by Cynthia Dane
“What about you, Rachel Taylor?”
She spat out the last of her drink. “Me? How many people?”
“On average. Duh.”
“Um… well, in a year… two or three?”
“Aw, come on, really? That’s it?”
She blushed. Was she pale enough to pass it off as alcohol-induced? “And that’s only in the past couple of years, mostly. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was twenty-two.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really.” She was woozy from three drinks, her hard limit. Zack was probably going to have another one, but it was water for her for the rest of the night. Maybe a Coke if she felt frisky later. Rachel didn’t drink often, but when she did, she made it count. He makes me want to drink more, honestly. She didn’t know if that was a result of how he made her feel or what competitive nature she had. If a man drank four drinks, shouldn’t she be able to as well? “Not for a lack of trying, though.”
“That makes it even more unbelievable.” Another handful of pretzels came out of the bowl. Too bad half of them fell onto the front of Zack’s flannel shirt. “A good looking woman like you? Should’ve been swimming in it in college.”
“Unfortunately, I didn’t have the level of charm that you do. I still don’t.”
“Bah.” Zack waved his hand as if that was nothing but bullshit. “You don’t need too much of anything to get laid regularly. A good mix of charm, good looks, and confidence is definitely an edge over the competition, of course, but we all have those to some extent.”
“You think so?”
“I’m looking at a pretty and charming woman right now!” Zack slammed his fist onto the table. “All you need is some confidence! And hey…” He pointed a finger in her direction. “You’ve turned me down more than once. It means I’m fallible. And that you must have super high tastes, like damn.”
Rachel had to give him that. “Can I be honest with you?” They could be honest with drinks in their systems, right?
“Shoot.”
She sucked in one of those confident breaths she needed. “I’ve taken a vow of celibacy until the end of August.”
Zack stared at her as if he thought the alcohol played tricks on him. “Why… would you do that? Sex is fucking awesome. I should know. I apparently have had a lot of it.”
God, how was she going to explain this? “I need a break. I kinda spiraled after being triggered by a recent trauma.” Shit! She had said too much! I don’t even say that much to Parvati half the time… I really should not have had a third little drink.
“Trauma? Triggered? I feel like I’m back in my therapist’s office.”
“I had a really bad experience in college. With an ex who wasn’t really an ex.” Rachel couldn’t bear to look at him while she explained. “Long story short, he was the very first guy I was with and he dumped me during sex.”
Zack dropped the handful of pretzels he had grabbed.
“Yeah. It fucked me up. I wasn’t okay for a long time. Didn’t even try having sex again until a couple of years ago.” Five years of forced celibacy. Forced because her brain refused to let her go there with anyone, including those she was already attracted to. Got a couple offers during those years, too. Even in Japan, when she taught there for one of those years. “I finally got the nerve to do it again a couple of years ago. I wanted to prove to myself that I could sleep with a guy and have it go okay. I picked some random dude on an app. We met up and had sex in a hotel. It was… well, it was good, you know? I felt really good afterward. Decided to do it again with someone else. I kinda… spiraled after that.”
“I would hardly say that two or three guys a year is spiraling, Rachel.”
“You don’t understand.” Rachel started sipping her water and eating more pretzels. Would that make the alcohol leave her system faster? Because she was really regretting the second drink, let alone the third. “What I felt wasn’t healthy. Or I should say that I wasn’t going about it in a healthy way. It was a thrill every time. A chance to prove that I wasn’t fucked up or undesirable. I shouldn’t be having sex with people for those reasons. I should be doing it purely because it feels good or the right moment to do it. There were people I had sex with I wouldn’t have otherwise. Lowered standards from desperation, you know?”
Zack was silent for a few moments. Rachel worried that he was falling asleep on her.
“I guess I can relate. A little.”
“Really?”
He nodded, solemn. “Sometimes I think I’m having sex purely because I’m bored and don’t know what else to do. That’s usually the worst sex. I don’t necessarily regret any of the women I’ve been with, but… I know that if I lived my life over again, I’d probably forego some of it. Okay, a lot of it.”
Rachel contemplated that response. “Who was the last woman you truly loved being with?”
Zack didn’t hesitate before answering. “Sadie. My ex-girlfriend.”
“Oh. I see.” An ex-girlfriend would certainly hold more weight than a nameless fling. “How long ago was that?”
“College.”
They both fell silent. He’s my age, isn’t he? So college was also… damn, that’s like me still being hung up on my ex-boyfriend. Wasn’t she, though? College had fucked them both up in the sex and romance department. It had also fucked Rachel over in the financial department, though, and she doubted Zack felt that same kind of sting.
“Come on.” Zack slammed his empty glass down. “I’m not here to feel bad for myself. I’m here to party!”
Rachel sat back in her seat. Around them, more people arrived and ordered enough drinks to set the bar up for the rest of the year. This sure is a popular place. Rachel held her hand to her head. Turning her neck around so quickly was making her woozy. “Me too,” she said through the sudden nausea. I came here to take a load off, you know?”
Zack nodded. “I’m gonna get another beer. And then we’re going to get you a boyfriend.” He got out of his seat and went to the bar to get that beer.
“Wait, what?”
But Zack had disappeared into the crowd, and Rachel was left to wonder what the fuck he was talking about.
***
He was 100% serious when he said he intended to find Rachel a boyfriend that night. Even better if he could get her laid and officially off his own radar.
These were the kind of slapdash decisions Zack Feldman made when he was under the influence Oh, he wasn’t drunk, per se, but he definitely should not have been allowed to make decisions on behalf of other people when he had more than two drinks in his system.
At three, he was liable to say fuck it and throw all caution to the wind. Or, in this case, into the bar full of young men and women partying after work and because they could. It was Tuesday night, after all. Anyone in a trendy downtown bar, either alone or in a group, didn’t have much to account for Wednesday morning.
“Rachel Taylor,” he said with an authoritative announcer’s voice the moment he sat down again. “We are totally going to do it.”
She sat up with a start. “Excuse me? I don’t recall…”
“We’re going to get hookups tonight. You and me both. With, uh,” he struggled to find his words the moment a pair of young women in black tube dresses walked by, “separate people, obviously.”
“I…!”
“You be my wingwoman and I’ll be your wingman.” He slapped both hands on the table. “This is how being friends works!”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“It’s the law, Rachel Taylor!” Her name was exceptionally fun to say when he was intoxicated. “We have got to watch out for each other. You’re going to help me find a woman to take home with me tonight and have my slobbering way with.” Why did she flinch as if he suggested he was going to sleep with her mother? “And we’re going to find you a… um…” He cocked his head. “All right. Time to get to the bottom of this. “ He cracked his knuckles. “What’s your poison, Rachel Taylor? You bi or not?”
“And you stop changing the subject!” His finger was meant to catch her attention, but the elbow he propped up on the table slipped right off again. “How do you expect me to help you find the man or the woman of your dreams tonight if you don’t come clean about who you like to knock your pussy with?”
She sighed. “Men, I guess.”
“That doesn’t answer the question about whether you’re bi or not.”
“Because it’s none of your business.”
“So you are!” Zack rubbed his chin and cast his gaze upon the room. Bet I could find her a hot woman to shack up with tonight. That would be… hot. There went his mind. The moment his eyes laid upon one of those devilishly blasphemous brunettes in a black tube dress, his mind went straight to imagining her and Rachel making love like two desperate college girls. Yes, good. Or so he thought until a muscular man in a tight black T-shirt approached the other woman and kissed her on the cheek. No, not good.
“Did you not hear me? I said a man.” Rachel was adorable when she pouted like that. Puffed out her chest. Swung her lazy ponytail around. Crossed her arms as if she really were fed up with his stupid bullshit. She is. It’s fine. What were friends for if they weren’t constantly annoying each other? “If I’m going home with anyone tonight,” Rachel continued, mouth twisting into the prettiest scowl Zack had ever seen, “then it better be the hottest man you can find me in this room.”
So you mean me? Zack met her halfway across the table. “Fine. I pick you a guy. You pick me a girl. We both go home happy and well laid.”
“I told you I’m celibate right now.”
“Fine! Then I score you a hot date with a guy. Me? I’m getting laid tonight.” It had been a little too long. Longer than usual for him, anyway. At some point, even the boredest of men itched for a woman’s touch. Rachel had drawn a boundary so thick that Zack wasn’t going to push it tonight.
“The blonde sitting by herself at the end of the bar.” Rachel nodded until Zack turned around. “One man has already hit on her and she brushed him off. Get through to her and see if you can take her home on top of it.”
“Yowza.” The blonde in a white and strawberry-colored sundress flipped blond curls over her fingers as she scrolled through her phone. A Manhattan remained only half-full in front of her. She did not look like she was waiting for someone. Me, folks. She’s waiting for me… she just doesn’t know it yet. “All right. I can totally get her attention. Can’t say for sure she’ll go home with me, but…” Zack clicked his tongue. “Watch my magic work, Rachel.”
Zack slid out of the booth and sauntered up to the blond woman. She briefly glanced at him before returning her attention to her phone. Don’t freeze up. Come on! The way the woman tilted to the left, away from Zack and away from the rest of the bar, did not inspire much confidence. Too bad Zack had too much confidence for his own good.
“What are you drinking? A Manhattan?” He sat on the empty stool next to her. “That one must not be very good if you haven’t finished it yet. I recommend the martinis here, though. Or the cosmo.” He made an OK sign with his fingers and winked at her. “The fruitier the drinks, the better.”
The blond woman opened her mouth and instantly retracted whatever she wanted to say. Having a change of thought halfway through saying anything? Ah, it was from getting a full view of Zack’s handsome face, wasn’t it? Knew I dressed well today. Zack wasn’t the kind to clean up in a tux to a point that a woman couldn’t help but rip off her dress when she saw him, but he did rock his casual clothes. It helped that he kept them well-maintained and consistently washed. What? Some things rubbed off on me growing up.
“Don’t hear a man saying that very often.” The blonde tapped her fingers against the stem of her glass. “Fruity drinks, that is.”
“They’re often the ones that knock you off your ass if made right.” Zack nodded to her drink. “What are you drinking to get over?”
“Do you often approach strange women and ask them why they’re drinking?”
“Strange women? No. Only the lovely ones.”
She rolled her eyes with a self-indulgent scoff. “So you’re hitting on me. I figured.”
“You can interpret this however you want, of course, but I prefer to think of it as striking up a conversation with a woman in a public place. I’ll go if you want me to.”
That was Zack’s trick, although he didn’t care to call it a trick, really. But many of his male friends had a disastrous habit of pushing and pushing until a woman either slapped him or begrudgingly went out with him because she was afraid to say no. That wasn’t Zack’s style. The only women he truly wanted to go out with were those who were excited to be in his presence. Women who smiled all the time. Women who exuded their positive personalities. Women who were beautiful on the inside and out.
Although, the older he grew, the more he appreciated women who were more beautiful on the inside than the out. He knew nothing about this woman’s heart, of course. But he was half-drunk and lonely. He didn’t need a promise of a relationship to have sex with a stranger.
“What about her?”
“Who?”
The woman nodded to Rachel, watching them from her booth. “The woman you came here with. Should I slap you? Brazen to flirt with another woman in front of your girlfriend.”
“She’s not my girlfriend.” Perhaps Zack was too quick to say that. I only say it that adamantly because I had asked her out and was denied. Was it possible that the only reason Rachel said no was because she was going through this celibacy phase? Now there’s a thought… “She’s a friend.”
“A friend.”
Zack supposed that sounded more farfetched than claiming he could breathe underwater. “From childhood,” he quickly added. “We’ve known each other so long that she’s like a sister to me. Said that I should come over and say hi to her.” Lie some more, why don’t you, idiot?
The woman eventually smiled. “My name’s Bailey. What’s yours?”
“Bailey… that is a lovely name.” Zack held his hand out to her. “Zack. Not nearly as special as your name.”
She lightly shook his hand. “So what’s the deal, Zack? Are you bothering me to make a point to your… friend? Who is like a sister to you?”
Zack clenched his teeth. “A little. I’m supposed to find a guy for her to hit on after this.”
“Aha! So she picked me out for you?”
They both looked back at Rachel, who pretended to be fascinated with her phone. “To be fair, I could have said no. Me coming over here is a sign that I think you’re cute, Bailey.”
She was still smiling. “I appreciate your honesty, Zack.”
Honesty? She wanted honesty? How about the only reason Rachel was out with him like this was because he promised to be her friend? That for days all he could think about was making love to Rachel Taylor? That he only agreed to this platonic friendship because it was better than not knowing her at all… if he couldn’t date her, anyway? And then I kissed her. Like an idiot. A kiss that had lingered in his mind for more than a few hours. A few days. For what felt like a lifetime by now…
“I am everything, including honest.” Zack leaned in toward Bailey. “So if you wanna help me out, the least you could do is pretend to agree to go home with me tonight.”
She looked him up and down before hugging the wall beside her. “Let me finish this drink and think about it.”
Good to know I’ve still got it, I guess. “Hold on to that thought.” Zack hopped off the stool and returned to Rachel in their booth. “I’ll be right back!”
Rachel looked up from her phone the moment Zack landed in front of her. “It went well, I take it, Mr. Casanova?”
“She said she’s thinking about it.” Zack crossed his arms and bestowed upon Rachel the smuggest demeanor he could muster. “Which is good for me. Unless you see her sneaking out right now.” He refused to turn around. “Is she sneaking out? Don’t tell me sh
e’s sneaking out.”
“No.” Rachel looked back at him. “She’s texting on her phone again.”
“Excellent. Good sign for the ol’ Feld.”
Rachel hoisted her bag strap over her shoulder. “I’m gonna leave you to it, Zack. Let me know how it goes.”
“You’re leaving?”
Rachel stumbled a little when she stood up. “Oof. Yeah. I don’t feel good. I drank way more than I usually do.”
“But it’s your turn to…”
“Eh. It’s fine. Like I said, I’m avoiding that stuff right now, so it’s for the best I don’t get tempted.” She said that last word with another glance in Zack’s direction. No temptations, huh? How cruel. The only thing Zack could think about was tempting her. “I’m gonna grab a Lyft home so I don’t fall on my face halfway there.” She showed him her phone. What Zack had thought was texting was her loading up her Lyft app and making arrangements with a nearby driver. “I’ll text you when I get home so you know I didn’t die.”
“All right.” Something swelled in Zack’s throat. He got up and steadied Rachel where she stood. “Let me walk you to the car, then.”
She waved him off. “No, no. I’ve got it. You go have fun with Big Blond Big-Tits.”
“Rachel…”
A small path cleared for her. “Night, Zack. Talk to you later. Use a condom.”
“Rachel!”
She waved at him and kept going. The bouncer opened the door after asking her how she was getting home. Rachel showed him her Lyft app and he nodded her through the entrance.
“So I’ve thought about it.”
Zack turned around. Bailey stood behind him, lips spreading into a devouring smile. A smile that devours me. Doesn’t happen very often. “What were you thinking about, exactly?” He had to play it cool. He couldn’t let Bailey know that he had been pining after Rachel just now. Hell, he couldn’t let himself know that. “Me?”