by Cynthia Dane
“Sorry…”
Parvati finished taking care of the last customer and decided it was time for her break. Or so Rachel figured, for her friend’s boss came out to man the counter while Parvati took off her apron and rounded the counter.
She pulled out the other chair at Rachel’s table and plopped down with a huff. She looked like her own older sister when she gave Rachel an eye like that.
“Spill.”
“What is there to spill?” Rachel put one of her dictionaries away so Parvati would have more room. “I was looking at my email.”
“Don’t care about that. Spill about Zack.”
Rachel grunted in disgust. “I’ve got nothing else to say about him.” She regretted how much she had told Parvati already. First thing I did when I got home the other day was take a nap and then call her. She may have let slip that something had happened at the lake house.
Yeah. That something.
I lost my mind. I shouldn’t have done that. I… Rachel wasn’t ashamed or embarrassed, but she was disappointed in herself. It did her absolutely no good to be sucking off men she crushed on. There’s a thought I never guessed I’d have. Even though it had been great. Even though she never heard a man make those kinds of sounds or come as hard as Zack had.
Even though she had never let a man come inside her mouth before. I wonder if he could tell…
Rachel tapped her pen against her binder. “I haven’t talked to him since then.”
“What? Why? Is he not talking to you?”
Quite the opposite. Zack had sent her a new flurry of texts and voicemails, politely – and sometimes desperately – asking her to talk to him. After the first couple of days, he finally let up. Got a clue. Shut up. I’ve driven him away. Rachel only had herself and her fickle heart to blame.
More like her hormones, but whatever.
“I’m not in the mood to talk about it. I’ve got way too much on my mind besides him, anyway.” Money. Mom. Work. Money.
“It’s not always what you’re in the mood for.”
Rachel jerked up. That had not been Parvati’s biting voice. That had been…
Shit! Why did she think she would be left alone at Opal’s? She and Zack had met at Opal’s!
And there he was, standing in those blasted cargo shorts and a fitted T-shirt that turned every head in the room as if Rachel had sworn again.
“I, uh…” Parvati got up and pulled her chair out, eyes never leaving Zack’s lean physique. “I better get back to work.” She mouthed Good luck! to Rachel before pulling her apron back on and returning to the counter. She made sure to keep one eye on the scene quietly smoldering in a corner of an empty café.
Rachel didn’t tell Zack to leave. She had a feeling he wouldn’t listen to her, anyway.
“Why haven’t you returned my messages?” Zack didn’t bother to order anything. His only focus was on Rachel from the moment he walked through the door. Isn’t this what it was like the first time we met? Wait… they had been in each other’s presence before that, too. The man had been so into her at first glance that he drew a quick portrait of her while he ate his lemon square and drank his latte. I still have it somewhere. Every time she came across it when rearranging the clutter in her apartment, Rachel lost more of her breath. “I get that you wanted a little space after…” He briefly looked away and cleared his throat. I hate being a captive audience. Oh my God. “But it’s been days, Rachel. I’m dying here. Just say something. Even if I totally offended you. Let me know. I can’t stand this…”
On another day, in another life, in another galaxy, Rachel would have found his carefully controlled distress adorable. Even flattering. Wasn’t this supposed to be a dream come true? A man begging her for attention and communication? A man like Zack Feldman? A man who had wanted her from the moment they met? I thought I was just a nameless lay to him. But now that I know I wouldn’t be… The whole reason she made that vow of celibacy was because she needed a break from one-night stands and possibly harmful sexual practices.
“I’m sorry.”
“You’re… sorry.”
Rachel kneaded her fingers into a knot. The way she gently rocked back and forth reminded her of when her mother once grilled her about her future. “All right, but what are you going to do? Where are you going to live? What job are you going to do?” As if she could answer any of that back then. She could barely answer it now!
“I’ve been avoiding you,” Rachel said, “because I was too embarrassed to admit that I think I fucked up by doing that with you.”
“I see.” The grunt bursting from his throat betrayed how okay he was with that truth. “Well, I don’t regret it. Does that bother you too?”
Sort of. Why couldn’t they come to a mutual agreement that they shouldn’t be fooling around like that? Rachel was of the school of thought that said oral sex was still sex, damnit. And she didn’t even let him give her anything back in return! Did she think she didn’t deserve anything? Did she chicken out? Was she afraid to expose that part of her body to him?
Yes, to all of that.
“I get that I’m on Rachel time here,” Zack continued, any trace of que sera washed off his face. While it was good to know that he could be deadly serious about things, Rachel didn’t need it directed at her right now, “but I can’t wait around forever. I need to know that these lines of communication are open. Even as friends, whatever the hell that means now.”
Rachel closed her binder and forced her hands to still in her lap. “You’re right. I’ve been yanking you around. But to be fair, you haven’t been pushing me away when things get heavy.”
“Didn’t realize it was my job to make sure we didn’t fall into bed together. Because I don’t think of it as a bad thing at all.”
“What? Dating?”
He shot her that familiar, comforting grin she had come to adore. “Yes, Rachel. Dating. That’s it.” Laughter rang through the café. Parvati looked up from the cold case. I’m gonna have to go over this with her later. Rachel couldn’t wait. “Never mind the reason we met was because I sat in this exact chair and asked you to go out with me.”
She shyly smiled back at him. “I remember.”
“And you told me no, because you weren’t interested in dating. We had to be friends.”
“And you agreed to that, I seem to recall. Or were you only agreeing because you wanted to get into my pants?”
Zack shrugged. “Does it matter? ‘Cause I still wanna get into your pants.”
He said that so candidly, so confidently that Rachel didn’t know how to respond. If she responded as seriously, he could play his bluff and embarrass her. If she completely wrote him off, she might as well be ending everything right here, right now.
“I mean, you got into mine.”
Rachel was too embarrassed to look at him again, especially with that bright grin boring a perverted hole into her brain. You’re ridiculous, Zack. What other man would get a hummer like the one she gave him and still be this playful after she ran away – again? It either meant that he didn’t think that much about it…
…or it was all he could think about.
“So what are we going to do, Rachel Taylor?” He folded his hands on the table and leaned in toward her as if they were about to broker a deal in his family’s company. “We gonna be the best of platonic friends, content to date other people? Or are we gonna make a go of this?”
Rachel’s chest tightened. “Don’t suppose there’s a way we could do both?”
“Wow.” Zack looked away, shaking his head. “This is the role reversal from hell. Here I am, asking you to go out with me, and you wanna keep it casual.” He wagged a sarcastic finger beneath her nose. “You want the best of both worlds without any of the responsibility… huh? Typical man.”
“You would know.”
“Yes, I would,. And I know that you’re one of the first women I’ve ever met that fucks me up like this.”
“Fucks you up how, exactly?”
“Do you know who I think about every day?” He smiled into the side of his hand, like he was giving a boy’s first love confession. “Who I can’t shut up about? Who I’m tearing myself up over because I went from thinking she’s the muse I need right now to only caring if she’ll speak to me again? ‘Cause you get one guess.”
Rachel wanted to say yes, yes she would go out with him. They would do it all. Sleepovers (this time with sex,) fun dinners, hanging out with each other’s friends, more movies until their eyes bled, hanging out, making art and translating business forms all day… then she thought of the other shit. Like what kind of family he had, and what kind of family she had.
I have so much debt. What if he wanted to pay it off? What if he didn’t want to help me with it at all? Both were nightmare scenarios.
She didn’t know how to be rich, or at least fit in with rich people. Zack may not be the golden child of the rich and famous, but he at least knew how to fit in. Barring that, he could get away with a lot for being rich and charming. What did Rachel have? A bag of stale pretzels in her bag and a Japanese dictionary full of her frustrated notes.
“It’s not that I don’t wanna go out with you, Zack.” A couple came through the doors, loudly talking about what they wanted, how hot it was outside, and did the other see the way the 2003 Honda was parked by the meter? Rachel used their boisterous sounds as a cover for what she said next. “I’m not sure I can. I’m in a pretty emotional spot right now.”
“I get that.” He steepled his fingers beneath his chin. “I only needed you to actually say it.”
“Really?”
“Damnit, Rachel, if you wanna take things slow and keep it all casual, I can do that. You think I can’t?”
On the contrary, Rachel was concerned he was a little too good at doing that. Wasn’t that one of her concerns to begin with?
“So friends with possible benefits?”
“We can reassess at a later date.”
Rachel decided to test him before agreeing to anything. “What if I wanted to go on a date with someone else while we’re doing this casual benefits thing?”
He snorted. “Be my guest. We’re not serious. Play the field. But be smart about it.”
“Interesting.” Rachel folded her arms on top of her dictionary and rested her head between them. “I was expecting the first words out of your mouth to be about how it was fine if you got to do it too.”
“That’s implied.”
Is it? Rachel caught another look from Parvati.
“By the way.” Zack’s change in tone brought Rachel back to Earth – and away from his swimmingly blue eyes. “My dad wants to meet you.”
“What?”
“A casual lunch. Tomorrow, preferably. Now you see why I had to quickly come find you and make nice with your pretty face.”
Rachel was still gobsmacked. “Why does he want to meet me? What have you been telling him?”
“Nothing, honestly. But word is getting around that I’m hanging out with the same woman over and over. That’s kinda rare, I guess. There’s gossip mills churning. My dad has an excellent PR agency working for him, but he won’t know what to tell them unless he sees us together and how we act. Look, he knows you’re not my girlfriend, okay?” Zack pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and stood up. “Don’t worry about that. He’s pretty nice and understanding about these situations. So how about we meet him for lunch tomorrow? There’s a more casual place that he likes.”
“Uh, I guess…”
“I’m gonna get something to drink while you think it over. How’s the cold brew here?”
“No. I don’t drink cof…” Before Rachel could finish her thought, someone barged through the front door of Opal’s Café and came running straight for her.
Long, thick black hair. Brown skin. Monotone colors and smart, sensible fabrics. Since Parvati was already behind the counter, that could only mean it was…
“Rachel! Guess what!” Sita careened into the table the moment Zack approached the counter. Both he and Parvati sent her a look of bemusement. “My future in-laws are going to buy us a house by the beach!”
“What?” Rachel looked to Parvati, who shrugged and went back to filling Zack’s order. “That’s amazing!”
“You’re telling me! I wasn’t even sure that they liked me, honestly. They’re so hard to read. Even my parents questioned if it was a good idea to marry into their family, not because they thought my fiancé wasn’t good enough, but because they couldn’t read his parents either… and they’re from the same province!”
“Wow.”
“We found out about it yesterday! They told us to not post about it on social media, but I’ve been gabbing to everyone. When I saw you through the window, I couldn’t help myself! By the way, any news about who you’re bringing to my wedding?”
Zack walked over. “You’re the one we watched the movie with, right?”
Sita was rendered speechless in Zack’s presence. Great. She has a crush on him. Rachel supposed that crushes didn’t stop because one was engaged. “So, uh,” Rachel said, “how about I agree to meet your dad if you promise to go to an Indian wedding with me next month?”
Clasping her hands together, Sita jumped up and down with a giant smile. “She’s talking about my wedding!”
“Never been to an Indian wedding before. Sounds fun. Gotta be better than the snoozers I usually attend.” He turned up the charm now that Sita made it clear she really, really wanted him to come to her wedding. “What does a guy like me even wear to an Indian wedding?”
Sita’s eyes clouded over; Parvati groaned behind the counter. “I know the perfect kurta for you.”
“I don’t know what that is, but I’m sure I’ll rock it.”
Rachel laughed. “She also picked my saree for me. I’m beholden to going now.”
“If I’m going with you,” Zack said with a wink, “then I suggest we match.”
Sita made herself silly babbling about how she was going to dress these two guests coming to her wedding. By the time she left, Zack was officially Rachel’s +1.
And somehow, they had come to agree on a tenuously casual friends with benefits arrangements. But what Rachel didn’t tell her friend as he blew her a kiss on the way out the door, cold brew to-go in hand, was that she was already drawing up a new list of boundaries in her head.
Whatever they did, it was not going to include the kind of free-for-alls that could get a girl pregnant. She’d get around to telling him that later.
Chapter 19
Zack was the one who suggested Rachel and Isaiah formally meet at Bell Jar’s. Not only could he and his girlfriend (since it was easiest to think of her that way) wear their casual Friday clothes and not get the dirty side-eyes, but he knew Rachel could get the plain kind of food she preferred and not have the kitchen chefs laugh her out of the building.
Plus, Isaiah liked it, and that was as important.
“Don’t be so nervous,” Zack said to Rachel on their way up in the elevator. She continued to brush the wrinkles out of her purple blouse and fix any stray hairs coming out of her ponytail. It wasn’t until then that Zack noticed she didn’t wear makeup even in these situations. Have I ever dated someone who never wears makeup? And how had he not noticed until now?
Because other people would notice once they entered his world. A world where even if a woman detested the very existence of makeup she would still become a master of the “natural” look to get away from potential ridicule. Rachel had naturally great skin, but compared to the other cosmetically-inclined women in Bell Jar’s, everyone would instantly see the dark rings around her eyes and the lines on her cheeks.
Not that Zack cared about those. Rachel was beautiful with or without makeup. In fact, her going naked like this only made him like her more. If we make out, I won’t have to taste her lipstick. It’s a win for me.
He knew what he would love to taste for the first time, though. An eye for an eye and a cock for a pussy.
Yeah, he would keep that thought to himself.
“How can I not be nervous?” The elevator chimed, admitting them to the elegant reception area in Bell Jar’s. A flurry of conversations peppered the air around them while the delectable scent of paninis and other hot sandwiches enticed them to sit down and order. The gallery beyond the maître d’s podium was deceptively empty. This kind of place purposely seated only half the room and turned others away once the quota was filled (unless they were that notable, of course.) Their clientele may come for a more informal dining experience, but they still appreciated a half empty dining room to give them more privacy and elbow room. It was all about appearances with these people. “I’m meeting your dad, the president of one of the world’s biggest steel companies!”
Zack didn’t correct her on his father’s official position in the company. It changed as often as the Wikipedia editors could keep up, anyway. “I’m telling you, he’s a pretty down to Earth guy compared to the other dads I know.” They were in the building of Monroe Industries, home of one of the most psychotic patriarchs to ever live in the city. Hey, if Alice Monroe can survive an assassination attempt that her father-in-law commissioned… Rachel was fine.
“Our reservation is under Isaiah Feldman,” Zack told the host. “I have no idea if my father is here yet, though.”
“Oh, yes, yes, he is. Right this way, please.” The host tucked two single-page menus beneath his arm before gesturing for Zack and Rachel to follow him to one of the semi-private areas. He sprung for some extra privacy, huh? Zack resisted the urge to put a hand on Rachel’s shoulder as they moved through the gallery of nosy housewives and gossipy teenagers. Both age groups were notorious for their collective crushes on him, and were liable to shred Rachel until she was nothing more than garbage at the bottom of the recycle bin. Not that Zack would let her see that side of his society anytime soon.
He stopped halfway across the gallery. For the moment he saw his father’s silver head over the partition separating the corner from the rest of the dining room, he also saw a tightly coiled coif of black hair next to him.