by Laura Landon
She nestled close and he leaned over and kissed her.
Having her here beside him was his dream, and for this one night he’d let himself pretend that there would be other nights like this, that he’d never have to spend another night alone.
He deepened his kiss and allowed his passion to flow from his body to hers. He kissed her mouth, and her cheeks, and her neck, then moved lower still.
She moaned as he kissed his way down her body, then her arms wrapped around him and held him close. “I want tonight, Austin. Just tonight.”
Austin cupped his palm against her cheek and rubbed tiny circles over her skin. Her flesh was soft and delicate, and shivered beneath his touch. Her response moved him beyond expressing. She loved deeply and completely, and he was certain she loved him. It was inconceivable to him that she could give herself to someone she didn’t love.
His heart swelled in his chest knowing that she loved him. If only she didn’t love Jonathan more. But she did. She’d made that plain from the beginning.
He lowered his head and kissed her with all the passion he had in him. If this was to be their only night together, he would make it a night she never forgot.
One he remembered forever.
…
The darkness made the night more perfect and Sarah felt her whole being opening, blossoming, answering Austin’s touch. His hands caressed her in places she’d never been touched, his lips kissed her where she’d never been kissed. And what he did to her body took her to places she’d never been before.
She’d known the love a man and woman shared was magical. Lord and Lady Fledgemont had shown her that. More evenings than not, they’d shared a special look, or a special touch, then made the excuse that it had been a long day and they were tired and wanted to retire early. They left the room with an eagerness in their steps that indicated they were far from tired.
Sarah hadn’t been fooled. She knew why they left her company. The smiles on their faces told her what happened privately between them was highly anticipated and enjoyable, but she had no idea the experience was anything like this.
Austin’s mouth on her flesh sent her soaring to heights she hadn’t imagined before. The feel of his naked body atop hers spun her emotions nearly out of control. Then, he entered her.
She’d known there would be pain, she’d heard there was, but the passion building within her lessened the hurt. She clutched her fingers around his arms and moved with him.
Together they rode the winds of desperation and passion that didn’t stop until a shattering tremor shook her. She cried out his name as her body tensed, then tightened her grasp while he moved faster within her.
With a low moan, he stiffened atop her, then dropped his head back on his shoulders.
Their breathing came in rapid gasps, each gulp a struggle to take in enough air to fill their lungs.
Sarah moved her hands over his body, touching his damp flesh, reveling in the feel of him. His muscles bunched beneath her hands, rippling with the exertion and strain of what they’d just done.
He sank down over her, his body wonderfully heavy atop her, his breath warm and strident against her neck.
She ran her fingers through his hair, reveling in the feel of the soft silkiness as she raked through it.
“Are you all right?”
She smiled. When she looked up, her gaze locked with his. Her heart swelled in her breast then gave a jolt that brought tears to her eyes. He was one of the most magnificent men she’d ever met, one of the kindest, most intelligent, and one of the bravest. She couldn’t imagine giving her heart to anyone more perfect. Or her body.
“I’m fine. Tonight was perfect.”
He laughed as he rolled off her, then pulled her close. “You sound as if you approve of a new gown I purchased for you.”
She lifted her hand and ran her fingers down his cheek. “No. A gown wears out in time. You’ve given me something far more precious. You’ve given me a memory I’ll cherish forever.”
He lifted himself and stared down at her. There was a serious expression on his face, a frown that left deep ridges in his forehead, a dark look in his eyes.
“Sarah, I promised myself I wouldn’t ask you again, but perhaps things don’t have to be like this. Perhaps I could be the husband you want. Perhaps I could—”
She stopped him from speaking. Another wave of doubts seeped through her, thoughts that gave credence to the notion that Austin needed her more than Jonathan did. An idea that she needed Austin more than she needed Jonathan. She pushed such dangerous thoughts aside. She couldn’t weaken now. Not when she was so close to fulfilling the promise she’d made Lady Fledgemont.
“You still don’t understand, do you?” She locked her gaze with his so he couldn’t misunderstand her. “I didn’t come to your room so you would offer to marry me. I didn’t sleep in your bed to make you feel obligated to make me your wife. My future is with Jonathan. I am the only mother he has ever known. I promised Lady Fledgemont I would always stay with him. That I would always take care of him. I can’t go back on the promise I made.”
Her fingers followed the scar on his cheek. “I came to you because I want this memory to take with me. I expect nothing more. I can give you nothing more.”
She looked at his blank expression. She had hoped he would understand.
She was afraid he never would.
“Please, hold me until I have to go.”
He lay back down and gathered her in his arms. Moonlight drifted through the window and sifted around them. She tried to ignore the hurt inside her breast, the empty void that slowly filled with pain, but couldn’t.
She thought that making love this one night would be enough, but now she wasn’t sure. She thought that having this memory to take with her would be all she needed, but the ache in her body told her she needed more. She thought knowing she would always be with Jonathan would make her feel complete—but she’d never felt so empty.
Austin’s breathing gradually calmed and she lay with her ear pressed against his chest. She knew the vow she made Lady Fledgemont would come with a price, but she didn’t think the cost would be so high.
She listened to the steady beating of his heart and let tears of heartache spill from her eyes.
Chapter 21
Austin stood with his hands braced on either end of the mantle and stared into the lifeless embers. The various shades of gray and black resembled how his heart would look if he could pull it from his chest and examine it. Instead of a healthy heart that beat with life, his would be dull, lifeless ashes that didn’t have anything living to hold them together.
He would never forget the night he’d spent with Sarah. He’d always remember what it had felt like to hold her in his arms, to gather her to him. To be inside her.
His fingers clutched the edge of the mantle until his hands ached. How could he survive without her? How could he live every day of the rest of his life knowing she would never be a part of it?
He wasn’t sure he could.
He pushed himself away from the fireplace and walked to the sidebar. He lifted one of the crystal decanters filled with Harrison’s finest whiskey and poured a small amount into a glass. He drank the contents then set the glass back onto the sidebar.
“I hope you haven’t been here long,” Harrison said from the doorway.
“I just arrived.”
“Good. You don’t want to get too much of a start on the rest of us. I have a feeling that after Penderly introduces his grandson there will be plenty of celebratory toasts.”
“Or perhaps just plenty of drinking,” Austin added. “I can’t imagine that all of Penderly’s family will be overjoyed to discover the title won’t pass to one of them.”
“Money’s always a great motivator, and Penderly is rumored to be wealthy enough to compete with the Queen.” Harrison tossed another swallow of whiskey into Austin’s glass, then poured one for himself. “How sure are you that Penderly’s oldest nephew is behind th
e attempts?”
“The facts say he is.”
“What facts?”
“He’s the one Penderly sent to Wakemoor to gather the details concerning Fledgemont’s accident. He was the one the vicar told that Lady Fledgemont had given birth to a son. No one knew about Jonathan’s existence. He didn’t tell Penderly when he returned.”
Harrison tipped his glass and drank, then set it back on the sideboard.
“What are you thinking, Harry?”
“Nothing. It just doesn’t give me much pleasure to know someone of Dunstan’s character would stoop to such measures.”
“Are you acquainted with Penderly’s nephew?”
Harrison nodded, then sat in one of the chairs. “When Fledgemont eloped, Dunstan stepped in to help Penderly run the estates. For someone so young, he has a remarkable head on his shoulders and made several wise decisions that garnered Penderly enviable profits.”
“Are you saying you have doubts that Dunstan can be involved?”
“Not that. Money and power are huge motivators. I just hate to see a man with such a future resort to such measures.”
Austin took the chair opposite Harrison and finished his whiskey. “Well, we’ll find out in a few hours. Penderly intends to announce that they will take the babe to the country tomorrow. If our killer wants to eliminate the future earl while he’s still within reach, he’ll have to make his move tonight. It would be terribly difficult to slip in and out of Penderly Manor with the staff Penderly has.”
“Is everything in place?”
“Yes. Jonathan went to Penderly’s under armed guard earlier this afternoon and Penderly promised he wouldn’t let him out of his sight. We’ll go soon so we can arrive before the rest.”
Austin looked up when the door opened and Liddy stormed into the room. Gabe was close on her heels and wore an expression that told his friends to tread lightly.
“Uh-oh,” he heard Harrison mumble when she came to an abrupt halt in front of his chair. No one enjoyed facing Liddy when she was angry. And from the look on her face, Austin suspected she’d passed angry several minutes ago.
“Did you know that all of Sarah’s belongings have been moved to the Earl of Penderly’s town house?”
“Yes,” he answered. “I wanted to thank you for accompanying her when she went shopping this morning. She was very pleased with the gowns you helped her pick out. She isn’t sure when she’ll have a chance to come to Lond—”
Liddy slashed her hand through the air and Austin halted in mid sentence. “I don’t care about her gowns, Austin. It’s Sarah! She’s gone, too.”
“I know.” Austin had seen Harrison’s servants come for her trunks and load them on a cart. He’d escorted her and Jonathan to the carriage himself, then watched as the carriage carried her away from him. The raw ache was still too new and painful.
“Why?”
“Why, what, Liddy?”
“Why are you doing this? How can you let her go?”
He turned his back on his sister and walked to the other side of the room. He’d asked himself that same question over and over, especially since last night. And he wasn’t sure the answer made sense to him anymore.
“What do you suggest I do?” he said when he turned.
“Stop her!”
“How?”
“I don’t know. You love each other. There has to be a way.”
He couldn’t stop from laughing. “Just because you and Gabe found love doesn’t mean the rest of us will.”
“Yes it does! You already have. I knew it the first time I saw the two of you together. How do you think I knew Sarah wasn’t who she pretended to be?”
Austin tried to follow what Liddy was saying. “What do you mean? I thought you’d met Collette Flemming before. I thought that was how you knew she was an imposter.”
“Collette Flemming was an actress! I’ve never met an actress in my life.”
“Then, how did you know Sarah wasn’t Lady Fledgemont? I’d been with her for weeks and didn’t have a clue she wasn’t who she pretended to be.”
“Oh, men can be so blind. I only had to see the two of you look at each other once to know that Sarah was head over ears in love with you. A woman so much in love with her husband as Lady Fledgemont was rumored to be would mourn him for at least half her lifetime. Or longer. No insult intended, Austin, but the real Lady Fledgemont wouldn’t have even noticed you.”
“Thank you, my dear.”
“Oh, don’t pretend to be insulted. Just answer my question. How are you going to make Sarah stay with you?”
Austin lost his grip on his temper. “I don’t know. What would keep you from abandoning Rachel if someone took her away?”
Liddy staggered back a step and gripped the nearest chair. A vast cavern of silence filled the seconds as his sister’s huge blue eyes filled with tears. “Oh, Austin. What are you going to do?”
Austin looked at his empty glass and wished it were full. He’d do anything for Sarah to be able to forget the promise she’d made Lady Fledgemont. Anything for Sarah to want to stay with him more than she wanted to go with Jonathan. But therein lay the core of his dilemma. She was loyal to a fault. She’d given her word she’d stay with Jonathan and she would keep it. He’d known that from the beginning. She’d only asked one thing of him—that she would never have to give Jonathan up.
He’d promised her she wouldn’t, so now he would have to keep his promise. “Are you ready to go?” he asked, setting his glass on the table.
This would be the last night he’d be with Sarah. For as much as he didn’t want this night to come, he was anxious to see her again. He wanted to spend every moment he could with her.
He walked to the door without looking to see whether anyone followed. He didn’t care about anything other than seeing Sarah this last time.
…
Sarah stood at the nursery window and watched the street below. He should be here any moment.
She checked the empty street from both ways then looked to where Jonathan was taking his bottle. His chubby feet moved as he ate and she smiled. She’d missed him so much the weeks she’d been separated from him, but she had him back now. And she wouldn’t be parted from him again.
So, what was wrong with her? Why did her heart ache with a loneliness that was equal to the all-consuming pain she suffered when she was separated from Jonathan? She tried to convince herself the hurt would go away once they’d eliminated the man responsible for the attempts on Jonathan’s life and she could take Jonathan to the country and watch him grow.
But she was terrified that the emptiness would never go away if Austin wasn’t there with her.
How had this happened to her? Jonathan was her life. She loved him as if he was her own. And in many ways, he was. She’d been a mother to him. How could any mother give up her child? How could she break the promise she’d made Lady Fledgemont.
But how could she live her life without Austin?
She breathed a ragged sigh that caused a heavy weight to press against her heart. She wasn’t sure how she would manage, but she knew she must.
The door opened and she looked up. Lady Penderly entered.
Sarah tried to hide the worry from her face as Lady Penderly walked toward her. Her gaze automatically shifted to where Jonathan finished eating. Overwhelming love filled her eyes and her face glowed with a brightness that sent warm rays through Sarah’s breast.
“I knew I’d find you here,” Lady Penderly said. “You haven’t left Jonathan’s side since he arrived.”
“It’s where I’m used to being,” Sarah answered. “Until he went to Major Talbot’s, he hadn’t been out of my sight from the day he was born.”
“We owe you a great deal, Sarah. I know how much you love Jonathan. And I know how difficult it was for you to reveal him to us.”
Heat warmed Sarah’s cheeks. Lady Penderly had no idea how difficult it had been to tell them about Jonathan, how close she’d come to keeping Jonathan
’s identity a secret. For just this reason. He would be hers alone as long as no one knew who he was. Now that they did, she’d have to share him.
“You brought us our grandson,” Lady Penderly continued. “You kept him safe, and Johnny and I want you to know that you will always have a place with us. We’ll never separate you from Jonathan.”
Sarah’s eyes filled with tears. “Thank you, ma’am. You don’t know how grateful I am for that. I love Jonathan as if he were my own.”
“It’s obvious that you do.” Lady Penderly gathered Sarah’s hands in her own and squeezed them lovingly. “Our son made a wise decision when he hired you. Jonathan is a very lucky lad to have had you in his life.”
Lady Penderly kept Sarah’s hands and gently squeezed her fingers. “I want you to know one more thing, Sarah.”
Sarah waited for Lady Penderly to continue.
“Any debt you think you owe Jonathan, or my son, or his wife, has been paid in full. You deserve to find your own happiness. Jonathan will have a full life. Penderly and I will see to that. We want you to be happy. You’ve done all that was expected of you. And more.”
Lady Penderly held Sarah’s hands a few more seconds, then released them. She turned to where Jonathan sat contentedly on the nurse’s lap. He’d finished eating. “Oh,” she said, clutching her hands to her breast. “Look at him. He’s perfect, isn’t he?”
Sarah’s smile broadened. “Yes, ma’am. He’s perfect.”
“I still can’t believe how much he resembles his father. Gregory had those same blue eyes and that curly blond hair. He was always such a happy baby.”
“So is Jonathan.”
Lady Penderly walked to the chair where the nurse sat with him. “When Gregory died in the riding accident, Penderly and I were devastated. Then Jarrod was killed in France. For a long time I thought my world had ended. My concern for Penderly pulled me out of the darkness. He took the boys’ deaths in a different way than I did. He was inconsolable. He blamed himself because of the words he’d had with Gregory. But then Captain Landwell came to see us. You have no idea how much it meant to us to know that he’d been with Jarrod when he died.”