The Devil Couldn't Break Me

by Laura Aslan

  At times Lule acted more like a man than a woman. Her hygiene left a lot to be desired and more often than not she’d leave the toilet unflushed and thought nothing of breaking wind loudly although only in front of me, never the men. I’d make a point of trying to wash every day even if it meant standing at the sink with a handful of wet tissues. Lule on the other hand would quite happily go five, six, seven days without a shower and at times as she passed me in the corridor or in the bedroom I would get an unpleasant whiff of the stench that hung over her like a shroud.

  I only had one pair of knickers, as I was too frightened to ask for some more. I’d asked Lule just a few days in to my captivity but she’d flatly refused to give me a spare pair and said I had to ask Kupi for anything extra I needed. That was never going to happen.

  Whenever I spoke to Kupi I found myself speaking in a whisper. I couldn’t quite explain it and at times I was very conscious of my soft voice. It was as if I was too frightened to upset him and the louder I spoke the more aggressive it would surely sound. When I spoke in a whisper to Kupi he generally responded likewise as I lived in fear of him raising his voice.

  Looking back on my time spent with Kupi, his gang and of course Lule, I sincerely believe that they knew I was not a Serbian spy. They had possibly thought that in the beginning, but as time passed by and they interrogated me over and over again, sometimes brutally and sometimes gently like Lule tried to achieve, they would inevitably realise that I had to be telling the truth and did not fit the profile of the kind of girl who had been trained for that sort of thing. I clung to the hope that one day the truth would hit them. I suspected that happened quite soon into my internment and when it did, Kupi shrugged his shoulders and decided to make money from me instead. Releasing me was not a consideration that had ever crossed his mind.

  I was dozing on the bed feeling weak and pretty tired. For eight, nine, ten days I had hardly slept at all and inevitably it was now catching up on me. I was going to bed quite early and sleeping right through until the morning and I would sometimes get the urge to return to bed early afternoon. Lule seemed quite happy with that and left me to clean up and wash the dishes in my own time. My mind was also a little more relaxed as I had thought the worst thoughts possible to the point where I could think them no more and I almost resigned myself to the fact I was going to be holed up in the apartment for some time. I began to try and think of the nice things back home and my family and summer walks in the mountains and consciously tried to push the wicked thoughts and the despair out of my head. I figured there was only so many things I could fill my head with and believed the more good things I could squeeze in there, the more bad things would be pushed out.

  I told myself there had been no violence for some time, nothing since I had been forced to watch Kupi and Lule’s sordid little sex show. I convinced myself that those days had ended.

  How wrong could I have been, as one day the door to my room burst open and Kupi ordered me through to the lounge. I must have been sleeping deep because I hadn’t heard anyone come through the doors and when I walked through the lounge seemed to be filled with people. I was still half asleep and took a while to take everything in. Lule sat with her legs crossed in the armchair smoking as usual while Naim stood by the window holding his rifle, almost standing to attention. The fat guard with the balding head and the big nose, who I now knew as Rexha, sat at the table holding some sort of baton that looked as if it had traces of blood on it. Two of the other guards were apparently wrestling in the middle of the floor while everyone looked on.

  Kupi told me to sit with him at the table and as I rubbed my eyes and tried to focus, I realised that the two guards weren’t in fact wrestling each other but instead, violently struggling to hold a young blond girl down.

  “What...”, I said, “what is going on?”

  “Sit!” Kupi barked out. “This will be entertaining I promise you, I want you to see this.”

  Before I could utter another word one of Kupi’s men knelt down and struck the poor girl several times in the face and around the head. She appeared to stop struggling.

  Rexha laughed.

  “Hah, that will put a stop to her little fight.”

  Kupi spoke too.

  “Untie her. If she resists again hit her again but only harder.”

  “No!” I cried out. “What has she done?”

  I instinctively stood but Kupi pulled me hard back into the seat. I tried to appeal to the better nature of Lule as I looked over to where she sat.

  “Lule, please make them stop.”

  I was wasting my breath. Lule didn’t even look up from what was unfolding in front of her. It was as if she hadn’t even heard me.

  The girl was clearly dazed and bleeding from her mouth that was covered in sticky tape. Another the guards ripped the tape from her mouth and her head banged off the floor. I could see she had her hands taped behind her back and the other guard was working on that, cutting it with a large knife. When all of the tape was removed they started ripping and cutting at her clothes and I knew exactly what was coming next as I covered my face with my hands. Kupi lunged at me and pulled my hands away.

  “You watch I tell you.” he screamed. “You watch or you’ll be taking her place.”

  They clawed and ripped at her clothes as she whimpered and pleaded with them but within minutes the fight in her had clearly deserted her. One of the guards kicked her hard in the stomach and she gasped for breath as her tears mixed with the blood that now covered her face. They removed her coat and her skirt and a blouse as she tried in vain to cover her modesty.

  I looked at Kupi.

  “What has she done, why are you doing this?”

  My questions fell on deaf ears and as I looked again the poor girl had been stripped completely naked as Rexha looked on shouting encouragement. The two men stood and began to remove their own clothes until they too were completely naked.

  Kupi was smiling as he pointed to them.

  “This is good. Watch them closely now and take it all in.”

  He smiled.

  “Knowledge is a good thing, you’ll see now why they’ve removed the tape from her mouth.”

  The girl was beaten some more, kicked about the back and the head as she lay defenceless on the floor until she resembled nothing more than a limp rag doll. She was putty in their hands as the two men lifted her onto her hands and knees. She offered no resistance as one of them forced her head onto the floor. The eldest of the guards knelt behind her forcing her backside into the air and as he penetrated her violently, he began laughing, thrusting in and out of her roughly as his colleague forced his penis between her lips and took his pleasure with her mouth. Kupi, Lule and the rest of the animals burst out into a spontaneous round of applause and I couldn’t watch as I screwed my eyes tightly shut. Thankfully Kupi, Rexha and Lule were too pre-occupied with events on the dirty stained carpet to even notice. I opened my eyes as someone let out a little cheer. Lule was grinning at the man kneeling behind the girl as he continued, his companion satisfied and clearly finished as he pulled his trousers on but still unable to take his eyes off proceedings. They looked on like a pack of animals as the second participant eventually climaxed and fell moaning onto his back while everyone in the room applauded. The poor girl collapsed onto her stomach and at that point I was convinced she was actually unconscious.

  The two men dressed while Rexha congratulated them.

  “A fine display gentlemen,” he said and mumbled something to Kupi.

  I heard the words pastrim etnik which means ethnic cleansing, and my blood ran cold. What did they mean? Were they going to kill her?

  I turned to Kupi.

  “You’re going to kill her?”

  Kupi looked puzzled.

  “Not at all, what makes you think that?”

  “I heard...”
>
  Kupi interrupted.

  “I asked you to watch not listen. Make sure you do as I say from now on is that clear.”

  “Yes Azem.”

  “Good.”

  He stood and walked over to where the girl lay.

  “She’s had her punishment now she can return to the street.”

  He looked at me.

  “You can get back to your bedroom, I’ve some business to attend to.”

  I wanted to help the girl so much but Kupi wouldn’t have it.

  “She’ll come round in an hour or two don’t worry.”

  He pointed to the bedroom.

  “I won’t tell you again.”

  “Yes Azem.”

  I lay on the bed and sobbed like a baby. As a small girl I truly believed in monsters and now I knew it to be true. The monsters were alive and well and more than real and they were walking amongst us.

  The nightmare had returned, it was by far the worst thing I had ever witnessed and although I felt for the girl, the one thing that stood out was Lule watching that terrible spectacle, not only watching but seemingly enjoying the show, revelling in the pain and humiliation the girl was suffering. She came into the bedroom soon after, looking for more cigarettes.

  I couldn’t help myself as I berated her.

  “How could you watch such a thing? How could you sit there and say nothing?”

  I didn’t even get a reaction from her as she found her cigarettes, pulled one from the box and lit up.

  “You are the most evil disgusting creature I have ever met,” I said through gritted teeth. “How do you sleep at night?”

  Lule stopped as she reached the door. She told me I was the lucky one, said it could have

  been me Azem had thrown to the dogs. I wanted to rush forward and attack her as I clenched my fists and stiffened up but I managed to control myself. And that night I had to lie with her once again as she snored and broke wind throughout the night. Once again sleep would not come to me until the early hours of the morning. In my head I had the images of that poor, broken, degraded girl and the evil smile of the woman lying next to me.

  A Deal - Sold to the Highest Bidder

  Azem Kupi strolled into the bedroom the following morning acting as if events of the previous day hadn’t happened. I woke as he leaned over the bed smiling, rousing both Lule and I with the remark that it was a beautiful morning and that we would be going out for the day.

  Lule jumped out of bed quicker than I had seen her move for some time and greeted him with a kiss on the cheek. I thought it was so false and more than a little pathetic. He brushed her away, almost ignoring her as he stared at me for some time. I felt so very uncomfortable and had no intention of getting out of bed as he stood in the room. Lule announced she needed to go to the bathroom and thankfully Kupi followed after her. I jumped up quickly and pulled on my jeans. I noticed they were looking rather grubby and I was more than aware that my other clothes were starting to smell too. Lule had offered me a pair of her old, torn jeans but the thought of wearing anything she had worn repulsed me. But perhaps I would need to take up Lule’s offer soon; otherwise my clothes would fall to pieces. They hadn’t even been washed since I’d been held captive, as I had nothing else to put on. I sighed out loud and I asked myself the same old question as I wondered how long they would keep me there. I shook my head, ran my fingers through my hair and walked through to the lounge. I felt dirty and unkempt. Naim sat by the table. I asked him where Kupi was and he smiled and pointed to the bathroom. I listened and heard some banging and noises coming from Lule that made it fairly obvious what was going on. After a few minutes Kupi re-appeared grinning as he did up his belt buckle.

  As he passed me he spoke.

  “How I wished that was you in there Laura. But business is business and you’re worth a lot of money to me.”

  What was he talking about?

  Kupi sat at the table with Naim and they started to talk. I don’t know where the courage came from but the words just seemed to tumble out of my mouth.

  “What did you mean by that?”

  They looked at each other and the two of them both grinned.

  “Get me a coffee,” he said, “I’ll tell you when I’m good and ready, when the deal has been arranged.”

  “What deal?” I asked as I stood with my hands on my hips trying to look determined.

  “Coffee,” he said quietly, “then perhaps we can talk.”

  I sat at the table with Kupi and Naim with three cups of steaming hot coffee. Kupi had almost drained his cup before he even looked at me.

  “So what do you want to know?”

  “I want to know what you meant by business being business.”

  Kupi looked at Naim again and I could see that whatever they were talking about had been discussed before.

  Kupi took me by the hand and spoke softly but he spoke in a patronising manner.

  “Have you heard of trafficking?”

  I shook my head.

  “I thought not,” he said. “You’ve led a sheltered little existence so let me explain.”

  Kupi educated me in the next ten minutes. He told me about the sex trade and the prostitutes and the brothels that he and his gang controlled in Pristina and the surrounding areas. I listened in horror as he explained that the brothels were ‘small change’ and that the prostitutes walking the streets of Pristina were nothing but trouble and always looking to cheat him. Kupi spoke quite passionately about how he protected them and how they abused that trust. I was astonished at his attitude, as if these girls truly belonged to him, as if he had every right to exploit them and take their money. He said that he was always punishing them but they would never learn. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

  “Once a street whore always a street whore,” He said.

  I wondered if the girl who had been raped and beaten the other day was one of Kupi’s street girls. He said he was tired of them and that putting the problem onto someone else by selling the girls was the easiest option.

  “You sell them?” I asked.

  “Yes,” Kupi said, “I am tired of them, it’s far easier to sell them on.”

  “But how can you sell a girl that doesn’t belong to you?” I asked naively. “How can you sell a human being at all?”

  Kupi leaned forward and spoke in a whisper.

  “But they do belong to me Laura. Just like you.”

  I stood up angrily.

  “I belong to no one.”

  Kupi looked at Naim and they both laughed, then he lunged at me and grabbed me by the hair forcing me back onto the seat.

  “Just who the fuck do you think you are?” he spat. “So who do you think you belong to? The Americans? Your parents? No one has come to look for you have they? No one gives a fuck about you.”

  “Please Azem you are hurting me.”

  He had changed in an instant as he snarled at me.

  “You’re my bitch and don’t forget it and yes, I’m going to sell you too, because you are a sweet innocent little virgin girl and there’s plenty of rich men out there who are only happy to pay out a small fortune for someone like you.”

  I felt the tears welling up inside me as I started to shake.

  “Sell me? You can’t sell me I don’t...”

  Kupi slapped me hard across the face.

  “You’re not listening to me mother fucker.”

  He screamed as he pulled my face onto the table and held it there.

  “You’re my bitch and you’re being sold, the deal is already done.”

  Kupi’s words were haunting. I can still hear them to this day. The deal is already done. He released my hair and I lifted my head from the table as I stared at him. Then his persona changed. He smiled again, even stroked my face at
one point. It was Jekyll and Hyde.

  “Now, enough of this. We’re going out for some lunch so you’ll need to get ready.”

  “Lunch?”

  What sort of sick game is he playing, I thought.

  “Yes, I’m taking you to lunch with some friends, I told you earlier.” He stood. “You need to get out of here for a little while, you’ve been here too long.”

  Kupi summoned Lule and instructed her to wash and dry my clothes. I went back into the bedroom and removed everything, as I stood naked before her.

  “Great body,” she said. “What a shame you are wasting it.”

  She told me they would be ready in an hour and I was so thankful that I would be wearing clean clothes again and more relieved that I wouldn’t have to wear anything that had come into contact with her skin.

  The next few hours were all rather bizarre. Lule brought me my clean clothes, all nicely pressed and I took a hot shower, applied a little make up and changed. I felt so refreshed and clean and actually realised that I was looking forward to going out. Kupi stood up as I walked into the lounge and looked me up and down as he threw me an approving type of look.

  “Good,” he said, “that’s better.”

  He looked at Lule.

  “Get her coat, it’s bitterly cold out there and we don’t want her to freeze.”

  Lule disappeared into the hallway and came back with two coats. Kupi told her that she wasn’t coming. She was staying in the apartment with Naim. She was furious as she glared at me. She’d obviously assumed she would be coming too.