by Lindsey Iler
The absence brings an agonizing ache to my chest. I rip at my shirt to try to ease the feeling, falling to the mattress. A few deep breaths have me calm, and all I can do is grin.
How did it take this long for the spark to ignite?
The last two weeks have been a series of missed phone calls and staggered email exchanges between Violet and me. What I’ve seen and heard, though, is Violet’s growing excitement as she travels through her list of self-discovery. The photo of her in front of the Eiffel Tower greets me every day when I look in my mirror. This last trace of her is a physical reminder of our time apart and the reason why our sacrifice is well worth it.
“Do you know where the files are I had earlier?” Mr. Samuel asks.
I have to laugh because he’s notorious for doing this. Everyone on his team knows the question is rhetorical. He isn’t looking for an answer. He’s simply working it out in his own head.
“There they are.” He holds up the elusive files, and I shake my head at his antics. “How does everyone feel about staying late tonight?”
Groans fill the quiet room because it’s Friday. For the next ten minutes, the team works in silence. Taylor, a senior, is spearheading the project. He knows his shit, and somehow makes what we’re doing seem simple. I scan the first few pages of the mock bill we’ve prepared for our next competition. Throughout the semester, we’ll also interact with politicians to create relationships and, hopefully, form working bonds for the future. Although a career in politics isn’t what I want, the process is where my passion lies. Bill writing and legislation intrigue me.
The apprehension I felt when I decided to give up baseball is gone. Since taking the leap, I’ve embraced my new reality for what it is—a way to mold my future into something bigger. This new project will carry me much further than baseball ever could.
“Dan, your head seems far away,” Taylor calls out across the table of my peers.
“I’m good.” I shake the fog away and nod in his direction.
“Do you think it’s possible that this could be any more boring?” Stella, a junior, leans over and whispers in my ear. Her arm brushes mine, which is entirely intentional. She’s been, not so subtly, dropping hints whenever she gets a chance.
“It’s holding my attention.” As a complete dismissal, I drop my eyes back to the stack of papers.
“Did you want to go out for a drink after this?” She rests an elbow on the table, her cheek perched on her hand. Her hair fans out around her shoulders, and her eyes dance the surface of my face, looking for any sign of mutual attraction. The thing is, she won’t find it.
“I’m good.” I circle a mistake on the second page and replace the highlighter cap with a loud snap.
“Come on, Dan. You can’t possibly be sitting around waiting for her to come home.” Stella rolls her eyes. “How do you know she isn’t hooking up with some hot European lad?”
“It’s called trust,” I counter.
“It’s called stupidity, is what it is.” She stands and leans forward, her chest on complete display.
“Leave him alone and get some work done,” Taylor barks. When his stare turns to me, I tip my chin to him in silent thanks. Stella groans and storms away.
“She has it bad,” Tim states the obvious. He’s my closest confidant and also harbors a secret crush on Stella, but doesn’t have the confidence to pursue her.
“Maybe so, but that doesn’t mean I’m falling for it. She’ll figure that out.”
After agreeing on the items that need to change within the bill, we set out in our separate directions. I, unlike the rest, head back to my apartment. One good thing about living alone is not having to worry about coming home to forced conversation when all I really want to do is sit around in my boxers and eat in peace.
My phone vibrates as the key turns in the lock. I balance my bag and the mail in one hand, pull it out of my pocket, and tuck it between my shoulder and cheek.
“Hello.”
“Hey.” Violet’s cheery voice is like music to my ears.
“You’re just what I needed.” My bag falls to the floor, and my keys and mail hit the end table. “You won’t believe what kind of day I’ve been having.”
“I might have something to cheer you up.”
“Oh yeah, what’s that?” I walk into the kitchen and grab a beer, popping the top and taking a long glug. “You going to naked Skype me?”
“I can do one better.”
A knock at the door has me placing the bottle on the counter and setting off to the front door.
“Hold on, babe. Someone’s here.”
She giggles.
I open the door, and my eyes don’t register what they see right away. Violet lunges forward, her arms encompassing my neck. It’s not until I hear her contagious giggle that I realize she’s not a figment of my imagination.
She’s actually in front of me, touching me.
“I think you can hang this up.” She grabs my phone and places it on top of my mail. “Now, are you going to just stand there or hug me?”
My hands wrap around Violet’s waist and draw her close. She squeals when our bodies mesh together for the first time in too long.
“What are you doing here?” I lean back, kissing her on the forehead.
“Would you believe me if I said a dead man’s words brought me here?” She steps around me and glances around my apartment. This place is new to her even with the same furniture and setup.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” I call out as she wanders into the kitchen. “Are you staying with me?”
“Where else would I stay?” Beer in hand, she flops onto the couch and pats the spot next to her. I’m quick to fill the vacancy.
“I didn’t know if you were going back to the city or . . .”
Violet moves fast, straddling my lap. My hands trail down her arms, over her hips, and stop on the cuffs of the red boots.
“Have I told you lately how much I love these?” Her eyes travel to my hands.
“You don’t have to. I’ve seen the photos.” Violet’s worn them on all of her excursions. “So, how long are you here for?”
“I’m not sure,” she answers.
“So we have time?” I ask. “Are you going to see Ken and Amanda?”
“I was actually hoping you’d keep my being here a secret.” She sips her beer. “It’s not that I don’t want to see them; I just want to see you more.” Her hands skim over my shoulders.
The way she’s looking at me makes my stomach flip-flop.
“I think I can keep your secret.” I kiss the nape of her neck. It’s the first real contact we’ve had in weeks, and it causes a shiver to run through both of us. Our eyes widen at the reaction, and without a second thought, our lips collide.
My hands grip the hem of her shirt, pulling it tight around her back. Her chest pops forward from the motion. My mouth covers the fabric over her breast, and her moans egg me on. I tear it from collar to hem, discarding the ripped fabric to the floor.
“Was that really necessary?” Violet licks along my jaw. The warmth makes me grow harder.
“Everything with you is necessary,” I whisper into her shoulder.
She sits up, using one hand to loosen my belt and unbutton my pants. Her hand sneaks into my briefs, gently stroking my length. My toes curl from the motion. I flip Violet onto the couch, giving her no choice but to release her hold on me.
“What do you want? You came all this way, so what do you want?” I kiss a trail along her neck, and she swivels beneath me. “What do you want, Vi?”
“The only thing I’ve always wanted.” She licks her lips. Her eyelids slip, showing me how turned on she is. “You.”
*****
Waking up without the heat of Violet’s body against mine startles me. If she’s disappeared again . . .
Last night was incredible. Never in a million years did I expect her to show up on my doorstep, no notice or anything. Hell, remembering my first sight of her in
those red boots makes me hard.
I roll off the bed, pull on a pair of running shorts, and wipe my eyes as I saunter into the living room. Violet sits in front of her laptop, dressed with her hair and makeup perfect. As I walk past her to the kitchen, she gives me a hooded look, one I’ve seen many times before. While I pour a glass of orange juice, an unfamiliar female voice carries into the kitchen.
“And who might that be, Violet?”
I peek my head into the living room and see Violet on a video chat.
“Well, that happens to be the reason I abandoned my visit to New York, and why we’re doing this over Skype,” Violet answers.
“Let me guess? Boyfriend?” the person I assume is her boss, asks.
Violet turns to look at me and then back to the computer screen. “We haven’t exactly figured that part out yet.”
“Well, he’s cute,” she says.
“He is, isn’t he?” Violet smiles, shooing me away.
I duck into the kitchen to whip up breakfast while she finishes her meeting. I grab a loaf out of the bread box my mom bought and dip slices in an egg and milk wash. While it fries, I sprinkle cinnamon over the top. A few pieces of sausage sizzle in a pan, and I set a stack of French toast on two plates.
“Jesus, that smells delicious.” Violet’s arms wrap around me. Her chest sticks to my back like glue. I close my eyes, savoring the contact.
“Your boss?” I nod my chin to the living room.
“Jacqueline.” She informs me. “And yes. I was supposed to go to the city to show her the footage for the vlog, but I’m here, instead. Luckily, she thinks you’re a hot piece of meat, so she’s going to let me get away with emailing it over for her to check.”
“What exactly are you doing for her company? It’s a marketing firm, right?”
“My vlog is a way to bring in younger customers. From her website, she directs consumers directly to designers. She also deals with the marketing for a lot of up-and-coming designers and artists. Basically, she does everything they need her to do. I think that’s why she’s been so damn successful.”
“Can I see some of them?” I offer her a piece of sausage. She bites the end off and moans.
“You want to see my vlogs?” Violet jumps onto the countertop.
I spin and tuck between her legs. She tugs at the hem of my t-shirt.
“Why wouldn’t I?” I shrug.
After we eat and clean the kitchen, Violet plays the first three installments she’s sent to Jacqueline. Each episode breaks down the city she’s visiting and the new things she’s learning along the way. What she’s managed to do without much assistance amazes me.
“What do you think?” She closes the laptop and turns to face me. “And be honest.”
“I think you’re a genius. It’s relatable and innovative. If this doesn’t draw attention, then I don’t know what would,” I answer honestly. A blush creeps onto her cheeks.
“Enough about me. What about you? We obviously didn’t have much time to talk last night.” She smirks, but her eyes are far away, remembering our night together. I resist the urge to throw her over my shoulder and take her back to bed.
“Mr. Samuel has us working our asses off, doing those mock bills. It’s actually done a lot for my knowledge of politics and the system in general.” Violet pretends to snore, and I laugh. “I know. I know. It’s boring.”
“No, it’s not boring at all.” Her eyes droop shut.
“Sorry, not all of us get to traipse around the world documenting our adventure.” I raise an eyebrow.
“Yeah, well, that’s true. So, what do you have going on today?”
“It’s Saturday. My day’s free.” Without the stress of baseball, my weekends are empty of plans. “We can do anything you want.”
“Anything?” Violet jumps from the couch. She dances in front of me. Excitement floods from every pore of her body. “I have the perfect idea.”
*****
By the time we’re ready to leave the orchard, Violet has twelve different pumpkins and a basket full of apples. She has every intention of figuring out how to make apple pie.
“Explain to me again why we’re doing this.” I set the wicker basket on an empty table. That sucker is heavy.
“I already told you. I want to soak up the fall, just in case I’m not home for Thanksgiving.” She drops down beside me and watches a group of young kids dancing around the busy yard. A family stops to take a picture in front of a giant pumpkin.
“Where are you supposed to be?”
“Jacqueline thinks one of our clients will be offering a pop-up fashion show around that time. She wants me traveling with her to document it for the website.” She takes a bite of one of the apples, offering it to share. My teeth dig into the crisp fruit. The sweet and tart tastes have my lips puckering.
“You’re cute when you eat an apple.” She kisses the corner of my mouth.
“Do you remember the last time we were at an apple orchard?” I ask. My legs drape over the sides of the bench, and I pull her body in close.
“How could I forget?” She grins at the memory.
The things I do for this girl.
“Has anyone seen Violet?” I interrupt Graham’s flirting with the girl taking tickets for the corn maze.
“Not my problem.” He waves me off, not even looking up when he answers.
“You’re no help,” I mutter as I pass by and punch him in the arm.
As a group, we’ve decided to come to the orchard. The girls are all giddy over the pumpkin-spiced everything and apple picking. I’ll never understand the fascination with this time of year. The only reason I’m here is because I’d overheard Violet saying she was going.
We’ve been talking. That’s the best way to describe it. We aren’t dating, but she’s shown interest, which is all I need to know I’ll be spending my night in the cool October weather.
“Dan.” Violet’s voice has me spinning around to see where she hides. She waves her fingers from the opening of the corn maze. I reach into my pocket and hand my ticket to the attendant.
Violet scurries through the first part of the maze, disappearing around the bend.
“Oh, Violet,” I sing-song, creeping through the maze.
“Right over here.” Violet’s head pokes out of a row of corn beside me. I lunge forward, cutting through the tall stalks. Violet squeals, running away.
“Don’t think I won’t find you,” I taunt, taking long steps to catch up to her.
“And when you do find me?” she counters, running backward and egging me on by making faces.
“I plan on kissing you,” I blurt the first thought in my head.
“You scared the crap out of me. I didn’t expect you to be so blunt,” Violet says, breaking me from the memory.
“Well, I liked you.” I brush her hair away from her face. “And I wasn’t sure if I’d get another chance.”
“Is that so?” she teases.
I take small steps in her direction. “I’ve been thinking about kissing you for a while.”
My words seem to put her in a trance. Her eyes dance from my eyes to my lips.
“What if it doesn’t live up to the idea in your head?” She doesn’t realize it, but she steps to me. I close the gap between us. “And then, what if you regret it?”
“Doubtful.”
“What if it changes everything?”
“I’m banking on it.” I wrap my arms around her waist. My head dips as she stands on her tiptoes to close the space between us. Our lips crash against together in the most anticipated kiss I’ve had to date. Her tongue skims across my lip, and we pull away from the unexpected reaction the kiss has caused.
“Best kiss ever,” Violet says. “I was so taken aback after that. I never thought for a single second you, of all people, would have that large of an effect on me.”
“I always knew it would be good between us. It just took you longer to catch up to the feelings I was having.”
“All
that matters is I got there.” Violet leans forward, silently asking for a kiss. I give her what she wants before standing and pulling her to her feet.
“Let’s go make some apple pie, shall we?” I grab the basket, sitting it on top of the wagon full of pumpkins.
I’ll make a hundred apple pies if it means I get the chance to have Violet beside me. Something’s changed with her. There’s a glimpse of the old her, the girl I originally fell in love with. The most ironic part of our turmoil is Violet’s desperate attempts to find that girl, and although she has, parts of her have changed. More importantly, I believe it’s for the better.
The whole apartment still smells of fall from yesterday. Pumpkin. Cider. All of the things I love.
My eyes focus on the vase of sunflowers Dan brought home when I sent him out for donuts this morning. They’re beautiful, and the only thing in this apartment that indicates a female’s touch. I laugh at the absurdity. A single, large couch. An even bigger television. It’s a man’s dream come true.
“Have you ever thought of hanging up a photo?” I look over the top of the couch. He’s sitting at the breakfast bar, tapping his foot on the stool. “Aren’t there people you love enough to display?” He offers an eye roll, and I’m in stitches as he ignores me to read the papers in front of him. “No, then?” I pester.
“Can you give a guy a break? I just moved in here,” he says. “Don’t you have a country to visit or some other adventure that doesn’t involve criticizing my décor?” He stands and wraps his arms around my shoulders.
“Trying to get rid of me so soon?” I wink at him as he releases his hold and circles the couch to sit beside me. “What were you working on over there?” I tilt my head toward the bar.
“We have a competition coming up. I know it sounds lame, but it’s important to me.” His unease about how I feel concerning his choice of a future is sweet but unnecessary.
“If it’s important to you, then it’s important to me.” I loop my arm through his and rest my cheek on his bicep. “I have to ask. How did you build up the courage to give up baseball? And then, on top of that, drastically change your major? It happened so quick. Sort of took me by surprise.”