. That’s one of mine.”
“I am surprised to learn there is so much distrust and plotting in Amber.”
“Why? The same conflicts exist everywhere, in various forms. They are all about you, always, for all places take their form from Amber.”
“It is difficult to understand…”
“One day you will. Leave it at that for now.”
“Then tell me another thing. Since I am able to negotiate shadows somewhat, even without having taken the Pattern, tell me more precisely how you go about it. I want to get better at it.”
“No!” I said. “I will not have you fooling with Shadow until you are ready. It is dangerous even after you have taken the Pattern. To do it before is foolhardy. You were lucky, but do not try it again. I’ll even help, by not telling you anything more about it.”
“All right!” she said. “Sorry. I guess I can wait.”
“I guess you can. No hard feelings?”
“No. Well —” She laughed. “They wouldn’t do me any good, I guess. You must know what you are talking about. I am glad that you care what happens to me.”
I grunted, and she reached out and touched my cheek. At this, I turned my head again and her face was moving slowly toward my own, smile gone and lips parting, eyes almost closed. As we kissed, I felt her arms slide about my neck and shoulders and mine found their way into a similar position around her. My surprise was lost in the sweetness, gave way to warmth and a certain excitement.
If Benedict ever found out, he was going to be more than just irritated with me…
Chapter 7
The wagon creaked, monotonously, and the sun was already well into the west, though it still poured hot streams of daylight upon us. Back among the cases, Ganelon snored, and I envied him his noisy occupation. He had been sleeping for several hours, and this was my third day without rest.
We were perhaps fifteen miles out of the city, and heading into the northeast. Doyle had not had my order completely ready, but Ganelon and I had persuaded him to close up his shop and accelerate its production.
This involved several additional hours’ curse-worthy delay. I had been too keyed-up to sleep then and was unable to do so now, as I was edging my way through shadows.
I forced back the fatigue and the evening and found some clouds to shade me. We moved along a dry, deeply rutted, clay road. It was an ugly shade of yellow, and it cracked and crumbled as we went. Brown grasses hung limply on either side of the way, and the trees were short, twisted things, their barks thick and shaggy. We passed numerous outcrops of shale.
I had paid Doyle well for his compounds, and had also purchased a handsome bracelet to be delivered to Dara the following day. My diamonds were at my belt, Grayswandir near to my hand. Star and Firedrake walked steadily, strongly. I was on my way to having it made.
I wondered whether Benedict had returned home yet. I wondered how long he would remain deceived as to my whereabouts. I was by no means out of danger from him. He could follow a trail for a great distance through Shadow, and I was leaving him a good one. I had little choice in the matter, though. I needed the wagon, I was stuck with our present speed, and I was in no condition to manage another hellride. I handled the shifts slowly and carefully, very conscious of my dulled senses and growing weariness, counting on the gradual accumulation of change and distance to build up a barrier between Benedict and myself, hoping that it would soon become an impenetrable one.
I found my way from late afternoon back to noontide within the next two miles, but kept it a cloudy noon, for it was only its light that I desired, not its heat. Then I managed to locate a small breeze. It increased the probability of rain, but it was worth it. You can’t have everything.
I was fighting back drowsiness by then, and the temptation was great to awaken Ganelon and simply add more miles to our distance by letting him drive while I slept. But I was afraid to try it this early in the journey. There were still too many things to do.
I wanted more daylight, but I also wanted a better road, and I was sick of that goddamned yellow clay, and I had to do something about those clouds, and I had to keep in mind where we were headed…
I rubbed my eyes, I took several deep breaths. Things were starting to jump around inside my head, and the steady clop-clop of the horses’ hoofs and the creaking of the wagon were starting to have a soporific effect. I was already numb to the jolting and the swaying. The reins hung loosely in my hands, and I had already nodded and let them slip once. Fortunately, the horses seemed to have a good idea as to what was expected of them.
After a time, we mounted a long, easy slope that led down into mid-morning. By then, the sky was quite dark, and it took several miles and half a dozen twistings of the road to dissipate the cloud cover somewhat. A storm could turn our way into a river of mud quite quickly. I winced at the thought, let the sky alone and concentrated on the road once more.
We came to a dilapidated bridge leading across a dry stream bed. On its other side, the road was smoother, less yellow. As we proceeded, it grew darker, flatter, harder, and the grass came green beside it. By then, though, it had begun raining.
I fought with this for a time, determined not to surrender my grass and the dark, easy road. My head ached, but the shower ended within a quarter of a mile and the sun came out once more. The sun… oh yes, the sun.
We rattled on, finally coming to a dip in the road that kept twisting its way down among brighter trees. We descended into a cool valley, where we eventually crossed another small bridge, this one with a narrow band of water drifting along the middle of the bed beneath it. I had wrapped the reins about my wrist by then, because I kept nodding. As from a great distance, I focused my concentration, straightening, sorting…
Birds queried the day, tentatively, from within the woods to my right. Glistening droplets of dew clung to the grass, the leaves. A chill came into the air, and the rays of the morning sun slanted down through the trees…
But my body was not fooled by the awakening within this shadow, and I was relieved finally to hear Ganelon stir and curse. If he had not come around before much longer I would have had to awaken him.
Good enough. I tugged gently on the reins and the horses got the idea and halted. I put on the brake, as we were still on an incline, and located a water bottle.
“Here!” said Ganelon, as I drank. “Leave a drop for me!” I passed the bottle back to him.
“You are taking over now,” I told him. “I have to get some sleep.”
He drank for half a minute, then let out an explosive exhalation.
“Right,” he said, swinging himself over the edge of the wagon and down. “But bide a moment. Nature summons.”
He stepped off the road, and I crawled back onto the bed of the wagon and stretched out where he had lain, folding my cloak into a pillow.
Moments later, I heard him climb onto the driver’s seat, and there was a jolt as he released the brake. I heard him cluck his tongue and snap the reins lightly.
“Is it morning?” he called back to me.
“Yes.”
“God! I’ve slept all day and all night!”
I chuckled.
“No. I did a little shadow-shifting,” I said. “You only slept six or seven hours.”
“I don’t understand. But never mind, I believe you. Where are we now?”
“Still heading northeast,” I said, “around twenty miles out of the city and maybe a dozen or so from Benedict’s place. We have moved through Shadow, also.”
“What am I to do now?”
“Just keep following the road. We need the distance.”
“Could Benedict still reach us?”
“I think so. That’s why we can’t give the horses their rest yet.”
“All right. Is there anything special I should be alert for?”
“No.”
“When should I raise you?”
“Never.”
He was silent then, and as I waited for my consciousness to be consumed, I thought of Dara, of course. I had been thinking of her on and off all day.
The thing had been quite unpremeditated on my part. I had not even thought of her as a woman until she came into my arms and revised my thinking on the subject. A moment later, and my spinal nerves took over, reducing much of what passes for cerebration down to its basics, as Freud had once said to me. I could not blame it on the alcohol, as I had not had that much and it had not affected me especially. Why did I want to blame it on anything? Because I felt somewhat guilty, that was why. She was too distant a relation for me to really think of her as one. That was not it. I did not feel I had taken unfair advantage of her, for she had known what she was doing when she came looking for me. It was the circumstances that made me question my own motives, even in the midst of things. I had wanted to do more than simply win her confidence and a measure of friendship when I had first spoken with her and taken her on that walk into Shadow. I was trying to alienate some of her loyalty, trust, and affection from Benedict and transfer it to myself. I had wanted her on my side, as a possible ally in what might become an enemy camp. I had hoped to be able to use her, should the need arise when the going got rough. All this was true. But I did not want to believe that I had had her as I did just to further this end. I suspected there was some truth to it, though, and it made me feel uncomfortable and more than a little ignoble. Why? I had done plenty of things in my time that many would consider much worse, and I was not especially troubled by these. I wrestled with it, not liking to admit it but already knowing the answer. I cared for the girl. It was as simple as that. It was different from the friendship I had felt for Lorraine, with its element of world-weary understanding between two veterans about it, or the air of casual sensuality that had existed briefly between Moire and myself back before I had taken the Pattern for the second time. It was quite different. I had known her so briefly that it was most illogical. I was a man with centuries behind me. Yet… I had not felt this way in centuries. I had forgotten the feeling, until now. I did not want to be in love with her. Not now. Later, perhaps. Better y
et, not at all. She was all wrong for me. She was a child. Everything that she would want to do, everything that she would find new and fascinating, I had already done. No, it was all wrong. I had no business falling in love with her. I should not let myself…
Ganelon hummed some bawdy tune, badly. The wagon jounced and creaked, took a turn uphill. The sun fell upon my face, and I covered my eyes with my forearm. Somewhere thereabout, oblivion fixed its grip and squeezed.
When I awoke, it was past noon and I was feeling grimy. I took a long drink of water, poured some in the palm of my hand, and rubbed it in my eyes. I combed my hair with my fingers. I took a look at our surroundings.
There was greenery about us, small stands of trees and open spaces where tall grasses grew. It was still a dirt road that we traveled, hard-packed and fairly smooth. The sky was clear, but for a few small clouds, and shade alternated with sunlight fairly regularly. There was a light breeze.
“Back among the living. Good!” said Ganelon, as I climbed over the front wall and took a seat beside him.
“The horses are getting tired, Corwin, and I’d like to stretch my legs a bit,” he said. “I’m also getting very hungry. Aren’t you?”
“Yes. Pull off into that shady place to the left and we’ll stop awhile.”
“I would like to go on a bit farther than that,” he said.
“For any special reason?”
“Yes. I want to show you something.”
“Go ahead.”
We clopped along for perhaps a half a mile, then came to a bend in the road that took us in a more northerly direction. Before very long we came to a hill, and when we had mounted it there was another hill, leading even higher.
“How much farther do you want to go?” I said.
“Let’s take this next hill,” he replied. “We might be able to see it from up there.”
“All right.”
The horses strained against the steepness of that second hill, and I got out and pushed from behind. When we finally reached the top, I felt even grimier from the mixture of sweat and dust, but I was fully awake once more. Ganelon reined in the horses and put on the brake. He climbed back in the wagon and up onto a crate then. He stood, facing to the left, and shaded his eyes.
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