Zylphia roamed around the large suite at the Parker House Hotel. Uncertainty filled her. She remained in her traveling clothes she had changed into from her lavish wedding dress at her parents’ house before departing with Teddy. However, they’d traveled barely more than a mile before he’d said they’d reached their first destination. She paced away from her trunk, which contained a lacy peignoir for the evening, and spun toward the window. She stared down at the bright lights of Scollay Square, although they failed to beckon to her.
An adjoining door clicked open, and she stiffened.
“I thought I’d given you plenty of time to change,” Teddy murmured.
She saw his reflection in the glass, wearing a dressing gown, his chest bare, but still wearing pants. “Why are we here, Teddy? I thought you were taking me away on a grand adventure.” She shivered as he caressed a hand down her back.
“And I am. However, I refuse to spend my wedding night on a rocking, uncomfortable train. I want time, alone, with my wife, in a comfortable bed, where no servants or parents will interrupt us.”
“A train?” she asked, turning toward him with furrowed brows as she tried to determine where they were traveling to on their secret wedding trip.
“No more clues, my inquisitive darling. For now, let us enjoy being married,” he whispered, trailing his fingers through her hair. Although the tips of his right hand were injured and not as nimble as those of his left, he managed to free her hair of the many pins holding it in place. Her raven hair cascaded over her shoulders to her lower back, and he leaned forward, burying his face in it.
“I love your long hair. And the fact that I am the only one who ever sees it down.” He shared an amused smile with her. “I know that may make me a chauvinist, but I can’t help it.” He leaned forward to kiss her, but she pushed him away. He backed away with a hurt frown.
“Teddy, please, wait. I have a special … special nightgown for tonight. It’s selfish of me not to have changed.” She pointed vaguely at her trunk as she spoke in agitated bursts.
“Darling, I don’t care if you are wearing sackcloth. All I care is freeing you of your clothing.” He leaned forward, kissing her deeply. “Save the frippery for a night on the train,” he whispered before leading her toward the large bed.
When she stood with her legs backing into the edge of it, he paused, unbuttoning her dress and easing it off her. “I’m glad I didn’t know these were under here,” Teddy teased as he ran a hand over her lace undergarments.
“I wanted something special for the day,” Zylphia said, blushing.
He kissed along the lace chemise strap. “I hope you know how precious you are to me, Zee.”
She lifted up as he helped free her from all her finery. She watched with passion-ladened eyes as he worked on the buttons of his pants, biting her lip as she detected his frustration that his fingers were not as nimble as they used to be. “We have all night, darling.”
“I can’t help but feel desperate for you now,” he said with a triumphant laugh as he tossed his pants to the floor. He joined her on the bed, as they became lost in each other’s gaze. His laughter faded as he caressed her silky skin and as they found their joy in each other for the first time as husband and wife.
He held her in his arms, contentment suffusing him, although not yet ready for sleep. Zylphia snuggled into his side, her arm across his belly and her hand tracing circles on his chest. “Thank you,” he whispered.
She raised her head, confusion evident in her expression. “For what? Marrying you? Loving you?” She smiled. “That was easy.”
“I think marriage terrified you more than you were willing to admit, especially as you were walking down the aisle.” He kissed her on her forehead as she closed her eyes to hide her embarrassment.
“I was scared. Not of you. Not of building a future with you. But of what it means. I fear I’ll no longer be me. I’m Mrs. Goff now. Not Zylphia. Not a McLeod. And that terrifies me.”
He tilted his head to one side as he studied her. “You’ll always be Zylphia. Besides, you’ve done this once before, when you changed your name from Maidstone to McLeod.”
“I know, and I had to battle an intrinsic fear and sense of unworthiness for years,” she admitted.
He rolled so that Zylphia was underneath him, his hands clasped on either side of her face. His intense, fervent gaze bore into hers. “Never doubt your worth. Not with me. You are everything.” He frowned as she began to cry.
She pulled him down to her for an impassioned kiss. “You are everything to me too. It’s why I couldn’t stand your father. I’m sorry, Teddy. I know I shouldn’t say that about the man who sired you, but I could find no warmth in him.” She shook her head mournfully.
“I know. He still mourns Larry.” His expression was haunted as he thought about his long-dead twin.
“And fails to find delight in you, his living son,” Zylphia said.
Teddy smiled as he leaned forward to kiss her. “I pray I never lose your passionate loyalty, Zee. I’d be adrift without it.”
He lay on his side, tugging her into his arms. “I promised myself I’d surprise you tomorrow, but I find that I need to share my plans with you.” He met her amused gaze as she rolled so she faced him. “If you want me to wait, I will.”
“Half the fun is the anticipation of the journey. Where are we going? What do you have planned, dearest?” she asked, rubbing her foot over his calf and causing a low moan.
“If you keep that up, I will forget my good intentions and not tell you,” he teased. He leaned forward and kissed her again. “Do you remember when we met?” At her gentle nod, his gaze became more tender. “Not the dance, although that’s technically when I was introduced to you. Instead, that wonderful walk after you’d hurt yourself.”
He brushed back a lock of her black hair as he gazed at her with adoration. “You were the antithesis of every woman I’d ever met in those insipid ballrooms. You were vibrant and vital and filled to the brim with your enthusiasm for life. I couldn’t believe I’d been fortunate enough to meet you, let alone have time just with you.”
Zylphia laughed. “You were cryptic. Barely talking about yourself and me almost baring my greatest secrets.” She sobered. “I was fascinated by you from the first, although I didn’t have the good sense to realize it.”
“On our walk, you spoke of your time in San Francisco. Of how you missed your home there. Of how you loved the journey across country.” He traced a thumb over her eyebrow. “I wanted to give you that again. To travel with you, to see the land through your eyes and to go to San Francisco with you.”
“Oh, Teddy.” Zylphia lunged to embrace him. “I can’t believe you remembered what I said more than two years ago.”
“I remember everything we’ve ever discussed, Zee. You are precious to me. And, if I can bring you happiness, I will.” He ran a hand over the back of her head and shoulders. “Thank you for not insisting we cut our honeymoon journey short. I don’t know what I would have done.”
Zylphia shook her head as she burrowed farther into his embrace. “I don’t either. It’s the perfect wedding trip.” She leaned away and clasped his face. “And you planned it for me.”
“Of course. I love you,” he whispered, capturing her lips in an impassioned kiss.
“What time is our train?” she asked, giggling as he peppered her face with kisses.
“It leaves tomorrow afternoon.” He kissed his way down her neck. “That gives us the entire night, and morning, for passion.”
She pushed him away, and he frowned in confusion. “Do we have our own private compartment on the train?”
“Of course,” he said as they shared a smile.
“Good,” Zylphia breathed as she scattered kisses across his chest. “Let’s hope we make the train.” They shared a laugh before forgetting about everything but their love for each other.
20
The Tuesday after Zylphia’s wedding, Lucas entered his father’s line
n store, frowning when he saw his mother working behind the counter. Never a heavy woman, she was now thin to the point of appearing emaciated. “I’m surprised to see you here,” he said after the customer left and they were alone in the shop.
Matilda adeptly folded a piece of linen the customer hadn’t chosen, stuffing it back in its place on the shelf. “I heard the wedding was beautiful.” She moved to a stool, her face contorting as she sat.
Lucas frowned as they had never allowed stools behind the counter before now. “You were missed,” Lucas said. “They would have welcomed you.” He rolled his eyes at his mother’s martyred expression. “I’ll never understand why you had to ruin Father’s chances for an evening out by feigning an illness.”
Heavy footsteps heralded his father’s approach, and he turned to meet him. “Father.” He frowned further when he saw the haggard expression on his father’s face.
“Quit badgering your mother,” Martin said and motioned for Lucas to follow him into his office. The office, never a testament to order, was in complete chaos. Papers overflowed their files, ledgers piled atop each other appeared on the verge of toppling over, and all available chairs, except Martin’s, were covered.
“What’s happened?” Lucas asked.
“I’ll explain later. First, tell me your news,” Martin said as he hefted a pile of papers off a chair for Lucas. He settled into his well-worn chair behind his desk, delight and curiosity alight in his brown eyes, replacing the earlier fatigue and cloak of worry. “How was the wedding?”
“As beautiful as I’d hoped it would be for Zee. She and Teddy looked as though they couldn’t believe their good fortune.”
“Ah, that’s as it should be. How did they like your new piece?”
“Very much. They danced beautifully. I’m told it will become one of the most popular wedding songs of the upcoming year,” he said as he flushed with pride.
“Excellent,” Martin said. “As long as you keep the majority of the profits.” At Lucas’s nod, he sighed with contentment. “What bothers you?”
Lucas tapped his fingers on his leg, an action he routinely did whenever nervous. “Morgan Wheeler approached me with an interesting proposition. I’m uncertain what to do and wanted to speak with you as you had a similar experience.”
Martin squinted his eyes and waited for his son to continue to speak.
“You know I loved his wife, Parthena. Well, she appears determined to have a committed marriage with her husband. I can’t fault her, and I tell myself daily I should admire her for her strength. I learned last night that she married Wheeler because her father was in financial ruin and he would have married her or her younger sister to a letch just to make up for his losses.”
“You are wealthy, Lucas. She could have married you,” Martin said with a frown.
“From what I gleaned from Morgan, it would have taken my entire savings and maybe a little more to save her father. To save her sister really.” He stilled his fingers, clasping them together.
After his prolonged silence, Martin asked, “What is his proposition?”
“To marry Parthena’s next younger sister, Genevieve.” He shared a bleak look with his father. “It turns out that her father needs more money and is willing to marry her to that horrid man. Wheeler doesn’t want to give him any more of his own fortune as he’s already gifted him twice more than you and I would use in decades, maybe in our lifetime.”
“Why would you marry her?” Martin asked.
“I keep asking myself that question. I don’t know her. I can’t even remember a vague introduction. And yet the thought of her hurting, when I could have helped her …”
“She’s not Savannah, Lucas,” Martin snapped. “You weren’t responsible for her then, and you aren’t now.” He glowered at his son. “I wish you’d lose your guilt over what happened to her.” He leaned forward, his elbows on his desk as he watched his son. “I entered a marriage similar to what you are proposing.”
“I know, and that’s why I’m asking for your advice,” Lucas said.
“Lucas, have you even conversed with her? Do you have anything in common? Do you know that she will make you a good wife?” Martin sighed with frustration. “I want you to be as happy as Savannah now is with her Jeremy. You deserve that.”
“Why were you willing to accept less when you married Mother?” Lucas speared his father with an intense stare. “I know you say it’s because you needed to help save the store, but I believe it had to be more than that.”
“It was a combination of many things. I could help the store, save a proud woman from society’s censure, and raise the stature of my family with its association to a higher-ranking family.” He looked around his cluttered office. “It might not seem like much, but this has been a good life, Lucas. I’ve had you and Savannah. For many years, your mother and I had a good relationship. I can’t ask for more than that.”
He remained silent for a moment. “When I think of you and Parthena’s sister, I can’t help but wonder if you are considering this merely because you want to impress Parthena in some way with your sacrifice. Will you always believe that her sister should be thankful for what you were willing to give up for her? Will you believe, in some small corner of your heart, that she is second best? For, if that is the case, you should run away and never consider undertaking such a marriage. You will both be miserable within the first month.”
Lucas sat back in his chair, lost in thought. “That’s the problem, Father. I don’t know why I would be willing to marry her. I’ve never truly thought I’d ever marry. Not until Parthena. Then, when she married another, I tucked away that dream again.”
“What happens if you do wed this sister and then you meet a woman you truly desire to marry? Would you divorce her? Live a lie? You need to understand that you are committing to providing for her happiness as well as a home and other basic necessities.” He shared a long look with his son. “Some believe, if they could just have some such thing occur in their life, then they’d be happy. I don’t agree. You can choose to be happy or miserable. It’s your decision.”
Lucas frowned at his father. “So you are saying any woman would make me happy or bring me joy?”
“No. What I’m saying is that, if you do decide to marry her, commit to the relationship. Don’t enter it half-heartedly. Don’t compare the might-have-beens to what is. Embrace your moments of joy. For too long you’ve focused on the next composition, the next concert, never enjoying now.”
Lucas flushed at his father’s assessment of his life, although he didn’t argue with it as it was a fair assessment.
“Would this young woman aid you in appreciating what you’ve already accomplished? Or would she be dissatisfied and expect more?”
Lucas shrugged. “I have no idea.”
“All I can advise is that you don’t marry her without meeting her. It’s advice I didn’t even follow myself,” Martin said with a sardonic smile. “I refuse to believe that time is so short that you don’t have the opportunity to meet with her a few times before you make your decision. You are an honorable man. No matter what decision you make, it would be an honorable one.”
Lucas nodded before focusing on his father. “What’s wrong? Your desk is much more disorganized than is usual, and you look awful. Mother appears …” He paused a moment. “She actually looks ill.”
“It’s nothing to concern yourself with. You have enough to worry about in coming to your big decision,” Martin said.
“No, I’m forty years old. I’m not a child, Father. Tell me.”
Martin’s broad shoulders stooped, and the haggard look returned. “I’ve wanted to spare you, and your mother will not be pleased with me. She is ill, and they think it is cancer.”
“Why is she working? Why isn’t she resting?” Lucas asked. He shared a horrified look with his father.
“It’s what she wants. She wants to be among people, not alone with her thoughts. She admitted to me last night that she suspects s
he doesn’t have much time left. I have to respect her final wishes.”
Lucas slumped into his chair, his head shaking side to side in denial. “Is there nothing that can be done?”
Martin shook his head, slumping farther into his chair. “I keep telling myself that this is a bad dream, and I’ll wake up, and she’ll be fine.”
Lucas ran his hands through his hair. “Will you work the shop front a few moments? I should speak with her.” Martin was about to say no, but Lucas held up his hand in entreaty. “I promise I won’t pester her. I need to talk with her. For only a few minutes.”
Martin nodded, rose, and placed a hand on Lucas’s shoulder. He exited the room, and, after a while, Matilda’s heels could be heard on the wooden floors as they approached Martin’s office. She entered and came to an abrupt stop when she saw Lucas sitting in shock in a chair.
She shut the door behind her and headed to the rocking chair. After moving the precariously piled papers to the floor, she sat. “I don’t want your pity.”
“I’d never pity you,” Lucas said. “That preposterous story last spring about lunacy. That was all a ploy to have me remain in Boston to prove I was sane. Because you wanted me here.” At Matilda’s emotionless gaze, Lucas flushed with anger. “Even as you face your own mortality, do you remain unable to ask my forgiveness? Have you written Savannah?” When Matilda merely stared at him blankly, he shook his head with a mixture of disappointment and resignation. “Why couldn’t you have simply asked me to stay?”
“As though you would ever have done anything that would have pleased me,” she snapped. “You’ve lived the past ten years rejoicing in your ability to bring shame and notoriety onto our family name. When I pleaded with you to cease such activities, you strived to become even more infamous. Nothing I could have said would have induced you to change your ways or to remain in Boston.”
“Nothing but the need to repair my name and reputation,” he said.
She nodded. “You like to believe we are so different. You proved we aren’t.” He flinched at her words. “The important point is you stayed.”
Unrelenting Love: Banished Saga, Book Five Page 25