by Laura Landon
At the last stop, Austin sent the other carriage ahead to tell his brother, the Earl of Etherington, that they would arrive sometime before dark. At the speed the fields and pastures rolled by, she thought they’d be there soon.
“Are you comfortable?” Austin asked.
His quiet question brought her back from thoughts of what would happen when they reached London. Knowing the monumental decision awaiting her gripped her with a fear that was nearly overwhelming. She’d been convinced for so long that Penderly was a black-hearted villain that she couldn’t imagine making the decision that would give Jonathan over to him. But…
What if she discovered he wasn’t the evil person Lady Fledgemont had painted him to be? What if it was obvious he had nothing to do with the attempts on Jonathan’s life? Could she give Jonathan up to him?
“Do you need another pillow for your shoulder?” Austin asked, encouraging her to answer.
Her shoulder ached from the jostling of the carriage, but she didn’t want him to know that. The way he’d watched over her since they’d begun this last part of the journey was disconcerting. It was as if he knew what would happen when they reached London and wanted to ease her way as much as he could.
She refused to allow him to comfort her. His concern made her weak, made her want to rely on him, and she couldn’t let herself do that. She needed to be strong, independent. It would make what she had to do much easier. “I’m fine. Are we almost there?”
“In an hour or so. We’ll be there mid afternoon.”
“Will your brother mind us intruding?”
He smiled. It was the first truly open smile she’d seen from him in weeks. “We won’t be intruding. Harrison will welcome the company.”
“Is he very much like you, then?”
Her question brought out a deep, rich laugh that sent a warm rumble churning in the pit of her stomach.
“No, he’s nothing like me. He’s dedicated to a fault and takes his job as head of the family very seriously. He spends nearly every waking hour working on the estate books, overseeing the shipping companies of which he’s a partner, and conferring with the estate stewards to make sure our tenants are being adequately cared for. He’s hinted more than once that he’s made Liddy and me very wealthy.”
“Is money so important to him?”
“Yes. Making sure we have more than we’ll ever need is. Our father nearly bankrupted us a few years ago. His irresponsibility nearly cost Liddy and Gabe their lives. Harry is obsessed with making sure nothing like that ever happens again.”
“He can’t work all the time,” she said. “What does he do for enjoyment? Does he like the theater? The opera? Does he go to many balls and social events?”
“Heavens, no. I’m not sure Harrison knows how to relax. He’s too busy working to take any time to enjoy himself.”
She couldn’t hide her smile.
“What?” he asked.
“I thought you said he was nothing like you.”
“He isn’t.”
“From your description, he’s exactly like you. I think you were cut from the same cloth.”
“Where do you get that from?”
“You don’t consider yourself serious? Well, I don’t think it’s possible for anyone to be more serious than you. Nor do I think it’s possible for anyone to spend more hours working than you do. And, when was the last time you spent any hours away from your job? Your sister told me that she and the major have repeatedly begged you to come to the country to visit them, but you’re always too busy protecting the streets of London from thieves and murderers to come to Southerby.”
“I think my sister talks too much.”
Sarah smiled, enjoying their conversation more than she could say. If they were going anyplace other than London, on a mission that involved anything other than facing the Earl of Penderly, her journey would be delightful indeed. She would enjoy nothing more than spending time with Austin.
“Your sister is worried about you. She thinks you’re running from something.”
His eyebrows arched. “Now I know she talks too much.”
“She said you used to enjoy going to every ball and social gathering Society hosted. What changed?”
When he didn’t answer, Sarah thought he didn’t intend to. Then he spoke.
“The war,” he said. “It has a way of changing a person.”
She looked at the serious expression on his face. Something troubled him. Something that still haunted him. “I know. There was a young man in our parish who went to war. He was tall and handsome and always laughed easily. All the girls in the area were madly in love with him.”
“Even you?”
She couldn’t help but smile. “I wasn’t old enough to draw his attention. Or pretty enough.”
“I can’t believe that.”
“Oh, it’s true. I stood back every Sunday after services and watched the girls rush toward him to say a few words. I could tell he enjoyed the attention. And the girls enjoyed receiving his.”
“Then what happened?”
“He went to war.”
The carriage hit a small bump and a stabbing pain shot through Sarah’s arm. She shifted to place it where it was more comfortable. “When he came back, he wasn’t the same at all. His parents couldn’t force him to leave the house. Yet, nearly every night you’d see him roaming the hillsides until the sun came up.”
The expression on Austin’s face changed. A haunted look filled his eyes and his lips pressed tightly together.
“What happened to him?” he asked.
“I don’t know. The last I knew, he still lived with his parents.”
“Perhaps when this business in London is over, you can give me the young man’s name and I can visit him.”
“You would do that?”
He shrugged his shoulders. Before he could give a definite answer, the carriage hit a rut in the road and Sarah flew back against the corner.
She tried to keep from crying out, but the sharp jolt was too much to endure in silence.
“Ah, hell,” he said, then shifted from his side of the carriage to hers. He took her hand, then, realizing what she needed, he drew her into his arms and brought her against him, using himself to buffer the jolting of the carriage. “Are you all right?” He cushioned her to his chest.
“Yes, it surprised me more than anything.”
“Why don’t I believe you?”
“Because you’re not very trusting.”
“Or perhaps because it’s obvious you are in pain. You’re trembling.”
She took in long, deep breaths until the pain lessened, then relaxed against him. “Actually, that’s…that’s much better. Thank you.”
For several seconds they sat in silence. Then Sarah shifted enough to lift her chin and look into his face.
“Your sister told me that before the war you were the life of every party you attended. And that you had scores of beautiful woman clamoring to snag you for their husband.”
“Well, you can’t believe everything Liddy says.”
Sarah laughed. “I think I can. I can imagine you being the most popular gentleman at any event. I can also imagine that every female who cast eyes on you fell in love with you.”
“Can you?”
His chest rumbled beneath her ear and she knew he was laughing. Her insides warmed.
“What else do you think?”
She relaxed into him, into this unexpected safe place. “I think that you’re a very daring and brave man, but that something terrible happened to you while you were in the war. And I think that whatever it was, it affected you the same as it did the young man back home.”
He stiffened, and she knew she’d struck a nerve.
“Do you know what I think?” he asked after several heartbeats. “I think that you are far too perceptive for your own good.”
She lifted her head from his chest. “For my good? Or for yours?”
“Both. And when you look at me like that,
you’re at a greater risk than you can imagine. It makes me want to…” His eyes focused on her mouth.
She knew he intended to kiss her. She also knew she should discourage it. But Heaven help her, she couldn’t. She wanted him to kiss her. She’d imagined him doing that since he’d pressed against her and held her captive at their first meeting. Whatever words she might say to resist him, she knew her eyes were telling him otherwise.
He placed a finger beneath her chin and tipped her head upward, then lowered his head until his lips touched hers.
Their first kiss was gentle, the tentative introduction of two strangers who were attracted to each other. His kiss was soft and tender, and he briefly lifted his mouth from hers, then brought it back down.
Their second kiss was more intense, more powerful, more demanding. He kissed her as if they were no longer strangers, but lovers. As if a bond had formed between them that needed to be sealed, needed to be strengthened.
He deepened his kiss, asking something from her she wasn’t sure she understood. But she followed his lead. She opened her mouth when his tongue touched her lips and he entered as if searching for something special. She met his entreaty because she was certain she possessed what he sought.
Their tongues touched, mated, battled for dominance. And the minute he overpowered her, a stunning warmth bloomed within her chest.
“Sarah,” he said, lifting his mouth from hers. His voice sounded hoarse, raspy. “Sarah,” he whispered once more, then brought his mouth down over hers again.
Her flesh burned where he touched her and she wrapped her arm around his neck. A voice in the back of her head whispered that she was in pain, but the thundering inside her chest was so much more overpowering, so much more intense that she didn’t care about the stabbing in her shoulder. Not when she was overwhelmed by so much pleasure.
She matched his demands with an eagerness that set her mind reeling. She couldn’t think. She couldn’t control the raging emotions running rampant through her. She couldn’t understand how a kiss could have so much power over her.
She knew they should stop, but how could they when this is what she’d ached to have him do from the day she’d first met him?
She cupped her hand to his cheek and felt the stubble on his face. There was nothing about him she didn’t want to discover, to know. There was nothing he could offer that she didn’t want to experience.
She turned into him to get closer and he kissed her with greater desperation. This was one of the mysterious connections between a man and a woman that she’d never understood before. The emotion raging within her possessed a strange and liberating force that nearly consumed her. And for one brief moment, she glimpsed what it would be like to give her heart to someone. For one brief moment, she knew what it was like to be in love.
He kissed her once again, then lifted his mouth from hers.
Sarah’s gaze traveled over his face, took in the dark look of passion in his eyes. She didn’t want him to be sorry he’d kissed her. She didn’t want him to regret what they’d done. She didn’t.
Instead of pulling away from him like she knew she should, she leaned into him again and placed her head against his chest. His heart thundered in her ear and she smiled.
“What are you smiling about?” he asked when he’d caught his breath.
“You called me Sarah. That’s the first time you’ve called me anything but Lady Fledgemont.”
“That’s because that’s who I thought you were.”
“But surely you knew Lady Fledgemont’s name. Why didn’t you call me Collette?”
“Because the name didn’t fit.”
“Didn’t it?”
“No.“
“Does Sarah fit?”
“Oh, yes. Sarah suits you fine. It’s a beautiful name. You’re a beautiful person.”
She felt her cheeks grow warm. “I should argue with you but I’m not going to. I’m going to store the compliment away because it’s a first for me.”
“No one’s ever told you that you’re beautiful?”
She laughed. “Of course not. My father was a vicar. No one would lie to the vicar’s daughter.”
“Ah, then you have a lot of ‘firsts’ yet to experience.”
Sarah nestled close to him while the carriage rumbled across the countryside. She felt comfortable with him holding her like this. Comfortable even though neither of them spoke. But a niggling question ate at her and wouldn’t go away. Finally, she had to know the answer.
“Why did you kiss me?”
He hesitated, then answered her question with a question. “Why do you think I kissed you?”
She wanted to believe he’d kissed her because he was as drawn to her as she was to him. That’s what she wanted to believe. What she feared though, was that he’d kissed her to encourage an infatuation that could later be used to his advantage. If she developed feelings for him, how could she refuse his request to hand Jonathan over to the Earl of Penderly? How could she refuse him anything?
She could never allow that to happen. Even if it was impossible for him to see Penderly’s guilt, she’d be able to.
“You haven’t answered my question. Why do you think I kissed you?”
“I’m not sure I know,” she said as a half-truth.
“Then let me explain. I kissed you because I wanted to. Because I’ve wanted to since I first met you. And because it seemed the right thing to do.” He paused for a few seconds, then asked, “Why did you kiss me back?”
His question surprised her and she looked up. She didn’t expect him to want to know that. “Because I wanted to. I’ve wanted to for a very long time. And because it seemed the right thing to do.” She feigned a yawn, as if her answer carried lighter import than her true emotion might reveal.
A smile curved his lips upward and he nestled her closer. “Why don’t you close your eyes and sleep for a while. We should make the outskirts of London in a little while, and Etherhouse shortly after.”
He was right, of course. She needed to be well rested so she was ready to battle him and his plans to hand Jonathan over to Penderly. But close her eyes? Now? With that look on his face that matched the one in her heart?
She blinked, and let a slow, mischievous smile convey to him just how little she cared for sleep at the moment, and just how very much she wanted him to kiss her again.
Chapter 14
Sarah knew the instant they neared London. England’s rolling landscape and verdant meadows were behind them now. The bustling noises of crowds of people replaced the serenity of the country. She leaned out the window as the wheels of their carriage rumbled over the cobbled streets. The familiar assaulting smell of raw sewage burned her nose.
The city closed in on them as the streets narrowed and row upon row of brick buildings filled every available space that wasn’t teeming with masses of raggedy-dressed people. The sight of beggars and those struggling to eke out a living jarred Sarah. She’d been so involved, so intent on Jonathan when she’d first arrived in London that she hadn’t truly noted the poverty. Such destitution was something she’d never get used to.
“Every city has their poor,” Austin said from beside her. “There are poor even in the country.”
“Yes,” she agreed. “But not in such numbers.” She couldn’t pull her gaze from the window. “And not with such hopelessness written on their faces.”
He placed his hand over hers and the warmth from his touch seeped through her.
“More is being done to help the poor than ever before,” he continued, “but it’s never enough. And to be honest, many of those who live here don’t want to be helped. Living like this is the only life they know, and they don’t want change.”
Sarah turned. He wore a serious expression. He truly cared about people. “Is that why you do what you do?”
Furrow lines deepened across his forehead. “I’m not sure I understand.”
“Your work. Liddy said you’re with the Metropolitan Police Departme
nt.”
He relaxed against the corner of the carriage and watched out the window. “What else did Liddy say?”
“She said that your work takes you to the worst areas of the city more times than not. And that the Department gives you the most difficult cases because they know you will solve them.” His gaze didn’t shift from the view out the window and yet Sarah doubted he was looking at anything in particular. “Is it that you want to make sure the guilty go punished? Or that the innocent are avenged?”
He slowly turned and smiled at her. “And I thought Liddy was the most perceptive woman I’d ever met. I think, Miss Bentley, that you are her equal.”
Sarah couldn’t help but return his smile. “Thank you, Captain Landwell. I appreciate the compliment.” She waited and when he didn’t answer, she asked her question again. “So, which is it?”
His hearty laugh filled the carriage. “Remind me to tell Liddy that you are also one of the most persistent people I’ve ever met.”
“Because I won’t give up until you answer me?”
“Yes.”
He studied her for a few seconds then answered. “No one has the right to take an innocent life and go free so they can kill again. And no one is so insignificant that their death isn’t important.”
Sarah blinked. She admired him more in that moment than she thought possible, and the mere recognition of the feeling brought a niggling of confusion and self doubt within her. If finding the murderer of someone who meant nothing to him was important, how could he hand a child he’d held in his own arms over to someone who might want that child dead? Clearly, he could not. Unless he was truly convinced Penderly posed no threat.
The strength of his resolve seeped through her and she realized how confident he must be of Penderly’s innocence. She tried to keep his convictions from influencing her, but his assurance attacked her from every side. She suddenly felt Jonathan slipping from her grasp.