“No fair,” Arthur mumbled.
“Monte,” Vivian ordered, turning toward Lancelot, “bark like a dog for us.”
“A thousand years down here in Purgatory has made me immune to your games, witch.”
“No fair,” Vivian sighed, leaning back in her chair.
“Slap her down, Shrek. She’s been bad,” Arthur ordered playfully.
Instantly, Lancelot stood, reached across the table and plucked the squealing Vivian from her chair. He dragged her over the table with only her shoes touching the surface. Lancelot drew back his hand to smash across Vivian’s face, with Merlin scrambling to find a way to stop him. Arthur climbed his chair quickly. He dived between Lancelot and the squirming Vivian, tenaciously hanging on to the hand with which Lancelot intended to hit Vivian, his own feet off the ground.
“No, Lancelot!” Arthur yelled out, pulling with all his weight ineffectually.
Lancelot smiled into Vivian’s eyes. He put her down easily, and waved the boy up and down on his arm. “I needed to see how far you would take this destructive game, young Arthur.”
“You asshole!” Vivian yelled, as Merlin put an arm around her shoulder, altering her first choice of action. She lowered her fists to her sides. “Were you going to rearrange my face to test a point if the kid hadn’t passed?”
“I guess we’ll never know,” Lancelot replied, gripping Arthur’s shoulders. “That was noble, Arthur.”
“That scared me, Lancelot,” Arthur admitted, meeting Lancelot’s gaze. “I knew you could kill her with one blow. I…I like her.”
Merlin felt Vivian’s body relax, and he released her. He looked up at Lancelot appraisingly. This was no serf to be taken lightly. Lancelot had grasped an opportunity instinctually, knowing the information gained by his ruse would be vital. Vivian went around Lancelot, and embraced Arthur for a moment. Arthur simply hugged her back.
“Thanks, kid,” Vivian said softly. “I like you too.”
“You’re not as dumb as you look, Monte,” Vivian stated reluctantly, as she turned to glance up at Lancelot, and then back to Arthur. “Listen, don’t let Knight-Boy make you lose your edge. I can take it. I like you a lot better now than I did ten centuries ago.”
“So…” Arthur replied, “you want to get the tweezers out and go hunting? Okay… okay, I’m kidding. Hey, Merlin, how about some pizza? I’m starving. Let’s order some Round Table.”
Lancelot gestured upwards, staring at the ceiling as if appealing in prayer, while both Merlin and Vivian laughed. Arthur tugged on Lancelot’s sleeve.
“C’mon, Shrek,” Arthur admonished, “Round Table Pizza is real good.”
Chapter Ten: Job Offer
Later, after everyone had finished eating, Arthur looked around expectantly.
“Well, what’s next? We can book rooms at the Excalibur in Vegas.”
“Give it a rest,” Vivian advised, seeing Lancelot shaking his head again in exasperation. “Lancelot here has had a long day, and he didn’t get much sleep last night, either.”
“Why, what happened?” Arthur asked, genuinely interested. “Did Vicky give you a workout last night, Shrek?”
“He killed seven men with just his hands,” Vivian told the boy, giving both Merlin and Lancelot the wave-off as they began to object. “Three hit-men tried to kill us in our sleep at his house. Lancelot broke their necks, loaded them up, took the hit-men to the guy who hired them, and killed the gang leader and three more guys with him.”
Arthur stared open-mouthed at Vivian, waiting for her to crack a smile. When she returned his look with her own unwavering facial set, Arthur turned his attention to Merlin and Lancelot. Neither man was smiling.
“How…how’d you get away with it?” Arthur asked finally.
“I’m not quite in the clear yet,” Lancelot answered. “I doubt that they can prove anything. Great story to lay on the kid, Viv.”
“Listen, Monte, the kid’s been tugging our tails from the first moment. He talks like a rude, foul mouthed adult. It’s not as if he won’t find out. There’s no way your escapade will stay out of the papers. If he hears about it now, at least he’ll know what it’s about.”
“I’m okay with it, Shrek,” Arthur added. “You’re going to work as my bodyguard, right?”
“Yes…but-”
“Cool,” Arthur concluded, gesturing again at Vivian. “Did those guys do Vicky’s face?”
“One of them did,” Lancelot acknowledged, “but my being your bodyguard doesn’t mean I’m going to beat people up at your command.”
“I know that. How about twelve-year-olds?”
“Are you having trouble in school?” Merlin asked. “You never said anything.”
“I learned to keep my big mouth shut around my classmates.” Arthur waited for his adult companions to jump on the opening he now gave them.
“Lessons like that are invaluable,” Merlin said, “and you never complained.”
“It was my fault. I didn’t let up in time. The teacher stopped them before they could really mess me up. When she started to send them to the principal’s office, I told her it was me that had caused it. All but one of them let me alone because I took the blame.”
“I can work with you on taking care of yourself,” Lancelot offered, “but as you already found out, it all starts with simple restraint.”
“Getting into fights at school will not make for a good resume,” Merlin pointed out. “The instructors do keep a watchful eye on such behavior, do they not?”
“Sure, Merlin, it’ll work out. Hey, Vicky, how about some love lessons? There’s this eleven-year-old girl in my class named Gwen, and-”
“You’re eight, runt.” Vivian reached across the table as if to slap Arthur, causing him to duck away with a laugh. “Let me guess – the kid who wants to eat your lunch likes this Gwen too, right?”
“She is very popular,” Arthur replied, batting his eyes comically at Vivian. “She thinks I’m cute and funny.”
“Are you sure she didn’t say annoying?”
“Does that mean you’ll teach me to be irresistible?”
“No, but I can teach you not to be so annoying,” Vivian countered.
“What fun would that be?”
“Think of it this way – I won’t have to order you to walk around outside naked, making chicken sounds as if it’s feeding time at the barnyard.”
“Yeah…I see where not being so annoying might be for the best,” Arthur allowed. “I guess now would be a good time to let you guys know I’ve been having dreams about walking around playgrounds.”
“What were you doing while walking?” Merlin leaned forward, his hands clasped. “Did you recognize the locations in your dreams?”
“No, and I didn’t really have control over what I saw, either.”
Lancelot noticed that Merlin’s face virtually shone with interest. “What’s up, Merlin? You have that look on your face from the old days.”
“This could be big. What about the playground, Arthur?” Merlin continued.
“I remember watching kids…a little blonde-haired girl about my age, swinging on a swing. Then someone called the girl. She stopped swinging, and went toward the voice. I followed-”
“It wasn’t you, Arthur,” Merlin broke in excitedly. “You were seeing through someone else’s eyes. Oh…if we play this right…by the time you’re older, you’ll be the most famous person on earth.”
“What the hell?” Vivian exclaimed, looking at first Arthur, and then at Merlin. “How does all that-”
“I get it!” Arthur broke in. “You think I’m seeing a bad guy planning to snatch the girl off the playground. Do you think it already happened?”
“No. I’d wager you dream the same dream before it becomes a reality. It will become more intense,” Merlin replied. “I’ll work with you on noticing the location, and we’ll start setting up this person. If we can catch the perpetrator, this may be really big.”
“Wait a second,” Lancelo
t interjected. “You’re not saying that we should let this guy take the little girl and then get him, are you?”
Merlin remained silent, avoiding Lancelot’s look of disbelief.
“Same old Merlin,” Lancelot muttered. “Here’s the way we do it. You work with Arthur, and we’ll set this prick up all right. Instead of getting the little girl, he’ll get me.”
“Merlin has a point, goody two shoes.” Vivian met Lancelot’s glare without blinking. “If the guy takes the girl, we have evidence and happy parents when she’s returned unharmed. We tell the cops Arthur had a nightmarish dream showing us who took her, and he starts a new legend.”
“I don’t want the girl to get hurt,” Arthur stated. “Isn’t there some way we can say I dreamed it, and Lancelot catches the guy in the act before he gets away with her?”
“Maybe,” Merlin allowed, “but it won’t be the same as if you solve this after the police are involved.”
“We don’t even know how close this will be,” Lancelot inserted. “We might have days, hours, or minutes to act on this. If we play around while this guy gets away, how the hell will we find him after the fact?”
“If I understand this so-called mission, some gambles will have to be taken,” Vivian said.
“How long did you say you were in heaven?” Lancelot asked sarcastically. “Are you sure you weren’t in hell, and thought it was heaven?”
Vivian’s fists clenched on the table in front of her, but she said nothing, knowing she had no power to hurt him. Arthur stared at her in awe.
“You…you were in heaven?”
“Yeah,” Vivian answered, intrigued by the boy’s sudden interest. “What, you didn’t believe there was something beyond this ball of misery?”
“I’d hoped there was,” Arthur replied. “Tell me about it.”
“I can’t. There is only a great sense of loss left to me of heaven. If I had been allowed the memories of my time there, they would probably have driven me insane when Merlin returned the memory of who I am.”
Arthur nodded. “I can understand that. I guess you’re pretty sorry you promised to take on this gig with me, huh?”
“I’ll get over it. If you want stories, we all should be pumping Monte here for details. He’s been shagging around here for ten centuries.”
“After studying your dossier since my awakening,” Merlin added, “I’ve been intrigued with the preparation and adventure into which you’ve delved, Lancelot. Your continued service in this country’s Marine Corps through the last three centuries is quite impressive. You have been involved in many historic battles, from the Revolutionary War all the way to the latest defense of Western Civilization. You did a masterful job covering up for immortality. How many languages do you speak?”
“Too many to list,” Lancelot answered, looking down at his hands. “The ease in learning languages and a photographic memory were but two of the so-called gifts I received when I agreed to undertake this mission, long ago.”
“You don’t sound very happy, Shrek,” Arthur noted. “How come?”
“The gift is a two-edged sword. I remember everything. I can never forget. I remember languages, even those long forgotten. I can also never forget the faces of those I killed.”
Vivian watched Lancelot’s face as he answered Arthur’s question. He stated the facts without any show of remorse, but only acceptance. Lancelot looked up at Vivian and smiled. She blushed, knowing what else he remembered. She felt the wetness seeping into her panties, while inwardly cursing the weakness Lancelot exposed so easily within her.
“Why didn’t you just become a monk or something?” Arthur looked from Lancelot to Vivian with interest. “Say… you two got somethin’ goin’ on, don’t you?”
“A monk…” Vivian laughed derisively. “Lancelot a monk. That’s a good one.”
“About as hard to believe as you being an angel,” Lancelot retorted. “After they began hunting down the Knights Templar, I spent time in a monastery. I studied the Bible for many years. There were wars I wanted no part of: senseless battles over nothing.”
“So you were a monk?” Arthur persisted.
“It was a good way to lay low. When the Ottoman Empire swept over Europe, I made my way into Poland with a small group of French and English Knights. We joined with the Polish warrior-king Jan Sobieski at Chocim in 1673. God in heaven, he was a leader of men! Outnumbered, with no backing, and still we beat back the Turks.”
Lancelot’s fists clenched and unclenched, his face reflecting the intensity building as he told the tale for the first time.
“Sobieski knew we could show no mercy. The Turks understood only violence and death. We asked for no quarter, and we gave no quarter. I rode with Sobieski’s Polish Hussars: their heavy cavalry. We broke the Turks after the march on Vienna. They never recovered. I stayed with Sobieski until his death in 1696. It was a time when all of Western Civilization depended on rough men facing a murderous horde. Sobieski led men as you did once upon a time, Arthur.”
“Really?” Arthur had listened to Lancelot’s passionate telling of a grim time with complete concentration. “Where did you go then?”
“To England, where I joined their Royal Marines, and shipped aboard many English warships until eventually I made my way to America aboard the Dunkirk.”
“Holy crap!” Arthur jumped up from his seat, and spun around, clapping his hands together. “Let’s go and do something. I’ve been cooped up with you dorks all afternoon.”
Watching Arthur jog and dance around the room, pumping his fists, Lancelot turned to Merlin with a slightly worried look.
“Maybe I should have saved the stories for another day.”
“Yuh think?” Vivian muttered. “Hey, Doogie, calm down, and sit back down at this table!”
Arthur immediately walked back to the table and sat down quietly. Five seconds after he sat down, Arthur’s face lost the slack look, and his eyes narrowed as he looked at a smiling Vivian.
“You did it to me again.”
“You were getting a little crazy, Doogie,” Vivian pointed out. “What is it you’d like to do? It’s almost seven. Don’t you go to bed at eight? I’ll read you a story.”
“Very funny. C’mon, all the stores are open. Do you know how to play baseball, Shrek?”
“Yeah. I play most sports pretty well,” Lancelot replied. “It’s a little late for play, though.”
“We could buy gloves, balls, and a bat, though,” Arthur insisted, gesturing at Merlin. “Merlin promised to get the stuff, but it’s always one thing after another, and I never get it. Do you play, Vicky?”
“I used to pitch for our softball team.”
“This’ll be hardball, though,” Arthur informed her. “You’ll get used to it. We can buy what we need tonight, and then go to the park and play some ball. I want to join a little league team next summer. There’s a park in San Leandro I know of – one that this kid in my class told me about. It has a backstop and everything. He said no one plays over there during fall and winter.”
“I did promise the boy,” Merlin admitted. “Would you mind going to the mall with us? We can take the limo. I like the Bayfair Mall. It’s off the 150th Avenue exit from the 580 freeway, and it’s real easy to get to. I have a whole wing of rooms here. You and Vivian can take your pick, if you want to spend the night later.”
“I’d be glad to go along with you to the mall, but I’d just as soon stay in my own house. I promise I’ll be back early in the morning to play some ball. How about you, Viv? Do you want to stay here instead of my place? The hit-men may have friends. If-”
“You’ll kill them too?” Arthur cut in.
“I wouldn’t have much choice, Arthur.”
“I’m going with you, Monte,” Vivian changed the subject. “I’ll sleep in the safe-room.”
“Wow, you have one of those rooms like the one in the movie with Jody Foster? Can I sleep over?” Arthur pleaded.
“Sure, but not until we clear up th
is other business. Okay? You need to work with Merlin on your dreaming, too. I’d like to find out what your remote viewing means.”
“Remote viewing?” Arthur repeated questioningly.
“It’s where you see things in other places through someone else’s eyes,” Merlin answered for Lancelot. “Remote viewing does describe what you’ll be trying to do in some cases.”
“Let’s get the baseball stuff before you geezers start talking again,” Arthur stated, standing up again and heading to the elevator.
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