The Devil Couldn't Break Me

by Laura Aslan

  I thought back to yesterday when I’d looked into the kitchen. That window was barred too and I believe it looked onto a brick wall. I cast my mind back to the night before when I had to go to the bathroom. I think the bathroom was windowless. It was dark and yet my eyes took everything in and I couldn’t remember a window, not even a small one. I grew despondent as I realised that the kidnappers had obviously thought of these things. The front door was a classic example of how security conscious they were. The front entrance was the only real possibility of getting out of there and they had fitted an additional reinforced steel door that looked as if it had come from a high security prison block. No, I would bide my time and wait for my chance of some other way to get out of there.

  As the day progressed the thought of escape was never far away. I then began to think that they would eventually let me go because they would do a little investigating, check out my story and realise that I had been telling the truth. I convinced myself that although they had at first been very abusive and brutal, their attitudes would change once they knew I was telling the truth. That’s why Kupi hadn’t turned up today, he’d be out with his men, they would be talking to Brian and Peter and they’d confirm everything I’d said and they’d return soon and apologise and I’d be back by nightfall. They knew where Brian and Peter lived so it wouldn’t be difficult to talk to them and needless to say Brian and Peter would realise that I had been taken and would answer any questions that would secure my imminent release.

  The door opened and Lule breezed through with some cups of coffee.

  “Drink this while you can,” she said. “The electricity is back on so take something hot.”

  “Where is Azem?” I asked.

  She placed the cups on the bedside cabinet.

  “How the fuck should I know?”

  “But he comes here most days?”

  She shook her head.

  “No, not really. He arranges a few meetings with his associates here and when he wants satisfied he comes to screw me but apart from that he’s his own man. He has business to attend to and his wife and family, so I’m afraid my little virgin girl that he’ll be back here when he’s good and ready and not before.”

  She pointed to the coffee cup.

  “So drink up and relax.”

  “Why are you so abusive to me?” I asked. “Why do you speak to me like this? I’m not your enemy. I’m a refugee, no more than that. I am not a spy or a whore, I‘m a village girl from Veliki Trnovac and I haven’t harmed you or anyone else and yet still you mock me.”

  I think I took Lule by surprise as she frowned and stuttered. I still hadn’t figured out exactly what she was or who she was but I made a mental note that I would dig deep and find out exactly the type of girl she was.

  Kupi didn’t turn up that first evening either and I remember boredom was the biggest hurdle I had to overcome. There was a small television in the lounge and after some hours I plucked up a little courage and ventured out there. Naim sat on the sofa and Lule in another armchair as they concentrated on some pathetic game show and tried to answer the questions but although I so wanted to sit down and join them I kept looking at Naim and his perverted little grin as he looked me up and down and I couldn’t bear to be in the same room as him. As I turned and walked away from him I somehow believed he had scored a small victory against me and I hated myself for allowing that to happen.

  I lay on the bed studying the patterns of paint on the ceiling. There was nothing else much to do as I listened to the enthusiastic audience of the game show through the open bedroom door as they shouted encouragement to the contestants and I listened to Lule and Naim as they continued their private individual contest to see who could answer the most questions. I spent a lot of time praying. Although I didn’t consider myself particularly religious, it’s strange who you will turn to when the situation looks bleak. I talked to God and hoped that the sky wasn’t empty.

  Kupi turned up after three days. Later that evening I would find out exactly the type of girl Lule was and complimented myself on my good judge of character.

  It was the noise of the keys and the barrels of the locks being turned that first startled me. I was sitting in the bedroom as usual when I heard the commotion and I heard Naim jump from his seat and his rapid footsteps on the threadbare carpet. Lule burst into the bedroom looking for some lipstick and a make-up bag.

  “Quick,” she shouted. “It’s the Boss, he’s here.”

  I lay on the bed trying to look calm and relaxed but all the while trembling inwardly because judging by the reactions of Lule and Naim I realised Azem Kupi was not so much respected but feared. Who was this man? As I studied Lule I recalled how calm she had been over the last few days and yet here she was running around like a headless chicken, almost panic-stricken.

  I stayed on the bed for some minutes as I heard the voices from the lounge. There seemed to be a few different men there, voices I couldn’t recognise. Lule came through to the bedroom.

  “Come, help me make some coffee.”

  I followed her into the lounge and took a sharp intake of breath as I saw Kupi again. He sat at a table with another two men I hadn’t seen before and he smiled as I made eye contact with him. Two of his henchmen who had been prepared to rape me were also there, standing in the corner trying their best to look mean which they achieved quite easily. I followed on quickly behind Lule as we walked into the kitchen.

  “Who are they?” I asked quietly. “What do they want, what are they doing here?”

  Lule filled the kettle with water and ignored me.

  “Get me half a dozen cups from the shelf and the coffee is over there.”

  I did as she asked.

  “But why are they-”

  “Hurry,” she snapped at me, “Azem doesn’t like to be kept waiting and stop asking so many fucking questions. You’ll be better off if you just keep your mouth shut.”

  When the coffee was ready we carried the cups through to the lounge and placed them on the table. Kupi was clearly in some sort of meeting and for the most part ignored me and Lule. I walked back into the bedroom but kept the door open so that I could hear bits of the conversation. It all seemed to revolve around money and Kupi and the other two men appeared to be haggling over the price of something. The figures were quite high and always in US Dollars. I heard thirty thousand and as much as forty thousand and then they talked about commissions and percentages and even expenses.

  I eventually got bored as the negotiations seemed to be going round in circles. I got up and stared out of the window again wondering how close I was to Brian and Peter. I didn’t know Pristina that well and wished I had taken more notice of my surroundings when we had ventured out. It was a huge city, nearly half a million residents I was led to believe and I began to feel depressed at the sheer scale of the place. I hated it and longed to be back with my parents in Veliki Trnovac. As the tears started to well up in my eyes again I wondered what would be going through the heads of Brian and Peter at that very moment. Would they be looking for me or would they be on their normal tour of duty? What would I be doing in their situation? I liked to think that our intimate moment meant more to Brian than I suspected and he’d be pulling out all the stops to look for me. Surely someone on that street the day I was kidnapped had taken notice of the car and the number plate and surely that car could be traced back to Kupi?

  There was hope. There was always a little hope. I missed my American friends so much.

  At that moment Lule appeared in the bedroom and she noticed my tears.

  “What’s the matter?” she asked.

  Without thinking I replied.

  “I miss my American friends. They were so kind to me.”

  It was the first thing that came into my head but it was a slip up that Lule latched

  on to. She walked back out of the
room straight away and I heard her relay my words to Kupi. Lule was laughing, mimicking my accent and miming me. Kupi walked into the room, he had a strange look on his face.

  “I’m nearly finished with this little bit of business,” he said, “then we’ll have a little fun because I hear you’re missing your American friends.”

  I was shaking my head trying to protest as the scenarios flashed in front of me of just what Kupi meant by having fun. Lule stood behind him grinning liking an idiot. It was clear she knew exactly what Kupi had in mind and she was going to enjoy every second. Kupi walked over to where I stood and reached behind me squeezing my backside hard.

  “Don’t worry,” he said, “I’ll help you get over your dear American friends.”

  I was shaking all over. Terrified at what was about to come my way and wishing I could have taken those words back. Lule still stood in the doorway smoking on a cigarette as Kupi brushed past her and walked back to the table.

  The meeting was over all too soon and I heard the men leaving and bidding Kupi goodbye. I heard more conversations between him and his men and then they left too. Each time I heard the heavy steel door being slammed and locked it was as if it was somehow taunting me, telling me there was no means of escape.

  Within minutes Kupi and Lule walked into the bedroom and Kupi locked the door behind him. I knew exactly what was on their minds as I begged them to open the door and let me out.

  Lule was laughing as she slowly began to unbutton her dress and Kupi too, started to take his sweatshirt off.

  “It’s very boring waiting in here day after day,” he said, “don’t you think?”

  I was crying, begging him to stop.

  “We need a little excitement to brighten up the day?”

  Lule was sitting on the bed and had removed her bra exposing her breasts. Kupi unbuckled his belt and dropped his trousers to the floor. He looked over to Lule and pointed his finger at her and then to his groin region.

  “Show our little virgin how to pleasure a man with a mouth.”

  Lule didn’t need to be told a second time. As she stood up she quickly removed her skirt and then her knickers and stood completely naked in front of Kupi before dropping to her knees.

  “Please,” I begged, “please let me go, I really don’t want to do this.”

  I was crying and the more tears that fell the more it seemed to excite them. Lule moved forward and reached into Kupi’s underpants. I covered my eyes with my hands.

  “Watch,” Kupi screamed at me, “watch what she does or it will be you who takes her place.”

  Lule was revelling in it, clearly enjoying my discomfort as she took Kupi’s erect penis in her mouth and began sucking him aggressively as he placed his hands behind her head and began to moan. I had never seen anything like it before; I had never even seen a pornographic movie and the whole spectacle made me feel physically sick.

  Kupi opened his eyes and looked over.

  “You keep watching or there’ll be fucking trouble. You keep watching and then you can copy her.”

  “Please no, don’t make me do this.”

  “Don’t worry,” said Kupi, “you’ll enjoy it I promise.”

  Lule pulled her head away and spoke.

  “Come virgin girl, come and join us.”

  Kupi slapped her across the head and she returned to what she had been doing as he looked over to me and grinned. He spoke softly.

  “Are you watching bitch, are you watching carefully?”

  Suddenly it appeared Kupi had other ideas as he pulled Lule from the floor and almost threw her onto the bed. He was red in the face and breathing hard. He turned to me again.

  “You keep watching do you hear?”

  I nodded like a trained dog but almost immediately I somehow realised that Kupi would possibly not last long enough to involve me in any of his depraved sex games. He appeared anxious and preoccupied with Lule, almost in a rush as he tore his underpants off, spread Lule’s legs open and jumped on her.

  Lule let out a little squeal, which clearly excited him as his fat ugly backside became a blur as he thrust and grunted his way to orgasm. It lasted no more than two or three minutes and it was by far the most disgusting, revolting thing I had ever seen. Kupi rolled off Lule as he lay panting on the bed. Lule reached for the cigarette packet once again and lit two cigarettes as she placed one between Kupi’s lips. They wallowed there for some minutes like the dirty pigs that they were as I stood fixed to the spot not quite believing what I had been unfortunate enough to witness.

  Kupi climbed from the bed as he reached for his trousers and dressed. He took the key from his pocket and walked towards the door.

  As he passed me he turned and smiled.

  “Next time it will be your turn.”

  Witnessing Pure Evil First Hand

  Lule walked around with a smile on her face for most of the following day teasing and taunting me about what I had witnessed. This was not the introduction to sex I had envisaged. I expected a tender beautiful moment on my wedding night with the husband I loved but instead experienced the actions of two perverted monsters sharing an act which should have remained private, but worse than that, I realised that the majority of the pleasure had been derived from the fact that they had disgusted and terrified me in equal measures.

  She goaded me and convinced me that it was only a matter of time before it would be my turn and whenever I walked through to the toilet or into the kitchen she would make a point in bringing Naim into the conversation and once even suggested that he take my virginity there and then. I think she embarrassed even Naim. Naim was the youngest of the guards, about twenty-two years of age and certainly not as confident or cocky as the others.

  As always I was relieved to make it back to the relative safety of the bedroom where I closed the door in an attempt to block out the horrors that lay beyond. I’d stand by the broken window for hours looking down onto the street below and thought, if only people in the city knew I was up here, knew I was being held prisoner for no reason then surely they would come and get me. I looked down in the forlorn hope I would see Brian and Peter searching for me and that somehow I could shout or throw something to them to tell them where I was. I thought constantly of escape, of some idea where I could get messages out to people and yet I didn’t even know the name of the apartment block or the number of the apartment.

  Over the next few days I managed to sneak a pen into the bedroom as well as some paper and I was always on standby to write a message and break the glass and throw an ornament or something heavy out of the window with my message attached if I saw a policemen or a UN soldier. I knew that if my message fell into the wrong hands I would undoubtedly be killed. b Judging from Kupi’s conversations with his gang and his boasts and claims, his gang numbered many and I knew his influence in the city was vast. I wondered if I would ever have the courage to attempt anything remotely resembling an escape. There were times of determination when I sincerely believed I could at least try something.

  “It can be done,” I told myself over and over again, “find a way.”

  And yet the message, whatever it was going to be never made it onto the paper and in time I even lost the pen. But still I would stand by that window and look down and hope that by some miracle I would see Brian and Peter and they would see me and they would come to my rescue somehow. I daydreamed about them breaking through the door and shooting Naim and Kupi and I would take a little revenge and slap Lule hard across the face while they held her. I hated myself for thinking that way.

  As the days passed there was no sign of Kupi or his gang, just me, Lule and Naim. I was aware that Lule was free to come and go as she pleased which puzzled me because at first I assumed she was a prisoner like me. I hated her even more when I discovered she was part of Kupi’s gang too, there of her own free will. I had been rig
ht from the outset, the woman was positively evil.

  Lule did the shopping and cooked meals for her and Naim as they sat at a table and dined together at least once a day. The smells coming from the kitchen were pleasant enough but not once was I asked to join them. After they were finished Lule would bring me a plate of bread, sometimes some cheese and now and again a suxhuk, a smoked sausage cooked in herbs. That was my diet for the three or four weeks I was there while Naim and Lule ate soup, pasta and rice, fish and meat and always plenty of fresh vegetables. I confess it didn’t worry me too much as my appetite was none existent. I ate the bread to survive, nothing more and I wanted to survive because I was determined they would not kill me through starvation. I had a strange, almost terrible hunger to survive. At times I was almost ashamed of my determination.

  As I undressed at night I could see that my flesh was hanging from my bones and I could even see the shape of my thigh bones protruding through my skin. I had to stay strong I told myself, just in case I ever got the chance to run and pledged one night that I would not send anything back to the kitchen from that moment onwards.

  Lule made me wash the dishes and clean the apartment every day as her and Naim sat smoking in clouds of toxic smoke that eventually made it into my lungs and I ended up with a permanent cough. No matter how well I cleaned the apartment and how much cleaning fluid and aerosol spray I used, it seemed to have little effect and always had that horrible stale smell with an almost permanent yellow, greyish cloud of smoke that seemed to hang in the air a few centimetres below the mustard coloured ceiling.

  There were periods when Lule came over as being quite pleasant. She’d venture into the bedroom with hot coffee and sit on the bed beside me and she’d start asking me questions about my family and what it was like in Serbia. I’d give her the same answers and then the real questions would start as she hid behind her false smile. She’d ask about the Americans and my political views and try to trip me up with questions about Albania and Kosovo. I knew exactly what her remit was and that was to try and befriend me and take me into her confidence so that I would disclose some information that would prove I was a Serbian agent after all. She was the worst interrogator ever and the worst actress in the whole of the Balkans and I could see right through her. But nevertheless I answered her questions with the same answers I had given Kupi and his mob, time and time again.