Time Loop

by Jill Cooper

  “They won’t win.” Jax squeezes my hand and he doesn’t let go. “I’ll die before I let that happen.”

  “I believe you.” And the words terrify me. They will all die to protect me and I’ll be the last one standing. I can’t do it. I need him. Mom. Dad. None of this can continue.

  Shaking my head, I wrestle my hand free. “I can fix this.”

  “No, Lara. You don’t know what will happen to you. Your brain. You can’t fight the future. We learned that, didn’t we?”

  His eyes are sincere. Jax is my final obstacle sent by Rex. If I can clear Jax, Rex will know he finally has me where he wants me. And he does have me. We are locked in a warm embrace that neither of us will escape.

  Because I am going back into the past. I am going to save Donovan. Molly. All of them. I will give Rex what he wants, so he will let me out of this virtual reality prison. Only then can I move on to the second stage of my training, the one that’s designed to turn me into the woman with the purple hair.

  Time travel assassin.

  And when I get out, I’m going to kill him.

  Jax can’t know what I’m planning because if I say anything, Rex will know. Nothing and no one in this virtual world can be trusted, even the most loyal of my family.

  “I’m sure.” My eyebrow rises and Jax hugs me. It might be a bunch of pixels, but it doesn’t feel like mirrors and fog. It’s warm. Comfortable.

  I pull away and I hurry down the hospital hallway. Rounding the corner, I come to an elevator. Everything in front of me starts to fall away and I focus only on the metal elevator door. It shifts and wobbles from side to side.

  My eyes snap shut and when they open again, I’m wearing a black blazer and matching skirt. In front of me isn’t an elevator at all, instead, there’s a double wide oak door.

  Chapter Four

  “Fifteen minutes.”

  My head jerks toward the guard. No matter how many times I travel in time, it is always jarring. A wave of nausea hits me and I rub my forehead. Try to remember what it is I’m doing. Where it is I am.

  Someone takes my hand. “Hang in there, Montgomery.”

  The voice. Donovan. Everything rushes back to me and I remember why I’m here. My heart pangs as if it’s been shot. I stare up into his face and think I might cry. “Don…” I choke out the words. It’s been weeks in the virtual world since I’ve seen him, but my heart aches as if it’s been much longer, as if it’s been a year, because somewhere deep inside I know the truth.

  He cradles my face in his hands and kisses me like it’s been days, weeks, since he’s seen me. It sends me soaring. But this is what life with Donovan James is like, the man with two first names. It’s thrilling. It’s passionate. And it’s never dull.

  That’s why I need to save him. That’s why I can’t go on without him.

  It stops here and now, so I won’t lose him or Molly. It’s time to get my life back.

  Our fingers coil around each other’s.

  “Nervous?” He nuzzles his nose against my cheek and I close my eyes.

  “Not anymore.” I smile and smooth his cheek with my hand.

  Donovan’s eyes crackle with a question. I know what it is, but there’s no way I can answer it. Instead, I just take a deep breath and fall into him. His arms wrap around me and we say nothing else. We don’t need to. That’s just who we are with each other.

  The minutes tick by and when the door to the courtroom opens, I jump. Again. The guard waves us in. Donovan makes his way to the seating area and I keep my head high. I take my place behind the witness stand and raise my hand as instructed. The other one rests against the hardbound cover of a bible. It feels just as it did the last time.

  Smoothing my skirt, I sit down. My eyes fall to the defense table where Senator Patricia James Donovan’s mother, sits. She’s the one who nearly killed me, my Mom, and our entire family, all in the name of illegal time travel research. Everything I’d done was to stop her and now she’s going to pay the price.

  One way or another, boy is she going to pay the price.

  “Can you recount how you knew Joyce Meyers?”

  Everything plays out exactly as it did the last time we were here. Question for question. Answer for answer. I make sure nothing I do deviates from the past. When I step down from the witness stand, I glare at Patricia James; her face is an unmoving wax mask of the woman I used to know as a family friend. She plays with the paper in front of her and in her other hand is a pen.

  But she doesn’t make eye contact with me, and for that I’m grateful.

  I take Donovan’s hand and we step outside of the courtroom. Here we go. We are headed toward the end. If I don’t save his life, I guess I’ll just have to keep trying, until I get it right.

  Taking a deep breath, I lean against the wall; my stomach is a nervous bottomless pit. Donovan caresses my arms and kisses my forehead. “You did it. I’m so proud of you.”

  “So am I. I just want to put everything behind us. All of us. You know? So we can all move on together. Family and friends.”

  “We’ll get there,” he says softly and caresses my chin. Such a small movement and it makes my heart skip a beat. “How about I take you out of here now for some ice cream?”

  “Only if it’s vanilla.” I try to grin, but I’m too nervous. We start down the hall, toward the elevator, hand in hand.

  “You all right, rock star?” Donovan asks and his eyes twinkle with concern.

  “I will be,” I whisper and give him a longing glance. Boy, will I be.

  At the elevator, Donovan pushes the down button and we wait. He plays with my hair and I rest my head against his shoulder, but I don’t take my eyes off the elevator. I wait for the doors to slide open and it seems to take longer than before.

  The elevator dings.

  We wait for the doors to swoosh open. A darkened figure wearing a ski mask is inside. I know he’s holding a gun, but I don’t wait for it to register with my eyes. Instead, I lunge at him, grab his wrist and slam him against the elevator’s wall. He calls out in surprise as I knee him between the legs.

  “Lara!” Donovan cries out and I slam my finger against the button to close the doors. Before he’s upon me, the elevator doors slide closed.

  Sorry, Donovan. But this is something I need to do myself. I need to protect him, not the other way around.

  I kick our assailant and slam my fancy shoes into his stomach and then his crotch. I wrestle the gun from his grip until I am holding it in my hands.

  Taking a shallow breath, I push the emergency button on the elevator panel and train my weapon on him. I want to know who it is. I want to see who Rex sent to kill me. I reach down and pull the black ski mask off his head and I’m not surprised.

  I pull the gun safety off. “Hi, Uncle Rex.”

  Rex holds his hands up above his head. “You wouldn’t kill family, would you?”

  In a virtual reality, yeah, I’d have to say I would. My jaw is set firm when I fire a shot into his chest. It might not be the right thing to do, but it feels damn good to finally be rid of him.

  Practice makes perfect.

  Rex gasps for breath. “It won’t be over.” He covers his chest with his hand and the blood pools through his fingers. “Not until you kill Patricia. It’ll never be over until then.”

  Message received loud and clear. I snarl at my dying uncle. I hit the button to open the elevator doors. If Rex wants a killer, I am going to give him exactly what he wants. So I can get out of this prison and this cage.

  When the doors open, Donovan rushes in as police surround us. “Lara, are you all right? Oh my God, Lara…” His eyes take in the sight of me standing there with the gun and Rex slumped dead on the floor.

  “You need to come with us, miss,” the policeman says.

  And I nod, pretending to feel numb. “He was going to kill me. He had a gun. I just—I did what I had to, Don.”

  “I know.” Donovan’s hand goes beneath my hair against my jaw and h
e leans in for a kiss. I close my eyes as bliss overtakes me. “But to rush in like that, you could have been really hurt. That could be you on the floor.”

  “But it’s not.” I smile. “We’ll be okay. I know that now.”

  I step out and the police take the gun from me and wrap it in a plastic bag. “He’s my uncle. I know who he works for. I have evidence linking him to Patricia James. I’m not safe. Donovan isn’t safe. You have to stop her.”

  The police officer puts his arm around my shoulders as he leads me away. I glance over my shoulder to Donovan’s face and I see the horror in his eyes. Patricia is his mother. I know Donovan stands with me, but this might be asking too much. I pray it’s not. I pray somehow we can both get out of this alive. Together.

  But in the back of my head, there’s that nagging feeling that none of this is real. And somehow, for a few minutes, I almost forgot. If I want to keep my sanity together, I’m going to need to act fast. I don’t know how much longer I can expect to keep this up.

  ****

  The trickle of the rain falling from the gutters. Outside the sun has set and I am snuggled up tight as a bug in Molly’s bed. She lies with her head on my chest and follows the words I read in the open book.

  “And down the rabbit hole they go. Twisting and turning on their way to tea.” I slide the cover closed and I kiss the top of her head, smoothing her hair back. The smell of strawberry of her shampoo is even the same. Everything is as it should be and the feeling of warmth, the feeling that she completes me, stills my soul. I don’t know what it is about our connection; I just know I need Molly, maybe more than she needs me. Maybe it’s because she’s young and I’m desperate to protect her innocence, even if I’ve already failed.

  She lies against me for a long time as I listen to the tick of the clock. I glance at the hands as they tick backward instead of forwards and I’m reminded again of where I am and why I am here. “I should let you get some sleep,” I say the words, but my arms tighten around her little frame.

  Molly plays with the necklace I’m wearing. “I’m glad you were okay, Lara. After that guy attacked you in the courthouse.” Her scared, soft brown eyes search me. When she reads my surprise, she laughs. “I’m seven not dead. I know what’s going on. They want to stop us from telling the truth.”

  I shake my head. “I won’t let that happen. You’ll always be safe here.”

  She smiles and my spine shivers. It’s almost as if Rex is smiling at me through her. I realize he’s using the image of my sister to get me to do his dirty work. But it doesn’t change my response because some part of me has to believe this is real. If I didn’t, I probably would fall to pieces and never get back up.

  “You’re strong, Lara. I know you’ll find a way.” Molly grins. “Can you make Mike and I mac and cheese tomorrow? You know it’s my favorite.”

  “I’ll make you whatever you want.” I slide the book onto her nightstand. “But tomorrow.” I hold her close and kiss her forehead. “Good night, Molly. Sleep tight.” I slide out of the bed and Molly settles down onto her pillow, squeezing her stuffed dog under her arm. The comforter is tucked firmly around her body and I smooth her hair back.

  One more look at her and I leave the soft, girly room for the hall, pulling the door shut tightly. In the hall, the light is on and I hear running water in the bathroom. Inside the brightly lit room, Mike is brushing his teeth. I lean against the doorframe and cross my arms. “Aren’t you supposed to be in bed already?”

  He smiles with the blue toothbrush still in his mouth, foam generating from the corners of his lips. Leaning over, he spits into the sink before answering. “I had homework. Dad said it was okay.”

  I mess with his hair. “Just get to bed soon. School tomorrow, squirt.”

  Heading to my room, his voice stops me. “You don’t have to watch us all the time. We’re okay.”

  It’s hard to know what to feel. Hard to know what agenda is held in those words. So I just keep on going toward my room. “Good night, Mike.”

  Inside, it’s the exact same room I first saw a year ago, when I first merged into this timeline, from the string of pearls hanging on my mirror to the sparkly shoes in the closet. Even the picture album under my bed has a page bent in just the right spot. But all those things are that way because I remember them. In so many ways, my mind is filling the gaps in the story provided to me by Rex.

  I slip into a pair of spandex running pants and a dark purple hoodie. Zipping it up, I tuck my hair inside the hood and take a final glance around the room. As I trot down the stairs I hear the gentle timbre of laughter. An unusual sound for sure, but maybe it means Mom and Jax are making up.

  Most of the lights are dim and the glow of the television beckons me closer. I find them on the couch sitting close, Mom’s legs swung over onto Jax’s lap and his hands resting on her calves in a relaxed manner. I smile at them and sit on the ottoman in front of them. “Hey, guys.” I try to clear the nerves out of my voice.

  “Hey, what’s up?” Jax asks and stretches his arm and tucks his hand behind his head.

  “What is it, honey?”

  I take a deep breath and lace my fingers together. “I was wondering if it’d be okay if I go out with Don for a quick coffee. It’s been a long time since we’ve had some fun. I promise I’ll come right back.”

  They stare at me with open mouths.

  “Are you”—Jax runs his hand through his hair—“asking permission to do something?”

  Laughter trickles out that I can’t stop. “I’m trying this new thing called full disclosure. So, yeah, I’m asking permission.”

  Mom’s eyes twinkle. “Well, of course you can.” She pats my hand.

  “Sure,” Jax agrees with her and I’m floored. “You’ve been cooped up long enough. Don too. He’s a good kid, doesn’t deserve to be caught up in this mess his mother made.”

  I laugh without meaning to and I’m flabbergasted, but when I think about it, it makes sense. Rex wouldn’t want my parents to be an obstacle to my assignment. He wants me to be successful, so that meant, even though no parent in their right mind would let their daughter go out at night after nearly being killed by their crazed assassin uncle in an elevator; they have no problem with it. Too bad I couldn’t get their permission in writing.

  “Thanks. I’ll be back in less than an hour.”

  Mom pats my hand again, with a smile. “Just be careful, okay? If we’re not up when you get home, breakfast will be at 9AM.”

  I nod my thanks and head for the front door. When the doorbell rings, I grip the knob. Part of me doesn’t want to leave. I glance back at my folks. Mom has her head resting on Jax’s shoulder and he’s leaning in for a kiss. They sure are making great strides at rekindling their affection, now that I’m going along with Rex’s plan, but I guess that’s part of the deal.

  He gets what he wants; I get what I want.

  But at what price?

  Chapter Five

  Donovan takes my hand and we walk side by side to the café that serves the best mocha espresso I’ve ever had. It probably has something to do with the chocolate covered cookie that comes stuck into the mountain of foam. I munch it and then take a sip of the mocha. It warms my spirit and my toes, cold from our walk in the rain.

  He reaches across the table and I study his expression. His eyes are troubled and for someone so rich in confidence, his shoulders are rolled forward more than usual. , I guess we’ve all taken a hit in the last year—Donovan is no different. “I don’t even know what to say, Lara. My mom just keeps trying to kill you.”

  It’s almost funny; how absolutely insane it is. I stroke his fingers. “What can I do? To help you?”

  Donovan shakes his head. “I don’t think there’s anything anyone can do to help. I think we just need to work through it.”

  “And where is she? Your mom?” I pick up my cup and blow on the coffee before taking a slow sip. It’s rich and goes down smoothly.

  “Under house arrest, so s
he’s not going anywhere for a while. Dad and I have moved again. He’s afraid she’ll try something. I guess he didn’t realize how far she had sunk. I’ll text you the new address in case you can’t reach me on the phone.” Donovan pulls out his phone and I grab his hand.

  “It’ll be okay, Don. Really. All this will work out in the end.”

  Donovan laughs. “How is it you can sound so sure? We don’t know anything for sure. Nothing is certain. Rex is dead, yeah, but she has other people working for her. Those mobsters. Anyone could put a hit on you. Any of us, at any time.”

  “I’m just optimistic, I guess.” I smile. “Everything always works out in the end.”

  “I wish I could be as sure as you are.” His eyes gaze past me toward the back of the café, but it’s safe to say he doesn’t see anything. Not right now. He’s swallowed up by grief. I know what I’m about to put him through will make it worse, but eventually, Donovan will work through it. We need to be safe and there’s only one way for that to happen.

  Patricia James has to die.

  We sit and talk. I get Donovan to smile a time or two and then he walks me home. We stand under the awning of the brownstone I share with my parents. I’m in his arms and it’s the most comfortable place to be. We share soft, tender kisses and I rest my head against his cheek. “I live for these quiet moments.”

  “Me too.” Donovan sighs, but it’s happy instead of sad. “I can’t wait for the day I can take you away from all this. We can celebrate on the beaches of Morocco.”

  “Push our toes through the toasty sand? That sounds great, but anywhere can become Morocco when I’m with you.”

  Donovan raises his eyebrows. “You can transport too? Man, you really are a cheap date.”

  I bite my lip. “That’s not what I meant.” I grip the lapel of his shirt and pull him in for another kiss. And it’s thunderous in its passion. After a few minutes I break it off, just in case my parents are watching.