(c) 2013 Heather Kirchhoff
Cinder
By: Kate Marie Robbins
©2013 by Kate Marie Robbins
For as long as I can remember, cats were off limits in our house. When I was young, I didn’t understand why. I whined for days, months on end, because I wanted one. The answer was always no. Well, now I do.
I always thought the stories my parents told me were just make-believe. That they just didn’t want to tell me the real reason I couldn’t have a cat, which was silly, to me. Why couldn’t they just tell me the truth? Was dad allergic? Was mom? Was I? They would never discuss it when I asked though.
Once I became a teenager, I had simply given up. There was no point in fighting them on it any longer. And besides, I had other things on my mind; school, friends, boys, and finding an after school job. But I swore that once I moved out of my parents’ house, that I would get a cat of my own. There was nothing they could do to stop me once I wasn’t living under their roof any more.
I thought about getting a job at the local animal shelter, but knew that might make things complicated at home. I could just not tell them, but eventually they would find out. That was a conversation I was reluctant to have, under any circumstances. I could just visit the animals sometimes. There wasn’t any harm in that was there?
One day after school, I found myself headed in the direction of the animal shelter. I never actually intended to go there. It was just one of those fleeting thoughts, but my feet refused to take me anywhere else. It was like I was possessed; but yet, I didn’t feel like I was. I just had the strangest urge that I needed to go to the animal shelter.
When I was standing in front of the building, with my hand firmly grasping the door handle, I shook myself, trying to shake off whatever had gotten into me. Briefly, it worked. I let go of the door. But then whatever had taken hold of me, grabbed me once again. It forced my hand back on the door and I pushed it open.
There was a cheerful older lady sitting at the front desk. She glanced up at me and smiled when she saw me. “What can I do for you today?” she asked.
I looked at her, stunned. I didn’t know what I was doing here. How would I even begin to explain that to her? But somehow, words formed. “I was wondering if I could maybe visit with some of the animals. I’m not allowed to have a pet, but I thought it would be nice, you know, to just play with them for a little while…if that is allowed. Is it?”
She nodded, still smiling at me. “Why yes, of course. We are in desperate need of volunteers. I think the animals would quite enjoy it.”
“I’m Crimson, by the way,” I said extending my hand to her.
She took it gingerly in her own and shook it. “I’m Branna.”
“Thank you for giving me the opportunity to do this,” I beamed.
With that, she led me back to the area where they kept the animals in cages. Upon seeing them, I felt so awful. How could anyone do this to a poor defenseless animal? I just couldn’t comprehend it. Anger filled me, but I couldn’t let Branna see that. It would make her feel very uncomfortable and then she would more than likely ask me to leave. I just couldn’t allow that to happen. I pushed the angry thoughts away and smiled.
“As you can see, we have several animals here. Try not to have more than two animals out at once. A lot of them don’t get along very well. Most are very shy and skittish, with well good reason. They’ve all had hard lives. I wish more people understood that,” Branna said with a sigh. “Do try to enjoy yourself, but be weary of the time, we close at seven.”
I nodded in understanding and walked the length of the room, looking at all the caged animals. Who did I want to see first? There were so many cute animals, big dogs, little dogs, and a few cats. I told myself no. No cats. Mom and dad would freak out if they knew, and they would. I didn’t know how or why, but I knew they would be able to smell it on me. So I settled on a cute border terrier. The card on his cage said his name was Biscuit.
I had to giggle, that was an awfully cute name. Maybe mom and dad would let me have a dog instead? The thought had never crossed my mind before. I decided I would ask them when I got home. They couldn’t say no to a dog. It wasn’t a cat. That gave me a little hope.
Over the next few hours, I managed to give attention to a handful of dogs. They were all very happy about it. Lots of slobbering and kisses. I was giggling and breathless by the end of the afternoon.
I glanced at my watch. Ah, crap, it’s 6:45. I quickly ushered the last puppy back into her cage, washed up in the sink on the back wall, then grabbed my coat and backpack and headed towards the front. I expected to still see Branna sitting at the front desk, but she was nowhere to be found. I called out to her, but got no answer.
Where could she have gone? I had just come from the back. There was nowhere else for her to be. I scratched my head. I couldn’t wait around for her though. I noticed a notepad on the desk. I quickly scrawled a note, thanking her for allowing me to visit with the animals and that I might be back in the near future. Then I headed out the door and quickly sprinted home.
I was going to be late for dinner and I knew it. When I finally walked into the kitchen, mom looked up from the stove. “There you are. Where on earth have you been? Dinner is getting cold.”
“Sorry mom,” I muttered as I took my seat at the table.
Days went by and I found myself itching to go back to the animal shelter. I realized that I had never brought up the idea of getting a dog either. Why hadn’t I done that? I meant to, but every night at dinner, the thought never crossed my mind. Maybe I didn’t really want a dog? That had to be it. It was a cat that I wanted.
I did my best to not think about it, to not go back. I knew if I did, it was only a matter of time before I got the urge to give attention to the cats. If I did that, I wouldn’t be responsible for my actions. For a while, I did well at not thinking about the animal shelter. I suppressed the urges. When I thought about it, I immediately forced myself to think of something else, anything else. It seemed to be working.
About a month later, the urge was getting too hard to suppress. I was even beginning to dream about it.
I woke up on Saturday morning, and couldn’t fight it anymore. I practically flew out of bed and into the shower. Quickly threw on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, hoodie, and my tennis shoes, and then sprinted out the door. Mom and dad weren’t home, thank goodness. I didn’t want to have to come up with a lie.
I was panting by the time I reached the animal shelter, hoping they were open. I pulled on the door, it opened. Thank goodness.
Branna smiled when she saw that it was me who had come in. “I didn’t think you’d be back. Glad to see you again. The animals sure have missed you.”
I stifled a laugh. How could she know that? Besides, I had only been here once. I shook my head. “I’ve been pretty busy with school and whatnot. I always meant to come back and visit, but I just couldn’t find the time. I’m here now though. If it’s okay, I’d love to visit with the animals again.”
“Absolutely,” Branna beamed. “You know the way, so I will just let you get to it.” The phone rang; she picked it up and said, “Hello, metro animal shelter, how may I help you?”
I knew that was my cue to leave. It felt so right being here again. Why had I waited so long? It didn’t matter now, I was here. And it felt right.
Hours went by without my noticing, because when I looked up from where I had been sitting, Branna was standing over me. “It’s almost noon,” she said. “I was about to close up for lunch. I had almost forgotten you were here, but then I heard Biscuit barking. Good thing. Otherwise I would have locked you in here accidentally,” she continued, with a laugh. “Say, if you’re not doing anything, would you like to have lunch with me? There’s a diner just down the block that has amazing burgers and milkshakes.”
“That sounds amazing.” My stomach was growling, since I had neglected to grab breakfast before I left the house. “Lead the way,” I sang, as I put Biscuit back
in his cage. “I’ll be back soon boy, I promise,” I said to him, then quickly washed my hands. “All ready to go now,” I replied, as I pulled my hoodie back on.
Lunch was great, just as Branna had promised. The conversation was lovely as well. She had such interesting stories to tell. I listened intently to everything she said. There was something about Branna. She was captivating. I had never met anyone quite like her.
We then walked back to the shelter. “Thank you for lunch. I really appreciate it.”
“It’s not a problem dear. I usually eat alone, so it was nice to have the company.” She gave me a warm smile.
“I should really be going now. I do have other things I need to do today.”
Branna nodded in understanding. “Please come back and see us soon. Both I, and the animals would like that very much.” She waved to me as I walked down the sidewalk and around the corner, back towards my house.
After that day, I spent every weekend there, and almost every day after school. I just couldn’t stop myself. I never saw my friends any more. They were starting to worry about me. I told them they were crazy, that I was just volunteering at the animal shelter. They really thought I was crazy then.
“The animal shelter!?” my best friend Rania exclaimed. “You know better than that Crimson! Do your parents know? Because if they don’t, they should know about this. How could you?” She shook her head at me.
“I just can’t help it. You know how much I love animals. Since I can’t have one, this is the only way. Please, please don’t tell my parents about it. You know what they would do to me if they found out.” I looked at her, my eyes pleading her to keep my secret.
“Oh, alright,” Rania said with a sigh. “But this has got to stop. You can’t be spending every waking moment there. Promise me that, please.” She gave me her trademark Rania look, the one that meant she means business.
“Yes, yes, I promise.” I would have said anything at that point, just to get her off my back. “Maybe one of these days you could come with me?” I asked, hoping that maybe if she spent some time there, that she would understand.
She looked at me, skeptically, but then nodded. “Alright, if it will make you happy, I’ll go with you this weekend.”
I was beaming. I couldn’t wait for Saturday to come. It was going to be great. Or so I thought.
Rania met me at my house Saturday morning. This time, I had enough sense to eat something before we left.
As we walked down the street, I was happily chattering away about all the animals that were there. I don’t think she was actually listening to me, but I didn’t care. I was too excited to even notice.
When we walked in the door, Branna looked up at us. “Hi Crimson, it is always a pleasure to see you.” Then she saw Rania standing next to me. Her smile faded. “Who is this?” she inquired, trying to hold back her anger.
“Oh, this is my best friend Rania. I asked her to come with me, since she was upset I was spending all my time here. I hope it’s okay,” I replied, trying not to show my nervousness.
Branna then put a smile on, that was obviously as fake as they come, but I made no comment. “Of course it’s alright. The animals will get twice as much attention now. I’ll leave you to it; I’ve got some paperwork to do. Enjoy yourselves girls.” She didn’t look up at us again.
“What was that about?” Rania asked me once we were out of Branna’s earshot.
“I have no idea,” I remarked. “I’ve never seen her act like that before.” It had me beyond perplexed.
“Well, I don’t like her. She makes me very uncomfortable. I don’t want to be here any longer than I absolutely have to, so let’s get this over with.”
I tried not to let Branna’s peculiar behavior ruin our morning. After a while, I had forgotten all about it. When I looked at my watch, it was almost noon. I was surprised that Branna hadn’t come to let us know, but then I remembered her rudeness from earlier. What did she have against Rania? I mean, I know she could be arrogant and cranky sometimes, but still. There was no way she could have known that. I shrugged it off though, and started getting ready to go.
Rania was captivated by Biscuit, so she hadn’t noticed. I cleared my throat, trying to get her attention. She looked up at me, beaming. “Goodness, he is the cutest thing I have ever seen. I just want to take him home with me!” she exclaimed.
“Someone seems to be enjoying herself. A lot more than she said she would.” I giggled. “But it’s almost noon. I think we should go get some lunch. Branna showed me this amazing diner. How about we go have lunch there?”
Rania got up off the floor, and coaxed Biscuit back into his cage. “That sounds great,” she marveled.
Once we had everything cleaned up, we headed up towards the front desk. Branna was still sitting in the same spot we had left her mere hours ago. It didn’t look like she had moved from that spot. She didn’t even glance up at us when we approached.
“We’re going off for some lunch now. If you’re not too busy, you’re more than welcome to join us.” I said to her.
She still didn’t look up at us. “That’s quite alright,” she said in a monotone. “I’ve got a lot of work to do. You go on without me.”
“Yeah, I really, really don’t like her,” Rania commented, once we were outside. “Please don’t make me go back there again. There’s just something about her. It’s not just the fact that she was absolutely horrid to me. It’s something else. I can’t quite put my finger on it. She just gives me the willies,” she said with a shiver.
I hadn’t felt that way about her, but I had spent a lot more time with her. Then again, she was always super nice to me. Not the way she was about Rania. I wondered what that was about. I told myself I would ask Branna about it the next time I was there. I had to find out what was really going on.
“I am not going back there again,” Rania declared after we had finished our lunch.
“I figured as much,” I said with a sigh. “How would you like to spend the rest of the afternoon then?”
“Duh, the mall, obviously,” she sang. “Cute boys, cute clothes, it’s obviously what we should be doing. Not playing with cats and dogs.”
“I’ll have you know, I haven’t touched any of the cats yet!” I retorted.
“It’s only a matter of time Crimson. You best be careful. Your parents will freak if they find out. Relax, I won’t tell them. Just quit neglecting everyone else around you.” She threw one of her famous Rania looks at me yet again.
“Alright, alright, let’s go to the mall.” I was in no mood to argue with her.
The next day I headed back to the animal shelter. I was determined to get some answers. When I walked in, Branna looked up at me. “Oh, you didn’t bring her with you again?” she asked, almost grateful.
“No, she wasn’t impressed with your not so warm welcome yesterday. If I may ask, what was that about?” I looked down at the floor, hoping that I could handle what she was going to say.
“It was nothing, I assure you. I was just having a bad day, so much paperwork, and I haven’t been sleeping very well. I didn’t mean to take it out on your friend. I hope she will forgive me for acting so rudely towards her.”
I nodded, but wasn’t sure that I believed it. I bit my tongue and said nothing about it though. “I’ll tell her.”
“Thank you,” she said, giving me a genuine smile.
I spent the morning and afternoon visiting with the animals, with a short lunch break with Branna.
As I was walking home that afternoon, a thought flitted through my mind. One of these days, I told myself, I’d bring a nice picnic lunch for the two of us. I knew that she would enjoy it. Maybe next weekend? Yes, next weekend would be good.
I was almost home when I heard a noise behind me. It sounded like I was being followed. I knew I should just keep walking. But something inside me told me to turn around. So I did, and there he was sitting on the sidewalk behind me, not more than twenty-five feet away.
&nb
sp; We eyed each other nervously, neither of us moving. I knew I shouldn’t approach, but I couldn’t leave him there either. It would be wrong and I knew it. So I slowly edged forward, one step at a time, making sure that he wasn’t moving. I didn’t know what I would do then.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” I coaxed, as I walked towards the tiny, jet black kitten; with glowing green eyes. “It’s okay little guy. You’re safe now.” I was standing right in front of him now. I knew I shouldn’t pick him up. I shouldn’t even be standing here. I need to go. I need to turn around and leave. Just keep walking, keep walking until I’m home. But I couldn’t just leave him here either.
Then it hit me, I could take him to the shelter. Yes, that is what I would do. I gently picked him up, trying not to scare him. He didn’t seem to mind though. He snuggled up in my arms right away, and started purring. It felt so right. Everything inside of me wanted to keep him. But I knew I couldn’t.
I walked slowly back the way I had come from, hoping that Branna was still there. It was getting late, and I knew she would probably be closing up soon. I walked as fast as I could. When I got there, the building was dark and the door was locked.
“Dang it,” I muttered. “Now what am I going to do with you?” I didn’t have very many options. I sat down on the curb to think. I had to come up with a plan. I couldn’t leave this little guy alone. I couldn’t bring him home either. I sure as heck couldn’t ask Rania either. She’d flip out on me for even picking him up. Those were my only options. I didn’t like any of them very much.
He looked up at me. He almost looked sad. I knew a cat couldn’t look sad, but he did. “Don’t you worry little guy, I’m going to take care of you.” Before I knew it, I was up off the ground and walking home. I’d just have to hide him until tomorrow. I could bring him to the shelter before school. I didn’t know how I was going to hide him from my parents, but what choice did I have?
After Forever Page 4