Love,
Pam
Chapter 20
Tim heard the door to Lisa’s house open, the lilt of Pam’s voice calling the dogs. He stood behind the curtain on the porch and watched her run off with them pulling her along. Grabbing his coat, he left the apartment. He could see Lisa through the window, standing at the sink. Even in the simple act of washing out a cup, her movements were graceful. Hair up in a knot on top of her head, silken tendrils had escaped, lying on the back of her neck, inviting hands to move them aside so the skin could be kissed. She was wearing her uniform—a University of Oahu long-sleeved T and sweatpants. She didn’t appear to have a bra on, her breasts full and lower than usual. Desire for her surged through his body. Watching her, he waited just a second too long. Turning, she made eye contact, catching him staring at her.
A moment passed where they looked at each other. Finally, he pointed down to the doorknob, and she nodded, but didn’t move to open it for him.
“My mom just left,” she said when he walked through the door.
“She came up for coffee,” he said, not wasting any time taking his jacket off. He hung it on the back of a chair. Then he pulled it out to sit down without being asked.
Lisa watched him, uncertain. After his meltdown on Saturday, what more did he expect from her? Folding his hands on the table in front of him, he finally looked up at her.
“I’m sorry. We have to talk, to clear the air. All this weirdness is because of me, and I hate it. I wish we could go back to where we were in Smithtown, just you and me and the children.”
She shook her head, biting her lip. “It wasn’t just you and me for long. You had Elizabeth there within the first week, and I didn’t say anything. So what I think is that as long as you had companionship, everything was okay. The second I found someone who cared enough to be with me, you got jealous. You didn’t want me, but you don’t want anyone else to be with me, either. In the meantime, you’re not alone for a day. Valarie leaves to see her family and here you are, at my kitchen table.”
As bad as Lisa made him sound, she was right. He didn’t want to be alone, and he didn’t want her to be with another man. But he didn’t want her, either, at least not the way a decent man wanted a woman.
“How did we get to this place? You know how I feel about you.”
A laugh escaped her, and she shook her head. “You just want me around,” she said. “You don’t really want me. You’ve judged me. I don’t need my kids around that negativity.”
He had the decency to flush when she said it. She was onto him. He wondered if her mother had ended up telling her what he had said.
“You’re right, and I’m sorry. The only alternative is that I move out. Your mom doesn’t want me to, however.”
“It’s not her decision, Tim. I agree you should go.”
She wanted to say more, that living together would only work if they were single and unattached. Valarie moving in as the nanny was one thing, but moving in as his lover while they tried to break a world record of having sex was getting old. Saying anything about it was too provocative, and she wasn’t going to have that discussion with him again.
Pushing his chair away from the table, Tim stood, sorry he’d come down. Leaving her, saying goodbye would be problematic. “I’ll probably be able to get an apartment today.”
“That would be great,” she said. “Time to move on. I’m glad I could help out when you needed it, and I’m sorry it backfired.”
Like a slap in the face from her, he blanched. “You make me sound so ungrateful. Wow, that wasn’t my intention at all.”
But she just shook her head again. “I’m not sure what your intentions were. I think you were desperate and I had an empty room. I could have been anyone offering you and Brent a safe haven.”
“You did offer that, and thank you again so much,” he said, unable to disguise his yearning for her that was growing in his mind, and his groin.
Willing him to leave, Lisa didn’t respond, afraid to engage him further. They watched each other, and while for Lisa the relationship sounded its death knell in that moment, Tim knew if he didn’t act right away, there would never be another chance for him. It was such a contradiction because she couldn’t give her children away, and that would be what it would take for them to be together. But maybe he could learn to accept them.
“Lisa, I want to be honest with you.”
“Don’t, Tim. There’s no point.”
“I’ll always regret not telling you though,” he said with urgency. “I want you, Lisa!”
“Not everything needs to be said, Tim. Just go, please.”
“Listen, please,” he said, moving away from the table. “If there was a fraction of a chance for us—”
“No! The only connection we have is that you adopted my brother’s boy,” Lisa said. “Don’t make the situation worse because you’re curious about fucking me.”
“It’s more than that,” he started.
“It is not. Now go. There’s nothing more to say to each other.”
Trembling lips gave her emotions away, and Tim misinterpreted it. Thinking she needed comforting, he took a step closer to her, and she took one back, but his legs were longer, and he reached her before she could get away. Grabbing her upper arms, his fingers pressed into her soft flesh, hurting her. Crying out, Lisa struggled to get away, but he was too strong for her. Her resistance inflamed his desire, and he held on.
“Lisa, I want you. When we were together in Smithtown, I knew you wanted me, too.”
Pushing Lisa toward the back of the house away from the window, Tim tried kissing her, but she wouldn’t let him, turning her face away, fear growing that he had the upper hand and was going to rape her if she didn’t act fast.
She screamed as loud as she could, hoping that would discourage him. “Tim, stop it!”
“I love you. I’m not going to hurt you,” he cried, holding his hand over her mouth. “Just give me a chance, please!”
He wrapped his leg around her, holding her immobile against him while his other hand ran down her body, feeling her breasts, then down to her belly. He felt the baby move, then moved his hand down below, squeezing her.
Struggling to get his hand off her face, she twisted her head from side to side, and he jammed his hand more forcibly over her mouth, hurting her, so she bit him as hard as she could, tasting blood until he pulled it off, and she screamed again, this time echoing throughout the house, out into the yard.
Lisa heard glass breaking, but Tim didn’t seem to, wedging his knee between Lisa’s legs to get them apart, and it was in that posture, trying to get her sweatpants down, his jeans unzipped, hand bleeding, Lisa’s nose bloodied, that Valarie came to save her.
Chapter 21
Sitting on the edge of the couch next to Lisa, Valarie smoothed the hair off her forehead, holding an ice bag to her nose, whispering to her. In the kitchen at the table with his head in his hands, Tim heard Valarie speak the words strong, passion, in the moment. At the same time she was trying to build up Lisa, she was making excuses for him.
There was no getting around it—he’d attacked Lisa, with every intention of raping her. His balls still ached from an unused erection, the hardest he’d ever had. There was no indication in his past of violence or desiring physical violence against a woman as a prelude to sex. In the moment, as Valarie whispered to Lisa, he was taking his rage against Sandra out on Lisa. She’d spurned his advances, and he was going to punish her for it.
Pushing away from the table, he got up. “I’m sorry,” he said for the hundredth time. “There was no excuse for that. I’m going to call my therapist right now. But I’m afraid if I tell her about this, she’ll call the cops.”
“Don’t tell her!” Lisa cried. “Go, but don’t tell her how far it went.”
“Are you going to be okay?” he asked.
“I’ll live,” Lisa said.
“Valarie?”
With a sad expression on her face,
she looked at Tim. “I’ll help you work through it if you get some help. You need to deal with Sandra. She’s at the root of all this.”
Nodding, he was once again astonished at how wise and intuitive Valarie was. But he couldn’t blame everything on Sandra.
After she’d picked up Brent late Saturday afternoon, Tim and Valarie had gone to the roadhouse. The band didn’t start playing until nine, but the disc jockey was there, taking requests.
“I’m going to ask him to play something. Are you okay with that?” Valarie had asked. “It will mean people will watch us if we get up to dance.”
“If we get up there, they’ll be watching you,” Tim had said, smiling.
Thinking the gentlemanly thing to do was to accompany her; he walked to the stage with Valarie.
“Do you have ‘I Could Fall in Love with You’?”
“Gotcha,” the DJ said, giving Valarie the thumbs-up.
“Who sings that?” Tim asked, leading her out to the middle of the floor.
“No way,” Valarie said, frowning. “Selena.”
“Never heard of her.”
“You were probably only ten years old when it came out. But where I come from, you knew the words to the entire song by the time you were five.”
The Spanish guitar started to play, and then the beautiful words. Tim held Valarie, her eyes closed while the record played. Leading her around the floor, her ear against his heart, he was filled with sadness for some reason, and now standing in Lisa’s kitchen, he knew why.
Until he recovered from Sandra, he wouldn’t have an honest relationship with any woman. Without saying goodbye, he left Lisa’s and went up to the apartment. He had two goals before Brent got home from school—call the executive suites and rent an apartment, and call his therapist in the city and get a referral for someone out here.
There was an apartment available they could move into right away, a two bedroom with an office. And his therapist knew of someone on the island. She’d call for him, telling them it was an emergency.
After he texted Valarie to tell her they could move out then, he proceeded to pack up his clothing alone, unconsciously leaving everything else for Valarie. He heard her come in, footsteps back to the bedroom.
“We need to talk,” she said. “You probably thought I was going to just blow it off, but I’m pissed. Tell me to go to hell, to get out of your life if you want. But attacking Lisa, that was off the wall.”
“Yeah, it was off the wall.” He sat on the bed, waiting for the rest of her tirade.
“They say rape is all about power, but in this case, I think you really wanted her,” Valarie said. “I’m not sure I can compete with your desire for her.”
“I want you,” he said. “I don’t think it would have gotten to rape. She was pretty strong.”
Valarie listened to what he had just said, the impact it might have if Lisa decided to call the police.
“So what are we going to do now?”
“Move,” he said. “We’re going to move.”
“Tim, that’s not dealing with your feelings. It’s running away.”
“I called my therapist. I’ll deal with it.” Then he reached out his hand for her, pulling her on his lap. “Don’t leave me. I’m sorry I freaked out. I love you, and I want you. I’m just screwed up because of Sandra. I loved her, but when the cops told me about Michael leaving her apartment when I was in Paris, I just lost it. I should probably have tried to work it out with her before I bolted.”
Wrapping her arms around him tightly, she kissed his neck. “Well, it’s too late for me to back away from you. I’ll help you as much as I can. You just can’t go around attacking people.”
“I won’t. I’m sorry. I feel horrible about Lisa. She’ll never trust me again.”
“Probably not for a while, anyway. She won’t tell anyone, that’s one thing about Lisa. She’s more concerned that Brent is well taken care of.”
“Sandra couldn’t wait to dump him back with me on Sunday,” he said.
“Well, in all fairness, she did say she had to tape her new show that afternoon. Just had to slip that in.”
Sunday morning Tim’s phone beeped before they were even out of bed. He reached for his glasses to see who it was.
I’m going to bring Brent back after breakfast. We should be there around ten if traffic isn’t too bad.
“I knew it was too good to be true.”
“My head,” Valarie said, moaning. “Who is it?”
“Sandra. They’ll be back this morning.”
“Jeez. She couldn’t even keep him for a day? What a gal.”
Brent was playing with Michael’s hand-carved bronze chest set. “That thing cost five grand,” he said, pouring coffee for them.
“I’ll buy you another one if he breaks anything. I’ll have to baby proof next time.”
“It won’t break. It’s bronze. But he’s old enough to leave others’ belongings alone,” Michael said.
“Ah. The first chink in the relationship,” Sandra said, taking her cup to sit in the living room. “A small child, too much for CEO Bennett to handle.”
“I’m just tired,” he said. “My own kids are driving me nuts about the wedding that isn’t.”
“Tell them to get over it. I won’t go if that’s an issue.”
“It really isn’t. The groom to be, Brian? He has cold feet.”
“Smart kid,” she said. “I don’t think anyone should get married. All it does is raise unreasonable expectations.”
“You don’t want to marry me?” Michael asked.
“No. I’m not even divorced yet. Anyway, both of our financial situations are too complicated to involve any legal commitment. You either believe me when I say you’re all I need, or you don’t. I’m too busy to get involved with anyone else right now, anyway.”
Finishing the coffee, she got up to put the cup in the dishwasher. “I hate to bring it up again, but I want the right to do something about this apartment. It’s depressing with all the black and gray. Will you give me the authority to redecorate?”
Remembering her shabby apartment, Michael tried not to overtly cringe. “Let’s do it together, okay? I’ll call a designer so all we have to do is point, and she’ll do the buying and installation.”
“Okay, that works. Anyway, I’m taking the tyke home. Do you feel like taking a ride?”
“Sure. It’ll give me an excuse in case my kid wants me to look at reception venues.”
“I thought they weren’t going through with it.”
“She’s still planning,” he said, frowning. “I think she just wants to see how much money I’m willing to spend on her.”
“My father would have robbed a bank to put on a wedding for me,” Sandra said, thinking about the beautiful wedding she’d had with Tim. It had been such a waste of money.
“Now I feel guilty.”
“You should. You bitched and moaned about them not contacting you after Jenna died, and now they want you to be involved, and you’re complaining about it. Knock it off.
“I’m getting dressed,” she said, leaving the room.
“The pawn is attacking the knight,” Brent said.
“Kid, do you really want to learn how to play this game or just pretend you can play?”
“I really want to know,” he said in his little mouse-like voice.
“We can take it in the car,” Michael said. “In the meantime, let me show you the moves.”
When Sandra came back, they were getting the set ready to take in the limo.
“Brent’s taking the game so he can play with Tim, okay?”
“Wait. You trust him with your precious chess set?”
“Just tell Tim the pieces are in his bag.”
“Who’s in that body?” she teased.
For the next ninety minutes they played chess in the limo, and by the time they got to Babylon, Brent was hooked and Michael was in love with him. The little backpack made the perfect sack for the bronze chess s
et, and Michael showed Brent how heavy it was.
“Mr. Mike, see you next weekend,” Brent called, waving as Sandra led him to Tim’s car.
Sandra explained to Tim about the chess game, explaining why the little backpack was so heavy.
“When are you coming for him again?”
“Can I let you know? It depends on my taping schedule.” She launched into a long explanation about how they were at the mercy of the neighborhood committee and had to tape when they gave permission.
“I’ll try to make it Friday after school. Bye-bye, Brent! Have fun with Valarie and Tim this week.”
Brent lagged back for just a second, and Sandra missed it, but Tim and Valarie noticed.
“She’ll be back,” Valarie told him, patting him on the head.
Flustered, Sandra turned back and bent down to kiss him. “I’ll see you soon, and if you want to do Facetime, just ask Tim.
“Thank you,” she said, standing up. “I didn’t realize how hard it was.”
Biting his tongue, Tim wanted to yell at her, Tell it to your lawyer, but he just nodded.
“You’re going to have to figure out when you can take him, Sandra. We’re flexible, but it’s not fair to him.”
She waited, thinking about what he was saying. He was right. “How about I’ll come for him on Saturday afternoon and bring him back Sunday?”
“Okay, that will work. Come on, Brent.”
Forcing himself to turn, he walked back to Valarie while the limo drove away.
He helped Brent get into the car. “She’s going to pay child support whether she likes it or not,” he said, looking at Valarie.
Chapter 22
After the last patient was seen and his charting was done for the day, Steve looked at his watch. Miraculously, none of their patients were in labor, and the only one in the hospital was going home after dinner. He was going to call Lisa. The second week of their courtship called for a change—he was unable to wait until Friday to see her. It was late, almost nine. He’d risk waking her up and dialed her number.
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