I got in the car and lit up a joint as I pulled out of the driveway and headed home. Some small piece of humanity that remained inside of me wept at the thought of killing Samuel. Offing a stranger was one thing, but putting a bullet between the eyes of a man I might have called Uncle one time was another.
Pulling on the joint, I sucked in deep and held the fiery smoke in my lungs until I couldn't take it anymore. The world was dim around me, the night falling fast. How badly I wanted to walk into the house and find someone like Jenna waiting for me.
My best friend, Nate's girl, was everything a man might want, and yet she belonged to him.
"Not that I'd want much more than a night of fucking anyway," I mumbled under my breath and opened up my house north of the city in the mountains. Most days, I stayed at my father's mansion on the beach, but taking a life always left me in need of solitude. No one could hear me screaming from here. No one could know what my life had become.
I left the lights off as I walked through the kitchen to the living room, pausing only to strip and set my gun down on the table.
A woman would be good for the night, but I'd just abuse her, and nothing left me colder. It was part of the reason I couldn't stand Kane. He loved to force a woman into submission, and where I was unable to be anything but demanding, I'd never violate her rights. Not unless I knew without a doubt that she wanted me to.
Grace wanted it. I could feel it all over me. The sexy little librarian where I spent my afternoons pretended to be modest in her antiquated sweaters and ankle-long skirts. Innocence sat on her, but she hated it. The yearning to be forced over a table and fucked within an inch of her life was lurking below the surface.
"She'd be so fucking tight." I groaned and walked into the bathroom, stroking my erection and pinching the tip of my cock roughly. She wouldn't be able to handle me. Not for a minute.
I turned on the hot water and pressed my bare ass to the shower door as I took hold of myself and closed my eyes. Maybe she was just what I needed. A virgin with a naughty side that no one had tapped into yet.
A chuckle bubbled out of me. How the fuck did I know if she was untapped? She might have a million boyfriends waiting for her after she left her job of prudence. Her curves were delicious, her tits perky and dark hair long and silky.
If she needed someone to teach her how to be a good girl in bed... I could bend my rules a little to help her out. Get her ready for another man.
I groaned as my balls tightened. It'd been too long since I'd found myself buried in a sloppy wet pussy. It was going to have to happen sooner or later.
Maybe I could make her my pet. Have her service my cock and promise her the world, and then kick her ass out when she got needy.
Disgust ran through me. Fucking humanity again.
"Bet she's never drank from a man." I arched my back and pressed myself into my tight grip as warmth spread across my stomach and left my heart racing. Would she welcome me in her mouth or beg me to fuck her nice and slow in the ass?
What kind of woman was she beneath that false serenity?
I wanted to know so goddamn bad, and yet I'd been ignoring her for the last month since Jenna and Nate hooked up. Seeing him fall head over heels in love with someone messed with my head. My life wouldn't allow anyone or anything in it. Death would come looking for them as it always did with the women in my life.
"Stop it," I bit out and turned, pressing my forehead against the steamy glass wall. The water called to me, but I remained locked in place, my only movement the thrusting of my hips, the clenching of my ass.
I needed a release, and I wouldn't be denied due to my fucked up thoughts. Depravity. I needed a long night of drugs, liquor or pussy to shut the darkness up inside of me for a little while longer. I needed Grace Adams on her knees in the library, her sweet mouth full of dick.
"That's it," I whispered loudly and reached up with my free hand, gripping the side of the shower as I gave myself over to the approaching orgasm.
I would deflower her, mark her as my own and force her to submit to whatever my fucked up mind could concoct. She'd love it and come to worship me. They all did.
As long as love was never a part of the deal, I'd let her stay.
A scream ripped from my lips as I jerked, fucking myself until it hurt to do it. I needed someone to unleash my demons on, to share my pain with.
But, I needed her to need me first.
Otherwise, it'd be one more sin to add to the scoreboard.
Chapter 2
Grace
"It's finally starting to get cold." Thomas glanced over at me and smiled as we jogged side by side. His freckles were fading now that summer was gone, but a faint splattering of them was still there.
"This isn't cold." I snorted and reached up to tug at my ponytail as we ran past the University. The library rose up in the distance, and I felt a sense of belonging. I'd been working there for a while, and even though I had some difficulty with some of the staff, most of the people there liked me. And it was where I could find Erik.
"Hey. Did I lose you?" My brother reached over and tugged on my sleeve.
"Oh yeah, sorry. There's this new guy at the library, and I think I'm going to ask him out." I turned the corner and slowed for a minute as my lungs screamed for air.
"A new guy, hm?" He didn't look too thrilled. "I don't like it."
"You're my older brother, dimwit." I stopped by a cement bench and dropped down to fix one of my tennis shoes. "You're not supposed to like it."
"When do I get to meet him?" Thomas ran in place as he scanned the lawn in front of us. His smile widened as he lifted his hand and waved. "Kara. Nancy. Hey, girls. Looking good."
"Oh, brother." I stood up and reached up to adjust my hair again as I turned to see who he was waving at. Cheerleaders. Had to be. Their shorts looked more like panties, and they were wearing sports bras. "There should be a dress code out here. That's just offensive."
He laughed. "Just because you dress like a Granny doesn't mean you have the right to be ugly about other girls dressing their age."
"Oh yeah?" I lifted my eyebrow and ran my hands down my long-sleeve t-shirt. "And you'd be okay with me wearing what they have on?"
"What?" His brow pulled tight. "Hell no. That's not happening."
"Right." I rolled my eyes and started to jog away from him. "What did you want to talk about that we couldn’t talk at home where it was warm and cozy?"
"Mom and Dad were there, Grace."
"You could have come by my apartment." I glanced over at him, noticing the dark circles under his eyes now that I was really looking. He'd been a little on edge lately, but he was nearing his last senior semester at NYU. I assumed it had everything to do with that. What other stress could he have in his life? He was president of the largest fraternity on campus, and everyone worshiped the ground he walked on.
Everyone but Jenna. I forced myself not to chuckle. My poor brother had been after my best friend for years, and Jenna was oblivious to it. Now he was too late. She was dating a hottie bad boy from the coffee shop where she worked.
"I hate going to your apartment." He shook his head. "It's embarrassing enough getting caught in a movie that has a sex scene with your little sister, but to go to her apartment and hear the perverts next door bonking every fifteen minutes is sick. No fucking way. Count me out."
"They're in love, Thomas. It's cute."
"Fucking all the time is cute?" He lifted his hand as he paled a little. "You know what? Don't answer that. We're good just talking out here."
"Alright. Spill then." I laughed as he gave me a 'watch it' look. My brother was a bit of a prude from what I knew, but we never really talked too much about our love lives. That was gross.
Love life. What a fucking joke. I'd never been tongue kissed by a guy, much less anything else. After my mother had Thomas when she was sixteen, she used a scare tactic to keep me a virgin, and it worked well.
I'd never been around anyone that left me w
anting to defy her and my father and spread my legs anyways. Not until Erik Bertinelli. The thought of him left my heart racing, my body tightening. The things I wanted him to do to me were over the top, horrible, embarrassing.
"I just need to find a way to make some extra cash."
"Like how much extra cash? I have a little bit saved up." I pointed to the coffee shop across the road. "You want to grab something to-"
"No." His voice was tight, his features showing me that he was agitated all of a sudden. "I'm in debt to one of the professors at school, and I need to get him his money back, but I don't have it."
"In debt to a professor?" I turned to face him and tugged at the front of my shirt, feeling a little frumpy as three more girls in skimpy clothes jogged by and waved at my brother.
"Yeah. It's the Adviser to Sigma. I shouldn't have borrowed the money, but I did, and now he wants it back. Like yesterday."
"So tell him you don't have it." I put my hand on my hip, not liking the way my brother's composure melted.
"I can't. He's going to fuck with my grades if I don't get him the money back soon." He ran his fingers through his light brown hair and spun in a circle, groaning loudly. "Why am I telling you this? It's not like you can do anything about it."
"Hey. Love you too, jerk." I reached out and grabbed his arm, pulling him to a stop. "Tell me how much it is and if I can help, I will. If not, you're going to have to go to Mom and Dad."
"No fucking way." He glanced down at me. "Mom and Dad are fighting all the damn time right now, and the reason is that they're broke too."
"How much money are we talking about, and where the hell is the money you borrowed? I don't see a new car or new clothes." I tilted my head to the side as dread welled up inside of me.
"Twenty thousand dollars." He ran his hands down his face. "And we blew it at the casinos on the trip to Vegas."
"Twenty thousand dollars?" My voice was loud, shrill.
"Hey." He reached out and gripped my shoulder. "Hold it down, okay? Shit."
"That's ridiculous. What would possess you to ask for that much? And why the hell would he give it to you?" I wrapped my arms around my waist, hugging myself. How my brother got himself in such a jacked up situation was beyond me, and yet, he'd been doing it for his whole life.
"We knew it wouldn't be a good trip without some money, and he just wanted a quick fuck and the promise that we’d give it back."
Bile rose in my throat. "You fucked your professor?"
"What? No. Ralph did. You know he likes it in the ass." He glanced around. "Look, forget I said anything. I'll figure it out, alright? I just wanted someone to talk to about it."
"Thomas, why can't we just go to the University and tell them that one of the professors was threatening you and raped Ralph?"
He shook his head; his lip lifted like it always did when he was making a point that I was an idiot. "Ralph wouldn't come clean on that. He's in love with the guy, sis. And besides, the University has a no gambling policy."
"You were in Vegas. They can't patrol that." I threw my hands in the air. "This isn't fair."
"I agree, but we were the idiots that took the money and blew it. I'll get it back. Just help me think, okay?" He reached out and pulled on a strand of hair that had come loose from my ponytail. "I'll catch you later. Help me out of this?"
"I'll try." I turned and watched him jog off. I didn't have twenty thousand dollars. Hell, I didn't even know anyone who did.
After making my way back home, I took a quick shower and braided my hair. I was due at the library in twenty minutes, but no one cared if I was late. And as much as I loved my job, my real desire for clocking in late and staying late was to see Erik. He was rarely there before three in the afternoon.
I pulled a bulky sweater dress over my head and tugged on it until it rested around my knees. After putting on a pair of striped tights that looked horrible with the dress, I slipped on my favorite pair of boots, grabbed my purse and headed out the door.
"If you don't look like a slut, no one will treat you like one." My mother's voice echoed in my head. She was always the first to make me feel like I was worthless and the minute I wore something pretty, I'd get fucked and ruin my life.
"So, I'll just look like an idiot instead." I shrugged and jogged down the stairs of my apartment into the chilly fall afternoon.
The crimson and burnt orange leaves had started to fall from the trees above, making my walk to the library enjoyable. By the time I reached the massive glass doors, I was in a good mood and ready to spend the afternoon shuffling through piles of old books.
"Hi, Grace." Clay glanced up and waved as I lifted my time card and clocked in. "I like your dress. It's very pretty."
I smiled. "Really? Thanks."
"You bet." He adjusted his glasses. "Your boyfriend is on the third floor, tucked into a corner all by himself. He's been there since we opened this morning."
"Really?" I brushed my hands down my wet hair and walked out of the reference room in search of Erik. He wasn't my boyfriend, but damn if I didn't want him to be. Not that we'd work too well together. He was a bad boy from the wrong side of the tracks, and I was... pathetic.
It had been a month since my best friend Jenna started dating Nate, and life had settled down a little, but I'd only grown antsier. Jenna had said that Erik teased her a few times about getting her to set him up with me, but it'd been four weeks and nothing.
He didn't even look my way in the library anymore. It was beyond frustrating. Maybe he hadn't meant anything by his comment to Jenna? She called my bluff every time I brought it up. Was I really ready for a bastard like Erik when I'd yet to have my first real kiss?
No. Not at all.
The scent of his dark cologne rolled across my senses as I walked up the last flight of stairs and stopped short. He stood in a tight corner in front of me, his back pressed against the wall, his black jeans tight and sweater stretched across his thick chest.
He glanced my way, and my heart stopped. How someone could look so fucking good with a constant five o'clock shadow and a stare that would scare grown-ass men was beyond me, but he did.
My nipples budded tightly, and I took a shaky breath. "Hi, Erik."
"Library Girl." He turned back to his book and flipped the page, ignoring the fact that I stood there for a few more minutes. Library girl. How insulting. As if he knew I was a prude that had never been much of anywhere nor was I going far and wide soon.
"Asshole," I mumbled and turned, flipping my hair over my shoulder and pretending to work. It was going to be a long evening unless he left early, which he never did.
He'd punish me with his rugged good looks and the thick bulge at the front of his jeans for the rest of the night. Like he did every night.
I wanted to hate him, but he was every fantasy I'd ever had wrapped up into one delicious packet.
"Night, Grace." A soft whisper touched the back of my hair as I yelped and turned to find him walking toward the stairs behind me.
With my heart racing in my chest and body aching so badly, I walked quickly to the bathroom and locked myself in a stall. I wasn't Jenna. I wasn't ballsy and aggressive. I was sheltered, scared and starving for affection.
A soft sigh left me as I slipped my hand under my skirt and lifted my leg. I wouldn't let anyone else have me before he got a chance. No matter how long that took. And until then, I'd simply take care of myself.
Chapter 3
Erik
Desire raced through my veins as I jogged down the three flights of stairs in the library. The sweet princess on the third floor was playing a dangerous game with a man like me. She thought she wanted a night pressed to the chill of my black silk sheets, but she'd never survive it.
The thought of making her scream left chill bumps all over my skin and my cock rock hard. Pissing her off was almost too easy, which was a warning sign. She'd convinced herself that I was the right man for her and that somewhere in my black persona was a beating hear
t.
She was wrong. I'd fuck her hard and throw her out.
It was the only way to handle the situation, no matter how badly I wanted love and connection. It wasn't meant to be. Not for a man like me. Not when my father expected so much of me, and often sent me to violate other people and their property. It left danger and death lurking everywhere. It would take one time for my girl to get caught up in the mix and she'd die in my arms. Just like Delaney did every night in my dreams.
I forced my morbid thoughts of my sister away and pulled out my phone to locate Nate. My best friend from childhood had recently joined the syndicate with me, though he hadn't really taken his place beside me just yet. He was pussyfooting around, trying hard to keep his nose clean thanks to being in love with Jenna.
Not that I could blame him.
"Speak of the devil." I turned and walked toward his and Jenna's apartment, leaving my bike at the library. I needed a reason to return later in hopes of accidentally bumping into Grace. I couldn't bring her into my world, not even for the promise of a much-needed fuck for both of us. It wasn't fair, and my father had plenty of whores to keep our balls empty when needed.
Yeah, ‘cause that's what sex should be like.
I growled at myself and walked up the stairs to Jenna's place, knocking twice before trying the knob.
"Just a minute. Fuck." Nate's voice was gravely. He'd been sleeping or fucking. He pulled the door open and gave me a stern look. "What do you want?"
"Did I interrupt something?" I tilted my head a little to the side. He was like a brother to me, and yet we'd been estranged for the last few years thanks to him refusing to help me when I needed him most. He wanted freedom, and I guess part of me was pissed that I didn't have that option. Maybe I was being a selfish prick.
"I was sleeping on the couch." He moved back and lifted his free arm to stretch. "Jenna was somewhere around here."
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